Friday, December 28, 2012

As I reflect about old timey things that I miss, like... books (:/), it occurs to me this is probably a rather weird position for a star trek fan. Boldly going... into the past! Basically it boils down to I WANT THE TV FUTURE, NOT THIS ONE. In the technology-based TV future young people are interested in science and space exploration. In this future, they use technology for... sexting.

I find watching Star Trek in all its incarnations very relaxing. There's something zen about it to me, probably because it's the future and there's a federation and people are actually trying to get along with each other. Kind of gives me some hope. And I like all the technology, I'm not anti-technology at all. It's just... books. And records. And photographs. There's a realness there that the digital version just can't replace. Technology should enhance humanity, not replace it.

Now I realize books aren't sentient or even living beings and being sad about them isn't logical (yes i'm channeling Vulcans for a moment), but human beings are sentient... mostly (hi fox and friends!)... and I feel that we need things to stimulate our senses. And that's what digital everything takes away from us, the ability to experience things with all of our senses, particularly touch. So god yes, give us medical tricorders and universal translators and warp drives, but leave us books. Because humanity is in what we do and the choices we make and how we treat others, but it's also in how we experience things.

And - this is where the TV Future gets it wrong - this lack of tactile experiences leads us to be desensitized to other people and our surroundings in general. I mean, I see this happening so much already, and it scares me. Just look at... well, pretty much anyone under 25. I'm afraid of a not-so-distant future where no one remembers books or records at all, because everyone who's 25+ now is gone. So I'm here to at least leave a written report that there were once things called books, kids. Maybe it'll catch on one day in the future as "retro."
Why I don't read the news:

Every once in a while I go to the old yahoo news page to check in with the world. I like to know who's died; this is a weird obsession of mine. If a famous person has died, I want to know about it. So today I check in. General Schwartzkopf (probably horribly misspelled, sorry) has died. The first president Bush is recovering in the hospital. Okay, these are things I want to know. Duly noted.

Then - god help me - I let my eyes slowly wander down the page, and I'm reminded why I never read the news. "Shark explodes in mall!" "Woman on bus bench set on fire!" And I'm not even shocked by these things, I'm just reminded. "Oh yeah, that's why I watch youtube and play clan lord all day. Righto." And then I try to scrub the... burning sharks and exploding women from my mind, because they really have no place in there.
I feel so good right now. I haven't felt this much like myself in a long time. I think it's probably a sign of good health if you feel happiest when you feel most like yourself, even if it involves ripping on other people a little bit. ;p It's honest, and honesty really is the way to go. Bring able to express truth in exactly the way you want to express it, that is just the best feeling.

I just wish ONE PERSON would read this bloody thing!
Okay! One more rant about what was almost entirely a great trip, because while I'm experiencing all the joy and whatnot, these unexpressed annoyances dig into me like an itchy shirt tag. So this is me ripping out the tag, and then I will post some good stuff. Though honestly I find this stuff good too, in a perverse way, because it's cathartic, and it's easier to be humorous about pain for some reason. I think that's why I rarely post about the good times. They're just not funny. They're people posting on twitter with lots of exclamation marks or posting a 0_0 yay! photo on one of those photo sites, instabooth or whatever. so yeah.

I met some new people over the holiday, namely my husband's father, stepmother, two of her children, and one of their spouses. All perfectly nice people. My husband's father is straight out of a Woody Allen movie, and the way he and his wife interact, perfect. They're adorable and I've never seen a real life Woody Allen movie before, like unscripted, in a living room, but there it was. So yeah, thoroughly enjoyed.

Now for some reason, I've always gotten along better with older people, like my parents' age. It's not that I really have more in common with them or anything, I just feel more comfortable with them. Maybe because I'm not expected to have a lot in common with them, because of the generation difference, I can just relax and be myself. And they tend to appreciate people being themselves more, because they've seen more of life or whatever. but anyway. This brings me to my peer group, we'll say roughly the 28-45 age range. Except for my husband, I have found that across the board I HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WITH THESE PEOPLE.

I believe I ranted about this same thing 10 YEARS AGO on this very blog, how I was forced into a gathering of 20s-30s folks who talked about NOTHING but their jobs, back and forth and crosswise and at great length, for the duration of the night. Now here is a news flash for you all that you apparently don't know: YOUR JOB IS BORING TO EVERYONE BUT YOU. I don't care what it is, with perhaps a few unlikely exceptions*, IT'S BORING.

So everyone talks about their boring job like it's the most exciting thing in the world back and forth the whole night, and me being the only one in this age range who is not officially "employed," I have jack to say. Not only do I have jack to say, I don't WANT to have anything to say. I want to be in a different conversation entirely. I enjoy being a homemaker, but I'm not so deluded I think everyone wants to hear about it at length. A quick cupcake recipe exchange, perhaps. Yet I am forced to listen to everyone else's daily grind in grueling detail, and I am SICK of it. I much prefer the company of retired people. They actually have things to say.

*exceptions including: if you are JK Rowling, Quentin tarantino, the QB for the Packers, or Paul McCartney.
Janeane Garofalo standup from 2012:

And what does she go after back to back, like BLAM! BLAM!? Every kid being named MADISON, and the suspicious abundance of "food allergies!" YES! I haven't felt this connected to the universe since seriously, like the mid 90s. She said something like, "when I was in school, before kids were named Madison." This would be a good way to measure time I think, BM and AM.

So yeah, feels good. Maybe no one reads my blog, but by god, Janeane's still out there fighting the good fight against human ridiculousness.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

AAAAAAAAAAAAH the I CLAIM THIS FOR SPAIN guy replied to me on youtube! He was really cool and gave me a smiley face! I love that he was like out there sitting at a computer and my message about how great it was to hear his act again reached him, like a little time capsule from 1991. Awesome.

So hi, I just got back from vacation! I had a great Christmas, but that's not really what I talk about here. That's what you write on twitter, and I don't have twitter, so that's convenient. Anyway, good times. But I'm here to rant. Because this is my rant filter. I could have the best time ever, but there's inevitably something that needs to be ranted about, and this is where it ends up.

SO I basically just spent Christmas in a Woody Allen movie. Which is awesome. But here's the rant part. When, exactly, did people STOP BEING ABLE TO EAT FOOD?

I can eat whatever the fook I want. I'll get FAT, but I can eat it. I don't eat onions, because they're disgusting. But now there're all these people who are vegan and gluten free and lactose intolerant and.... I dunno, sugar unshackled? cut loose from the cupcake oppressors? This is all a very modern concept. There was not a gluten free menu in caveman times, or during WWII, or even when I was growing up in the 80s. So what exactly happened to make this necessary? People are just like fragile little snowflakes now, aren't they?

When I was a kid I ate EVERYTHING and I never wore a helmet or got submerged in sanitizer after playing outside and I'M FINE. But now, apparently people will die if they eat bread. So there's this pile of food with no cheese or milk or flour or you know, food in it, and it tasted ok but I'm like, if I had to be around these dietary restriction people all the time I would LOSE MY FREAKING MIND. Dear god, please don't let my kids have any of this crap. I think I can will them not to have it with the power of my mind, through sheer force of OUR FOREFATHERS ATE FLOUR AND SO CAN YOU. What the hell HAPPENED to us man??

My answer is now, as it was then, "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me."
What I'm saying is, we all have different levels of intelligence, but at least try to be smart. Don't be willfully ignorant. Just think for yourself. Think with your TV off.
See, I just want to go back to when things were FUN. Remember... fun?

I've been trying to pinpoint the day the fun died. Having just been through an airport, the obvious answer is 9/11. And yeah, 9/11 was pretty much the death of freedom and the American way of life, but that's another story. Then I went back to the late 90s, when Britney Spears first crawled out from whatever lichen-covered rock she spawned under. But no, that came AFTER. That was merely the next link in the everything's-getting-worse chain. I have, in fact, pinpointed it down to the exact date: October 7th, 1996, the day Fox News was launched on an unsuspecting public.

To discuss the politics of Faux News is missing the point. What needs to be discussed is the attitude, and the way so many people react to it. The Faux News morning show, which so many people start their day with (scary, huh?) is basically a group of people who think in blips and sound bytes. There's no room for subtleties or discrepancies. No irony. No moments of self-enlightenment. It's the I-Already-Know-What-I-Think network. And they want to hear what you think, sure, but only so they can wait for the GOTCHA! moment. The moment they can somehow twist what you say, in their little narrow tube of a brain, into what they want you to have said. Something you will never hear on fox news: "Oh yeah, I see your point." It's this extremely unenlightened way of being, like human nature boiled down to its sad little core before we invented the wheel or thinking or anything. It's like waiting for evolution to start.

And I think the reason its so popular is because most people also Already Know What They Think, and somehow this attitude becomes justified by seeing it on TV. "Hey look Martha, that guy in a suit is saying just what I've always known! SCORE!" And then somehow it becomes fact, and everyone who opposes it is a... Communist, or something. Which is weird, because this kind of social censorship is about the most un-American thing I can think of. It's like "freedom of speech... wink wink, nudge nudge." It's the willfully stupid leading the actually stupid. Which is dangerous.

Inspired by one of my previous posts, I've been watching a lot of early 90s standup lately and it's been very life-affirming. I discovered the guy who took his microphone stand and declared, "I CLAIM THIS FOR SPAIN" in a silly accent which is something I still say ALL THE TIME, silly accent and all, even after i forgot where it came from. I love how we're all just a collection of random stuff we've heard.

But anyway. This lead me to watching some Janeane Garofalo clips and one was on the Fox morning "news" show. Basically it was this:

JG: I'm against the Iraq war for these reasons.
FOXTARD: Saddam Hussein must love you!

Um... WHAT?? Yeah, he actually said that. And this is how the majority of Americans who watch news get their news (I hope and pray the rest get it from the Daily Show). I mean, you walk into any random establishment in America and what is the default news channel they have on? It's ALMOST ALWAYS FOX. Try it, you'll see. It's like, they're scared to watch anything else or something. If we don't watch Fox News we'll be attacked by terrorists or all spontaneously turn into communists, or something. I don't know. I don't know how people can stand to be condescended to and have their worst nature constantly justified, but for whatever reason it seems to work.

What I'm saying is, I DON'T HATE FOX NEWS BECAUSE I'M LIBERAL. I hate it because it's idiotic and pandering and a lie and it hurts our country by misinforming people and then getting them all riled up over what they've been misinformed about.

And so, that was the day the fun died. And probably lots of other stuff too. But I am here to reject this self-perpetuating paranoia and fear and have some damn fun. I CLAIM THIS FOR SPAIN.

Thursday, December 20, 2012


I'm not sure which is worse, that unholy abomination of a name or her foul-mouthed bitchface Barbie of a coach.

Aww yeah, T&T is back!!
LA would still be pretty great if it wasn't for all the people.

I bought these two tops in a fit of homesickness (also, cute! squee!) Yeah, part of me will always be home in LA no matter how godawful clusterfooked it gets. I kind of wish I could have told CA I love it one last time. I guess I did though, really. My mom and I did tons of classic stuff before I left. Including - and I didn't even know it at the time!! - the Japanese Gardens in the valley that is also Starfleet Academy! I just learned this watching a Voyager episode with mah hubby. This made me so happy in ways I can't even describe. Those gardens were the last place my mom and I visited before I left. Being part of Star Trek, they're kind of always part of me now too, in that great way pop culture belongs to everyone. *hugs tight*

We're going to Vancouver for Christmas! I think I'm gonna love it there, as long as it stops raining long enough to let me. We're even - hopefully- gonna check out some gardens. Not Starfleet Academy, but not stuck inside behind a snowpile either!! I can't wait!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I really like the song Video Games by Lana del Rey. This song is like, the anti-call me maybe. Not only is it meaningful, vulnerable and authentic, it's beautiful to listen to and does something very rare - takes me back to a place in time before the song actually existed. In this case, LA in the 90s. I listen and feel nostalgic, which is weird, but also very cool.

So great job, lana del rey, for making one of only like 5 non-country songs from post- 2000 that I have on my itunes. It's probably produced as hell like everything else, but it doesn't FEEL produced like all that other crap (Britney Justin Rae Jepson Minaj West, etc), and these days I'll take feel. Feel is good.

The past is like... all these little pieces of yourself falling off, and knowing you'll never get them back. It's like getting a blood transfusion, but the new blood is ketchup. Somehow, this song makes me feel a little better about all that. Sort of the same way I enjoy walking through cemetaries, even though I'm not goth. I can't help it. I look forward to the past like it's the future.

"the new blood is ketchup" is totally my new... something.
In case there's any question why I prefer nostalgia to so much of today's nonsense... apparently it is now offensive to use the phrase "Merry Christmas." No, not "f*uck you," not "eat sh*t and die," but MERRY EFFIN CHRISTMAS. Yes, "happy holidays" is a better greeting because it includes people who celebrate Hanukkah and other holidays, I totally get that. But to say that the phrase MERRY CHRISTMAS is actually OFFENSIVE to your friggin sensibilities is another thing entirely. What has happened to us, exactly, as humans? This is not the world we used to live in.

Merry Christmas!
Yeah, f*ck you too!

Pardon me while I go bury myself in Norman Rockwell prints and cry.

I mean, since when does celebrating christmas necessarily mean you're Christian? It's been a secular holiday for a long time now. There would not be an actual inflatable snowman industry if it was all christian, there would not be Tigger dancing with Mickey Mouse in 30 foot snowglobes on at least one lawn on every block, it would be nativity scenes or NOTHIN, you heathens. ALL the greeting cards would be religious instead of the one little religious rack in Hallmark among the 10,000 Santa Claus ones. I'm not Christian, and I celebrate Christmas in my own way. I love it, in fact. I love decorating, and baking, and singing carols, and Christmas dinner with family, and you don't have to be christian or anything else to appreciate the SPIRIT of that. I sort of see it as "Happy December, have a cookie shaped like a tree!"

I mean, as long as you're not saying Merry Christmas to a RABBI or something, it's a pretty far stretch to consider it insulting. The funniest part is, the person who's all OMGOFFENDED isn't even Jewish or anything but an ATHEIST. Um, you don't believe in anything, and you expect the rest of the world to just shrivel up and not believe in anything either? What kind of world do you want to live in exactly, one that's just sanitized of EVERYTHING you don't believe in? I have nothing against atheism UNTIL they try to um, preach it to others? Anyone else's irony meter just go from red to like, purple? Or whatever colors irony is measured in? Somehow purple strikes me as HIGH IRONY ALERT. anyway.

We preach so much "tolerance" these days that we've out-toleranced ourselves right out of everything. Because not everyone can have their way, and sometimes "merry christmas" just needs to bloody win. Because it's NICE, and it makes most people happy, and instead of working up into a big offendy froth why not try to take something nice from it for yourself? Surely there's something about the idea of christmas you like? Pretty lights? Jingling bells? The smell of fresh pine? The glow of a candle? Giving to others? RUDOLPH?? And if not... well, you're just kind of a sad person and I don't want to live in your world, thanks.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

If you spill a bit of rather expensive alcohol on the counter and lick it off, are you:

A: frugal
B: an alcoholic
C: a frugal alcoholic?

I don't know, but I did it and I'm not ashamed.

I'm on a total late 80s/early 90s kick right now. Man, I forgot what a good time that was musically. I made a playlist of favorite songs from the tapes I listened to obsessively- the Sundays, the Connells, Darling Buds, 10,000 Maniacs, and Julee Cruise (the twin peaks music). Takes me right back. I lived in Redondo Beach then and walked to the South bay Galleria all the time, back when there was a Robinsons May and not EVERY SINGLE dept store was a Macy's, and enjoyed a teriyaki beef bowl at the food court. My other favorite walking destinations were El Indio Mexican restuarant (still there, woo! so good!), the row of thrift stores, some random chinese restuarant, and of course the ubiquitous video store, which I do believe happened to be the one Quentin Tarantino worked at before he became the god of movie making. He might have even helped me check out Pretty Woman for the 20th time!!

So yeah, good times.

I was also really obsessed with comedy back then. I even took a stand up comedy class and performed a little routine lol. Weird, because like popular music, I pretty much hate comedy now. It's mostly just profanity and trying to shock people. I like my comedy to have, y'know, humor in it. So yeah... another obsession fallen by the wayside. Though I would still kill to see Jerry Seinfeld or David Letterman. And I remember a very young Jon Stewart before anyone knew who he was (OMG I'm a comedy hipster). I probably saw him at the Laugh Factory or one of those places. Yeah, I used to go to comedy clubs as a teenager with my mom. Looking back it seems kind of cool. Not dorky at all. Shut up. Anyway, I also remember very young Janeane Garofalo. I loved her because she wore those flowered dresses, tights and boots like me and talked about being intimidated by 'the obligatory hip asian woman' at clothing boutiques. We need more humor like that. Now she's all political and stuff. And no more flowered dresses.

Hopefully my humor still comes through in here sometimes. :)

EDIT: Video Archives, where Tarantino worked, was actually on Sepulveda and not walk-to-able, which means it was a different video store I walked to. However, I know I had membership there, which means my mom would have driven me. Which means my mom might have also met Quentin Tarantino. Which is even more awesome. This would have been around 1990, so the time period is right. Odds are, we were in the Presence of Greatness.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Okay, one more thing about extroverts. You notice how they almost always like, know the same stuff? At the same time? This goes way beyond conformity, it's some kind of 'people person' mind meld. Like some song will come on the radio, and they all know it and sing along. Okay, maybe it's a popular song but... these are the kind of people who DECIDE what's popular. And I'm like, how do they all reach this unspoken consensus of what they know, and like?

Because I think this isn't people trying to 'fit in,' but some natural phenomena. And then people like me either try to 'fit in' or... not. I guess this is where the phrase 'offbeat' comes from. The people who don't sing along with what everyone else is singing. And then you have hipsters who get off on knowing stuff 'no one has heard of' (except other hipsters i guess) which is really even more conformist because they're trying too hard. I don't feel like the other kind of people really have to 'try' at all, which is what's so confusing to me about it. They have a kind of instinct I'm lacking I guess.
Also! I have had this blog for TEN YEARS! woooohoooooo!! *blows blowy party favor thing* So nice to have some consistency in this crazy world of action.

To celebrate, I'm making a list of things that are actually better than they were 10 years ago, or stuff I love that wasn't around then. Because there actually are some!

1. MY HUSBAND. duh. Everything i ever wanted, I found it.

2. OUR KITTY. My mom still has the kitty I had 10 years ago too!

3. YOUTUBE. I ignore a lot of 'modern' stuff, like twitter and whatever, but I love youtube! Youtube serves as both a time capsule and a way to find other people who are really passionate about stuff you're into. And not just stuff you think of when you think of stuff people are into, like movies or basketball or harry potter, but obscure stuff you didn't even know had a 'scene' like exploring abandoned places. So yeah. Youtube has definitely made me more me, and I like that.

4. Three of my all time favorite TV shows! Big bang theory, American horror story, and Haven. Big bang theory replaced the hole in my heart that battlebots left behind. Oh and Trueblood! TV is very good right now.

5. Some really great country music! Miranda Lambert/Pistol Annies, Zac Brown Band, and lots of great songs. This almost makes up for other kinds of music completely sucking now.*

6. As much as I bemoan the loss of 80s/90s fashion, I have some REALLY cute clothes from American Eagle, etc. Very happy fashion wise right now.

7. 10 years ago I had absolutely no direction in my life. I was drifting along like a tumblin' tumbleweed. Today I'm married, and I bake muffins for my hubby and feel generally good and purposeful. I'm suffering through a very bad winter in canada right now, and feeling a bit homesick, but I have a lot of blessings to count.

8. My ipod? Ok, I am torn on this one! I absolutely love my ipod/itunes, it's like creating your own radio playlist or having an endless mixtape you never have to rewind. awesome, yes? But! a part of me perversely misses cassettes, lps, etc. Just because they seemed more real and I loved the album cover art of the 80s and I like stuff you can actually TOUCH in this age of digital everything and I sort of want the best of both worlds I guess. But yeah, I love my ipod. I just kind of want record stores back too...

*sidenote: My hubby asked me the other day if I liked Taylor Swift and I said yes, but she's becoming less country and more poppy. And he says, she's an opium addict? tee hee.

So yes! That's my list of mostly positive thoughts interspersed with random me-ness. Life is generally good right now, not so much in the middle of winter but in the overall picture, things have worked out well. I've finally gone from 'when is anything ever gonna happen?!' to 'I'm here. I made it.'

So. I try to take being super-shy in stride as much as possible. It sucks, but I am who I am and I don't want to ruin my life dwelling on it. BUT. Sometimes I see non-shy people just having so much fun doing things I can't do, or rather doing them in a way I can't do them (like, talking/connecting with people, even random strangers), and they just look like they're having SO MUCH MORE FUN than me when I do the same things. And I get jealous. It's a senseless waste of energy, but I can't help it sometimes. It just seems unfair I have to miss out on these big chunks of life. Usually, if I don't like something, I'd try to change it. But I can't change being shy no matter what I do. It's just how I am. It would be like trying to change my eyes from brown to blue to become outgoing. I just wish there was a way for shy people to have AS MUCH FUN as extroverted people in a given situation. Then I wouldn't be so jealous, if I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything.

I think the worst part is how the extroverted people take it for granted so much. :/ Like what, isn't this how everybody is? Um no... not everybody.

So yeah, a little update from the forgotten minority of introverts. Or maybe we're not even the minority, maybe we're the majority but nobody knows because the extroverts TAKE UP ALL THE SPACE.

And DAMMIT, I hate how people who go on violent rampages are always described as 'quiet.' You're not helping our cause here people! Why can't, just once, one of these maniacs be described as 'loud and obnoxious, like gilbert gottfried on steroids.' Quiet people get enough of a bad rap, god. :(

Also: shy people with social anxiety are NOT mentally ill, unless they also have schizophrenia or something like that. Mentally ill means you can't think rationally or control yourself or are disconnected from reality, not that you have difficulty doing something. We're sane, we just struggle with something a lot of people don't struggle with. So please, media, stop talking about shyness like it's a mental illness, there's obviously something bigger going on with someone who would go on a shooting rampage.

Just had to get that off my chest.
Ah, blessed normalness. A Christmas card from my mom!!

Friday, December 14, 2012

Every time a senseless shooting happens, there are always two responses.

1. OMG we really need to do something about gun control you guys!! And then... nothing happens. The shock wears off and politicians go back to arguing over the same old crap.

2. OMG what we need is MOAR GUNS!! Sure, cause two guns always make a right... or something. :/

I say, LESS TALK MORE ROCK. What's it going to take to see there's a real problem here? Gun control is only the tip of the iceberg. What is it that's making so many young men go so horribly WRONG that they want to shoot lots of people? Where is this anger coming from? And why is it so OVERLOOKED by the people who know them?!

I think people are looking less and less outside themselves. Everyone is so focused on work and making money that it's like thir whole lives, they don't even notice when someone they know is becoming unhinged. I'm not blaming the individual people here, it's kind of how society as a whole has forced people to become to survive. I think this rampant me-firstness is the root cause of so many problems, even more so than guns. Guns are an effect, not a cause. I'm in favor of gun control because it will make it less easy for deranged people to kill lots of people in a short time, but it's a band-aid trying to cover a gaping wound. People will always turn a blind eye to someone who is 'off.' It's human nature to sweep stuff like that under the rug, pretend it isn't there out of shame, guilt, social pressure, preoccupation with other things, whatever.

Besides that, there's an actual breakdown of society going on. This is the result of schools pushing kids through regardless of grades, behavorial problems, etc, so they can graduate, so the school can have a good record, so they can get MORE MONEY. Anyone else see a common cause of evil here? Maybe if everyone wasn't so damn focused on "getting theirs" we might catch these people before they do horrible things. And, you know, live in a better world and stuff.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Also!! One of those gawdawful talent reality shows (I don't want to know which one - if I know the name my soul will die) was on last night (we had it on mute* cause we were waiting for another show and are apparently too lazy to change the channel) and Britney Spears was there like, mentoring young singers or something, and I'm like WTF? Britney Spears is some kind of elder statesman of music now? Britney Spears is Paul frigging McCartney?? ASHGFJFKFJDHDHF

*it still hurt my ears somehow

I don't really hate everything in the world right now. It just seems like it sometimes! I'm actually rather lighthearted most of the time. I just really, really miss many things I feel should still be here with us, and I don't like what's replaced them. Writing it down here helps me muddle through.
No store will ever be as cool as Contempo Casuals. I love American Eagle and A&F, but man, sometimes I would trade it all for racks and racks of those flowered babydoll dresses, funky buckle jackets, giant Madonna crucifixes, black velvet hats, and leggings in every shade. Every shade of purple. With the Sundays playing over the speakers. Late 80s/early 90s, kind of the last golden age of the mall. I remember when going to the mall was exciting!!

I had a whole closet full of those flowered dresses, and a canopy bed, and I felt safe.

Monday, December 10, 2012

My fingernails are growing out of control! Why is this happening? Well, I'm glad you asked...

I did not bring my nail scissors with me to Canada because I thought they might see them in my luggage and think it's a weapon and I'd be known as like, the Manicure Terrorist or something for the rest of my life. So now I have to buy new nail scissors. That's like 5 bucks I can't spend on candy! This world sucks butt. :(

...Well not all of it, obviously. Just this kind of thing. Kangeroos don't suck. And trees are pretty great.

Saturday, December 08, 2012

I've been thinking about music a lot lately, or rather, the lack of music. Growing up, popular music was pretty much the center of my life. This was the 80s, of course. I listened to the top 40 on the radio and watched the MTV top 20 video countdown every week religiously. I loved it all. Then, something happened. Well, it stopped being the 80s. That sucked. Music slowly moved away from what I recognized as music. I blame rap, and MTV for taking out the M, and Britney Spears (who never had an ounce of the talent or charisma Madonna had). She and her music have always struck me as plastic. Where's the emotion? Music should not be slick and overly produced, there has to be something raw feeling or it's not music. It's Muzak. And everything is like crazy produced now, they've produced the music right out of it.

And basically, this has made me a completely different person than I used to be, when my life revolved around music. I now avoid popular music instead of breathing it in. It makes me sad that I hate it so much. But I hate it, and I know why I hate it, and I especially hate that kids growing up today think that overly produced crap is what music is supposed to sound like. IT'S NOT. And I hate MTV for abandoning this generation to teen mom and jersey shore and whatever other crap they show now.

Times always change, and I'm sure people back in the like 1800s would be all, MTV? We were happy with a piano and a candle and a... donkey, or whatever. But this is a change I can't accept. I want music back. The great thing about music is it's timeless. I can listen to 80s music or the Beatles or whatever any time I want. But I miss being part of music, part of what's happening. It's more of a security blanket than an adventure. I want to bury myself in a pile of dusty old records, and that seems counter-productive. Heck, that's not even my era, it's my parents'. But records have the most personality, and they smell like something, which is always important.

Monday, November 05, 2012

My new mantra is "As long as ______, everything is okay." These are not obvious things like, as long as I have my husband or as long as there are cats, or cheese.

As long as I have this blog to write in, everything is okay. Because it's my safe space, always.

As long as you remember the songs your mother sang to you as a child, everything is okay. Bonus if you sing them to your own children.

As long as there are new Adam the Woo adventures uploaded, everything is okay. Because he embodies living simply and enjoying life and everything everyone should do if they can!

As long as there are kangaroos, everything is okay. Because seriously, kangaroos. Think about them. They are NATURE'S BABY BUGGIES. They are the coolest thing in the world. It is impossible to be sad while realizing this about kangaroos. Don't take kangaroos for granted; there's a lot of cool stuff in this world!
I think, possibly, the world ended when that "Call Me Maybe" song came out, and nobody noticed.

Why does this innocuous little song bother me so much? It's pop music. It's supposed to be innocuous. Well... the lyrics. "Here's my number, so call me... maybe." Like wow, not since "it's Friday" have I heard such deep and meaningful lyrics. It's the MAYBE that bothers me so much. It doesn't even make sense. "Call me if you feel like it." "Call me if you're hungry and don't want to eat a burger alone." "Call me if you're not too hungover and actually remember who I am." "Call my Lawyer." These make sense. Call me maybe just sounds like you want to be referred to as Maybe. "Hi, I'm Mabel Marie Jones. Call me Maybe*."

*Maybe Jones is actually a cool name. However, I still contend this was the day the music died.

ALSO: was watching Duran Duran video on youtube, because I miss the 80s EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE, and that stupid Carly Rae Whatever's face was staring at me the whole time. Someone left a comment like, "my walkman finlly died the day that call me maybe song came out. Coincidence?" Nope, I'm pretty sure your walkman committed suicide. RIP. I mean, this world today is making me want to become one of those pretentious people who still only listens to vinyl. I liked records. They were real, and big, and there was a record store in LA when I was growing up called Licorice Pizza, which is the coolest name for a store ever. Even if the only records I ever listened to were the Smurfs and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, I'm still glad I got to experience the end of an era. (All my kiddie music was on vinyl; my first "real" music purchase was Vacation by the Go-Gos, on cassette. Aww yeah!!) I'm glad I'm the age I am, because I like the time I grew up in and wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Some people might laugh at the 80s, but there was real style then. Style that was so iconic, it was substance. The music also sounded like real music, not auto-tuned crap that came out of a box somewhere. Look at Madonna, Cyndi lauper, Boy george, Michael Jackson, Duran Duran, Devo, that Flock of Seagulls guy with the weird hair. That stuff will last forever. Very few things from today will be remembered, because time passes too quickly for things to become icons. There's so much information out there, nothing lasts long enough to leave a real impression. Nothing gets to matter anymore. (I guess in the case of Call me Mabel, I mean Maybe, this is a good thing.)

I was watching an episode of American Horror Story (best show ever pretty much), and it was a flashback to the 60s and this guy was alone with a little portable radio, and it was playing one of those 60s doo-wop type songs and the guy was just ROCKING OUT to it like it was the only thing in the world, and I was like holy frick, I miss the days when all you needed to be happy was a radio and a good song. People were just happier then. There's no way they couldn't have been. Then his wife was killed by aliens or something, but that's beside the point. The point is, it takes too damn much to be happy now.

If you listen to older music, and listen to today's music, you will get horribly depressed for what's missing and what's gone (namely, music.) Like... how the hell did we get from there (music played by real instruments and real voices) to here (the musical equivalent of Made in China keychains from the Dollar Store). So, I try to not listen to today's music. Listen to "Invincible" by Pat Benatar. Problem solved, guaranteed.

Thursday, November 01, 2012

culinary nostalgia activate

It seems my nostalgia kick is officially no longer a kick but a way of life. Makes sense, I guess. After all, what are we but a collection of our memories, experiences and all the people and things we've loved?

When I was a kid, and my mom still baked, she made a lot of Irish soda bread. It's one of those yummy memories that kind of got stuck in a time capsule,* because I hadn't eaten it since I was a kid. So I made some and OMG - MOUTHFUL OF PURE NOSTALGIA. And my hubby likes it, so I'm bringing it into the present too!

*not literally, cause that would be gross.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Ok I'm scared... I just ate some sweet onion potato chips and an ad comes up on facebook saying 'blast away onion breath.' FACEBOOK, HOW DID YOU KNOW?? *hides*

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Abandoned Shoes

Every once in a while, you come across these in your travels. I don't know how they get there or where they're going, it's one of the great mysteries of life, but I do know Abandoned Shoes would make a great band name.

In this case, it looks like the Shoes had some creative differences and Right Shoe decided to embark on a solo career. Godspeed, Right Shoe.

Left Shoe retired to make candles and raise sheep. Or possibly make candles out of sheep.

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Why I post things here instead of LJ or facebook, even though nobody actually reads this:

People really like getting offended. For example, my bit about Canadian Thanksgiving, what do ya wanna bet someone would chime in with some very Important and Serious meaning behind Canadian Thanksgiving that involves people being Horribly Oppressed (because Important and Serious meanings always do) that would make me feel horrible about my innocuous little rambling. The internet is a minefield of that stuff, and a complete lack of humor or PERSPECTIVE. And I do not wish to feel horrible, so.

Ditto my not caring about politics. BUT YOU HAVE TO CARE, BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE OPPRESSED! Paying attention to this crap makes me feel oppressed. So, I have un-oppressed one person. Yay for me. Also, I care just enough to vote. I'm not a Barbarian. I just don't want to hear all the blah blah blah.

I really would like people to read this, though. Just not people I know. I don't care if random strangers get offended by something innocuous, cause I don't have to deal with it.
Reflections on my new life ~

1. I love my husband! D'awww :)

2. Using foreign money kinda feels like playing dress-up.

3. In Canada, Sportscenter is spelled Sportscentre. THIS WEIRDS ME OUT FOR SOME REASON.

4. I love doing fall activities with my husband! D'awwww :)

5. In a cruel twist of irony, we were unable to go apple picking. However, in the spirit of GO PICK SOME GODDAMN APPLES, we're gonna GO PICK OUT A GODDAMN PUMPKIN AND CARVE THAT SUCKA.

6. Ceasing to care about politics is the best thing I've ever done. I recommend it to everyone, especially politicians.

7. I love my cat! And my husband! D'awwwww!

8. I don't understand Canadian Thanksgiving. It's like, oh yeah, we got yo turkey, and yo stuffing, and yo mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce, but we gonna eat it all in OCTOBER! TAKE THAT, AMERICA! And there are no pilgrims and natives coming together to... fight over who gets the last turkey leg, or whatever, so what exactly are they being thankful for? Hockey? ... oh, wait. :(

9. I move to Canada, and HOCKEY STOPS EXISTING. Um... sorry, Canada? I was aiming for Justin Bieber, I swear.

10. Domestic = love. So, so happy. I am finally me in this world of non me-ness!!

11. One thing that's really great about being the 'weird kid...' when you grow up you get to fall in love with another 'weird kid' who appreciates you and likes doing dorky stuff with you like playing Magic in the park. I bet the divorce rate is much lower among so-called 'weird' people! ;)

Sunday, August 05, 2012

I want to put more positive energy out there. I feel so much better when I do.

I just don't want the answer to life to be "stop caring" or "don't care so much." That seems like a really defeated way of not being sad.

I want the answer to be "pick apples" and "sing camp songs" and "take your cat for a walk in the park."

Saturday, August 04, 2012

See, I feel like I've been living on Mars for the past couple months. And I'd really like to stop feeling that way.

This is a world that has Maru in it after all, and cookies, and Three's Company reruns and country music and MST3K and abandoned house videos and burritos and a whole host of things that make me feel safe and happy. But why can't life ever make me feel safe and happy, just once? You know, the part with the other people in it, and the things?

I'm tired of using my comforts to escape my life. Why can't my life ever BE the comfort?
I am playing dominoes, and cl, and watching tv, in an attempt to stuff my brain full of enough stuff that it can't think thoughts.

All I want is to feel safe again.

I am, unless the world explodes or something me-like happens, getting married in less than 2 weeks. To the man I've waited 3 years to be with. This should be the happiest time of my life, but because of circumstances, it isn't. I truly feel like I'm not allowed to enjoy, or even possess, anything in this world. This world is not mine. The thing I've most looked forward to my whole life has been infused with such anxiety and fear that they're now one and the same. Something which should represent safety represents just the opposite. I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm insulted, but I'm oddly not surprised. Because this world has never been mine, at least not since I was a young child, and every time it and its machinations move farther out of my reach, the less surprised I feel. Ok, maybe a DULL SURPRISE. (MST3K, one of the few things that never lets me down.)

I do apologize for the negativity, but sometimes it's the only appropriate response.

Sunday, July 08, 2012

I think I'm a Seasonist. This is like, my religion. Do summer things in the summer. Christmas things at Christmas. Get drunk every St. Patty's Day and ring in every new year like it means something, when it's really just an excuse to drink champagne and kiss someone. Enjoy and repeat, and really, what could go wrong? That's living, people.

It sounds so simple, but you'd be surprised how many people pshaw these traditions these days. I believe it's created a diminishing quality of life. Traditions are there for a reason, they're the touchstones of our lives. Every time you say I'm gonna watch tv/ internet/ go to bed early/ walk the dog in place of celebrating some observance, just because you CAN, you lose, man.

This is one of the little insidious side effects of the overly permissive, me me me world we've ended up in. We no longer feel required to be connected to the world, only ourselves. That might sound good, and FREE!, but it really isn't. That part of you that's telling you to internet on new year's instead of drink a toast, cause who really gives a crap? That part is evil, and lazy, and the easy way out. It's the same part that tells you nah, don't go out after work, you're too tired to actually live, stay in and do nothing! You'll feel better! And then your life passes you by and you've done nothing but work, internet, and die.

The moral of this story is, DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN. Those things you're skipping? That's your life. STOP SKIPPING LIFE. Eat hot dogs, drink lemonade, go swimming and say YES, it's summer, and I am all up in it, baby! This fall, go pick some goddamn apples! There's air outside, and it smells good! Dress up for Halloween, even if it's one of those tacky t-shirts from Wal-Mart that says "This IS my costume!" And for God's sake, get up the gumption to celebrate Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus/Generic Winter Holiday Day with a goddamn smile, even if you don't believe in it, that's not the point. The point is, take what life has given you and enjoy it in your own way and you WILL get something out of it, and you will get nothing out of skipping it but a hall pass to nowhere.

Trust me, I know.

This was inspired by my thought process of today, which was, "I can't wait to get my slaw dog. Where shall I eat it? Bringing it back home would be boring, but eeeeasy... hey wait, it's SUMMER! I think I shall eat my hot dog in the PARK, like a PERSON! YEAH!"
It's Sunday, and I'm gonna go eat a hot dog in the park. Cause these are things people do. And I like doing things people do.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Experience is the death of imagination.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The other day I watched a Three's Company rerun and there was a CAL WORTHINGTON FORD commercial during it. For one brief shining moment, it was my sunny 80s LA childhood.*

Also, life imitates art, or at least my blog. The Crimimal Minds episode I watched last night featured an awesome TABLE FORT! Don't tell me we don't all wanna go back there. The world can't touch you behind FORT SHEETS. They're like a protective force field.

*LA is still very sunny. But somehow, not as sunny.

The one great regret of my life is that I will never marry a man named Cactus.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

I think this is also why people turn into their parents. Not because they're compelled to, but because they want to return to their childhoods and turning back into themselves as children would land them in the loony bin. So they find the next best thing.

Also, we need Adult Couch Forts. I think this needs to be a revolution or something.
Well I'm still me, and I still have a cat*. So, there's that.

*Not the same cat, of course. But cats never change. That's one of the many things I love about cats. They all purr, and have 100 different meows, and curl into balls on piles of your stuff, and knock things off of other things, and swish their tails like poetry, and give you that crinkly cat look when they're happy.

Perhaps I'll move my couch fort to an island inhabited solely by cats. Yes, that sounds about right.
See, I just want everything back. That old orange flowered sofa? I want that back. The coffee table that looked like tree bark. The wagon wheel things out in the yard. THE YARD. The fruit trees. The rosebushes. The piano. The stereo with the giant speakers. All the ridiculous heavy wooden furniture that wasn't actually ridiculous at all because it was alive, it had a soul, not like today's disposable crap. I don't care how light it is, I WANT REAL FURNITURE. I want all my books back. And my cats. And my different colored socks. I want a big kitchen. I don't want an econo-life. I want things to smell like something, and feel like something. I want to goddamn FEEL again.

I miss my mom cooking and my dad reading the paper every morning. People laugh at tradition. WHY? It's what all our FREAKING HAPPY MEMORIES are made of!! And we've laughed it all away, like it's funny, like we can do better than those fools, but really, who wouldn't want to return there, to their safe place? Why have we bombed our own safe houses? Who are the fools now?

If there's one lyric I not only wish I'd written but feel like I could have written it's, "If I had a billion dollars, I'd buy back my old room." This is from an obscure 80s song they played late at night on MTV when I felt all rebellious! staying up past my bedtime. (I sincerely hope it was on a school night too.) What's funny is, I was a kid when that song came out and the line didn't mean anything to me, but it stuck with me all these years. And now it's gospel.

Life has pretty successfully kicked my ass. And all I want is to go back to my couch fort. I could live there, there was always room for snacks. And a cat.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Ew ew EW!!!! More that is everything WRONG!

NBC chairman Bob Greenblatt said, “It was a difficult decision. Everyone here respects Harry’s Law a lot but we were finding it hard to grow the audience for it. Its audience skewed very old. It’s hard to monetize that.”

Now I never watched this show, but I only watch a handful of shows and none of them are crap like The Bachelor that is apparently easily MONETIZED (barf up a stream) either, so that's beside the point. The point is, HI, I'M BOB EVIL.

Yes, I understand companies need to make a profit. But goddamit, it didn't used to be ALL about that. There used to be some damned CULTURE AND HUMANITY. It really is all about the bottom line now, isn't it? How depressing.

I'm going to stop reading things now and listen to some country music.

This pretty much sums up what I was trying to pinpoint in one of my previous entries, about why things seem so different from the 80s now in really awful ways. In handy chart form, even.

"In 1983, 90% of American media was owned by 50 companies. In 2011, that same 90% is owned by 6 companies."

Does that make anyone else feel like they got kicked in the gut by like, some sneaky financial ninja? When did this HAPPEN to us? Why did we LET it? Did we even have a choice? And do most people even care?

Well, I care. This doesn't just apply to media either. It goes right along with what I was saying about stores too, like Macy's, the big fish eating all the other fish. This much conglomeration is not good. And here is the proof, not that proof was needed. This kind of change is evident all around us if we pay attention, but it's scary to see it laid out in such stark terms. My childhood really was better in a lot of ways; it isn't just nostalgia. Our culture really is going to hell right under our noses.

I don't want my child to grow up in a world with only 6 things. :(

Monday, May 07, 2012

Another bit of nostalgia: the Chuck E Cheese in Northridge that's still there! Particularly, the weird robot band thing. In retrospect kinda creepy but as a kid, it might as well have been Disneyland. I was MESMERIZED when those things popped out. I remember Kissin' Cousins being performed by something purple and furry.
If I saw it for the first time today, as an adult, I probably wouldn't think twice about it. But as a kid, it left an impression I remember to this day.

Edit: I was wrong! It wasn't the purple furry thing who sang it. I think it was... whatever this is. A hippo with an orange afro? I remember feeling all sad and bereft inside because the main stage show had ended, and as a kid it feels like TEN YEARS between shows. So imagine my delight when I wandered into another area and this popped out and started singing Elvis at me! (And yes, it was delight and not sheer terror.)

Sunday, May 06, 2012

God I love the internet! It's really the one thing I can think of that is sooooo much better than when I was a kid. Though if there had been internet, would some of my other good memories not have existed? Hmm. I think I'll avoid that little brain bender and share TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT REASONS why the internet is awesome!

1. Chef Boyardee roller coasters. These were a big part of my childhood cuisine, so I googled them. Of course they are long gone, but... ... there are tons of other people with the SAME MEMORIES of this DELICIOUS CURLY PASTA PRODUCT! (Well, it was delicious when I was six. It might taste like dog food now, but I don't care! I want some!) Even simple Roller Coasters have a nostalgia page. This is how I know I'm not alone, and everything is somehow okay.

And on a totally different note... MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

Scientist, artist, police officer, homemaker... what makes you a girl (and a feminist), is just BEING WHO YOU ARE. If you're happy, you win. Thank you for wording this so perfectly and beautifully. This made my day. Yes, even more than the Roller Coasters.

PS ~ I think "Grand Rapids Ohio Applebutter Fest" is the happiest phrase I have ever seen. Thank you, youtube randomness!
I woke up this morning feeling refreshed. We may have to live in this corporate world, but we don't have to live in it. We don't have to buy it. Until the day there are no other options left, we can still say NO. And carry on.

Saturday, May 05, 2012

I am cursed with hating the time I live in, and trying my hardest to find joy where I can. I think this is part of why I enjoy abandoned places so much. Echoes of the past I think was better. Heck, it was better.

So, I am spending my evening watching vintage footage of the place I grew up in which is now homogenized like every place else. (And most of the non-homogenized parts are trash.) There used to be like, 10+ different department stores around. Now there're two, Macy's and the Other Macy's That Took Over that Other Store. Oh, three if you count the Sears Nobody Shops At except... old people, I guess? Everything these days is like the giant fish that eats all the other little fish. It sickens me. Who wants to live in a world with just one fish? Not me!!

I'm also watching old commercials. Remember when commercials had a jingle with the product's name in it, so you could actually remember what they wanted you to buy? None of this artsy fartsy crap where you don't know if they're trying to sell you a car, a watch, a cologne, or some electronic thingy that will be obsolete so fast it probably wasn't even worth writing a jingle for. No, it was O-S-C-A-R and double your pleasure with doublemint gum and chow, chow, chow! Simple and to the point. No, "what the hell was that? was that in German?" Not only does it suck, it's bad advertising! No wonder the economy is in such bad shape! BRING BACK COMMERCIAL JINGLES! And while you're at it, bring back TV theme shows too. "Come and knock on our door, we've been waiting for you..."

I live in hope that someday, something will be good again. That everything that is grand, and wonderful, and interesting hasn't been digested by the big fish. Enough people must realize that life isn't good homogenized. Life doesn't exist on twitter, it exists in the souls of the things we create. Like classic buildings. Please, stop tearing everything down to build another same-old-same-old. I feel quite desperate about this.

You know what i think did it? I was watching a video of LA in the 60s, and realized the LA of the 80s I grew up in had more resemblance to that than the LA of today. You might say, the 80s we're a long time ago now. But I see it as things are changing more and more rapidly than ever, and not for the better, and why? For what? To keep satisfying the big fish? Progress is not eradicating the unique, the iconic, the mom and pop stores, the five and dimes, the corner hobby shop with the paint smell I remember to this day. Who exactly thought this world would be better? Are people happier? No, they are not. I think people are much less happy. They just text all day so they don't notice what's missing.

So this is for you, Westchester Antique Faire, Carl's Hobby Shop, the Broadway with the cool display windows, and all other casualties of progress and giant hungry fish. You may be gone, but I hope someday to again live in a world that's worthy of you.

I don't want to live in the past, far from it. I want a present and future with some surprises left in store. You turn a corner and see something you've never seen before, because it's local and run by someone with a first name, like George or Carl. I want color and whimsy and unpredictability. I want fancy box displays with ridiculous mannequins and Christmas decorations. Not, "Gee, I wonder if the Macy's at the mall 5 miles away has anything different than this one, or the last one." It's kinda like those old cartoons like the Flintstones where they'd run and the same scenery would loop by 100 times, except it really is the same scenery repeated 100 times.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Funny news story of the day!

Thank you Ron Artest, you giant weird goofball, for changing your name to something ridiculous and giving us the immortal line, "The NBA commissioner suspended World Peace for seven games." In a related story, Cure for Cancer and Feed the Children were only suspended for three games.

What would happen if the Miss America pageant suspended World Peace? "If I could have one wish it would be for Wor-- I mean, a Porsche. Yeah, I want a Porsche. And a damn hamburger!" Actually wait, that would be much better. Screw you world peace, who needs you!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Reading youtube comments makes you want to stab everybody in the world. Seriously, why the HATE? When I read negative comments of something I like it makes me want to leave 1000 positive comments. But that would be weird, so I just leave one and it never feels like enough. It's like a drop of perfume into the sewer.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

I pretty much just wanna watch youtube videos forever right now. I'm in hibernate mode. Youtube has the odd effect of simultaneously making me want to stop hibernating and go out and do cool stuff, and want to keep watching more youtube.

It's not youtube's fault though. It just makes a great hibernation buddy.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Bringing a little piece of 1982 into the world. I'm so happy when I was growing up, songs like this happened.

Lady Gaga has NOTHIN' on Toni Basil.

Or Nena! The song that taught me Captain Kirk in German is Captain Kirk.

Or TOTO! Well... you know. It was there. And it's AWESOME.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I sort of want to craft my life to resemble an 80s sitcom.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Also, after the week from hell I find watching stuff about ghosts and haunted places and paranormal activity very soothing and relaxing. So apparently, I am comforted by things that are actually from Hell. I can live with that. After all...


see this creepy open tomb-thing in this creeptastic old cemetery? One sunny day I pulled over to the side of the road, walked over, and climbed in. I HAD TO. It was just an empty old space, it didn't have any dead people in it. ;p It was still one of the most cool creepy places I've ever been and, I kinda like to think, proof that I'm awesome and have no fear when it comes to really neat stuff. I might be afraid of mean people but I CLIMBED BETWEEN THOSE RUSTY METAL BARS AND RIGHT INTO THAT MUSTY OLD TOMB, WITH A SMILE. WEARING FLIP FLOPS.

The world can never take that moment from me. It's mine. So whenever I start feeling sad I'm gonna think of that and feel better. Yes... the creepy tomb. OF JOY.

*I did not take this photo! I wish I had though, it's wicked!
Okay that's it, I'm putting this past week behind me forever. No more of this. Back to funnish posts next week when the mean fog has cleared.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

I have had the last couple days from HELL. This world can just be unbelievably mean! Do not want. :(

And I'm out of Twilight movies. :( Dear god, did I really just say that? I NEED HELP! I need to restore sanity and... me-ness after this unfortunate interlude. Mean people cannot be allowed into my life. They completely screw up my equilibrium. I need some kind of sign to keep them out. Beware of dog... this area protected by armed guards... maybe I need an armed guard dog. That'll show 'em what for. (It might also be slightly adorable, in a "aw isn't he cute, he wants to kill us" kind of way.)

Thursday, March 15, 2012

That's it, I am done selling on ebay. I'm sorry, but people suck. I say in my listing to pay within 48 hours... buyer goes OVER A WEEK without paying and a week without responding to my communication... and somehow it's MY fault for opening a non paying bidder report. I'm "impatient." LOL. I feel sorry for her boyfriend already if she has one. Everything will be his fault, ever. "I didn't take two hours to get ready and make us late, you're just impatient!"

*stabbity stab stab*

Chalk another one up to Catcher in the Rye. People are always ruining things for you. But they're what make things good, too. Sometimes.

Man it's been a rough couple days. I am watching one of the twilight movies. Yeah... that twilight. DON'T JUDGE ME OK. That crap is oddly comforting when you're feeling non-dealy with the world. I know it sucks, but like a warm blanket of suck. A big hot bowl of chicken noodle suck.

CURSE YOU ESTROGEN! Or whatever is responsible for my current state of watching a sparkly vampire cavorting on a tropical island and somehow nodding and feeling less sad instead of COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS like I should feel. Okay, I'm done ranting now. ;p I am also on my last twilight movie, next up will be the last season of Supernatural, which will also be comforting in a non-suck way.

I could really go for some fresh steaming T&T right now though. You named your kid WHAT? BRAYDEN? THAT'S NOT A NAME, THAT'S A COUNTY IN FLORIDA! HAHA, I LAUGH AND FEEL SUPERIOR!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

On a less ragey note...

Hold on to the things you love. Hold them tight. Hold on to those things that you recognize as a part of yourself. If you have them, don't ever forget them. Keep them as close as your breath. If they're unrealized, make them reality.

I think a happy person is a collection of parts of things they love, always. Not just material things or even loved ones, but ideas, images, facets. Things that make you feel right and fill you with peace when you look at them. Those things can always be with you. They are you. When you feel doubt, don't give in. Fight back by remembering what you truly love, even if it only pleases or makes sense to you. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks if you're happy.

For me? One image is being in a kitchen, wearing a beautiful apron and cooking up something yummy. Some kind of comfort food, like stew. The kitchen smells wonderful and I'm smiling. I go there and I feel right with my soul. I also feel right with my soul when I think about traveling and adventuring, especially the roads less taken. There are so many things like this, little things that are important to your sense of self in this crazy world of action!

So this is what I'm trying to learn. My own kind of self-therapy. Based on being yourself, in the most literal sense, essence, instead of trying to comform to what some manual says is normal. The key to happiness really, really does lie within you, and what you take and enjoy from what's around you. Celebrate those things with a quiet noise. Don't ever stop, or let someone convince you it's silly and unimportant.
There is a special place in hell reserved for people who bid on ebay and don't freaking pay!!

In this hell they have to sell an item, the SAME item, over and over again to a different deadbeat bidder, and it's NEVER paid for, just an endless cycle of waiting, making non-paying bidder reports, waiting more, relisting, MORE WAITING, and repeat. Like a modern day Sisyphus. (And yes, they have to do all of this while climbing up a very steep hill.)



And sellers can't even leave negative feedback! Well I am leaving you 10,000 negative feedbacks in my mind, missy! How do ya like them apples??

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Awesome quote on a youtube video about an abandoned spot in New Jersey:

"Great video! I live near the Jersey shore, there's nothing abandoned here :/"

Haha, I'm sure you wish there was... Finally someone who appreciates urban decay over cultural decay. :P

Also, I want to be a ghosthunter. I have absolutely NO FEAR. Except of people who might try to control me, or judge me, or be giant jerkfaces. But ghosts? Heck yeah, I wanna see one! Though with my luck I'd meet a giant jerkface ghost. ;p
I actually feel much better having written that. I thought I wouldn't, but I do. There's a difference, I guess, between wanting to be positive and refusing to be ashamed. I won't be ashamed of who I am. I can be badass with SA. I am badass with SA. Sometimes bad things will happen but I'm still me. I don't own it any less or have any less right to be awesome.
I'm happy to report the disposable-camera-windmill-photo came out acceptable. It's not gonna win any contests and there's a pesky fence covering the bottom, but it suits my purposes. I'm a firm believer in being awesome with what you have. If you don't, you're gonna miss out on a lot. So once I'm ready to approach the experience more positively, I'll do some uploadin'.

Basically what upset me was: I felt pretty awesome and badass on that day. I had my little camera and my explore-y cargo skirt. Then I saw cops coming. Knowing I was trespassing and me being avoidant and all, I tried to beat it out of there before anything happened. Well my ninja skills failed. Apparently my home of childhood wholesome fun is now some sort of drug den. And because of my SA/avoidant crap, I was actually momentarily mistaken for a drug person. ME. I am like the most straight anti-drug person out there, I just have a disorder I can't do anything about. :/ And I'm thinking... I'm wearing Hollister! I have a blog! I'm normal...ish! I even dropped the word "blog" to explain my photo-taking because people who come to abandoned mini golf courses to score drugs DO NOT HAVE BLOGS. OR FREAKIN HOLLISTER LEATHER FLIP FLOPS. Those things are expensive considering they're FREAKIN FLIP FLOPS. (but they're cute. wibble.)

But I digress.

I eagerly gave them my bag to search so my status as a (mostly) law-abiding* American as well as my personal well-being could be restored PRONTO. I explained I was exploring a beloved childhood memory and taking photos. It was cool and that was that. BUT. It almost wasn't cool, not because I was really doing anything that wrong (they understood about the photos) but because my stupid SA betrayed me. Once again. It made me very much not-badass for the rest of the day. I doubt I'll ever quite feel badass again, no matter how many pockets my cargo skirt might have. Even if I have a really cool camera. I kinda feel like I betrayed myself, my own image of who I am, and that's the worst. It's more sacred than other peoples' image of you.

So once that feeling subsides, I'll post the photo. Maybe one day I'll be able to look at it as the badge it was supposed to be. I did get it after all... I was brave... I suppose that's something.

*well, I was trespassing. But that place will always belong to my childhood, dammit! Stupid drugs ruin everything. Drugs and traffic. Man I want to move to the country so bad. Not the kind of country where meth people live, the real country. Where people ride horses and bake pies with apples they picked themselves and swing from a tire into a river with a funny name. Yes, I want to live in an Alan Jackson song. Apparently.

Friday, March 09, 2012

Hello boys and girls, today I'm going to talk to you about swearing. Now if you read this journal you'll see some; I am especially fond of saying things like "fuckery" and "fuckbasket" and "clusterfuck." I am not going to stop saying these things. But I read something one of my new heroes, Adam the Woo (of awesome explorerdom) wrote about excessive swearing and it just CLICKED.

It seems people swear a lot when they don't know what else to say. Especially if they fancy themselves funny, have run out of clever, and are trying to get a laugh. Not only does this mentality cut back on family-friendly entertainment, it's just really really stupid. Yet another thing that panders to the ol' Lowest Common Denominator (which is, sadly, quite common).

In the 80s, you hardly ever heard f-bombs etc in popular entertainment. I mean, it was out there in stuff geared towards mature audiences, but it wasn't so OUT THERE. EVERYWHERE. AND FOR NO BLEEPING REASON. That's the part that just drives me nuts, swearing to replace actual content. I've prolly done that here several times over the years, more in the guise of a rant than trying to be witty, but still. I'm gonna keep the stuff I love like "name fuckery" but I am cleaning up my act even more than I already have. I'm gonna be a mom in a year or so. I'm a wholesome gal of the 80s. Entertainment does NOT need swearing. It really, really doesn't. Swearing is good for letting off steam or driving home a point hard. There was a time it could be used for comic effect but I think those days have passed. When it's used for a cheap laugh or a part of speech like a conjunction (I swear some of these people say "fuck" like you'd say "and"), it loses all meaning. It detracts from actual wit. It desensitizes. It just... feels wrong.

Well... that had obviously been on my mind for a while lol. There's not much more awesome than seeing something you've been thinking put into words by someone else, especially someone you respect. So we'll just call this "fuck fuckery," and move on. :)

Sunday, March 04, 2012

Something happened during my "adventure" today that left me feeling... not right. Unsettled. Since I don't write negative things here anymore, all I will say is this.

I am me, and I make no apologies for it. To anyone.
Sooo my first "real" intrepid foray into urban exploring (with my intrepid disposable camera) was not exactly a success. Mainly due to the location being in a much more unsavory area than I remembered it being in. It's a shame too, because it looked really cool. I managed to take a couple shots from a distance before I was chased away, one of the iconic WINDMILL. I pray to the deity of disposable cameras (and failing that, the deity of abandoned miniature golf courses) that it at least comes out, or it was a complete washout.

Am I giving up? Hell no. I'm sad my first endeavor was mostly FAIL though. :/ I'm trying to just savor the awesomeness of the WINDMILL and shoot the rest into space with the bits of old telescopes and space junk.

Otherwise, it was a fantastic day at the Redondo Pier and El Segundo. Entry with rad disposable camera shots to come, once I get them developed. I would like a nice camera btw, especially a digital one. I just don't want to have to talk about it all the time. ;p

Saturday, March 03, 2012

I went here today, to the Old Trapper's Lodge at Pierce College. It was AMAZING. I am so full of things to say about this I am almost speechless. It's like, everything I love tucked away in one little hidden grove. In the Valley of all places; a little oasis of Americana among the strip malls. I took some photos with my disposable camera. I'm not expecting miracles, but hopefully they'll at least somewhat do my memories and enthusiasm for this place justice. Maybe one or two will be blog worthy... I hope.

Being there, I felt like it was made just for me to enjoy. There aren't too many things like that around today. No, no there aren't. I savor them to the fullest when I find them. Everything that made America America is slowly disappearing... no, not quite yet. Not if the OLD TRAPPER and his pals BIG BEAR and LONESOME GEORGE have anything to say about it!

Woo there is one youtube video of it. only one, that's how hidden this sucker is!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I've always been interested in photography, but never pursued it. I think all the technical jibbits* involved scare the crap out of me. Also, photographers seem to be very opinionated people. Their zeal for their choice of camera (and by god, your choice of camera) borders on the religious. There's nothing more tiresome than having to have, and argue, an opinion all the time. I want to focus on the beauty, not 10,000 technical details.

So perhaps I'll be a secret photographer with my disposable camera, avoiding the pedantic 'model 3647585-Z is superior to model 346475755-bzzrpt because' lectures altogether. If I can make one of those suckers capture the beauty, now that's an accomplishment. And if not, well, it was 6 bucks and a fun experience. :)

Hopefully I will have any pictures at all from my upcoming hopeful-adventure!

*serious technical word

Monday, February 27, 2012

As I feel a twinge of envy looking at what will from now on be called Maypole Photos, I must remind myself I feel most content and whole on my own, be it exploring, listening to music, internetting, or whatever. So I'll probably never show up in someone's happy facebook photo, but I'm okay. Every year I care less and less that the world isn't geared for introverts, buoyed by my desire to just do my own thing. The world is big enough for me to be myself, whether it's "popular" or not.

It would be kinda cool to have a facebook for introverts though. All the photos would be solitary people walking with their ipods, or quietly writing amidst a big cup of coffee and a cat.

Introverts are really just human cats, I think.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Okay I am officially bummed out by people's facebook pictures. They're always doing fun things, on grass. (Err... I mean the green stuff you walk on, but they might be high too. ;p) They're often standing in circles, laughing. They are one petticoat and a couple centuries off from dancing around a maypole. In short, they are clearly having tremendous amounts of fun while I am... doing this. I NEED TO GET OUT AND HAVE SOME GRASSY FUN.

Of course, it only takes one time posting a Maypole photo for it to look like that's what you do all the time. Nobody posts pictures of themselves watching tv and writing on blogger in their pajamas. You could be burying a body in your basement and you'd still be "girl who does fun things, on grass."

Friday, February 24, 2012

What I meant to do last night: watch a few videos on youtube, finish my graphic requests, go to bed

What I actually did: read sites about abandoned malls and theme parks til 5AM. Damn you, internet, for being so interesting!

It started as a simple search for my beloved Old Towne Mall dark ride, which I do periodically to see if anything popped up. I wonder if that mall was still around, unchanged, would it mean as much to me or would I just take it for granted? (You don't know what you've got til it's gone, etc.) I think it would, because I never got tired of going there as a child, and I'm even more of a kid now than I was when I was a kid. :D I love to visit the few places from my childhood that are still around as much as I ever did. So it's not just the nostalgia, it's something truly special and unique that's been lost to all but memories. There aren't even any pictures of the ride, at least not online or in my mom's huge collection.

I realize nostalgia is kind of a fluid thing - no matter when you grew up, you'll feel nostalgic for what was around at the time. People who grew up in the 50s or 60s probably find 80s nostalgia about as ridiculous as I'd find nostalgia for the sad state of today. But the 80s were my era, and it was still a simpler time. Bad things were afoot, like greed, drugs and rap music, but most of the music still sounded like music, the clothes were wonderfully naive in their attempt to be cool (and I loved the colors!), and we had movies like Ghostbusters, Back to the Future and Pretty in Pink. The 80s were fun. I look back and see them in amusement park lights and colors.

So I wonder, what would be nostalgic now? Will the kids of today one day be pining for the homogenous target-best-buy-wal-mart-old-navy-home-depot strip malls? Maybe they will, if that's all they know. But that's kind of sad. Even true nostalgia is being bought out. I mean...

which one of these is more interesting? Which one is more likely to capture a child's memories forever? Or an adult's, for that matter? Will kids today have the chance to dream of magical carousels and hazy, low budget dark rides? Or will all their memories be of video games? The world is... shrinking. And not in a fun way like Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. I read that the beautiful carousel still exists somewhere in the country, so that's something. But it should be in CA! That's its HOME, dammit.

Something cool I found that made me smile:
This was another dark ride from my childhood. I remember this one much better because I was older when I rode it. We probably went to Bell's in Tulsa about three times, and I rode this ride twice every time. It had a big yellow school bus that would pop out and honk at you (AHHHH IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US!!! every single time!) Bell's also had an awesome wooden roller coaster, called the Cyclone I think. So... I too rode Phantasmagoria! I never knew how to pronounce it. I still don't. But damn, what a cool ride.

Finding things like this is like finding little pieces of my childhood on the internet, pieces that other people I don't even know share. It's pretty awesome. But damn, 5AM comes too soon.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Here's something I like.

Tom Waits is the PERFECT music to describe abandoned houses. Abandoned things tend to evoke tom-waits-type feelings in me even without the musical accompaniment so... wow. His music is like late at night when you don't really want to go to bed but you turn out the light and it's dark and you're alone but you're smiling a little at a memory. It's always there, it always speaks to you, it's always right. It's not hip or unhip, it just IS, like a river or a shot of whiskey. His music is what the absence of artifice sounds like.

I could go on and on but... yeah. I really like this video and how sad and happy it makes me feel. One of those youtube gems that makes me feel less alone in this crazy world of action.
I have decided that dubstep was invented solely to make everyone over 25 feel old. It clearly serves no other purpose. It exists to make me think things like, "I want to like this, because my mother would hate it and by hating it I have become my mother."* Damn you, dubstep. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy some doilies and knickknacks. Lots of 'em. :/

*my mother is awesome. She's just, y'know, a bit older than me, being my mother and all.

A long time ago, old people thought Elvis and the Beatles were "noise," because it sounded different from anything they had heard. But... but... that music had a melody and lyrics and verses and a chorus and real instruments played by real humans, not robots from the planet Zsyrxbrrpft.* This is why I am not old. I just like my music to sound like music, not like 20,000 cans of baked beans being forced down a garbage disposal then through an incinerator then flattened by a garbage truck. And that's just in the first minute! These... pieces go on for like 10 minutes! (I didn't say pieces of what.)

*that is what dubstep sounds like to me, zsyrxbrrpft over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and-

So thank God for three-minute verse-and-chorus country songs that clearly originate on planet Earth, or at least Texas. I like being uncool these days. It feels comfortable, like a warm blanket or a hug. Hipness is so aggressive. Like seriously, get out of my face.
Also: in every abandoned building there is always a musty, decrepit piano like out of a scooby doo cartoon. Don't ask me why this is. Well, other than the obvious pianos are big heavy suckers and not exactly the first thing you're gonna grab on your way out. But still! So many pianos! In weird places like abandoned factories! Why would you put a piano in a factory? This brings to mind so many wonderful images, all of them involving burly workers spontaneously bursting into numbers from Oklahoma on their lunch breaks. This happened. Yes, I have decided that this happened.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I do not understand people who are obsessed with japanese boys who sort of look like girls. Which seems to be... everyone on the internet but me. I seem to have missed a something... everything. I am an atypical internet user, methinks. I don't watch porn, or japanese boys, or japanese boy porn. I play games (NOT WoW), make sparkly shit, talk to my sweetie while he is far far away, and watch videos of abandoned houses and cry at their beauty. I cry for what's there, and what's gone.

I am weird for the internet. In a roomful of very weird people, I am somehow still weird. Or maybe... I'm the most normal person on the internet?

Naaaaah. I just want to return to a simpler time, when men were men, women were women, and japanese girls were japanese girls instead of 20-year old japanese men. Who fangirls drool over. And don't even get me started on the whole gay man fangirl thing. Tolerance of gay, lesbian, transgender people is a wonderful thing. But straight girls drooling over very sparkly boys like they're boyfriend potential just squicks me out. Usually I like people who live in their own little worlds, but that's just too deluded and weird even for me. They're GAY, there's no place for you to fit in that puzzle sweetie, my god get off the internet!

Also, get off my lawn. :( /old

Nooooope not gonna happen. How about looking up and noticing there are real boys around who might wanna, I dunno, take you on a real date outside the Hello Kitty Happy Funboy Rainbow Palace in your mind? No, I have no idea why this makes me angry lol. IT JUST DOES OK. There's something sort of plastic about the whole thing. I don't like plastic, especially plastic rainbows. I've never liked "pretty boys." (Shirtless photo posted to confirm male status. No boobage: check.)

But what I hate the most is straight guys wearing makeup and girl's clothes and girls thinking it's hot. AETDGHGFYHFH. This is not some rick-santorum-guys-having-sex-with-dogs imagined horror, THIS IS A REAL THING. I suppose I find it somewhat as horrifying as he finds women... doing anything. But I digress. Seriously, there is a line between "progressive" and "icky" and this is it. Don't make fundies right by being gross, people! Oh! And girls who call boys they like "pretty." I HAVE HEARD THIS. Seriously, every time a female calls a male she wants to sleep with "pretty," Rick Santorum masturbates on a kitten. Wait, um... just don't do it okay!

haha that ended up being a rant. Oh well. I'm a little cranky today. I need to watch some cool youtube videos. Also! I might be doing a little urban exploration soon! I only have a cheapo disposable camera but we'll see... if I can even get in. Trespassing with my mom in tow may not happen lol. But oh... I so desperately want to get in!!

Friday, February 17, 2012

Sometimes I want to leave amusingly spectacular feedback on ebay like, "this transaction made choirs of angels weep rainbow tears of joy!" ... or something. But I don't.

I really should.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Today's wacky headline:

Underwear bomber: 'Proud to kill in the Name of God'

Now let's play, three words that don't belong together in a sentence!

"Um, what are proud, underwear, and God?"

Ding ding ding! You win a shiny new... Batmobile. Or whatever they give away on Jeopardy.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Monday, February 06, 2012

My microwave is haunted! o_0

Sunday, February 05, 2012

A cool video of a guy exploring a "lost city," who says pretty much everything I feel about the past, present and future.

Friday, February 03, 2012

An explanation of why I no longer follow politics and have shot it into space (in my mind):

The nature of politics forces you to view the world in terms of politics. This is not necessarily a bad thing; our feelings about important issues are a part of who we are. But in today's insanely polarizing political world, it becomes not only who you are, but who everyone else is too. Suddenly, everything is fraught with political nuance. Even your dog. It's not just about the issues but EVERYONE WHO THINKS CHOICE A ABOUT SAID ISSUE INSTEAD OF CHOICE B RAWRRBLERGH!

Some people are odious and deserve RAWRRBLERGH; I happen to think Michele Bachmann and Rush Limbaugh are two of those people. They happen to be Republicans. But not everyone who happens to be a Republican deserves RAWRRBLERGH just for being a Republican, or a Democrat, or whatever. And RAWRRBLERGH is all politics is anymore. It's moved past dysfunctional into non-functional. It's all your side this, no YOUR side that, which will never ever result in positive change or positive discourse. It will only result in... MOAR RAWRRBLERGH!

I've posted about the extremes of both sides here and my search for the sweet sweet valley of sanity. I've posted more about Republicans because I find the odious ones so very odious. But I'm not gonna even do that anymore, because it contributes to the stew. The nasty, rancid cesspool stew.

I've also posted about my ever-growing loathing of the PC people, who are generally more on the left, the ones who care SO MUCH about what's racist, classist, froggist*, whateverist, they can't see the world any other way. I guarantee you, pick your favorite thing, and someone on the internet thinks it's racist. True racism sucks and we all know what it is. Inventing racism...? go do your homework, college know it all hippie. Or stare at your lava lamp**. or whatever. Cause where does this stuff end? Am I no longer allowed to listen to Indian Outlaw because it's not called Native American Outlaw? How about Gypsy?

See, someone used the world "gypsy" on the internet the other day, not in a "you gypsy scumbag!" slur way but to describe some funky curtains or something, and some PC people flipped their shit. I was literally 0_o faced. I mean, it was the perfect description and "gypsy" is one of the top 5 words I love to describe a style I love, and guess what? I will never stop using it that way, and I mean absolutely no disrespect to real gypsies who I understand are oppressed people. I'M NOT USING IT THAT WAY. NO ONE IN AMERICA IS. AMERICANS DO NOT EVER THINK ABOUT PLACES LIKE ROMANIA, WE THINK ABOUT SHOPPING. It's not like the n-word which has no positive connotation or other possible meaning. Not to mention it's distinctly tied to American history, so we should all know better. But gypsy? How bout a little perspective here. Is Fleetwood Mac a bunch of racists, or does Stevie Nicks just like to frolic around wearing long GYPSY STYLE skirts? If you seriously think that usage is the same as throwing out a racial slur... here's some weed and a guitar. Leave me alone.

*won't someone please think of the frogs!
**lava lamps are pretty cool actually.

So the political circus can go on its merry way. I'll be over here. I won't have us vs thems coloring this big, beautiful world. Not anymore. That's not the view I want when I look through my kaleidoscope.

There's my sweet sweet valley of sanity. And even college know it all hippies can agree!

And continuing my thought from the previous post

"From the mountains high
To the wave-crashed coast
There’s a way to find
Better days I know

It’s been a long hard ride
Got a ways to go
This is still the place
That we all call home" ~ Dierks Bentley

This is ALL our home and we better learn to get along somehow; to disagree not vilify; to raise our voices for what we believe in, not against what the other guy believes in. And no more Hitler references EVER. Let's return to a simpler time, a time before RAWRRBLERGH. Oh, and don't be mean.

Thursday, February 02, 2012

It's sad when the places in your memories are places that no longer exist. It would be even sadder not to have the memories though. This is what I tuck my brain in with at night when I'm feeling like the world has turned and left me here. Our memories help shape who we are through our whole lives, so as long as we're alive those things are still alive too. I guess you have to look at it like that, or go crazy when another Consumer Depot blocks out your sun.

My theory is that everything that needs to be said in life, ever, has been said in a country song.

"Sit in that six-lane backed up traffic
Horns are honking, I've about had it
I'm looking for an exit sign
Gotta get out of here, get it all off my mind
And like a memory from your grandpa's attic
A song comes slippin' through the radio static
Changing my mood
A little George Strait 1982

And it makes me wanna take a back road
Makes me wanna take the long way home
Put a little gravel in my travel
Unwind, unravel all night long
Makes me wanna grab my honey
Tear down some two-lane country
Who knows
Get lost and get right with my soul
Makes me wanna take
Makes me wanna take a back road." ~ Rodney Atkins

"Get lost and get right with my soul" = new blog title! Though I will miss being "the endangered blue butterfly."

There was something else I wanted to write, I think. But for now...

"But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me." ~ Garth Brooks

I listen to country music after a bad day. I listen to country music after a good day. It's one of the things that keeps me sane in this crazy world of action!!

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

PLAN: Spend hours making graphics! Sparkly ones! Make people happy!

REALITY: Spend hours on Never get them back. :(

Curse you internet! *shakes fist*

Tuesday, January 31, 2012


I googled the name of one of my favorite singers from the 90s and this came up

"Detail oriented Accounting Associate with strong organizational, analytical skills, as well as being a team player and having a strong work ethic"

not about the singer obviously lol. But UGH! That is like everything I hate in the world squeezed into one foul, black lagoon-sludge dripping sentence. Let's examine it, shall we?

"Detail oriented" this means absolutely nothing. It might as well be in Bulgarian. Except, Bulgarian means something to Bulgarians. This is nonsensical jargon that should be shot into space.

"accounting associate" soooo... someone who hangs around accountants, but is not an accountant themselves? I'm going with "accounting groupie."

"strong organizational, analytical skills" again this is a lot of letters saying absolutely nothing. Shoot, space.

"as well as being a team player" RETCHH DEAR GOD HOW I HATE THIS PHRASE EWW I THINK I GOT A LITTLE ON ME :/ Seriously, do not say this unless you play for the Boston Red Sox or Green Bay Packers or similar. Only douchepuppets say things like this to impress other douchepuppets.

"strong work ethic" ok, nothing wrong with this one on its own. But it loses all meaning buried in the rest of that crappile. It's the kind of phrase that used to mean something before the tentacles of corporatespeak were upon us. Like, it would be the highest compliment ever coming from your grandfather.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Hat Person of the Year!

See this, THIS is what I'm talking about. That sucker perches naturally on her head, like a bald eagle atop a majestic pine. On me it would look like a large man about to fall off a telephone pole.

me: hi chocolate frog!
sweetie: were sold out, sorry
me: sold out of chocolate frogs?
me: or nipples?
me: or chocolate nipples?
sweetie: sold out of chocolate frogs with nipples
me: dammit
me: you totally ruined christmas

Also we were playing pogo when I saw that CAKREIDER had won something... except I totally read it as CAKERIDER because I'm, y'know, me. So I am now CAKERIDER... RIDER OF CAKE!