Monday, September 29, 2014

The two reasons I have never been able to stand Family Guy, despite its funnier moments:

1. The same reason Eric Cartman and everyone else finds fault with this show; the gags that would have been funny for one minute but instead go on for seven. No one seems to like this, yet they keep doing it, like the writers are sticking their tongues* out at us and going "nyaaah, you're gonna watch it anyway!" Nope, I'm not.

*it's family guy, so that's probably not what they're sticking out at us :/

2. I thought this was just me, but I saw it highlighted in an article today and am so glad! That is, the treatment of the young female on the show, Meg. Maybe it's meant to be a jab at misogyny, maybe it's actual misogyny, but either way, it comes off as actual misogyny. And it kind of drives me nuts to see young women watching this show, when the main young female character is treated like garbage for no reason. I've watched several episodes of this show, more than I wanted to, and I have never seen this character do anything offensive to warrant her treatment. If that's the joke, I don't see it. The way she's treated sets young women way back. It boils down to, "you don't matter." And it's not funny.

Let's contrast this with Lisa Simpson who, despite the show running on empty for the last 10 seasons, is overall one of the strongest young woman characters to ever be on tv. I haven't watched the show in a long time, and I fear Lisa has probably fallen into the same stereotype trap Homer and all the other characters have, but while the show was fresh Lisa was one of the freshest parts. They could have just made her a foil for Bart, and those moments are funny, but they chose to develop her as a character too. She's smart, sensitive and caring and it's not just played for laughs; you genuinely feel for her.

So yeah, Meg is the anti-Lisa. And that's not cool. We need more Lisas out there.

Monday, September 22, 2014

I just noticed Inspector Gadget is holding a couple PBRs in my last post. LOL hipster robotic police inspectors.

Oh, and I haven't been keeping up with "country" the last couple weeks, but apparently Florida Georgia Line sucks again. Wow, that was fast. I haven't actually listened to the song yet - I might never, if I can avoid it - but I read the lyrics. And they're pretty much exactly what I envisioned for "generic dumb summer song (that's coming out in September for some reason)" EXCEPT - holy crap is this thing raunchy! Not the usual silly double entendres, nope, this isn't even a single entendre (thank you MST3K):

"If I'm lucky yeah I might get laid"

Yep, that's the whole line. Wow.

There is one double entendre, in the mix of them blatantly stating they want to get laid and do drugs, and it's a doozy:

"I sit you up on a kitchen sink
Stick the pink umbrella in your drink"

Okay, the amusingness of him comparing his manhood to a pink umbrella - *SNERKLE* - is kind of lost in how disgusting this is. This is COUNTRY MUSIC, folks. What the hell happened? And what super girly thing will they compare their manly bits to next? "Shake my balls like pom poms and watch me score!" Oy. I mean, go team?

The song is called "Sun Daze," which sounds like a fun sugary fruit-flavored drink for kids, except you know, filthy. Like FGL took a glass of Kool-Aid or Sunny D and splooged in it.


It's my mission to avoid hearing this song as long as I can. I feel like if I let it into my system, it will trigger an effect much like the security guard escaping the military base at the beginning of The Stand. I'd like to prevent all that needless death and suffering. Won't you join me?

And just to have a good laugh at myself, here's what I wrote about "Dirt" back in July:

"I'm not sure I can overstate the message I think FGL's "Dirt" conveys. I don't mean the message of the song itself, which is nice and warm and sentimental and all the things I like. I mean the message of the hugest act in country putting out a song like that right now. In the heart of the summer, when they could have given us a song called "(I Love Them) Girls in Bikini Tops and Daisy Dukes, Aww Yeah!" instead they gave us a song about something. No, it's not the deepest country song I've heard by a longshot, but I don't only like it because it's "not shallow." As in, it's not bad so it must be good. No, it's not just an attempt to be good, it's actually good. It makes me feel things other than nausea, which is not actually an emotion.

Now I don't feel the two mannequins in FGL are particularly deep fellas, and they'd probably follow whatever trend they're told to. Make a children's album dressed as clowns? Okay, sure dude! Flamenco? I don't know what that is, isn't it a bird? But yeah, cool bro! In this case though, I think they are firmly designated as the trendsetters and others will follow. Unlike "Girl in a Country Song," which is cool as a one-off, I want more songs like "Dirt." No, not about actual dirt... if Jason Aldean releases a song called "Clay" next month I will not be happy. Ha. But, you know. Human experience songs."

In retrospect... "Clay" would have probably been a much better choice than *shudder* "Burnin it Down." And yeah, FGL did make "(I Love Them) Girls in Bikini Tops and Daisy Dukes, Aww Yeah!" They just saved it for their next single. In September. Seriously, they can't come up with a nasty rhyme about pumpkins? It's FALL, people, and if anyone can turn your hayride into a smutfest, it's FGL! Don't let me down boys! ... Well, at least they kept Back to School out of their mouths. Ewww. (They're saving that one for Luke Bryan *cough*)
Today, two minor life annoyances!

WHY do people who comment first on something on the internet comment with... "first?" Okay, I get why they do it, they're attention-seeking idiot whores. But why just "first?" Isn't that kind of self-evident? It's like the number one holding up a foam finger saying, "I'm number one!"

People who don't push the bloody grocery checkout divider thingy down so I can reach it. Maybe this isn't a problem for some people, but I'm barely 5'2" and have the armspan of an 8 year old. I am not Inspector Gadget,

nor am I one of the Incredibles.

So push the damn thing down!! No one wants to have to reach across you and all your crap, even if their arms are long enough. Okay that one actually really bothers me lol.

I've been neglecting my blog. Not much to say lately. I've been listening to a lot of 80s music and enjoying the sunshine. Hopefully I'll be bitter and angry about something again soon! I mean... um.

Monday, September 08, 2014

And from the What-the-Actual-Fuck department...

Today's weather is crappy, so I'm stuck inside. I'm a big NFL fan, so I tend to follow NFL news more than "regular" news (which seems to have two settings, depressing as hell or stupid as fuck.) Anyway, I clicked on a Ray Rice story. You know, the super bowl-winning woman beater. NFL: Hey, at least he's not a serial killer like the last guy!

So yeah. I just watched a video of a woman getting punched in the face by a pro-bowler. I really wish I hadn't. The "good" news is, he's been released by his team and suspended indefinitely by the NFL. They should lifetime ban this goon, there's a tape of him PUNCHING A WOMAN UNCONCIOUS, but at least it's better than the two games they originally suspended him for.

But here's the part that made my brain curl into the fetal position and cry. This woman was his fiancée, and she has since become his wife.


Does this woman have no... nothing? No family, no friends, no sense of self-preservation? No alarm bell went off that someone who punches you in the face is not prince charming? HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN??? I mean, a man who hits doesn't just hit once. I get that she's consumed by evil love goblins, but does she not have parents? A concerned aunt? Anyone? Somebody, please get this woman a restraining order and a drink. And possibly a fairy godmother, I think she could use one.

Last night I kicked off my fall horror movie season with the remake of Carrie. I'm a big fan of the original movie and the book, so I wanted to like it but had some doubts. I'll say, it wasn't awful. It was watchable like on a Saturday afternoon. It doesn't even begin to hold up to the original though, which is kind of sad. I can see why they'd want to update it, as the old one is very LOL 70s looking. But that's just the characters' clothes and hair; the overall look and feel of the movie is pretty timeless. The effects are great, better and more effective than the remake. Surprise, surprise.

The casting was pretty good. The lead actress looked too pretty to fully embody the role, though I do feel she tried. Julianne Moore was great, she actually held a candle to Piper Laurie acting-wise but I thought the character wasn't as well-written. I liked Sue and Tommy. The head mean girl, Chris, was a bit over the top.

Oh yes, Chris. Chris is pretty much the whole reason I'm writing about this movie, for reasons that will probably only be entertaining to me.

One of my nemeses on this blog is British pop brat Cher Lloyd. I haven't written about her in a while, but her and her devoid-of-all-humanity song, "Want U Back," are forever stuck in my craw. So here's Cher, and here's mean girl Chris:

I SWEAR TO GOD IT'S THE SAME PERSON. Right down to the perma-snot facial expression. I half expected Chris to end every line with a sociopathic grunt. UNGH!

Best. Casting. Ever.

(Click on the "my craw hurts" tag to see my other posts about Cher Lloyd.)

The prom scene in the remake wasn't as effective to me emotionally as the original. This is where the lead actress' looks became a real detriment. In the original, Sissy Spacek actually looked really plain through the whole movie, up to the prom scene. Even then, she was still this very awkward girl, but she started looking beautiful not only because of looking different, but feeling different. She was having a good time, and it caused her to glow. That kind of comes through in the remake, but it wasn't a stark enough contrast to really stand out like it did in the original. And it was so important that she was having fun (almost like a rebirth of her character), because it made what happened to her that much more tragic.

I'll end with a comment on the story in general. For some reason it really struck me watching the remake, the scene of her on stage dripping with blood, how they turned her into a monster. (Not that that doesn't come through in the original and the book; I think I was just approaching the story with fresh eyes.) Through the whole movie, she was never a monster, and even at the end it's hard to think of her that way. She might look like one then, but the real monsters are the bullies and the society that turns a blind eye. That's why it's such a classic story. The best "monsters" are the ones you sympathize with.

Sunday, September 07, 2014

Worthless Yahoo Headline of the - Oh, Wait!

"Miley Cyrus Wears Pasties Instead Of A Shirt, Continues Being Shocking"

That's right... it's a Yahoo headline that's a parody of a worthless Yahoo headline. Someone, somewhere, has some actual sense! And decency.

Okay, maybe not decency.

Blogger, in what I'm sure is some kind of self-defense against stupid, will not let me post the photo featured in this article. It is worth seeing, though. Not for the Miley ice cream pasties... HOOOOO HUMMMMM... but for the totally bored-looking dude standing behind her. He's like, whatever bitch, nothin' I ain't seen before. It pretty much sums up the proper reaction to this boring, talentless little hack. I mean, a blind man could pretty much see Miley coming at this point.

"If you still have the energy in your weary bones to be shocked by Miley Cyrus prepare to be rattled once more," the article begins. Oh, common sense writer, how I love you. "Saturday night, September 6, whilst you dreamed sweetly in your bed, Miley Cyrus was wearing pasties to the Alexander Wang's after party. (...) Where one buys such things is unclear. It's possible that Cyrus made them herself, seeing as she is a nascent artist with a prolific set of homemade bongs and other crafts to her name. Or maybe she just ripped them off a shirt from Delia's."


Or, you know, it's just really snarky and awesome.

Usually comments on the internet make me die a little inside, but there were a couple gems at the top.

"She uses shock because she lacks any other talent!" Yup. Sadly, it still works. And while this writer is giving her the undeserved attention she wants, at least she did it her way. Cause you know someone had to write about it, and I'm glad it was this person and not someone feigning actual shock.

"I heard someone hacked into her phone and saw pictures of her fully clothed and with her mouth shut. She was not happy."

You win this battle of snark, random internet commenter. And to all parties involved here, thanks for making my night.

... Until it gets down to the rape comments, anyway. Goddammit internet.

Tomorrow I'm going to talk about a movie! Wheeee!
Worthless Yahoo Headline of the Day:

"Ariana Grande Posts Butt Selfie at NFL Kickoff"


And the entire world just got collectively dumber.

Yeah, that Amish thing's looking pretty sweet right now. A land where the words "butt selfie" hold no meaning. They have crops to till, you lazy butt-goggling assholes!

Friday, September 05, 2014

But just when you're ready to give up on the internet and run into the woods and become spontaneously Amish, you come across something like "Foods banned around the world:"

Probably the silliest ban on the list, the French banned ketchup from their primary schools because they were afraid students will use it to mask their traditional French cuisine. The idea is that public schools are not only supposed to be feeding children, but teaching them about French cuisine, and ketchup ruins a lot of French cuisine. Ironically, students are still allowed to use ketchup on their French fries."


... Do the Amish celebrate Christmas? I sort of need to know now.

Holy crap! Apparently I'm not the first person to wonder this. When you type in "do the amish" on google, "do they amish celebrate Christmas" is the fourth one down. I feel strangely at one with the universe right now. Thank you, google.

The answer is YES!; in fact they have two Christmases. Take that! From (you can't make this stuff up, folks):

"December 25th is always reserved for fasting, meditations, scripture readings, and other religious activities that focus on the solemn celebration of the birth of Christ. December 26th, or Second Christmas, is meant for celebrating the season with family and friends with gatherings, feasts, and gift giving."

So they celebrate the heck out of Christmas, but ignore the time-honored tradition of after-Christmas sales. I now have a sudden desire to see two women in long dresses and bonnets fighting over a 60% off waffle iron at Wal-mart. This would possibly complete me.

My mind goes weird places. Also? Going by that article I just read, the Amish pretty much own us in every way.

"These nativity scenes are often put together by the Amish children in order to better understand the story of the baby Jesus and might consist of wooden or clay figures. They are often made into quite elaborate scenes with painted backgrounds, live plants, and even running water. The entire Amish community or family will often get together to build the church or home nativity scenes which are meant to evoke quiet contemplation and focus on the meaning of the season."

So yeah... religious stuff aside if that's not your thing, that pretty much takes a sledgehammer of shame to our McChristmases and our McSociety in general. I have nothing else to say. I'm going to ponder my existence for a while.
Also? The Fucking Internet, summed up:

Commenter on a kitten video: AWW :-) I would of already picked this dear sweet little kitty up and started cuddling it :-)

Reply to commenter: No, you would "have" already picked it up.

OMFG. Look, I care about proper grammar and spelling. I try to write as coherently as possible here, when not doing otherwise for effect. But TIME and PLACE, people! If someone makes a sweet innocent comment about a KITTEN, on a KITTEN VIDEO, you look like a GINORMOUS DOUCHENOZZLE* if you correct their fucking grammar. And that was their entire comment, they didn't even say anything about the little adorable wobbling kitty. Does this guy just troll kitten videos looking for bad grammar to correct?

*yeah, that's the kind of thing I do for effect.

I love that I already had this tag in my list. Hmm, what did I use it for?

Okay, enough reading things on the internet. I'm entering full-blown "I want to wake up in 1962" territory.

It hasn't been the best week. What to do for feel good Friday, what to do... wish I hadn't already used "The Wind." :P Okay. I haven't always had the bestest feelings about this guy but I've come to terms with it, and his 90s stuff is top notch. This is one of my absolute favorites from the decade. Enjoy!

Thursday, September 04, 2014

"Hell is other people" - Sartre

Now I'm pretty sure Mr. French Philosopher wasn't referring to nerds arguing on the internet when he wrote that, but... holy shit, hell is nerds arguing on the internet. Why the hell am I talking about this?

Well, every once in a while I wonder what it would be like if anyone actually read my shit and knew who I was. There's one site in particular full of people who like to gleefully snark on popular culture and a lot of them seem to be MSTies. People kind of like me, except not living in obscurity. So I think in passing, wouldn't it be neat to be on a site like that? ...Even though I'm way too shy to actually do so, but that's beside the point. The point is:

HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE. While googling information about some of my favorite people on the site, I'm suddenly blindsided by a huge DRAMA PUNCH to the face. OMG infighting! OMG nerdly arguments of doom! No one is immune to this shit, not even cool MSTie types who should be chill and get along. So as much as I'd like to be heard by an audience sometimes, in the end I'd rather just keep to myself.


Came across this today, and it's now pretty much my favorite thing in the world.

On Body of Evidence: "We are asked to believe that Madonna lives on a luxury houseboat, where she parades in front of the windows naked at all hours, yet somehow doesn’t attract a crowd, not even of appreciative lobstermen.”

That is the best thing that's ever been written about anything. I will never, ever top that. I can only continue to try.

There's a whole one movie on the list I thoroughly enjoy, Jason X. Of course it's bad, it's Jason Voorhies in space. Doesn't mean I don't love it though!
Scarily Ironic Headline of the Day:

"Phil Robertson Thinks ISIS Members Should Be Converted Or Killed"

Well with that kind of talk, I think you just qualified yourself for membership. Congratulations, dumbass.

You Can't Make this Shit Up Headline of the Day:

"Woman Steals $144 In Eyeshadow, Mugshot Convicts Her"

Yeah, it probably wasn't the best plan to put on all $144 worth at once. But at least she gets a mugshot that looks like a bitchin' 80s video! Tubular. Totally.

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

Okay, I know I said I wasn't going to mention this little squirrel fart in my blog ever again. But dammit, he got his Bieber-cooties on my country music.

So here's the little creep, in full shirtless wannabe-thug mode, appearing to mock Johnny Cash.

Yes, you heard me right. Justin Bieber, in his douchey flat-brimmed ballcap, is daring to invoke the Man in Black.

Is this meant to be some kind of tribute instead of mocking? Well, it sure doesn't look like it to me. If it is, take off the damn ballcap and wipe that smirk off your face. Oh wait, I don't think he can. This clown just has the most punchable face I've ever seen. It's impossible not to hate him. I'd feel sorry for him, if his personality wasn't equally punchable.
Look. I am the last person to ever be a victim-blamer. Really. I find it disgusting. BUT.

WHY do people take nude photos of themselves in the first place???

Normally I wouldn't give a flying fig about celebrity nude photos, but this latest thing is a pretty big deal it seems. I get the outrage and invasion of privacy and all that, I really do. It's nasty. Obviously, what the hackers did is worse than taking nude photos which you have every right to do, blah blah. It's not the victims' fault in any way. THAT SAID.

People who are comparing this to every crime under the sun, from credit card theft to rape, are missing a pretty big point. Unlike making financial transactions, or... going outside while being a woman, taking nude photos is NOT A NECESSARY PART OF LIFE. This is a crime, yes, but it's a preventable one. There's a difference between victim-blaming and common sense. And none of it compares, in any way, to rape. A woman could walk outside stark naked and should not expect to be sexually assaulted. A nude photo is a thing that exists; rape is something that is justified only in the mind of the attacker. It's totally different.

"The act is the digital equivalent of approaching a woman on the street, pulling down her shirt, snapping a photo, and passing it around." No, it isn't. It's the equivalent of having something sensitive you said in confidence made public. It's an invasion of privacy, not a physical assault. No one had their clothes ripped off by some slathering maniac. "When hackers steal credit card information, the public isn’t blamed for daring to shop." Again, bad comparison. Buying things and paying bills are necessary in life. That's only a preventable crime if you pay for everything in cash. Maybe I'm a big ol' prude, but last I checked taking nude photos isn't part of one's everyday routine like paying your phone bill or buying a book on Amazon. It's such a silly, narcissistic thing to do in the first place, it's just not something I can raise my banner for. (That doesn't mean I blame anyone. It means I find it too silly of a thing to do to work up much sympathy over. Two different things.)

I think men who wear makeup* and/or skinny jeans is one of the stupidest looking things on the planet and I want to punch them in the face. Especially if they're straight, not that being gay is an excuse to look like an idiot. But I don't think they should actually be punched in the face, or are asking for it, I just think it's stupid as hell. (Unless they're listening to terrible emo music. Then they're fair game.) Obviously I'm not talking about male to female transgendered people, as they identify as women. But if a female to male transgendered person wore makeup, that'd annoy me. No idea if that's an actual thing that ever happens, just clarifying. It's a confusing world we live in, folks.

*unless they're part of an 80s new wave band

You again, Douchebag McGee?? Ack, no! Get away!

Then there's the "feminist" response of "why must women's sexuality be so shameful!" Well... it isn't, to me. My stance of naked-photos-are-dumb has nothing to do with gender. I'd feel the same way if it was men. Also, naked photos =/= sex. Sex is natural, not narcissistic.

The only hyperbole that flies around here is my own.


I love how all the comments are people describing their trucks. PRICELESS.

Tuesday, September 02, 2014

Awesome Yahoo Headline of the Day:

"Peng Shuai reaches U.S. Open semis"

Just because I read it as, "Feng Shui" reaches U.S. Open semis" and was like, yes, placement of the net in relation to... other tennis-y things is very important!

Yeah, I don't really know anything about tennis.