Thursday, April 25, 2013

"Songs I would like except for really crappy lyrics," part one:

I really like this music. But I can't possibly sing "I'm your prostitute, you gon' get some" with any kind of conviction or jubilation. :/

I downloaded it anyway. Proving once and for all that music > lyrics. Maybe I'll make up my own lyrics.

"I'm your peppermint, you gon' chew gum!"
"I'm your play-doh, we gon' have fun!"
"I'm your popemobile, you gon' be a nun!"
"I'm your popsicle, I gon' melt in the sun!"
"I'm your prosthetic leg, you gon' go for a run!"
"I'm your pocket watch, it's quarter past one!"
"I'm your pepper spray, you gon' cough up a lung!"
"I'm your pea pod, let's have dim sum!"
"I'm your poodle skirt, it's nineteen fifty-one!"
"I'm your pulled pork sandwich, yum!"
"I'm your prep school, you gon' go to college!"
"I'm your pot pie, you gon' get some... peas and carrots!"
"I'm your pop fly, you're out!"
"I'm your plastic bag, I'm not biodegradable!"
"I'm your preposition, don't end a sentence with me!"
"I'm your pop tart, I have a very long shelf life!"
"I'm your proctologist... ok, I'm done."

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

JUST got around to watching the T&T season finale from... 2 months ago. No, I didn't spontaneously get a life, I just got obsessed with something else for 2 months. Anyway!

In addition to being one step away from shopping cart lady-crazy, pageant directors are also GIANT HAM SANDWICHES. Big fake smile after every sentence! eeeeee*!

*eeeeee! is the sound her teeth make.

Speaking of giant ham sandwiches

Okay, that was mean. BUT. If you have such a wide... boobular area, why on earth would you wear something that shows it off like that? She might as well wear a sign saying WIDE FRONT LOAD.

I loved the little girl saying "crophy." That was adorable. It's a crown-trophy, a trophy you can wear on your head!

But what was up with the 7-year old who didn't know how the crowning thing works? I could see a 4-year old not getting it, but 7? Hasn't she been in like, a million pageants by age 7, and she still doesn't know you don't want to be called for queen? I mean, it's stupid, and quite frankly I hate that I know it, but you think she'd know it by now.

Fresh Face Supreme sounds like something served at Cannibal Taco Bell. I'd like extra guacamole on my face, please! And it better be fresh, not like those day old tomatoes.

The highest title was called ULTIMATE MEGA SUPREME. Really? You need an ultimate AND a mega in there? I think we're just stringing words together now, folks. It's the ULTIMATE MEGA UBER EPIC... RUSSIAN ORTHODOX BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL TASTES GREAT LESS FILLING TRIPLE BLADE ACTION... BACONATOR... supreme.

Also watched the finales of Cheer Perfection and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. yup. Right after I cured cancer and made peace in the middle east, I mean. You gotta have your priorities in life. *nod*