dun... dun... dun... another one bites the dust!

Oh, Easton Corbin. I tried to give you a chance, I really did. I knew "Baby Be My Love Song" was a step down but dangit, you just sounded so good I had to give you credit for at least trying. And honestly, it's a decent little summer song if you turn your brain down a little.

Then I read this: Easton Corbin to Release New Single “Yup”

Yup. Yupyupyupyupyup. First of all, isn't this about the 17th song called "Yup" in the last two years? Well let's see, there was a "Yeah" and a "Yep,"* so I guess we needed to fully explore the concept with "Yup."

*oh pardonnez-moi, it's "Where It's At (Yep Yep)." ... That's actually worse.

Country music's current songwriting team:



Truly fine wordsmiths. I'm waiting for someone to really break the mold with a song called "Mmmhmm."

Or how about, "No?" Just no.

So how's the song? Well, it's a song called "Yup," so...



Eh, his voice still sounds great. Other than that.. yup. Let's see what Easton Corbin had to say about this masterpiece of songcrafting:

"I’ve known about it for two years,” Corbin says of the tune, which was penned by Shane Minor, Wade Kirby and Phil O’Donnell Hank Hill, Dale Gribble, Bill Dauterive, and Boomhauer. “I’ve gotta tell ya. They played it for me and at first I was like, ‘Yeah, it’s a pretty good song.’ I kept listening to it over a couple years, and finally I was like, ‘You know what? Maybe I do need to cut this thing.’ The cool thing about this song is it’s so different for me. It’s just really a different personality piece … It’s a simple song, but it’s very well-written. And I think every guy and girl can relate to it once they hear it.”

Translation: "I resisted recording this dumb sellout song for two years cause I have some standards. Then I was like, aw hell, everyone else is doing it, so why shouldn't I? The cool thing about this song is it's so different for me, it's really beneath me but I like money. It's a different personality piece because it's not my personality at all, it's someone else, maybe that Dustin Moore guy, I dunno. It's a simple song, and I think every guy and girl who listens to mainstream country radio will buy it because they're stupid."

THE END!

To be fair, it's not the worst thing I've heard, it's just that he can do so much better. I'm so tired of artists dumbing themselves down for radio. I will still listen to his album, cause I think he's very talented and most of his music has been up my alley. I'm a little nervous about the album being titled About to Get Real - judging by what I've heard so far, About to Sell Out would be more accurate.

Mainstream country radio has become such a horrid infectious disease of stupid. All these artists I got into - Easton Corbin, Randy Houser, Eli Young Band, Chris Young, Brett Eldredge - these guys are all really talented and capable of making great music, and I've watched them all descend into dumb radio crap. Without a lot of success, I might add. No one wants to hear Randy Houser waste his amazing voice on crap like "We Went." I don't wanna hear Easton Corbin yell "Yup!" or Joe Nichols say, "I was like yeah, yeah." Leave stupid to the masters, like FGL. I expect better from the rest of you.

Yup.

Does chart success even matter?

Reading the SCM review of the new Ashley Monroe album (which I hope to find time to delve into today), it of course mentioned the odd dichotomy between Ashley's fame and relevance, and her failure to find solo success on the charts. You could say something similar about Kacey Musgraves. And while this seems to be hitting female artists the hardest, it's definitely not limited to them. Look at Aaron Watson. Look at Chris Stapleton, for pete's sake, who's written tons of big hits for other people, but can't get radio play with his own work. Why? It's too good, is the only answer I can come up with. It's too country.

Maybe it's time to stop giving a rip about charts and radio and just focus on the music. Ashley, Kacey, and Chris are all famous. They sell records and draw crowds for their shows. Their fans are likely true fans, not fairweather trend-chasers. If anything, I'd argue their kind of fame is more sustainable than that of someone like Cole Swindell or even FGL.

I'm gonna go back in time and away from country music to make my point, but I think it's still relevant. I'm focusing on classic rock because I know a lot more about it than older country music.

Jimi Hendrix never had a big chart hit. "Purple Haze" was not a number one song, or even close to it.

The Grateful Dead didn't have a big chart hit until 1987. And that was it. All their classic 70s stuff? By some peoples' accounts, it doesn't even exist!

Led Zeppelin had a few top 10 hits. A good feat for most bands, but we're talking about Led Zeppelin, arguably the biggest and greatest rock band of all time.

The Rolling Stones had many hits, but only one top 10 hit off their greatest album, considered by many (including me) to be one of the greatest rock albums ever, Exile on Main Street.

So there you go. Some of the best and most famous, classic music of all time didn't exist on the charts. The albums did, but not singles. Album sales matter. Ticket sales matter. Individual chart hits? Seems about as relevant to a musician's career as a Grammy.

Alan Jackson's new album will likely be a big success. Folks in their 30s, 40s and 50s who loved 90s country will be clamoring for it, and probably many younger fans who actually like country music as well. I doubt any of the songs will get much radio play or chart very high. And all I can say is, who cares? I'd rather keep company with Led Zeppelin than see my name next to Luke Bryan, or Disco Duck (which was a number one hit in the 70s), or the Osmonds, who had more top 10 hits than Jimi Hendrix and the Dead combined.

This is the day I officially stop giving a shit. Because in the big picture, it clearly doesn't matter. Buy the music you love, buy t-shirts, go to shows if you can. History will remember what was good and forget the forgettable. History doesn't care about charts, which are so often more about what's trendy than what has lasting appeal. At this point, I would sincerely take a lack of radio play and singles chart success as a compliment. It sucks, and I'd like to see that change, but it's also nothing new. Maybe it is in country music, but definitely not in popular music as a whole.

THE CHARTS ARE IDIOTS. AND ALSO KIND OF JERKS.

Feel Good Friday ~ Alan Jackson and Maddie & Tae

"You Can Always Come Home" - A beautiful, warm song from the master of beautiful, warm songs. And fitting too, since AJ is one of those artists whose music always feels like "home." Amidst the desperate bleating cries of "evolution dammit!!1", Alan Jackson sounds as soothing and country as a mountain stream. The new album isn't earth-shattering, it's not gonna change the world. But it's a good, solid AJ album, which in today's musical climate is pretty earth-shaking.



Everytime I hear something I think qualifies as GOOD country "evolution," I'm gonna post it. So far, Maddie & Tae have struck a nice balance between heartfelt music and modern pop sensibilities. You're probably not gonna hear stone-cold country on the radio anymore, but it's sure nice to hear beautiful female harmonies again. I've missed that since the sad departure of the Dixie Chicks. And wow, a song that's actually about something other than Dixie cups on dirt roads. (Seriously, who cleans up after all these bro-country parties??) I'm guessing Maddie & Tae grew up listening to a lot of Dixie Chicks records, and that's exactly what we need right now.



I was gonna write something here about other female artists who unfortunately aren't having the same chart success as Maddie & Tae, and why charts might not even matter at all, but I think it calls for a separate post. I think it's important.

Feel Good Friday ~ Michael Jackson

My favorite MJ song. Have a funky Friday!

TBT

For classic songs I love that aren't "feel good" songs.

Today, my favorite George Strait song. And that was a tough choice. This one just kills me every time I hear it.



And a very close second. My favorite fiddle part on any song, ever. Gives me chills.



And while these aren't "feel good" songs, they do make me think of Miranda Lambert's quote: "When I hear ’90s country, I feel happy. I feel like something takes me back to everything I grew up on and why I wanted to be a country singer in the first place. And it just puts me in this great mood. Even if you’re listening to “Better Off in a Pine Box,” somehow you’re in a good mood, you know?"

That definitely applies to these (80s) songs as well, and really any song that hits you, happy sad or in between.

Aaaand a slight addendum to my condo music post. Cause this blog is always evolving.

http://mrsrowsdower.blogspot.ca/2015_07_01_archive.html#3473844721123527198

Worthless Headline of the Day

*sigh* Is it Feel Good Friday yet? No. No, it's Worthless Wednesday.

"Ariana Grande Won't Be Charged in California Doughnut-Licking Incident"

California Doughnut-Licking Incident needs to be the name of an indie band NOW. Quick! Go!

Worthless... magazine cover of the day?

Wow. When I was growing up, Rolling Stone was pretty much my music bible. I haven't read it in forever, but ANY last vestige of respect I had for it just blew up in an explosion that would make Michael Bay scratch his head and say, "hey, can you tone it down a bit?"

As I passed the Walmart checkout magazine stand, AKA where brain cells go to die, I briefly saw BOOBS and the name KIM on the cover of Rolling Stone. I didn't see who it was so I'm like ummm, Lil Kim?? Has she been remotely relevant in the last 10 years? Then the horror of knowledge hit me. Lil Kim would have been more relevant, in that at least she made music at some point in her life. No, one of the vile K-named people, who as far as I know have never made a lick of music in their lives, is on the cover of what was once a music magazine.

Oh wait, she's married to that egotistical bleating robot Kanye West. Well, I guess that qualifies her!

I can't even properly snark about this as I'm legitimately angry. Rolling Stone may have worn away its integrity over the years, but this reeks of actual death of culture. The watchmen have officially fallen asleep at the door. I'm not sure which is sadder - that they're so desperate for readers they need to put that attention whoring hag on their cover, or that putting her on the cover is what's perceived as bringing in readers. This is a sad new low. I am sad.

One question remains: however did they manage to snag an interview with the elusive Ms. K? What a coup! I mean, it's not like she's in every headline and magazine and everywhere all the time...

Oh, shit. She's omnipresent. Is Kim Kardashian... God?

MICHAEL BAY TIME

This. THIS is the #1 country song this week???



This is... nothing. This is the absence of matter. This is album filler, at best. I almost turned it off at the opening "hey girl." I probably should have.

First of all, if this dude's ever even listened to "Fishin' in the Dark," I'll eat bait. This is the kind of uninspired shit I'm talking about. This guy's just saying words. They mean nothing. He feels nothing. This is NOTHING. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!!

The vocals are overproduced and awful, the music sounds like the same backing track to every other goddamn song, I know I shouldn't be shocked by this anymore but you know what? I find "Kick the Dust Up" a more viable hit than this because at least it's a curiosity. This is just boring. BORING!

Love You Like That, huh? There, I fixed it.



John Michael Montgomery sings every single note like he means it. This is what I'm missing.

What Luke Bryan can't say

What Luke can't say: I make boring, generic music for boring, generic people.

What Luke can say: I don't sing about doing drugs and lying in the gutter!!! I'm not an OUTLAW I just like to chill with my bros ok?? OK is that ok with you YOU HEARTLESS COKE-SNIFFING BASTARDS??? *sob*

Uhhh... who asked you to, buddy? Little out of left field, dontcha think? COUNTRY MUSIC = DRUGS. I mean, I don't recall ever listening to Garth or Clint Black songs and thinking, "Needs more cocaine references. This ain't country!" Or hell, even Luke's own music pre-"Country Girl Shake it for the Woodchucks." There's a reason you didn't have to be defensive back then and make flailing statements about drugs, Luke. Your music was solid. Now it sucks.

I don't know why the bros are getting so belligerent about their terrible music that they keep doubling down on stupid, but I have an idea.

Deep down Luke knows how bad his songs are, but he can't say that. He sounds like a cornered animal. The best he can hope for is a distraction, no matter how ridiculous it is. Anything to keep the focus off the real issue of how much his music sucks. So let's talk about country singers who had some drug problems back in the 70s or something! Cause sure, that's relevant!

I'm gonna take it as a positive whenever someone who makes awful music says something defensive. Yeah, maybe this dumb shit will get his army of dumb fans to rally around him like a wounded puppy, but I'm just happy he feels defensive at all. Cause that means something is rattling his cage. Maybe the feeling that his days are numbered? It's mid-decade now, and I bet even the lazier fans are starting to tire of the same three chords and the same three words (truck... girl... beer) over and over. It's funny, how unreceptive I think these fellas will be to any "evolution" that doesn't play into their bank accounts. "Evolution? Whoa man, I never said I wanted that!"

And for anyone dumb enough to actually go along with this argument ("Yeah, I don't like doing drugs and lying in the gutter either! I just like chillin with my bros! Right on, man!" *chugs a Miller lite or whatever shit beer these clowns drink*) and not understand the opposition - imagine you live in a neighborhood of beautifully restored homes, with blooming gardens and sprawling green lawns. Each home is different and has its own character.

Who wouldn't want to live there?? But then a bunch of corporate creeps who care NOTHING about aesthetics or integrity or anything at all but lining their wallets, decide to tear down every one of these homes and build boring, generic condos, effectively erasing the history and beauty that came before.

THIS is today's "country music." A glass and steel monstrosity. That's not ok with me. And it has nothing to do with wanting new music to sound like "the past." The only way I want it to sound like the past is to put some damn heart and personality and originality and character into it! CONDO MUSIC SUCKS.

See, when people say they want music to be "like it used to be," most of us don't mean the same sound, necessarily. What we want is the same quality. I feel like this is misunderstood, perhaps on purpose. It's not, "Oh the good old days! Woe! Change!" It's more like, "stop being lazy dumbasses and make music that feels like something again."

EDITED TO ADD: If you like generic-country and want to keep building those condos, that's fine. Just find a vacant lot or an abandoned warehouse, like hick-hop did. You don't have to tear down my house to build yours.

Feel Good Friday - Aaron Watson

What I wish I could hear when I turn on the radio.

The end of this review is really spot-on about music in general.

http://channelawesome.com/regretting-the-past-metallica-st-anger/

Never been a big Metallica fan so I'm not posting this for the review, but his commentary at the end really struck a chord with what's happening in country now. Fans buying music they know won't be up to par just based on the "brand name". Sound familiar, Luke Bryan? I understand "brand loyalty" to an extent, but someone who doesn't even care to discern between good and bad isn't a "fan" anymore. They're brainwashed.

Feel Good Friday

Something different today. 5 albums that changed my life:

5. Go-Go's - Vacation

Once I graduated from the Smurfs and the Chipmunks doing terrible country covers, this was the first "big girl" music I ever bought. :D I was 9, and it was on cassette. I'm pretty proud of my 9 year old self, because the Go-Go's are damn cool and I still love this album today.

4. Queens of Country - compilation

This collection of classic country songs by women had a huge impact on me, and is one of the reasons I'm so adamant about women having a voice in country. I don't think anyone who listens to this could disagree.

1. I Fall to Pieces - Patsy Cline
2. Coal Miner's Daughter - Loretta Lynn
3. Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue - Crystal Gayle
4. Harper Valley P.T.A. - Jeannie C. Riley
5. Can't Even Get the Blues No More - Reba McEntire
6. Rose Garden - Lynn Anderson
7. Once a Day - Connie Smith
8. End of the World, The - Skeeter Davis
9. Stand by Your Man - Tammy Wynette
10. Here You Come Again - Dolly Parton
11. Heartbreak U.S.A. - Kitty Wells
12. Sweetest Thing, The (I've Ever Known) - Juice Newton
13. Would You Lay with Me (In a Field of Stone) - Tanya Tucker
14. Tell Me a Lie - Janie Fricke
15. Lesson in Leaving, A - Dottie West
16. I'm Not Lisa - Jessi Colter
17. Tennessee Waltz - Patti Page
18. Are You on the Road to Lovin' Me Again - Debby Boone



3. REM - Murmur

Early REM is the best "alt" rock ever, in my not so humble opinion. Melodic, driving, garage-type rock with an occasional twang. Completely original and a major life-changer for me, as I had never really considered "alternative" music my thing until I heard REM. Then I bought all their albums. :D Their later stuff lost that driving rock sound I liked so much, but you can't beat their 80s stuff. Their EP Chronic Town, released before Murmur, is actually my favorite but I'm keeping this to LPs only.

EDIT: a small note about REM. I dug this band so much that in around 1988, my mother, grandmother and I took a road trip from Denver, CO to Athens, GA. I did not get to meet the band as they were out on tour, but we saw tons of cool sites and got some cool stuff. Somewhere there exists a photo of me in front of Michael Stipe's house, petting his cat. It was black. :D Somewhere a photo also exists of my 70something year old grandmother, now deceased, standing in front of the old church where REM played their first show, now demolished. Life is beautiful sometimes.



2. Miranda Lambert - Kerosene

As I've written before, the early 2000s was a dry period in country music for me. The whole Dixie Chicks mess (they were my favorite band at the time), some of the really tone-deaf stuff that came out after 9/11, I needed a break. Miranda's debut album was exactly what I needed to bring me back in. This album was like an answer to my prayers. If you like Miranda but haven't been a fan of her latest stuff, go back and listen to this again. You'll remember everything you loved about her. I consider this to be one of the best country records ever, not just by a female but by anyone, and Kerosene one of the very best singles.

THIS, to me, is a perfect "evolution" of country music. This doesn't sound like the 70s, 80s, or 90s; it doesn't sound like anything else at all. Just original and beautiful music with a distinctive, authentic voice, and enough of an edge to make it stand out. This is timeless.

Everyone knows the singles, so here's a gem of an album cut.



1. Garth Brooks - Ropin' the Wind

omgomgomg nothing ever has or probably ever will change my life the way Garth Brooks did, and it was this album that really pushed me over. In the early 90s I was very much into pop music, some early hip-hop, some alternative, I was all over the place. Garth and a couple other country acts had been on my radar as "intriguing," but it wasn't until I saw him perform "Against the Grain" live on tv that I was hooked. Maybe "electrified" is a better description of what I was. I immediately bought this album and his two previous ones (which I think are equally good). But it was Ropin' the Wind - and specifically "Against the Grain" - that made me a country girl for life. THANK YOU GARTH BROOKS. I can't imagine my life without great country music.

Silly headline of the day

"Bubba Watson: Golfer to Paint Over Confederate Flag on His 'Dukes of Hazzard' Car

Watson made the announcement via social media on Thursday. "All men are created equal, I believe that so I will be painting the American flag over the roof of the General Lee," he wrote."

k but ummmm... it's still called the General Lee. You're gonna have to change its name to General Confusion. *dies*

I'm surprised they haven't outlawed the name "Bubba" yet...

Now more than ever, we live in a time where things exist solely as product, for no organic reason or any reason at all other than PROFIT. We live in a time where art is product. Or what was formerly at least partly art, is nothing but product. I'm not gonna say most pop music was ever high art, but there was some creativity there. Some originality. It didn't always feel like an algorithm designed just to sell records.

That's right, I grew up in the 80s, the age of Material Girl and Wall Street, and I'm calling YOU greedy and corporate, 2015.

Now country music, to me, is a lot like soul music. It's rootsy. It's real. It's important. It comes from the human condition, from a place inside us that most of us can relate to, at least a little. Pop music is about fun, but country music is about life. Or at least, it used to be. Mainstream country music is the biggest lost art out there right now.

So it honestly hurts a little when an artist I have some respect for says dumbass stuff like Darius Rucker did:

“I think the people who are sitting in their living room doing those, ‘Let’s take country music back’ blogs and all that stuff, that’s crazy to me. No one’s saying that about rock & roll, and no one sounded like the Beatles since 1960. No one says that about R&B, and no one sounded like the Commodores since 1970. All of those genres of music are supposed to evolve, but to those people country music is supposed to be Hank Williams Sr. — and that stuff is great and you can have that. But I think the great thing about listening to country radio is you have all different kinds of country music. It’s the pop country music for some guys, it’s the really country [sound], and even that bro country stuff that’s out. It’s just a little bit of everything, and obviously the fans are loving it.”

That's just too much misguided shit for me to wrap my head around. Is he contractually obligated to say stuff like that? Is he contractually obligated to record stuff like "Homegrown Honey," which btw might be the WORST of all the mainstream, high-charting bro country songs? This is something some b or c-lister would record and cross his fingers and pray it becomes a hit out of sheer dumb luck. This song is so far below Darius Rucker he musta used a parachute to record it. O SNAP.

Darius has always been an artist I've liked but not loved. He has a voice that melts in your mouth, but doesn't always showcase it as well as he could by recording kinda MOR stuff. But it was still good. There's nothing in the Hootie catalog I don't like, and "Old Man & Me" remains one of my favorite 90s rock songs.



Good song. And while this ain't country, I daresay it's countrier than most of the stuff on "country" radio.

I've enjoyed most of his country stuff, it's not the best or countriest music I've heard by a longshot but it's quality. He has a voice that pulls you in. He's always seemed like a likable guy, too. He has a gift, and like many others before and since he has chosen to squander it on LCD garbage. And then make a statement that there's nothing wrong, it's all alright, it's just "evolution." I'm so sick of that damn word.

I don't "expect" country music to sound like anyone or anything but country music. It can sound like Hank, sure, or Garth or Tim or Kacey or Dixie Chicks or pre-Homegrown Honey Darius Rucker. I even accepted Shania as an "evolution" of country, cause she kinda was. I just didn't want everything to sound like that. Country can sound like something I haven't heard yet and can't even imagine. I welcome natural evolution of music. What I don't welcome is forced "evolution" to make a damn buck. What's happening now is not a natural progression, it's shameless pandering to trends.

I'll accept that FGL and Sam Hunt are some kind of musical evolution, more of a pop one than country but that's beside the point. What I can't stand is all the copycats, all the same song over and over that doesn't even sound like it was written by human beings who have ever experienced life. They might as well be writing a technical manual for all the personality they put into it. It's bad enough when it's c-list coattail riders but when so many artists I respect are doing it, I just despair. They should be righting the ship, not helping to steer it into an iceberg.

And for those like Darius who are for some reason towing the bro company line: If you really like this music, I don't want to take it away from you. I just want my music back.

When confident becomes annoying!

We meet again, Dear Future Husband.



I heard this song in a store a couple months ago, was completely turned off by the tone of it, and then kind of forgot about it. I wrote that it was like Any Man of Mine, if you take out the charm and humor and replace it with annoying stridentness. So when I saw my favorite music reviewer Todd was tackling it last night, I couldn't wait. And hoo boy, it's so much worse when you're not at the mall and can actually hear all the things she's saying. I know she's spouting some pseudo-confident, pseudo-girl power crap, cause her lips are movin'. From now on, I'm calling her Meghan Tryhard.

So let's do this. I haven't done a song review-ish thing in a while, and it turns out I have a lot to say about this one. I'll try not to repeat anything Todd said, which just shows what a crapmine this song is, since he had a lot to say about it too. Oh, and he said almost the exact same thing I did about Any Man of Mine. Clearly, he reads my twitter. *cough* Anyway!

Let's start with the sound of the song. Now I love me some 50s/60s girl groups. The Ronettes, The Angels, the Shangri-Las, the Chiffons, The freaking awesome Supremes... I grew up with that stuff cause it was my mom's era and I've loved it ever since. I also liked Madonna's 60s girl group homage, True Blue. So I should like this. But I'm sorry, she ruins it as soon as she opens her mouth. Not because her voice is especially bad, but she does this thing where she sings everything like she just won Miss America. "I'm Queen Shit." She might as well just sing that over and over on a loop. I can't even tell you if I like her voice, cause it's too little voice and too much attitude.

Is this supposed to be a confidence booster, something positive for teen girls? Cause I can't find a note of positivity in this song, other than its deceptive upbeatness. It's a passive-aggressive nightmare. You know what it reminds me of?

I'm just waiting for the chilling moment when that big perky smile drops and the murderface sets in.

So we've got over-polished confidence that's so in your face it's annoying and comes off as fake, even if it isn't. Cause no one is that relentlessly confident and perky. No one. I'm not saying she's being fake, I'm saying she might in fact be a robot. Because these are not real human emotions. No one thinks like this or acts like this, at least no one I'd want to know. You know what I think this is? It's the whole Cosmo-women's magazine culture. It's The View. It's the same women who read 50 Shades and watch Sex and the City and The Bachelor and listen to stuff like "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger"* and think it's deep and meaningful. Which is probably why this comes off so tone deaf to me. It's sad that women are so thirsty for any kind of empowerment, they'll drink half a glass of lukewarm water like it's champagne.

Anyway, the sound of the song gets a B-. Now... the lyrics. The true horror that is Dear Future Husband. This song just hits all the wrong notes for me, starting with the title. You just know it's not gonna be about the husband, but all about her. Not what a couple brings to each other, just what he can do to worship this apparent FUCKING GODDESS.

Oh wait, excuse me, she'll buy the groceries. And give him love if he kisses her ass right. That sounds like a healthy relationship, right?! Ok, let's back up.

"Cause if you'll treat me right
I'll be the perfect wife
Buying groceries
Buy-buying what you need

You got that 9 to 5
But, baby, so do I
So don't be thinking I'll be home and baking apple pies
I never learned to cook"

Okay, she'll buy the groceries but she draws the line at cooking them! I don't know about you, but I find cooking a hell of lot more enjoyable than standing in line at Walmart. But whatever. I guess she is doing the guy a favor there, but it seems an odd thing to find important enough to put in a song. "We're out of eggs, I'm gonna run to the store!" *swoon* GREATEST LOVE SONG EVER. Also, why is everything about food? I'm not gonna make a fat joke, cause she's not actually fat and I don't make fat jokes. It's just a weird focus. To her, marriage seems to be about two things, food and sex. And both given as a reward for proper ass-kissing. BLECCCCH! Let's continue.

"After every fight
Just apologize
And maybe then I'll let you try and rock my body right
Even if I was wrong
[Laugh] You know I'm never wrong
Why disagree?
Why, why disagree?"

OH GOD MY SOUL IT BURNS. This song... this song makes me feel like a man. Like, I'm totally putting myself in the guy's place here and I am RUNNING LIKE HELL. This is nothing but a trope, and it's an old one and a bad one. This is what leads to men doing "old ball and chain" jokes. Which I hate. But with this attitude, who could blame them? This kind of thing was done with actual charm and humor in Any Man of Mine. It did not need this witless rehashing. You get the feeling Shania's man is gonna laugh along with her and actually enjoy the relationship. The guy in Dear Future Husband is gonna live a life of quiet desperation. I feel sorry for him already.

Why disagree? Maybe because he's a human being with feelings and his own damn opinions.
"Dear future husband,
Make time for me
Don't leave me lonely"

Okay, that's fine, just do the same for him.

"And know we'll never see your family more than mine"



... Excuse me??? Okay, now we've entered into straight-up psychological abuse. You're telling a grown man when he can see his own damn family? Imagine if that was reversed, we'd be getting on the women's abuse hotline immediately. So there you have it. "Dear Future Husband: I'm a controlling bitch. Your family can't save you. Suck it up and smile."

Look, I get that it's hard out there. Women being judged solely by their appearance, women who are average-size called fat because they're bigger than a size 4, rape jokes, rape threats, men who say they just "can't take a joke." It's an ugly, ugly world sometimes. But this is not the way to combat it. So what is the way? Men and women should play to each other's strengths, and compensate for each other's weaknesses. These might be traditional gender roles, or they might not be. Treat each other as equals. Don't tell someone they can't see their damn family, for fuck's sake. Make it about love. Fair, honest love.

And that's why these lyrics get a big old F. Where is the mention of LOVE anywhere in this song? Where are kindness, and fairness? Where's being nice just because you care and want each other to be happy, instead of this weird bargaining? Where are the shared interests, the laughs, the things that actually make a marriage work? You know, the actual... feelings? Yeah, you should probably work out who goes to the grocery store, but it really shouldn't be the first thing on your mind. Todd played a clip from D-I-V-O-R-C-E at the end of his video, and I laughed so loud I mighta woke up the neighbors. Cause yeah. If this is your idea of marriage, look forward to having more than one of 'em.

Dear Future Husband: RUN.

I miss fun pop music almost as much as I miss country music that sounds country.

I hear this kind of thing all the time and oh god how I hatehatehatehatehate these sparse beats!!! They sound like one of the presets on my old Casio keyboard, except not as catchy!



How does anyone get anything out of those beats? I don't get it. It's just terrible.

So here's some old school music, cause I feel like posting songs today.

I was really into freestyle in the late 80s/early 90s.



See, I like some electronic dance music if it's actually fun and doesn't sound like the most lifeless, depressing party ever. I'll just call that other stuff the "We Can't Stop" school of music, in honor of the dreariest song about having fun I've ever heard. Cause there's nothing worse than dreary fun.

Like, this song is supposed to be uplifting but it's so droney sounding. The rap part is ok. I like her much better as a rapper than a singer.*



*I have to asterisk "singer" when it's just 17 layers of autotune. This literally sounds like it's being performed by a machine.

Beats: this is how you do them. It sounds like something is actually going on here. Love the harmonies and horn riff too. So glad I delved back into the early 90s.



Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation is one of my favorite albums of the late 80s/early 90s. It just exemplifies the sounds of the time so beautifully. I miss when entire albums were good and cohesive.



Madonna's 80s music remains some of the best pure pop I've ever heard, and Holiday is my favorite. Nothing evokes the 80s and growing up at the beach more than this song for me.



I lost interest in Madonna's music after her (wonderful) Like a Prayer album, which happened to be right at the end of the decade. Her 90s stuff just didn't do much for me, it was either kinda boring adult contemporary or whatever the hell Justify My Love and Erotica was. The poppy fun was gone, but it was good while it lasted.

I kinda think Britney and her droney autotuned crap helped kill the energetic sound of pop music, or at least drove a nail into the coffin. I may be biased, but I may be right.

And now? Well, I don't usually wish for copycats, but everyone please make stuff like Uptown Funk. Not that sounds just like it, but is that level of pure FUN.

Now for people who don't like pop music, this stuff probably sounds all about the same. But as a fan, the difference in sound and production is just staggering. Autotune and those barely-there beats need to die. Most of today's pop: a dull, ugly thud.

I'll end this by going back to one of the stupidest messes of a hit pop song I've heard in recent years, and also one of my favorite posts ever on this blog. :) And btw, I really liked some of Katy's music. Teenage Dream, Hot and Cold, Firework? Heck yes! How did we get here from there?

http://mrsrowsdower.blogspot.ca/2014_02_01_archive.html#6140720625996977541

Feel Good Friday

A funky, breezy, summery song today, my favorite from the aptly-named Awesome Mix.

Why letting go of radio makes me a little sad

"If you don't like what's on country radio, just don't listen to it. Listen to *insert online music site* instead."

It's a fair argument. I've always been of the mind if you don't like something, just don't bother with it. Do your own thing and to each their own. I haven't listened to country radio or any radio (except classic rock in the car with my husband) since that gawdawful Country Girls Shake it (for the Groundhogs) or whatever song took hold. In hindsight, I guess I saw which way the wind was blowing. At the time it was just, "well, this sucks!" *click*

It's not a huge deal. I listen to several different genres from several different decades. I even get into occasional new music thanks to sites like savingcountrymusic.com. I don't do streaming sites, partly because half the time I try to use a site here in Canada I get DENIED, but mostly because I'm happy with my post-radio way of hearing music. Listen on youtube, buy on iTunes if I like it. Pretty simple.

So my issue isn't a shortage of music, though I imagine I'd get into much more new stuff if a better quality was played on the radio. Now more than ever, I feel like there's tons of good music I'll never hear simply because there's so much on the internet and I don't have time to wade through it all. Radio used to serve as a kind of handy delivery service. So that's one of the things I miss about it.

But my main argument for radio is an emotional one, not necessarily rational, and hard to put into words. As an 80s kid it was a HUGE part of my life growing up, and continued to be into adulthood. There's a little hole in my life where radio used to be. It's not a huge hole, it doesn't affect my life in a big way and I don't think of it often, but it's there. It's one more piece of what used to be me that's been lost.

Here, maybe this song can explain it better.



"She's got a radio heart
She loves the songs they play,
They take him off her mind
She's got a radio heart
It helps fill an empty space
He left behind

She gets lost in a steel guitar
Oh it's her way out
When the heartache starts
She's found a little salvation
On a local station
She's got a radio heart"

My circumstance isn't the same as the girl in the song, no kids or heartache, but the concept of radio as salvation rings completely true to me. I had a hard time in school, and my best memories of that time are listening to the radio late at night in my room. It allowed me to feel like a part of something bigger and better, at a time when I felt small. In my late teens and twenties when I was feeling down, I'd put on the country station and just drive, and I always felt better. Radio saved me many times in intangible ways. Listening on the internet is okay, but it is definitely not the same. It's more isolated; the feeling of being connected to something is gone.

Yeah, I love how I can make one huge, giant mixtape now and listen to it for days. Seriously great. But I still miss the "I hope they play my favorite song next," the anticipation of hearing a new song from my favorite artist the first time, the deejay lulling me to sleep late at night. Somehow things were just a bit bigger, and more romantic, on the radio.

I see the argument about "listening to lots of different kinds of music" put out there a lot too. Guess what, I also listen to lots of different kinds of music. THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO PUT THEM ALL IN THE SAME SONG!!!

My 90s playlist I made recently has country, pop, early hip hop, latin freestyle, new jack swing - pretty much everything I listened to back then all mixed together. And it's great. But what makes it great is how different the styles are and how they evoke different feelings. It's like a patchwork quilt, or a scrapbook, instead of a vomit-stained tailgate blanket.

All this really proves is that Taylor Swift is the most powerful person on the planet, somehow.

I'm back from vacation! And a female singer has the biggest hit on country radio, hoor- oh, wait.



This is a 21-year old young woman and I'm not gonna say anything bad about her. She's poppy but inoffensive at worst, and under all the processed ham of this song I think I can hear an actual voice. I'd like to hear what she sounds like live. And with better material.

But goddamn, this goes back to what I wrote about Cole Swindell. I've listened to "Love Me Like You Mean It" several times now and I hardly remember anything about it. It's generic brand pop, literally and figuratively. Today's radio seems to reward the most unmemorable songs, or sometimes downright terrible ones. This isn't terrible; it's too unremarkable. No wonder we don't have classics anymore. (I still can't remember how a single Cole Swindell song goes. And he's a top tier country star, apparently.)

This doesn't mean a damn thing for women on country radio. It's calculated BS. If you want to support and enjoy some female artists, I suggest Cam (great new find with a beautiful voice), Jamie Lin Wilson's Holidays & Wedding Rings, Jana Kramer's new song, and Kacey Musgraves' new album which is out today. I haven't heard it yet, but I'm pretty excited.

I think my first exposure to bad country music was Achy Breaky Heart. Actually, wait. We'll get back to that. My first exposure to bad, or badly done country music was the first country album I ever owned. I just remembered this the other day when I was listening to my classic country playlist - specifically, "Luckenbach, Texas." Yup, my first country album was a little thing called Urban Chipmunk.



Man, nostalgia is a funny thing. I know that this is an unholy abomination unto some great country songs, but I didn't know that when I was five. So when I hear it, I kinda feel five again. It's still awful, though countrier than FGL dammit.

...It's kind of like everyone who listens to country radio now is five, isn't it? ANYWAY.

It seems country music was able to mitigate the damage that Billy Ray and his achy breaky organ could have done. It was a HUGE hit, after all. Probably made an achy breaky assload of money. But no. While he wasn't a one-hit wonder (and honestly some of his other songs are fine), this song was kind of relegated to one-hit wonder status. And if there were any copycats, they didn't take over the airwaves. Life went on. I've written about this before, almost a year ago.

http://mrsrowsdower.blogspot.ca/2014_07_01_archive.html#8498678682373496566

But apparently, FGL was just too much of a juggernaut to contain. "Cruise" is this generation's Achy Breaky, except it didn't quietly go home or to the morgue or wherever achy breaky hearts go when they expire. It infected country radio much like the supervirus in The Stand, with only a few survivors left to fight. I've never seen such a swift takeover of a music genre, and with such horrifying results. Yes, Garth Brooks was very influential and definitely helped define the 90s country sound, but the artists who came after him weren't all the bloody same! Garth's songs weren't all the bloody same! There was variety! And women who weren't wannabe pop starlets!

MAKE NO MISTAKE: "Love Me Like You Mean It" is not the least, tiniest bit country. It's the kind of bubblegum pop song you used to hear a lot on pop radio, before pop radio started sounding more like an industrial accident. Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised by Kelsea Ballerini at some point, but based on this song she's Taylor Swift lite. She's Sam Hunt without the uniqueness that actually makes Sam Hunt a legit star (though not a country one.) This means nothing for country radio. Now, if Cam's song hits number one, I'll be interested.



She might look bubbly and poppy, but don't be fooled. She has a beautiful voice and this is a haunting song.

This song is like...

So sometimes you're having -so much fun- at a party you don't want it to end, even though it's 2:15 AM and you really should be heading home. That's when you have one more shot, and wind down with something like this* before you go.



*There are roughly 162 Tom Waits songs that fill the bill, but this one's my favorite. In fact, screw this post, I'm just gonna listen to Mule Variations.

Okay, okay, Luke Bryan. Kick the Dust Up is when it's 2:15 AM and you've been drinking for twelve hours and you're exhausted and just want to go home BUT NO - your friend or SO or whoever you came with refuses to acknowledge the end of the party even though it's clearly been over for a while, and they keep knocking back booze of diminishing quality with diminishing enthusiasm until they pass out, probably on the toilet.

THE PARTY'S OVER, LUKE. GO HOME.

It's not even a fun song. Who would even play this at a party? Drunk on You or I Don't Want this Night to End, yeah, okay sure. I wouldn't play it, but I see how it could happen. Even *shudder That's My Kind of Night is catchy and has a driving beat. But this song has all charm of a drunk who has long overstayed their welcome. It's not cute or fun anymore; it's a chronic problem.

I have things to say today

The one good thing I'll say for the top 25 is at least Cole Swindell wasn't in it. What the hell is the appeal of this guy?? Not only is he mediocre talent at best, he's not interesting, attractive, or remotely charismatic. It's like watching a glass of milk perform. I swear I've seen and heard this guy, but I can barely remember what he looked or sounded like. He's that unmemorable. He is the human manifestation of the number zero.

Have I made my distaste for his popularity clear? Okay, good.

Since blog posts criticizing Miley Cyrus are apparently newsworthy, here're a few of mine. They weren't written by the offspring of a failed VP candidate, so they're clearly not important, but at least they're funny.

http://mrsrowsdower.blogspot.ca/2014_02_01_archive.html#8458457177240444748

http://mrsrowsdower.blogspot.ca/2014_02_01_archive.html#6930307151604203610

The third one is crazy long, so I'll just sum up the highlights: "I'm going out on a limb and saying the twerking actually makes (We Can't Stop) more interesting, in the way a house fire makes a nap more interesting." and "It's like Alvin and the Chipmunks pole dancing." and "SEE I'M AN ADULT, SEE SEE? I HAVE SEX AND TAKE DRUGS AND EVERYTHING!" You're welcome.

The theme for today appears to be "nepotism." I haven't read Ms. Palin's pearls of wisdom, nor will I, but I find it hilarious that one product of nepotism is criticizing another. This is the world we live in. At least Miley is famous for actually doing something. She's pretty terrible at it, but at least she's not famous just for being related to someone famous and being on a reality show. (Though really, are Disney Channel shows that much of a step up from reality TV?) And seriously, I don't even consider a failed VP candidate an acceptable celebrity, let alone their relatives. That would be like if the offspring of one of the OJ lawyers got their own show... oh, wait. :(

It's all pretty ridiculous. But hey, kids of celebrities aren't all bad. At least we have Pam Tillis.

One more post today, cause I like to not post for a month and then 4 times in one day. Y'know, for funs!

So I did my monthly-ish and ever-bewildering Viewing of the Charts today.

... It's bad. Wow, it's bad.

Out of the top 25, there are 7 songs I like, which is actually kind of high, a few that are okay or I'm indifferent to, and a few I haven't heard because I've been wholly unimpressed by the singer thus far.

I'd be happy that an emotional song like Girl Crush is #1 - cause isn't that just what I was complaining about in my last post? - if I didn't feel it got there partly based on trumped-up "controversy." Or maybe LBT is just that popular, that they can get an actual song on radio. I can't complain about the song, but I hope it doesn't take those kind of circumstances for something like this to hit #1. Cause that means this is a fluke, not a trend. Or we'll be seeing a string of "faux lesbian" songs... oh no no no. Oh God, no. I take that back, universe. Please forget I ever said that. No one heard me, right?

Blah blah Sam Hunt, Blake Shelton, Luke Bryan, FGL... they all kind of form together into one blob after awhile... Billy Currington... wait, didn't he already have a song called "Don't It" a while ago? Whatever, I'm sure it's super original... okay what's next. Kelsea Ballerini, yep, cause Taylor Swift Lite is exactly what country radio needs. PLEASE don't let this girl be the one new female allowed on radio. This is like listening to a vacuum.

Carrie and Kenny are good, okay, what's next... no clue about Canaan Smith, could be a bro, could be awesome, prolly a bro. Easton Corbin somehow making cliché dreck sound good, bless you Easton Corbin. Eric Church is ok, I need to really give this song a listen... Jason Aldean is dead to me after the nekkid song... DEAD... ok, here we go. Crash and Burn by Thomas Rhett.



I haven't talked about this song, cause I have no idea what it is. Seriously. Is it a bad song? Eh... not really? I mean, it's an ok pop song I guess, kinda derivative, but I have no clue what's going on here. Is he going for... male Meghan Trainor with the 60s pop vibe? Can I just point out what an odd choice that is? Even as a desperate cash grab, a male "country" artist trying to coattail the sound of a female pop artist is just weird. Or maybe the 60s pop sound is a coincidence. I am genuinely perplexed. When I said nothing surprised me anymore, I was wrong. This surprises me for just how bewildering it is.

Okay, what else has this guy done... something called "Beer with Jesus." Hoo boy. That's what like, The Onion probably thinks every country song is called. But let's give it a listen. ...That's actually not terrible. A little substance anyway. But still Thomas Rhett, Mr. Nepotism-pants, if you really wanna copy someone's sound, may I suggest your own father from around 1995. This is a good song.



The rest of the top 25 is 3 great songs by Tim McGraw and ZBB, that Brantley guy who I swear is more caricature than human, Brad Paisley doing some bro sounding stuff... oh, Brad... and then some of the worst, bottom-feeding garbage I've heard in my life. Michael Ray? Chris somebody? This is like D-list crap. I've heard better stuff played at county fairs by high school kids. I have no idea what's going on, people have no taste, and I'm gonna stop now before I lose all faith.

Vacation in a few days. I need it!

I should clarify that in my previous post, I wasn't implying that female artists have more substance than males. There are plenty of male country artists making wonderful music, some are actually played on the radio, most aren't. My point is there's no female counterpart to the Luke Bryans and FGLs of the world. Even Miranda and Carrie, AKA The Only Two Females Radio Thinks Exist, have much more substance than those bozos and most everything else played on the radio.

Except for that one really terrible song.

Female artist spotlight - Jana Kramer

I first heard Jana Kramer a couple years ago, and had a generally positive reaction. Some of her stuff was a little poppy for me, but "Why Ya Wanna" and "Whiskey" were good, and the song that really hooked me is "When You're Lonely." This is a country song, so much so that I heard it once, bought it, and when it came up on a playlist a day or so later I was like, "Wait, is this a 90s song I forgot about?" before I remembered who it was.



Her new song is like that too. I just heard this yesterday and I've been playing the hell out of it. This is the kind of song that probably won't go anywhere on today's radio, and boy do I mean that as a compliment.



What's not to love about this? It's like a lost Lee Ann Womack or Deana Carter song. Classic country theme, great wordplay, meaningful lyrics and oh man, her voice when she sings "she got the man." Gives me chills. If you're looking to support a mainstream female artist with a great country song, I highly recommend "I Got the Boy."

"I got the first kiss and she'll get the last
She's got the future, I got the past
I got the class ring, she got the diamond and wedding band
I got the boy, she got the man"

This goes back to what I was talking about at the end of my last post, about female vocalists and substance. What has changed in our world that radio doesn't play songs like this anymore? I'm thinking of songs like "Little Past Little Rock" or "Strawberry Wine" that were big hits back in the day. They wouldn't stand a chance now. Is it because female-driven songs often have more depth, and we just can't have nice things anymore? It's too "depressing?"

What's depressing is the lack of substantial music. it's like going to the circus every day. Who the @#$% wants to go to the circus every dayÉ Maybe I'll be wrong and this'll be a big hit. Maybe there's "room" for another female artist with the departure of Taylor Swift. Maybe it'll be Jana Kramer. Personally, I think she's too good for it. But all it takes is a few songs like this taking hold on the radio, and maybe that can change.

Feel Good Friday - summer playlist

This is gonna be a lot longer than usual.

I love summer. I love fun. I love fun, summer songs. I love road trips and back roads and cornfields and drinkin' beer and DEAR GOD, AM I ACTUALLY THE BRO COUNTRY DEMOGRAPHIC AFTER ALL?

No, no I'm not. I drink craft beer, not Bud Light. WHEW. Existential crisis averted. But that said, there is a time and place for fun country songs about drinking, dirt roads, summer, and small towns. So what separates the good from the bad? When do the tropes actually work? After all, tropes are tropes for a reason, and just because something is cliché doesn't mean it's never relevant. Trucks and cornfields and back roads are country, they just need to be used a bit more sparingly. Like, not in every single song.

So here's my (very general) criteria for the following playlist. As I said in my last post, lyrics are not the main thing I care about in music. I love good lyrics, but I'll forgive stupid ones if I like how the song sounds. The two main things that stand out for me in music are vocals and production. Awesome vocals go a long way, and over-production just kills an otherwise decent song. (Obviously this differs between music styles - I can accept more of a produced sound in pop than country.)

I also require that my fun songs actually sound... fun. This is the major complaint, beyond the dumb lyrics and terrible production, I have with so much of today's country: they're "fun" songs that ARENT FUN. They're not fun to listen to, nobody sounds like they're having any fun, they're just going through the motions. They're all so samey it sounds like one big dirge at this point. A fun dirge. Yay? It's like the Groundhog Day of "fun," the same song over and over and over til you want to scream.

This last point is pretty subjective, but I tend to go more for songs that sound like they were written by, and for, adults. How "mature" can a fun song really be? Well, "not ridiculously immature" is probably a better way to say it. As in, not FGL. No hip-hop slang, name-dropping rappers, addressing women like a pre-pubescent boy who just saw breasts for the first time, excessive focus on getting drunk, high, and/or laid, etc. One or two memorable, smart lines always helps too.

So - vocals, production, actual fun, some indication it was written by an adult with a brain.

This is only a small sampling of my summer playlist, which includes old and new country as well as rock, pop, soul, and probably other genres I'm forgetting. As per the point of this post - finding actually fun songs from the era of "fun country songs"- these songs are all from this decade, or artists who are currently relevant.

1. Barefoot Blue Jean Night - Jake Owen
Is this considered bro country? It's got a lot of the tropes, but this one works for me. Great catchy melody, some of Jake's best vocals, and an evocative, memorable line: "We were shining like lighters in the dark in the middle of a rock show." This is what these songs are supposed to be.

2. Take a Back Road - Rodney Atkins
This is probably the only song on this subject that needed to be written. It's perfect, and deep enough to rise above cliché. "Get lost and get right with my soul," indeed. I actually believe this guy's listening to 1982 George Strait. Maybe because he didn't name-drop him along with T-Pain.

3. Jump Right In - Zac Brown Band
ZBB always nails the palm tree songs, and this one's my favorite.

4. Boondocks - Little Big Town
This song came out before everyone was bragging how country they were living in the boondocks, and it's not terribly cliché to begin with. But it is fun and honestly, I wanted to get some female vocals in here. (Note: finding female artists for this list is really challenging.) I absolutely love the "fishin' hole" refrain in this song.

5. Beer in Mexico - Kenny Chesney
There were a lot of Kenny songs I could have chosen for this list, but this one's my favorite. It has a nice melody and really gives you that "lost in summer" feeling.

6. Runnin' Outta Moonlight - Randy Houser
This song kinda exemplifies this list. Other than Randy's voice, there's nothing earth-shattering here. But like "Barefoot," it succeeds at exactly what it is. Fun, catchy fluff.

7. Me and Charlie Talking - Miranda Lambert
Yeah, this one doesn't exactly fit the list. There's not a damn thing cliché about it and it's one of my favorite songs. BUT, this is a must-have for any summer country playlist, and I wanted another female artist on here. Seriously - "So you treat your love like a firefly, like it only gets to shine for a little while
Catch it in a mason jar with holes in the top and run like hell to show it off" - does it get any better than that? So I'm including this just because it so beautifully evokes summer.

8. Night Train - Jason Aldean
I still can't believe this is the same guy who did the "lying nekkid in my bed" song. This song is romantic, country, and perfectly captures the mood of a long summer night.

9. Beat of the Music - Brett Eldredge
Again, nothing earth-shaking, but a genuinely feel-good song. This is the kind of song you want to hear at a carnival late at night with all the lights on next to the one you love. I want a corn dog now.

10. All Over Me - Josh Turner
This song came out before all this stuff was so cliché, and it's really well-done. Josh Turner is a force of nature, I love the arrangement and production, and while he may wanna get busy down by the river, at least he has enough respect to not ask you to bring your little sugar shaker over here with a beer. And it's Josh Turner, so you know he's not picking up some skank.

11. Little Bit Gypsy - Kellie Pickler
A bright, carefree, catchy song from one of my favorite female vocalists. This should have been a big hit. F U country radio.

12. Getaway Truck - Aaron Watson
I highly recommend playing the hell out of this whole album, this summer and beyond, but a standout is this "truck" song. A good truck song? In 2015??! Yep, this one puts a whole new spin on it, and it's actually really romantic. It's about love and freedom and summer, with the very relatable theme of getting out of a bad situation and starting anew.

13. Shotgun Rider - Tim McGraw
The perfect follow-up to #12. This is an honest-to-God love song. And to the girl, not the truck for once! Or the girl's ass! This is what I mean by a more mature song. The focus is on the feelings the man has for the woman, his desire to stay loyal, instead of "Hey girl, you look hot, climb in my truck!"* And it's still light and summery feeling. This is one of those rare new songs that makes me feel nostalgic.

14. Free - Zac Brown Band
Yep, two ZBB songs that are completely different in tone, yet both perfectly evoke summer. I like winding down a playlist with a slower, easygoing song and this one's just about perfect.

*if your lyrics could double as a pickup line from "To Catch a Predator," you're probably doing it wrong.

I really wanted to include more females on here, but at the risk of generalizing, women just seem to sing about more serious topics than summer fun. I guess that's why they don't get played on the radio. This is what Mr. Salad Head was talking about, wasn't it? He thinks women are a bunch of Debbie Downers.

Tomatoes are serious business. WHOMP WHOMP.

That will be my last reference to #salad6, ever. May it wilt and die like week-old lettuce.

More on the state of music... ugggh

I used to enjoy making snarky posts about bad music, I really did. Now I kind of dread it (hence my lack of posts).

Take MST3K: it wouldn't be as much fun if every movie made was like Manos: the Hands of Fate. It would just be like, oh God, another one? You need to have some contrast between the good and the bad. There's little to no contrast in mainstream country anymore, unless you count bad to worse. And much of the bad isn't even outrageously bad or funny, it's just samey. Boring trend jumping. All I can see is the calculator that wrote it.

I think what's really brought me here, from the much-more-fun denial and anger stages of musical grief to this wasteland between depression and acceptance*, is how many artists I like are jumping on dumb trends like it's nothing. Like good music is suddenly meaningless to them. My post here about Eli Young Band's sudden nosedive was probably my last vestige of surprise. And that's the worst part. Nothing shocks me anymore. I've become numb.

*acceptance not of the music, but of the fact the music is gonna suck

Since then I've heard complete dreck from Brett Eldredge, whose debut album was really solid and promising (or so I thought, before he hopped the $-train to Crapville); Jake Owen, who was never a fave but did enough stuff I like that this latest mess is a severe decline; Zac Brown Band, who I'll forgive for making a generally good album and at least releasing actual country songs to country radio; RANDY HOUSER *sob* my favorite voice in country music, I still love you Randy but OMG THIS SONG IS A PILE OF DRIED UP BRO COUNTRY FIREBALL VOMIT. It's not even fresh enough to stink anymore. That's right, it's gone past stink into some colorless, odorless brain-numbing gas. I mean, seriously.



PICK UP TRUCKS STUCK IN THE MUD DON'T KICK UP DUST THEY KICK UP MUD, YOU IDIOT! OR MAYBE WHATEVER THIS SONG IS.

I'm not over Randy yet, his voice is so knee-bucklingly good I'll give him another chance. But I'm sure as HELL not buying this dreck just because I'm a fan. Take note, Luke Bryan fans. You can take the goggles off sometimes.

I might be forgetting some, it seems like another once-respected artist bites the dust every day, but let's bring it to today and my first listen to Keith Urban's new "masterpiece." It's got a really dumb title, which I'd forgive if the song was any good. Spoiler: it isn't.



"Welp, Eric Church had a big hit with Springsteen, so let's name-drop another 80s heartland rocker and see how much money it makes!" I'm pretty sure that's all the thought that went into this song. I've never been a huge Keith Urban fan, but he's a talented guy and he's put out some good music. I also admire how he's always done his own thing and kept to his own sound. But here he sounds like he's just going through the motions, which he probably is. There's no passion to this or any of these songs.

If Randy Houser doesn't even sound passionate, you know the music is lifeless. Hell, he made "Runnin' Outta Moonlight," a Dallas Davidson, etc - penned song that would have been mediocre in the hands of Luke Bryan or one of his clones, into a song I thoroughly enjoy. Just through his voice and charisma. A good artist can do that. But his latest song is unsalvageable, even by him. And even for this unabashed fangirl.

Oh, there is one exception to all this. I haven't heard a lot about this song, but I did see it lumped in with the sellout crap and I understand why. Boy, do I. The lyrics are laughably trite, tired and cliché. They would have been cliché two years ago and sound downright ridiculous now. BUT - I've always cared much more about the sound of the music than the lyrics, and this one actually sounds really good. The production is nice and simple, polished but without any autotune or other over-produced, machiney sounding crap. The vocals are wonderful. He's singin' stupid words but by God, at least he doesn't sound like he's going through the motions. There's warmth and passion put into this, at least by Easton Corbin himself. "Buzz in my dixie cup" aside, this song is totally on my summer playlist.



But ummm, if your Dixie cup is buzzin', you might wanna be careful because there's probably a wasp in it.

I'll end this by remembering how I felt about Tim McGraw not too long ago ("YOU'RE DEAD TO ME, TIM! DEAD TO ME!!!!"), and how I feel about Tim now. He's one of my most-played artists the past few months, and not even his 90s stuff, his latest album. So I'm gonna add on one more stage to musical grief, thanks to Tim. Maybe after acceptance, comes hope. If a 45-year old who sang the lines, "That girl, she's a party all-nighter, A little "Funky Cold Medina," little "Strawberry Wine"-er, That girl, she's a love gunslinger, neon jägerbomb country-okie singer" can return to relevance, ANY of these guys can.

Okay, this post was actually a little therapeutic. Thanks, blog! I'm gonna write out my feel good Friday now while I'm rarin to go, in case I get too busy tomorrow.

And just a reminder, Luke Bryan doesn't even have to suck.



I liked this song so much when it came out in 2009. It's funny, listening to it now you could lump it in with all the laundry list, country trope truck songs. But this one still resonates with me. It's a nice-sounding song, and all that stuff wasn't as cliché 6 years ago. I put it together with Jason Aldean's "Amarillo Sky."

Come back, Luke. You too, Jason.

What is THIS mess?! ~ Women in Music Edition

Well, it definitely isn't truly outrageous.

It's probably no surprise I watched the hell out of Jem and the Holograms growing up. I loved girly pop music, and there was even an edgier, "bad girl" band, the Misfits. (Well, edgy by 80s cartoon standards, anyway. I thought they might be loosely based on the Runaways.) This show was tailor made for me, and it ran constantly in syndication after school so I saw every episode probably 5+ times. It was kinda stupid, but it was a fun kinda stupid. Y'know, like the 80s.

So... does this trailer look fun? In any way, shape or form? It looks like your standard, generic teen melodrama crap with Jem's makeup slapped on.

The world doesn't need a Jem movie. Fans who grew up on the original show don't want a boring teen movie, and teens won't even know or care about the source material. So who is this FOR? It's the same problem I have with all the nostalgic crap they've been putting out. Either make it really fun and campy like the Brady Bunch movie back in the 90s, or just, I dunno, COME UP WITH NEW IDEAS!

Speaking of girly stuff... apparently the country music industry runs entirely on women's hormones. I did not know this. Perhaps we should alert the Department of Energy about this wonderful alternative energy source. We could save the world, Captain Planet style!

Oy. So yeah, I had the misfortune of reading this: http://www.savingcountrymusic.com/country-radio-consultant-if-you-want-to-make-ratings-in-country-radio-take-females-out-aka-saladgate Oh goody, another "gate." From now on ima turn all the Watergate shit into Motel 6, so we'll just call this #salad6. Okay? Okay.

So seriously, WTF is all I have to say about this. Because this is not about music. This is about image. This is about people living sad lives, and selling a fantasy to them. And apparently, the fantasy business pays well. Look, this is something that's always existed. The Beatles sold sex appeal. So did Elvis. But they were also really talented musicians. Hell, it used to be that playing good music actually made you sexy, not the other way around! I mean, does anyone actually find Mick Jagger attractive when you take music out of the equation? Luke Bryan is like, the anti-Jagger. He's a mediocre, should-be middle tier singer who got rocketed to the top by hormones. (Seriously, someone should consult NASA about this shit.)

I only skimmed the article because it made me angry and sad, but I didn't see anything in there about women not liking the sound of women's voices, or even preferring the sound of men's voices. So is the bottom line even about music anymore, or is it really all about Luke Bryan's tight-jeaned ass? (Get it, "bottom" line? GET IT???)

I'm only one person, but I'm a female music fan, emphasis on MUSIC, so I'll try to speak for other actual fans who share my gender. I LOVE good male country voices, I'm not gonna lie. Many of my favorite artists are male, and it's entirely based on their music. Nothing soothes me quite like Alan Jackson singing. But I'm also a fan of female artists from way back. From Madonna, Dolly Parton and Cyndi Lauper in the 80s, to 90s alt-power pop like Letters to Cleo and Veruca Salt and country artists like Patty Loveless, Trisha Yearwood, and Mary Chapin Carpenter, to Miranda Lambert, Kacey Musgraves, and Brandi Carlile today.

A true music fan isn't gonna care if a man or a woman is singing, as long as the song is good. If it speaks to them. Image has always been a part of music, though more in pop music than country, traditionally. But when image becomes interchangeable with music, which is what appears to be happening now in country, we get crap like FGL and Luke Bryan shoved down our throats. They're the Twilight and 50 Shades of music. Calculated, disposable garbage.

Fellow women... WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS! We are better than this. There's nothing wrong, in itself, with hormones or fun or guilty pleasures. If buying a Luke Bryan record brings you genuine joy, go for it. Listen to it, feel good, run free! I'm not the music police. I've admitted my love for "Timber" and some other pretty sketchy crap. All I'm asking is, if music gives you that good happy feeling in your soul, if it's more to you than wallpaper, don't let people like this salad guy dictate what you listen to. If you enjoy some of what's played on the radio, awesome. BUT, when I see a song shoot up the charts that even fans are scratching their heads over, that to me signals a breaking point. It's basically, "I don't like this, but I'm gonna buy it anyway." Is this from misguided loyalty? Perceived lack of choice? Laziness? Some of each?

This is why, for all their greedy short-sightedness, I can't totally blame the People in Charge. Cause so-called music fans are buying music they don't actually like, instead of finding something new to like. Maybe even *gasp* a female artist! But everyone who is responsible for this clusterfuck, YOU SUCK. Some of us want to hear the many overlooked female artists (as well as the overlooked males like Aaron Watson and Chris Stapleton!) A reeeeally good first step would be, y'know, NOT BUYING SOMETHING YOU DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE AJDHDHFDJDJVFVKVK!!11GAWD! I mean, would you buy an ugly shirt just because it was in your favorite store? Or an ill-fitting pair of jeans?

No, no, these are comfortable, really... *passes out*

Even if the People in Charge systematically remove females from radio for some he-man woman hater's club bullshit, you don't have to go along with it. Female artists are NOT hard to find. Kacey Musgraves, Ashley Monroe, Brandi Carlile (not country per se but a good, rock-edged singer-songwriter), hell, go back and buy some of the old 90s country too. If I can find this stuff, anyone can. I'm lazy as hell and I hate that I can't turn on the radio and hear music I like anymore. But the internet makes it pretty easy, so there's no excuse for BUYING MUSIC YOU DON'T LIKE JUST BECAUSE IT'S THERE. That's right, allcaps AND italics. I'm serious about this shit.

And why the hell is country so different from pop? I'm gonna guess it's majority women buying Ariana Grande and Meghan Trainor records. And Taylor Swift. Imagine if pop radio never played any of them because "women just want to hear Justin Bieber and One Direction." Pop music, which has generally been dumber than country (though not so much anymore), seems to be a lot smarter on the industry side.

Also? Lettuce is the most boring part of a salad. You've gotta drench that stuff in salad dressing to make it palatable. (I guess tight jeans are the salad dressing in this metaphor? Yeeeah, I can't possibly make that metaphor even dumber than it already is.) Comparing something to lettuce is like comparing it to tofu. And I'd point out that tomatoes are juicier, but I'm not onea them girl crush lesbians. *snerk*

IN SHORT: I think happier people buy better music. They don't need the image and the fantasy, just the songs. So who do you want to market to? Never mind, I know the answer. Whatever makes money. So a better question... who do you want to be?

Okay, two things about *groan* "deflate-gate."

1. Maybe this is too logical or something, but if deflated balls* make for more... winner-y football games, why not just change the rule so everyone can do it if they want? Then it's even and there's no cheating. Problem solved!

2. So this "gate" business, this all springs from the Nixon "Watergate" scandal, right? Okay. So, you realize Watergate is the name of a hotel, right? Adding -gate to something doesn't make it mean "scandal." It doesn't mean anything at all. It's a hotel. What would have happened if the Nixon thing went down at the Ramada, or a Motel 6?

*I have, at least, learned to type "deflated balls" without sniggering softly to myself. It's the small victories, folks.

Feel Good Friday

Because good music is timeless. Really, it is. It's one of the few things that actually is timeless.

So why has mainstream music become more disposable than ever? Why, when most of us care about the quality of our clothing, electronics, and even food (which is literally disposable lol), do we care so little about the quality of our music? Something created to nourish our souls? While it's easy to blame the big, soulless music labels, and I certainly do blame their short-sighted idiocy, I think it comes down to the consumer. If you buy crap, they'll keep making crap. Cause all they care about is money.

Is the problem more that the music industry ONLY cares about money now, where in the past there was at least some concern for quality? Is this what the download age has brought upon us, this desperate scramble to recoup money lost from album sales by beating ever-fleeting trends like dead farm animals? Or is the bigger problem that consumers have lowered their standards so much that crap has become the status quo? It's a chicken and egg thing. Which came first? And how do we break the cycle?

I don't have any answers. What I do have, on this lovely Friday, are some timeless tunes.

70s - my go-to song to just relax and forget the world:



80s - 1989, the start of my favorite time in music, ever:



(watching that made me tear up. can we ever have that kind of excitement back in country music again? I even miss those shirts lol)

90s - anyone remember this one? One of my favorite feel-good songs:



2000s - the song that brought me back to country music:



2010s - two songs from this year, because I want to focus on the fact that timeless music is still being made:





I am really digging this track from ZBB's new album. I had no idea I even missed country music from the early 80s, but he captured the sound quite well. This is gonna be one of my top summer songs, and not just this summer. This is a sit out on the porch with a glass of lemonade (hard or not :)) and feel nothing but the music and the breeze kinda song.

Bates Motel

This show has become one of my favorites. Vera Farmiga better win ALL the TV award thingies.

I'm finding the Dylan/Caleb storyline every bit as compelling as the Norman/Norma one (especially now that Dylan/Emma is part of it). Dylan is my new Jesse Pinkman. I seem to like the "criminal with a heart" characters lol. Here's what I'm puzzling over: what did Chick have to gain by sending Dylan and Caleb into certain doom? He wasn't going to get paid. Did he think serving up two strangers would pay off his debt to those people? Not only is that cold, it doesn't make much sense either. And there's no way Chick didn't know. Chick strikes me as someone who knows everything, including government documents, the Colonel's secret recipe, and what the fox says.

I'm glad to have an exciting show like this now that Breaking Bad is over. I'll be starting Better Call Saul soon, as well. Always need more shows. :)

I've said it before, but as gawdawful as the last 5 years of mainstream music have been, TV has been mind-blowingly good. Music needs outlets like AMC or HBO that care about actual artistic freedom and integrity, not just these big labels running everything for their bottom line. Yes, there are independent labels, but that music doesn't get nearly the exposure that these TV shows do. Music is broken.

re: Tim McGraw is "unamurrican" because he cares about gun safety and y'know, kids not dying and shit*:

Oh country music, don't ever change. Wait, please do change. Immediately.

Extreme gun nuts remind me of outspoken homophobes. If you're not a criminal or mentally unstable, why are you so worried about losing your guns? Is there something you're not telling us? Do you keep your guns in the closet, too? ;)

This is why I ignore politics as much as humanly possible. "Let's skew everything to its least rational extreme to make some political point! Logic? Reading comprehension? Those have no place here, we've got fearmongerin' to do!" Both sides do it. People fall for it. It's a crazy train to nowhere. If you don't wanna be "controlled," stop thinking with your knee and start using your brain. It saddens me that people are still this stupid. If you really wanna boycott Tim McGraw, here's a justifiable reason for doing so:



(but you'll miss some good tunes if you do)

*obligatory footnote where I say I have no problem with responsible gun ownership, blah blah blah, herp de doo. Cause I don't. Why the hell would I have a problem with someone who isn't going to shoot me owning guns? I just think it's something people should be educated about, because education is the enemy of fearmongering.

And I love Travis Tritt's music and will still be listening to it and not burning anything, even though I disagree with him. Because sanity.

Headline that made me straight up giggle today:

"Madonna's Cone Bra Turns 25"

hoo...raay...?

We have weird priorities as a people, is what I'm saying.

No nostalgia, no problem

You always end up missing everything - Holden Caulfield

You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back - Trace Adkins*

I feel that way a lot. Hell, I've felt nostalgic listening to Ice Ice Baby, and that's a horrible song. But it reminds me of all the other, good things about the early 90s.

But one thing I can safely say I'll never be nostalgic for is bro country (and the early 2010s in general), which just makes this all the funnier:



Truly, the tribute bro country deserves. Bon voyage, and don't come back! Oh and please take Cole Swindle with you, he seems to be lost.

*This is pretty much guaranteed the only blog you'll get a JD Salinger and Trace Adkins reference in the same post, so soak it up.

I've missed Feel Good Friday 2 weeks in a row due to being busy. Hmm, perhaps I should change it to Wow This Doesn't Suck! Wednesday.

Which brings us to... the 2010s. The first half of this decade has been an absolute blight upon music in every way. The complete lack of rock in the mainstream. Country and pop sinking to the lowest common denominator, both musically and lyrically. As always, there were/are exceptions. Popwise, I like Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars. Countrywise, we have two of the best voices I've ever heard, Chris Young and Randy Houser. Taylor Swift's Speak Now gave me great hope, only to be followed by the disappointment of her next two albums.* Exceptions don't make a good music era; if anything they just get lost in all the crap. Of course they're also the best candidates to survive once the crap blows over, which I think it will. I don't think FGL will still be on the charts in 3-5 years, but I bet Chris Young will be.

*MANY positive thoughts go out to Taylor and her mom today. And Speak Now is a really good album.

Cause, I think this decade is gonna be backwards. I don't know if the second half of the 2010s is gonna be great, but it sure as hell has to be better. I think we've reached a breaking point. I'm already seeing positive changes, both in pop and country. Uptown Funk is an Awesome Mix song for our time, and I hope its success will be influential on the pop charts. For the love of God, let's make pop music FUN again! Country is a bit trickier. I don't know where it's going exactly, but here are some positives.

Tim McGraw seems to have recovered from whatever horrible brain-eating disease he had and is making good music again. I only wish they'd re-release Sundown Heaven Town without "Lookin for that Ho."

Kenny Chesney came back in a big way. He gets a bad rap sometimes and I don't know why. I like his music. Yes, it's poppy and he hasn't been a traditional country artist since about 1995, but that doesn't always mean it's bad. Anyway, I think a lot of people predicted the demise of his career since he's neither a bro nor a critical darling, but The Big Revival just hit that sweet spot. I couldn't be happier. (I saw him at the Hickory State Fair in either '98 or '99. I was in the front row and he touched my hand. I bought a t-shirt. It was a wonderful night. He was already well known in country, but he got HUGE not too long after that.)

Aaron Watson's AMAZING album hit #1 despite "not existing." He must be a wizard! ;) Proof: country fans still want to hear actual country music.

Zac Brown Band has a new album coming out, which might be their best yet judging by what I've heard so far.

Blackberry Smoke, while definitely more southern rock than country, released an album with the kind of widespread appeal that transcends genres. In a good way. Holding All the Roses is one of those classic albums that music fans will still be talking about in 30 years. It's that good.

Pretty much everything I just said also relates to Brandi Carlile's The Firewatcher's Daughter. I had a similar response to when I first heard Lucinda Williams. It's not really a country album, but it's authentic in the way country is supposed to be authentic. She's not on country radio, but she sure as hell is a living, breathing force of music.

Which brings us to the #1 negative: the woeful lack of women on the country charts. I'm not a big fan of most of today's female pop stars, but at least they're out there. Like, there's more than two of 'em. There are precisely three solo women in the sausage fest that is the top 25 right now: Miranda, Carrie, and someone called Kelsea Ballerini. Wow. Could her song possibly be anymore bland, generic, and poppy? In other words, it's perfect for the country charts. Sigh. Of all the women who are looking for that breakthrough hit, this is what makes it? It's like Taylor Light, and she was pretty light to begin with. It's discouraging. It's forgettable. Wait, what was I talking about?

Positives: Girl Crush gets some girl power points, it's wonderful hearing Grace Potter with Kenny again, and I'm hoping Lonely Tonight has really put Ashley Monroe on the map. But it's so not even close to enough. Not til we have more solo women on the charts than Carrie, Miranda, and Pop Princess #47.

The 2010s are pretty much a mess and I'm not sure they can be salvaged in time to be remembered as a great decade, but there's still time to at least go out with a bang. I'm looking forward to a better second half that will bleed into the early 2020s... then the last half of that decade will suck. ;p We'll have like, 60 year old Tim McGraw wearing his daughter's jeans and singing about partying, and it will be a mix of autotune and canned beats and whatever fresh hell exists then that we don't even know about yet. Music that sounds like somebody being slapped across the face with a fish. Hey, it could happen. So enjoy the good while we can!

Tomorrow: the return of feel good Friday, with an assortment of new music.