Sunday, December 29, 2002

Just watched Bucs game... *casts stern glance at entire offense except Gramatica* 15-0! 5 field goals!! Not that I don't love seeing him go up and kick each and every time, but... tsk tsk. He can't do everything. Soon they'll be asking him to play wide receiver and quarterback too! Simultaneously! This was the Bucs' first victory in cold weather, having gone 0-21 previously. Er... yay?

The other team I follow, the Patriots, were eliminated from playoff contention after winning the Super Bowl in glorious fashion last year. I really have nothing to say about that except.... KURGH!!!

One good thing about horrible dinner party last Monday was that it spared me from the Bucs 17-7 defeat to Detroit (?????!!!!). I'm assuming the 7 was a TD and not... err... two safeties and a field goal.

This entire entry was about football! I don't feel like thinking deep thoughts right now.


Thursday, December 19, 2002

This is hitting me really hard. It's stupid, I know. I can't believe these imaginary encounters with someone I don't even know are the only things I had to look forward to. There's just such a damn lack of romance in this world. It's frustrating. Expecting someone to live without romance is like expecting a flower to live without water. I like analogies in which I am a flower. Whee.

Went over and watched Survivor with folks; can't really call it a party as there were only three people and a pizza. Or does the presence of pizza automatically constitute a party? Anyway, ugh. Can't believe that slimy used-car salesman ex-porn star won! Granted, he outwitted, outplayed, and outlasted, but what is wrong with people?? Why do I watch Survivor? And why do I watch the bloody Anna Nicole show?? Perhaps it means I have a genuine interest in people after all, but only from a safe distance where I can laugh at them.

Feeling very guilty about previous post regarding dinner. One of those people is actually very nice. I just get fed up with people talking about their jobs all the time. I feel so alienated; alien, in fact. I know I'm the minority, I'm the weird one, I shouldn't be angry, I should be reticent and grateful I'm not locked in a closet or something. But damn, is it really so wrong for me to wish for kindred spirits? I shouldn't put people down unless they're actually mean or judgmental towards me, though. Bad! Bad kitty! *fwaps self* So I vow to work on my senseless rage, as it is easier to work on than my fear, anxiety, and obsessive love of cheese.

For years I've told myself, just keep believing what you believe, believe in love, believe there is something better out there than what you see every day, and you can keep believing in yourself. Believe in yourself and one day you will meet someone who will think they are looking into a mirror, and life will suddenly make sense. The problem is, this has gotten me exactly nowhere. I will NEVER EVER stop believing in love, or in a world that's better than this one (perhaps up and slightly to the left).
My most imaginary friend is leaving today for... *counts* 17 days!!! Obviously, I will really miss him. I don't even know what else to say about it. I'm really going to try to not get depressed. Really. I am. *starts weeping*

Clearly, I need some real friends. Imaginary is not always the way to go. But where does one find other people who would rather talk about bendy straws than the goings-on at their office? This is a rare thing indeed. It's odd, I have so many social phobias, but I think my biggest fear is dying unknown. No, my biggest fear is *living* unknown. Yet, that's precisely what my station in life forces me to do. I won't give up, though. They say there's someone out there for everyone. Not sure who says this, really. Clearly someone who has already found said person/people and is in better state of mind than I. But, giving up is the only true defeat. I know this. Ever onward into the dream...

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

It's bracing! It's invigorating! It is *not* cold. Right.

Had dinner with stodgy people again. Whee. Heard most boring conversation of entire life. They went on and on about how people at their stupid boring office were rated by some awful Fascist points system ("He's an 11. She's a 13." etc.) Could not even begin to feign interest. Fuck it. Started points sytem based on how much I wanted to blow my brains out at the table (12.) From now on when people ask me why I don't work I'm going to smile serenely and say I'm a "blithe spirit." Don't know for sure what this means, but it sounds good (or I could say, "I'm a happy fairy! Now leave me alone" ;).)

My contribution to the dinner was to remark on the brightly coloured bendy straws that came with our waters; everyone got a different colour. It was pretty swell, kind of like being at an eight year old's birthday party, but at a semi-swishy place instead of Chuck E. Cheese. Once again, little touches others prolly wouldn't even notice bring light to my life. I feel so alone most of the time, yet I wouldn't have it any other way.

"She never bothers with people she hates, that's why the lady... IS A TRAMP!"

Monday, December 16, 2002

Ooh look at this...

What Harry Potter Pet Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

I am my own cat! Or maybe I'm my inner cat. Okay. I need to stop taking quizzes now. *nods*

And what is more swell than Christmas lights?? Anything??? I remember one time in LA we were driving around looking at lights, and I had this hot cider from Starbucks, and it was even kind of cold out (for LA), and I think that was like the happiest moment of my life. It doesn't even matter who I was with (some dorky guy). I can't explain it. Looking back it seems like it was snowing, but I know it wasn't. That's what it was like. A magical snow-conjuring moment... *sigh*
And yet...

What kind of fairy are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

Your a happy go luck fairy, a fairy of the spring. bright and all

See? I'm a happy fairy! Now leave me alone.

How Emotional Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

"How Emotional Are You?" - Results:

Emotional Wreck. You are extremely emotional. You feel contentment moreso than happiness and your
emotional lows are to the extreme. You need to cheer up and start enjoying your life. Where there is
rain there is a rainbow and you need to see it more than others. Do something that makes you happy.

Who needs therapy when we have Quizilla??

Sunday, December 15, 2002

Why Will You Go To Hell?

brought to you by Quizilla

I'm just relieved that I'm going to hell, because I think heaven would be a lot like YMCA day camp.

Can't believe Al Gore said "Oompa Loompa dung" on SNL tonight. I can die happy.

Thursday, December 12, 2002

Something about Our Fearless Leader wearing that humongous cowboy hat at the Christmas tree lighting disturbed me (though really, what says "Christmas" better than a bigass cowboy hat? Ho ho yeeehaw!). Maybe it was that he only knew two words to Jingle Bells ("ride" and "one") and had to fake the rest, yet the hat sat there atop his head as if all was well. Gloatingly, almost. Or maybe it's that this is what's presently representing my country and hence, me: a doofus in a big hat. I do not feel this is an accurate representation, yet I am, unwittingly, a part of Bigass Hat Nation. Perhaps I am giving the hat too much power. Perhaps this is precisely what the hat *wants*. Hmm.

In other news, saw Mulholland Dr. the other night. Mehe?? What does it all mean??? I'm so confoozed! I feel like Bush trying to sing Jingle Bells! (I think this movie would actually make his head explode, though something tells me the hat would survive intact. It's eeeeevil, I tell you! It will rise up and destroy us all! AAIIYEEEEEEE!!)

Thursday, December 05, 2002

Gah!! Snow is silent but deadly! I woke up and there was like 14 inches. Weather should at least make noise, so you know it's coming.

I invented a new holiday drink today! I just got around to making the pumpkin pie a week after Thanksgiving (due to something I will refer to as BourbonQuest) and there was some pumpkiny spooge and bourbon left over which of course made me wonder, How can I get flanged from this? The answer: Hot Spiced Pumpkin Bourbon!! It was really good!! The pie also turned out yummy, even if I did leave out a step (this is the last line of the recipe: "Wait until flames die down to serve pie.") Eeps! So, Klutzy Girl did not set pie alight in the interest of self-preservation (not to mention kitchen preservation, house preservation, national security, etc). Iron Chef Doom! Muahaha.

Tuesday, December 03, 2002

MTV continues to upset me. I was reminded the other day of how exciting it seemed
when it first came out; even if it was mostly crappy videos by Men Without Hats, at least there was a sense of adventure to it. Now it's like this endless commercial for an empty culture that people are actually buying. Am I taking Britney Spears and N'Sync and Thong Songs too seriously? Should I be thinking about President Doofushead and Iraq instead? Perhaps, but I do take the seeming death of culture seriously. By culture I mean uniqueness, a sense of exploring new ground, not necessarily anything highbrow. I'm sick of the same stale things being mass-produced and spit out by the media combine.

I watch too much TV. I don't even like TV very much. I need a new life.

Monday, December 02, 2002

I saw this commercial for some sort of super-intelligent toothbrush today proclaiming "Now you can brush like dentists do!" which made me think, do I really want this? I don't really mind the whole dental mystique; that's why they have a special school. I am perfectly content with a simple, mortal toothbrush. Life has just spun out of control, I think.

The Bucs lost today, in no part due to my kickin' cutie, who once again accounted for all of their points! MUST he carry you all on his shoulders???? *sigh.....*

Hmm. I feel like I'm half living in a dream right now, which I suppose I am. I can't really explain it. Good night, my new most imaginary friend, wherever you are, who will never read this...