Monday, July 28, 2014

Monday music musings:

I see the phrase "rose-colored glasses" thrown around by the "music must change/evolve/whatever we need to say to justify making crap" crowd. So I check myself sometimes, to be sure my view of the past isn't overly rosy. Long story short: it isn't. It really, really isn't.

Music has become less and less musical with the advent of technology. I am not anti-tech, BUT, I think I might start saying this every week: JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN DO SOMETHING, DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD. That's right folks, capslock and italics. I mean business. A computer will NEVER replace the sound of actual musicians, nor SHOULD it. My real worry is that people growing up now will think that IS what music sounds like, and actual instruments and voices will sound foreign to them. That is a scary thought, and no one could possibly say that is good for music, or natural "evolution." Music is made by musicians. EDM has its place, where it's always been: in da club. Leave it there along with the spandex and lime jello vomit.

Music HAS evolved over time, and it IS natural. But technology has forced upon us an unnatural evolution, like that guy on South Park who made the 4-assed monkey. Yup, we've entered the 4-assed monkey age of music.

The inspiration behind Jerrod Niemann's new song.

Looking back at popular country music of the early/mid 90s, a mere two decades ago, I really have to look to find anything I'd call "bad." Probably the worst was "Achy Breaky Heart." But even though it was a huge hit, largely due to the line dancing craze, it didn't exactly break country music. Here's a list of number one singles from the achy breaky era:

May 09 Neon Moon Brooks and Dunn
May 16
May 23 Some Girls Do Sawyer Brown
May 30 Achy Breaky Heart Billy Ray Cyrus
June 06
June 13
June 20
June 27
July 04 I Saw The Light Wynonna
July 11
July 18
July 25 The River Garth Brooks
August 01 Boot Scootin Boogie Brooks and Dunn
August 08
August 15
August 22
August 29 I'll Think Of Something Mark Chesnutt
September 05 I Still Believe In You Vince Gill
September 12
September 19 Love's Got A Hold On You Alan Jackson

Yep, right back on track, including a better, if still cheesy line dance anthem in "Boot Scootin Boogie."

But today, it's like everyone is Billy Ray Cyrus. A less talented Billy Ray Cyrus. With a dumb bro-ey backwards baseball cap. That's the new normal. Yeah, I'm looking at you, Chase Rice.
Worthless Yahoo headline of the day:

"Beyonce's Surfboard Instagram Is What You've Been Waiting For"

Oh Yahoo, you read my mind. Try to guess what I'm thinking now. Go on, I bet you'll never guess!

Is this what some people's lives really consist of? Waiting for celebrities to post photos on social media? I'm starting to feel disoriented again. Though I guess when your news alternatives are plane crashes, ebola virus, and never-ending conflict in the middle east, I understand the need for some sugary cereal. But you could also put down the computer and go for a walk. Listen to some music, play a game, read a snarky blog, surely there are better places to escape than silly celeb worship?

Whatever, at least Beyoncé actually has a job title other than "celebrity."

Friday, July 25, 2014

Feel Good Friday

It's been monsooning out all day. Is that a word? I don't know. But here's a song that has nothing to do with it.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014


Just kidding, it sucks.

Oh, Jason Aldean, the most ridiculously uneven of all artists. How does one album contain both "1994" and "Night train?" How is that even possible? And now this, from the man whose bad songs are so incredibly bad, you forget most of his songs are actually decent.

From the very first note you can tell this is gonna be awful. This song encapsulates everything I was trying to say about produced-out-the-ass sounding music. Why, Jason, did you lose your band and make this Chef Boyardee crap? (Cause it's CANNED, get it? HHAHAHAHA*cough*HA.) Or maybe his band got sucked into a computer and he needs to go on a quest to rescue them! Isn't that the plot of some movie? If it isn't, it TOTALLY SHOULD BE.

So I have this image of Maggie Rose and say, Jason Aldean, having an awkward first date in his truck.

Her: I want to be the girl in your truck song.
Him: I want you to be the girl in my truck song. Hey, that would make a good song! *starts humming*
Her: I want to be the girl in the girl in your truck song. ... wait, what did I just say? *giggles* Doesn't matter, just put me in your song.
Him: *pulls guitar out from somewhere* I want you to be the girl in my girl in my truck song, come on baby won't you sing along... okay number one hit right here. Hang on baby, and grab me a beer will ya? *starts speed dialing all of Nashville*
Her: Cool baby, I wanna be the girl in the girl in the girl in your truck song. Sure I'll get you a beer. Aw, there's only one left.
Him: Thanks babe. *swigs* Hey, Dallas? I gotta song I wanna run by you. It's called "Girl in My Girl..." Oh, you already wrote it? You'll send it over tomorrow? Awesome man! *hangs up* Okay babe, where were we?
Her: I wanna be the girl in your... girl...
Him: Oh man, I just got another awesome song idea! hang on babe. This one's really outside the box.
Her: Hmm, maybe we should just make out.

Pretty soon all songs will be called Song About Girl in Your Truck Song, Song About Song About Girl in Your Truck Song Song, Songs About Songs About Trucks, or maybe just Songs About Songs. And don't forget Songs About Songs About Songs. That one really broke some new ground.

Enough with the song-dropping. Can we please just get back to actual songs???

Monday, July 21, 2014

AWESOME Yahoo Headline of the Day:

"Why Legos keep washing up on a British beach"

"These days the holy grail is an octopus or a dragon," Williams told the BBC. "I only know of three octopuses being found — and one was by me — in a cave in Challaborough, Devon. It's quite competitive. If you heard that your neighbor had found a green dragon, you'd want to go out and find one yourself."

AWESOME. Enough negativity and stupid K-named people, at least for this week. Have some legos! You've earned them.

Friday, July 18, 2014

TV vs Music

Okay, one more post today til I break for the weekend. Something else that's been on my mind.

The one part of recent pop culture that's actually really good, maybe better than it's ever been, is television. No, not the vile glut of reality shows still clogging up network tv, but the creative genius that's been allowed to flourish despite, or perhaps because of them. Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, American Horror Story, Haven, Bates Motel. Those are just some of the shows I watch. I know a lot of people, including my husband, love Game of Thrones and some others as well. What do the majority of these shows have in common? They're not on the major networks. Yet they've somehow become popular.

So let's compare this to music. We'll say corporate radio is like Survivor and The Bachelor and all that crap. Easy, spoon-fed, lowest common denominator. We all know a ton of good music exists that doesn't get played on the radio anymore. But music doesn't seem to have big alternative outlets like tv does. What if music had an AMC? I know there are outlets on the internet (a lot of which I can't access here in Canada), BUT: while I constantly see people talking about shows like Walking Dead and Breaking Bad (even after it ended) I don't see the same for musical equivalents, outside of sites like saving country music. Why is this? There's obviously a market for creative, thoughtful material if tv is any indicator. Why can't we get buzz around good music like we do for these tv shows? And I don't mean an underground buzz only "hipsters" can hear. Breaking Bad is as much of a household name as American Idol. Even if you don't watch it, you've heard of it.

Also, outside of the reality garbage, there's still a lot more quality on network tv than you'll ever hear on the radio.

So how can music break out the way tv has? Why doesn't music have "alternative" networks like AMC? Why does corporate radio own us all?

Worthless Yahoo Headline of the Day:

"Kim Kardashian Ditches Her Top While Showing Off Her Bottom"

Okay, I lied. :P Why did I change my mind? Well, this piece of regurgitated monkey vomit was the TOP headline under yahoo's "all stories" section. And it just gets better...

"Kim Kardashian has really been putting a lot of work into her Instagram lately to prove that although she may be a married mom now, she certainly still has her sizzle."

You hear that, people who work for a living? Hear that, all you truck drivers and teachers and doctors and coal miners and firefighters? KIM KARDASHIAN HAS BEEN PUTTING A LOT OF WORK INTO HER INSTAGRAM LATELY. Man, that sounds exhausting. I hope the poor woman gets a break from lying in the sun and updating her social media! Perhaps a job at Wal-Mart?

"She uploaded two pictures Thursday of her sunbathing in a very teeny yellow bikini, including one where she goes topless."

But was it an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini? Did she wear it for the first time today? Inquiring minds want to know, folks!

Why do I keep sullying my blog with this garbage? Well, the same reason I posted about supporting occasional rants on country music sites. "Vent: An opening permitting the escape of fumes.” Gotta let those toxins out somehow! And this shit is toxic.
My Maria is a very meaningful song to me. I'd been a country fan for a while when it came out, but when I heard that song I knew I'd be a country fan forever. It's one of those songs that's so good, so uplifting, it changes your life in some way. What happened to those kinds of songs? Don't people want music that will last in their heart and soul, or do they really want disposable crap to go along with their disposable gadgets?

I think that's one of the pitfalls of living in a hyper-tech society. So many things are "obsolete" within a year, it's hard to not let that mindset affect other things. I guess? I've had the same iPod since 2008, and I just replaced the laptop I got that same year a couple months ago. I use things until they stop working. So I'm not really one to talk about the desire to get the latest gadgets. But that's what I see people talking about all the time. Their new phone, that's somehow so much better than their "old" phone they got last year. Whatever.

And then there's the reality show culture, which I've talked about so many times on here. Someone brought it up on saving country music, and it got me thinking. When I was growing up, everyone who was famous was famous for doing something. They had a job title other than "celebrity." The big idol among young girls and women was Madonna. Love her or hate her, at least her fans were singing and dancing along with her music. She created an interest in something.

While image was a big part of her act, it wasn't the only part. She brought something to the table other than shameless, attention-seeking narcissism. Which is the only thing I see these reality "performers" offering. Look, I have no talent and I'm on tv! If I can do it, so can you! I think that's the appeal of these people. Literally anyone can do what they do. Not everyone can sing or dance or act, but anyone can be a shallow camera whore! So we have selfies and a whole generation of shallow camera whores who are little celebrities in their minds. For doing absolutely nothing. Cause that's what their idols do! *sobs*

I'm not even gonna put up today's worthless K-named person yahoo headline. I just want them to go away.

On another note, that dumb girl in your truck song made me miss this one.

Man, we sure were progressive back in the good old mullet 90s. Men were riding around in women's trucks, and I heard they even played more than one woman on country radio!

Feel Good Friday

Probably my all time favorite feel good song. I miss these guys so much.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

I'd like to add that the song in my previous post doesn't in any way change my mind about the untimely* death of bro country. If anything, it cements it. This song has "trend death rattle" written all over it. You can tell they're not even trying anymore when half the lyrics are just rehashed from other songs. Yep, trend over, everybody out of the pool.

*if something dies way after its time, it's still untimely right?

Cause we now have the Bizarro World version of Girl in a Country Song, when the whole thing is kind of bizarre to begin with. What happened to just singing country music?? I don't consider Girl in a Country Song rehashed, since it's at least rebutting all the crap. But Girl in Your Truck Song brings nothing new, it's just the same crap sung by someone with boobs. And it is literally the same crap. It's like the bad fanfiction of country music.

I'll be in the corner listening to Neon Moon 2636467 times, if you need me.

A woman's place is in a bad song

Me, all of two days ago: What am I gonna write about if all the bad music goes good?

Me, now:

I'll preface this by saying, I've never really considered myself a feminist. I'm a pretty traditional woman for the most part, though of course I support women being able to do anything men can do.* But personally, I embrace some of the old-fashioned ways and think they still work. That said... I think I just burned my bra. I mean, I think I just spontaneously combusted and my bra burned up along with the charred remains of my soul. Or something.

*except pee standing up.

Sorry for embedding this on you, blog. I hope we can still be friends.

So I just saw this on my favorite country snark sites this morning and commented on it a bit, but I still can't quite wrap my head around it. Or even worse (yep, there's something worse than this!), Maggie Rose's comments to Rolling Stone:

"The irony is that bro country is male dominated, but women are driving the subject matter," muses the singer-songwriter.

Sure, if women can drive with their asses. While wearing skintight jeans.

"I like what's happening in country music right now. There is a place for women, if we just find our niche. Don't fight it; embrace it."

*stares with mouth open* Wow. What do I even DO with this, seriously? It's so sad and misguided and even a little dangerous, it defeats my will to snark. By all means, let's tell women to know their "place" and just embrace it! If you can't beat em join em, amirite? - said no women's rights advocate ever. What is this "place," exactly? The stone age? Wherever men decide to put us? "Gosh, I sure hope he doesn't misplace me like he does his keys! Then I won't know what my place is!" (Hint: you're probably between the couch cushions.)

And geez, I don't like going here, but there are some kinda rapey undertones there. I'm NOT saying she's calling for girls to get raped, sheesh, but I do think putting that message of submission out there to young women, even in a different context, is harmful. She should know better. She should care.

"So this is a cool song to sing from my perspective; it's the female answer to what's happening in country music right now… and it's very much a part of my personality."

Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. If you look in the mirror and repeat it 3 times, you'll start to believe it. Either that or Candyman will appear, I forget.

"I'm more confident than I was last year," she says. "I want to be a big player in country music, and this is the kind of music people are gravitating towards."

Translation: "Making real music didn't work, I'm ready to sell out and be famous now. Nashville, do your worst!" *strikes her best "confident" pose on the hood of some guy's truck*

Sooo good news ladies, there's a "niche" for us after all! ...right between the cup holder and the cigarette lighter.

Monday, July 14, 2014

The madness continues: I like Luke Bryan's new single too! Aaaaaahhhh what is happening! I mean yay? Yay! I do want to like popular music, after all.

Here's what's funny. A few phrases into the song I'm like, okay, I like this, why do I like this? Well it doesn't reference T-Pain, beer, or a woman sliding her ass on over anywhere, but my first thought was, "this kind of sounds like a Ty Herndon song." And then, in the next verse, he sings the line, "I can't get that goodbye back." Ha! Coincidence, or was I feeling it on that one? This isn't the first time I've compared Luke and Ty either, though last time wasn't nearly as favorable to old Luke.

So yeah, Roller Coaster. It kind of reminds me of old Ty Herndon songs. These days, that is high-ass praise from me.

Let's see, a little wrap-up. Last Thursday night my husband and I rescued a stray kitty! I wish we could have kept him, he was the SWEETEST little guy, but at least now he'll be taken care of and adopted. Yay! I'd say it's my good deed of the week but it was an absolute imperative on my heart, no question about it.

Then on my Friday walk (things always seem to happen on my walks), I saw this sticker on some creepo's big black jacked up truck: "Dodge the father, ram the daughter." HAHAHAHAHAHA cause it's a Dodge Ram, get it? *eyeroll* These are the people who like bro-truck songs, folks. They're out there. Does he seriously think any self-respecting woman would ride in that truck with him? With a message proclaiming she's being "rammed" right smack on the window behind her? Well, I guess "self-respecting" is the operative phrase here.

So it reminded me of that "Asshole in a Truck" song I wanted to write and forgot about. I think that image of the woman tied up I found last time I posted about it kind of soured me on it. That goes beyond asshole, that's just freaking terrifying. I also don't wanna write a "brotest" song, though that was never really my intention. Edmonton just has a LOT of assholes who drive trucks. The country truck song tie-in would be a minor point. So, well see. I'd also have to pick a song to write my lyrics to since I can't write music at all.

What am I gonna write about if all the bad music goes good haha? My wish might also be my curse, blogging-wise. Guess I'll go back to pop snark, though that means I'd have to actually listen to current pop music. :( I'll say one thing about bad country, at least it's a little more interesting than bad pop. I mean, Jason Derulo? Ugh just go away. Maybe it's a bit early to burn the bones of bro-country, but FGL and Luke Bryan both releasing decidedly non-bro singles, in the summer no less, seems to be ringing the death knell.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Feel Good friday

Since I really need to cleanse my palate after that little journey into darkness, it's feel good time. Unfortunately, the song I wanted to use today, Pam Tillis' "Put Yourself in My Place," isn't on youtube or any place I can find to embed it. So, listen to Put Yourself in My Place. It's the kind of bouncy, uptempo (non-pop) country song I wish they still made.

My second choice, since I really want to pick a female artist this time, is another Pam Tillis gem. Man, this woman made a lot of good music.

Worthless Yahoo Headline/Story of the Day:

"French Montana Posts Picture of Khloe Kardashian's Butt, Shares his Girlfriend's Assets with the World"

Sometimes I genuinely feel like I don't know where I am. This is one of those articles that makes me disoriented, like what planet am I on? What happened to us as a people? Is there any sense of decency left when trash like this is plastered across a mainstream news page instead of some dark back alley of the internet?

Usually I'm content to let the headline speak for itself, but I'm gonna delve deeper into this one. Cover me.

"French Montana left fans in no doubt as to which part of Khloe Kardashian he treasures the most, by sharing a photo of her famous butt via Instagram"

Gosh, how touching. First of all, what the hell is a "French Montana?" A performer in a wild west-themed drag show? Some kind of gay cowboy sex move (not that there's anything wrong with that)? A failed land merger? I give up.

"The 29-year-old rapper snapped the racy picture, of 30-year-old Kardashian's curvaceous booty, clad in a pair of brown skintight hot pants while she lay on an unmade four poster bed. And sharing the picture with fans via his Instagram account, he captioned it, simply, "#asssscap."

Ah, it's a rapper. That... doesn't actually explain anything at all. Still a stupid-ass name. Okay, whatever. The point is, I think copying and pasting that just gave my computer an STD. Thanks, French.

"The pair have spent the past few days together in New York, on the set of Montana’s new music video for "Don't Panic." And the rapper’s latest picture proves the couple are closer than ever."

Yes, nothing says deep, meaningful relationship like sharing your girlfriend's ass with the world. I give these kids a good 6 months, which I guess by Hollywood standards is a damn Rick Astley song.

If I was her... I'd probably burst into flames, but if I didn't, I'd totally post a photo of whatever his dumb face looks like and caption it #myfavoriteass. But clearly, she doesn't care about being objectified. She doesn't care that the wrong end of her is "most treasured," unless her brain's in her ass. Which is a theory I'm willing to entertain.

Please, just let these people, and more importantly, this ridiculous culture, go away.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Oh, Facebook

This page was recommended to me today.

Chase Rice
317,145 people like this.

317,145 people suck.

Also, Chase Rice sounds like something on a badly translated Chinese menu. Right next to the Duck in Crap Sauce.
Because I feel Garth deserves his own post, even if it's short and sweet cause I can't blog all day. :P

“The world has changed, we know that. But all we can be is ourselves.” ~ Garth, in his press conference today.

Yes! Not only is that my new life motto, but I think it's a very telling statement about the kind of music we can expect. I mean, it's a much more eloquent way of saying "Take your shallow crap and stick it up your ass, I'm gonna make real music and if you don't like it, that's too goddamn bad Skippy." Which is totally what I would have said. Okay, maybe not. But yeah. In a world where formerly respectable country artists are working with EDM djs and freaking Pitbull, Garth is clearly stating he's just gonna be Garth. This is the kind of leadership we need from stars of his caliber.

I can't freaking WAIT.

I've been listening to this song a lot lately. Seems fitting.

Being a country fan right now

If I had made this post a short month ago, it would have been nothing but a sadface, followed by me diving headfirst into a pile of Dwight Yoakam CDs, never to be seen again.

BUT, as I've thought would happen for a while now, the times they are a changin'.

I'm not sure I can overstate the message I think FGL's "Dirt" conveys. I don't mean the message of the song itself, which is nice and warm and sentimental and all the things I like. I mean the message of the hugest act in country putting out a song like that right now. In the heart of the summer, when they could have given us a song called "(I Love Them) Girls in Bikini Tops and Daisy Dukes, Aww Yeah!" instead they gave us a song about something. No, it's not the deepest country song I've heard by a longshot, but I don't only like it because it's "not shallow." As in, it's not bad so it must be good. No, it's not just an attempt to be good, it's actually good. It makes me feel things other than nausea, which is not actually an emotion.

I'm sure there'll still be crap put out this summer, and songs that are decent pop but have no place on country radio, but as of right now, Florida Georgia Line doesn't suck. I do believe this is a sign of things to come, and by God I don't care if it's a crass commercial move because bro-country has finally taken its inevitable dump. If actual country music is commercial, then, YAY! We win!

Now I don't feel the two mannequins in FGL are particularly deep fellas, and they'd probably follow whatever trend they're told to. Make a children's album dressed as clowns? Okay, sure dude! Flamenco? I don't know what that is, isn't it a bird? But yeah, cool bro! In this case though, I think they are firmly designated as the trendsetters and others will follow. Unlike "Girl in a Country Song," which is cool as a one-off, I want more songs like "Dirt." No, not about actual dirt... if Jason Aldean releases a song called "Clay" next month I will not be happy. Ha. But, you know. Human experience songs.

And to top that, Garth Brooks is coming back with new music.

Please, please, can we have Trisha back too?

I know we still have a ways to go, but I'm feeling generally optimistic right now. Real country music is too big, too powerful, too important to just die out. Country music is us, it's how we live, it's what we feel, happy, sad, in between. It's life. That's something that's unique to country as a genre, and I'm proud to be a fan.
Okay, it's time for the Alan Jackson test again! I inaugurated this with the Jason Aldean song "The Truth," which passed with flying colors.

"Every once in a while, a blind squirrel somewhere finds a yummy acorn. This is my way of saying I have two Jason Aldean songs on my iPod, and that Jason Aldean is a visually impaired bushy-tailed rodent. When this happens, I propose the Alan Jackson Test. If you suspect a song sung by a douche who otherwise makes bad music might be good, close your eyes and pretend Alan Jackson recorded it. Yes? Then download that sucker, it's a good song. Don't let the jackass stop you (unless it's that Jarrod guy, that's just too literal a translation of jackass)."

Aaaand I haven't had the chance to do it again, cause all the bad music has been predictably bad. Until now. And this one's a doozy.

Florida Georgia Line, the biggest bro meatballs of them all, have put out a song that actually reminds me of the music I love. It's a nice sounding song. I still don't much like the guy's voice, whatever his name is (oh God, I have to learn their names now, don't I? :/), but it's tolerable here. What really grabs me, though, is the theme. I feel like the songwriters read my "More Little Houses, less hot asses" post. The sentiment reminds me of the 80s/90s songs I grew up with, and THAT'S what's been missing so much in country music. Those simple, human elements. The heart. While this song doesn't have a real story, it does have an arc, and that's something else that's been missing. The theme reminds me, to give a specific example, of Sawyer Brown's The Walk with the youth-to-old age arc and how they tie it together. The Walk is far superior and tells more of a story, BUT, just to see artists going to that well again fills me with joy.

This is the LAST band I expected to see this coming from, but I don't mind being surprised. God, please don't let their next song be about girls jumping on trampolines, or something. But for now, what could be more country than good old dirt? And - this is very important - they're not shouting country things at you like most of the "laundry list" songs do, or talking about how country they are. They're relating on a genuine level, or at least the songwriters are. I'm not sure the FGL dudes relate to their own navels, but whatever. This is progress.

And yep, it passes the AJ test.

Note: To pass the test, it doesn't have to sound like an AJ song. It's more of an atmospheric thing, close your eyes and pretend your favorite voice is singing. For female songs it would be the Trisha Yearwood test, but there aren't any female country artists I dislike. Probably cause there's only like, two of 'em. :/

Monday, July 07, 2014

Worthless Yahoo Headline of the Day, Frivolous Lawsuit Dept.:

"Fan who fell asleep during Yankees-Red Sox game suing for $10 million"

Hmm, can I sue the Red Sox for sucking this year? I'd really like to.

Also - the things you read on blogs. I came across this on I had never heard of "coal rolling" before, since I mostly avoid humanity like a sensible person.

Okay, I honestly can't tell if I'm reading real news or the Onion right now.

"The feeling around here is that everyone who drives a small car is a liberal," a roller named Ryan told Vocativ. "I rolled coal on a Prius once just because they were tailing me."

Politics aside... that's satire, right? That can't possibly be reality.

"I run into a lot of people that really don’t like Obama at all," the salesperson said. "If he’s into the environment, if he’s into this or that, we’re not. I hear a lot of that. To get a single stack on my truck—that’s my way of giving them the finger. You want clean air and a tiny carbon footprint? Well, screw you."

Now I don't give a crap if you like Obama or not. Unless you hate him because he's a black president, then you suck. If you love him because he's a black president, you probably also suck. Anyway. I don't care about politics. Stupidity, however, is a different story. These people do realize we all live on the same planet, right? It's not just Obama and liberals who live in the environment and breathe air? It's like,

"I love guns, and I hate Obama, and Obama hates guns cause he's a liberal, so I'm gonna take this here gun and shoot myself in the foot!"

That is not an actual quote from the article. I made that up. But the fact that I had to specify that makes me weep.

Okay, so besides the whole shooting themselves in their own foot while trying to shoot at the... liberal media windmill, or whatever, there's this amazing irony. (And yes, I believe I'm using the word "irony" correctly. I know that's a major point of contention on the internet today, right up with hyperbolic use of the word "literally.") So are you ready for some literal irony? These people, these rollers of coal and their ilk, isn't the entire basis of their argument denial of man's impact on climate change? It's just something made up by Al Gore to steal Christmas? And yet, they know that shooting black smoke into the air is bad for the environment, in the same way a spoiled child knows throwing a fit in the Wal-Mart candy aisle is bad behavior, or they wouldn't do it at all. So if you know what you're doing is, in fact, bad, you're not in denial, and you don't even have the rationality of a spoiled 4-year old to want a Butterfinger for your trouble... what is the point you're trying to make? "We hate liberals. SO HARD." Even though, in this case at least, they happen to be right, and are being proven right by these coal roller's own actions. WE HATE THEM FOR BEING RIGHT! THEIR RIGHTNESS THREATENS OUR WAY OF LIFE! RELEASE THE COOOOOAL!

This is even funnier if you imagine them looking like Pigpen, with little squiggly lines of dirt emanating from them at all times.

This whole thing is a self-writing parody. When real news becomes indistinguishable from satire, what becomes of satire? And, you know... sanity?

Friday, July 04, 2014

Feel Good Friday ~ doubleheader

These songs played back to back on my ipod today, and I couldn't decide which was more feel good. So let's play two!

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

Worthless Yahoo headline of the Day:

"How Much The Kardashians Have Changed In Less Than A Decade"

Here's how much my level of give-a-damn about the Kardashians has changed:


Ah, from zero to zero. Guess that wasn't very newsworthy after all!
Happy Canada Day! - love, the drunk guy singing O Canada off-key at the fireworks show. Hey, he still sounded better than Brantley Gilbert live.

Seriously, is he trying to sing like a rusty chainsaw? Okay, I've been too busy to snark lately. Gotta ease back into it or I'll cramp up.

I have two things to talk about today. As a Pretty Little Liars fan, I was both excited and apprehensive when I heard Lucy Hale was releasing a country album. I wanted to like it because I like her, but I wouldn't stomach bad music just because it's made by someone I like. Well, I didn't have to worry. While she's being woefully overlooked in general, because she's female and not named Carrie, I'm not surprised her album is striking a chord with some country fans. It's pop country, but it's honest and refreshing and unpretentious. Her voice is lovely and perfectly suited to the music. My favorites are "Road Between," "That's What I Call Crazy," "From the Backseat," and "Red Dress," a duet with Joe Nichols, who I always liked before his recent masterpieces like "Yeah." Yeah.

Road Between is a good album and shows great potential. I hope she's given the chance to grow as an artist. It kind of reminds me of when I heard Taylor Swift's first album, which I thought was damn good especially considering her age. Lucy has a stronger voice and should be getting more radio play, but life is stupid sometimes.

Nice little slice of life song. Sounds like country to me.

This next song has been all over everywhere lately.

I agree with the sentiment and genuinely like it, BUT considering the source, I have to be a little skeptical. Now if I hadn't known this was coming from Scott Borchetta (the epitome of marketing over creativity and artistic expression), I would have assumed this was some small act on an independent label. And I'd have a much better reaction to it if it was, because I'd know it was genuine. I don't trust any apple given to me by Scott Borchetta. I'll enjoy the song, even if it is a marketing ploy at least it gets people talking about women in country music, but I worry a little about what this means. If it means "bro" crap is on its way out, then hallelujah. But I don't want to see a bunch of anti-bro songs in the wake of all the bro songs either, which I fear will happen if this song does well. Cause following the bro song marketing guide, if one of em is good, 50 of em must be better! NO. One is enough. If Scott Borchetta has co-opted your revolution, it's no longer a revolution. Can we just get back to actual country music, please?