Friday, December 26, 2003

I am utterly sick of cynicism, which has been hanging around my neck like an albatross for the last twenty years. (Yes, I was cynical when I was nine. I also drank coffee. And smoked big cigars.) *nods*

Saturday, November 01, 2003

No one seemed to have any idea what I was supposed to be, but I did get meowed at, not to mention "Here kitty-kitty-kittied." I can only assume these were compliments.

No, not the worst Halloween in memory.

Thursday, October 30, 2003

For Halloween I am dressing as... *drumroll*... Polyjuiced-into-Millicent's-cat!Hermione! I know, I am a genius. *bows* I'm sure they'll be mighty impressed with me at... um... the supermarket. :/ Perhaps I'll go to the pub or someplace later, just to say i did something. (Halloween parties are very much something that happens to Other People.)

So, if you see a girl walking the streets tomorrow in a schoolgirl uniform, cat ears and tail, remember: I'm a Harry Potter character, not a hooker. *nods*

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

I fricking love that commercial where the pinata comes to life and and chases the little girl and steals her candy.

I am a sick, twisted soul.

Monday, October 27, 2003

Retroactive note to "Thirtysomething": If Gilbert Gottfried thinks you're annoying, you have a serious problem.

Ye gods, I love this VH-1 Eighties Marathon.

Funny Phrase of the Day: I don't think anyone expects you to date Santa Claus! - me, to my mother, on her disgust over the apparent quantity of men her age who have white beards and are jolly. Or something.

Saturday, October 25, 2003

Hurrah, Marlins! Could I persuade you to move your franchise to Boston?

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Phrase of the day: "Opera scares the bejesus out of me" - me

Go Marlins! Give Yankeemort the old Avada Kedavra! (Golly, I love it when I can mix obsessions.)

Saturday, October 18, 2003

FYI: The Yankees will henceforth be known as "Yankeemort," and Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS as "The Game That Must Not Be Named."

In other news, gotta love those Fish and their never-say-die spunk! And how 'bout Jack McKeon's revolutionary idea to actually TAKE OUT THE STARTING PITCHER WHEN HE COULD NO LONGER PITCH??? Have you ever heard of anything so radical? *looks casually in direction of Boston*

Friday, October 17, 2003

...Go Patriots!!!


Thursday, October 16, 2003

Um... what???


Well, there's always Next Year...

*cries more*

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

A few playoffs notes:

That Mr. Innocent Little Red Pedro Hood look wasn't fooling anyone, buddy! How 'bout you cowboy up and apologise for acting like a spoiled brat?

The Sox hopes for the season are pinned on John Burkett. I use the word "hopes" loosely here.

I am so in awe of the Marlins! As I'm probably the only person outside of Florida who's rooting for them over the Big Blue Cubs Machine, I think I can safely say - Nyaah nyaah nyaah! Cubs fans annoy me. I'm sorry. Taking all their big-ass banners and face paint and attitudes on the road and turning Atlanta and Miami into Chicago South. I just kinda love to see them eat it, sorry! If the Series is Cubs-Yankees I'm boycotting it. I of course can't root for the Evil Empire, and if the Cubs win it will mean that the Sox are now the most futile team in baseball. (The D-rays don't count; they haven't been around long enough.) So... go Fish! Hee hee, I made a bad pun!

One more point of interest: the number of people who called in to ESPN last night to vote on whether the Sox or Yanks would go to the Series was... 1918!!! I totally shit you not! And 75% picked the Sox, too! Woot. Of course, then today happened. :(

Oh, one more thing: I hate Karim fucking Garcia with a passion. That is all.
Last night I took a Red Sox "How much of a die-hard are you?" quiz. I got 22 out of 50, which means I'm a pretty scary die-hard but not totally awe-inspiring. I scored points for having gotten John Wasdin's autograph, travelling hundreds of miles away to watch the Sox on the road, watching headline news for three hours to get game updates, and saying I've named a kid after a player. Because my unborn son will be named "Nomar." Oh yes, he will.

I think I should receive bonus points for the following:

Having a huge crush on little-known ex-pitcher Vaughn Eshelman and knowing we share a birthday

Having a Jim Corsi card, and not even in a Boston uniform!

Having four Brian Daubach cards, i.e., all of them

Thinking Rich "El Guapo" Garces was kind of hot

Making my own Sox t-shirts

Today I bought six new pairs of underpants, and threw two old pairs away. Just thought you'd like to know.

Sunday, October 12, 2003

Straight On Til Morning presents: funny lines from the world of baseball!

"We fell apart like a cheap meatloaf." - Todd Helton on the hapless Rockies

"Maybe the youth might just be stupid enough to pull something like this out!" Josh Beckett, on the Marlins' chances of winning in the playoffs (well, looks like he was half right)

"Todd Walker has the range of a Maine lobster." - newspaper article that was, sadly, correct

In other news, Don Zimmer is one scary-ass Grampa, but Pedro shouldn't have gone medieval on his ass. Bad Pedro! *fwaps Pedro*
Um, well... go Patriots?

Friday, October 10, 2003

Update: Lissa's Bitchin' Dirt Dogs Shirt - 1, Evil Empire - 1

The epic battle rages on!!

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Whew. One down, six to go! Lissa's Bitchin' Dirt Dogs shirt - 4, Yankees/Choakland - 0... so far!

Top 5 Baseball Players I Would Like to Shag:

1. Kevin Millar (shiny dome and all)
2. Nomar Garciaparra (still with thick gorgeous locks)
3. Darren Bragg (bad singing has never been so cute)
4. John Smoltz (no hair, no problem)
5. TIE! Johnny Damon/Lance Berkman (sex on a stick/not yummy Red Sox or Braves but hot anyway)

Monday, October 06, 2003

And oh yeah, in other news:

Oh my GAWD... I prayed so hard tonight when Johnny Damon got hurt; thank whatever powers that be that he is all right. Now let's hope he can come back to fight the Evil Empire!!!

I have no words about the Braves series, other than I think Kerry Wood is some kind of soul-sucking demon. I mean, how else to explain the Braves' complete lack of life? Oh right... they do this every year. Silly me, I actually thought this year would be different. It's gotten to be a ritual: every October I throw my tomahawk into the closet in disgust and every April I unearth it, optimism renewed and disappointment conveniently forgotten.

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Funny phrase of day: "It's the playoffs, there's no time for vegetables!!" - moi

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

I'm a Blogger in a world of LiveJournalers! *cries*

When I was first looking to start an online journal I tried LJ, and was cut tragically short when informed I had to have a "friend" and get a "code" to start one. As I don't know anyone, this was a bit of a sticker. I mean, what the fuck is up with that "Away with thee, codeless one!" cliquey-ass mentality? I just wanted to fucking write, not beg for codes like the Little Match Girl.

Then I discovered Blogspot, and my independent spirit soared! Like a bird! Wheeee!
In summary, Blogger rules, and LJ can go do something rude to itself.

Saturday, September 13, 2003

AGGGH!!! What is wrong with the Braves??? Did someone slip Devil Ray Serum into their Gatorade? Bah!

In other news, I saw NOMAAAAH kiss his bat on Sportscenter tonight. Note to self: move to Boston, learn how to Transfigure self into Louisville Slugger.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

Okay, so here's where I think I went wrong in filling out my "" personality profile. For "List the three things you are most thankful for," I wrote, in this order, "music, coffee, my cat." Clearly they were looking for something along the lines of "my family, my health, and the way the sun rises so gloriously each morning and sets equally as gloriously in the evening! Wheee! I'm so happy happy happy!" I see my mistake now. I'm surprised my telling the truth instead of giving a Miss America answer didn't make their system break down entirely.

Whoever said "The truth shall set you free" has obviosuly never tried filling out a personality profile.

Note: Nothing wrong with family or health, or the sun, for that matter. It's just, have a little creativity instead of saying what you think you're supposed to say, or using cliches to mask shallowness. I refuse to believe that everyone really speaks in embroidered pillows.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

"Reality - the other white meat"


I had a good one and I forgot it. Dammit! DAMMIT ALL! And wait... if there is no reality, how do I know the shirt would be real? Maybe I'd be naked! AGH!!! *collapses under weight of own convoluted thinking and dies, thus eliminating need for t-shirts*
"Reality - don't believe the hype"

"Reality is the root of all evil"

"Reality isn't real"

"Reality is a figment of my imagination"

(Everyone creates their own reality. To assume that there is just one reality is absurd. I believe this is the root of that evilest of evils... conformity! *dun dun dun* I'm not really trying to wax philosophical in the wee hours of the morning. I was, in fact, attempting to come up with a snarky phrase to put on a T-shirt. So, in short, have discovered startling possible connection between philosophy and T-shirts. And some people are SLEEPING!! Ha ha, suckers. *laughs*)

So anyway, back to t-shirt. I want something that clearly expresses my disdain for "reality" yet doesn't sound pithy. "I escaped from reality and all I got was this lousy t-shirt." Uh.

"Reality - the great lie" Mff. Melodramatic. That one should come with canned spooky X- Files music, methinks.

"I don't believe in reality" Hmm... not too bad.

Well, at least I have plenty of time to mull it over, as I'm making my NOMAAAAH!! shirt first. Baseball definitely doesn't count as reality, just for the simple fact that I never see guys that look like that in real life. Where do they come from and where do they go? Are they always at fancy glittering parties in the sky that I don't get invited to? My theory is that they magically appear on the field, a la Field of Dreams, then fade away.

Perhaps should just buy "Baseball is life, the rest is just details" shirt and be done with it. Would have to cultivate beer gut though.

So I took that "eharmony. com" match thingy they're always advertising, and was informed that I am "unmatchable," to which I said "Fuck you, assmat." Perhaps that is why. I have ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES!! Muahaha.
Great fancy fuck, the Braves bullpen sucks. Was last night "let's see how high Jung Bong's ERA can go night" or something? Sheesh. *disgustment* For the first time in my life, I'm finding comfort in the fact that I'm also a Red Sox fan. I know this feeling will be short-lived, but I'll savour it while it lasts.

Saturday, September 06, 2003

Might have finally reached understanding of peoples' ever-puzzling predilection toward socialising/outgoingness. Can it be that other people feel about each other how I feel about cats? When I see a cat, whether it's mine or not, my immediate impulse is to call it to me and pet it. Perhaps when other people see people, their immediate impulse is to go up and talk to them. I of course do not have this impulse, so I've come to the conclusion that my only hope socially is to pretend people are cats. I wonder how many random strangers I could freak out by scratching behind their ears, rubbing their tummies and saying "That's a GOOD KITTY!"

Wait, the idea was to engage people, not frighten them. I'll get this stuff right one of these days.

Friday, August 22, 2003

See, I think there's such a thing as social energy. Kind of like physical stamina. Each person has a certain amount to expend before their reserves are exhausted. Most people seem to have quite a lot. I seem to have, er, none. So when I have to expend any I'm actually dipping into something else, say, my reserve of sanity or the little part of my brain that tells me not to set things on fire. Naturally, this could have dire consequences. At the very least it leaves me with *negative* social energy, knocking me out and requiring me to go lie down for a bit.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

I must point out how deep my love is for the new superhero-type music that plays at Turner Field when a Brave hits a homerun. Homerun superhero music = awesome. But why does the Braves bullpen suck so very, very much (besides Smoltzy, of course!!)?? They should play evil supervillain music when one of these guys slinks out. I have christened it... The Bullpen That Must Not be Named. So it is written. So it shall be.

The Darth Vader music would work nicely, by the way.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

Funny phrase of day: "Modified Stableford Scoring System." OK, so it's not really all that funny. But you hear it fourteen times a day and it starts to get kinda funny. Or annoying. One of those.

Bargle. Toff. I have nothing to say.

But I am overjoyed that our President has a really big belt buckle. Because if there's one quality I look for in a world leader, it's commonality with truck drivers. Convoy, anyone?

Friday, July 25, 2003

I'm trying to think of another way to work "balls" into a post, but I haven't thought of one yet.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

Today whilst pounding the pavement (okay, just sort of shuffling along actually), I encountered some interesting chalk writing on the sidewalk. Intrigued, I stopped to read it. Bits of it were smudged, but I was able to make out something about "clip my balls." Hmm, did I really expect a message of salvation? This reminds me of Holden Caulfield, finding the "fuck you" someone had scrawled on the museum wall. It's so true, in this world someone will always come along and write "fuck you" under your nose. Either that or "clip my balls."

Monday, July 21, 2003

I made my own Snapey bookmark out of a greeting card today, whee! I thought about getting all arts and crafts-y and putting purple glitter on it, then realised that glitter, along with tinsel and vampires, is something you should never let willingly into your home because it will inevitably be a big pain in the neck.

Pain in the neck. Hee hee. Pun totally intended. I am evil! I am invincible! I am... sitting on a chair in front of a computer. Yeah.
There was a fellow with bright blue hair playing in the BC Open. This means one of two things: There is such a thing as "Golf Punk," or he had a bet going, a la Lou Piniella.

A couple random things I've learned:

1. When a band does "Sweet Home Alabama" in a bar, someone will inevitably yell out "Whoo!" during the opening notes. Or maybe it's just one guy, who travels from town to town in support of mediocre Lynyrd Skynyrd covers. The universe works in mysterious ways.

2. When someone says "You're weird," you should take it as a compliment, cause even if it isn't, it probably is. (Please disregard this if you are a serial killer or similar. Hmm... do I have any readers in prison? If so, please don't send fan mail. Also, I'm a man.)

*whisper* I'm not really a man. Just don't tell that to "Crazy Willie."

Saturday, July 19, 2003

Weekend Round-up (even though it's only Saturday, I am confident that nothing will happen tomorrow):

Best current baseball player name: Coco Crisp

Best baseball player name that I made up: Rusty Nail Jones

Best names of British Open golfers I have never heard of: S.K. Ho, Andrew Oldcorn, Bradley Dredge.

The new Iron Chef USA with Shatner as Chairman Kaga was amusing. The crowd reminded me somewhat of a typical Battlebots crowd. And my favourite ever IC line was uttered by Bruce Vilanch: "This makes me glad I'm such a big fat pig!" Perhaps not quite as poetic as "Evangelist of Broccoli," but... it also featured an (extremely hot) challenger riding in on a motorcycle with his (extremely gorgeous) dark hair blowing out behind him. No one on the old Iron Chef could really be considered "hot," unless you're taking into account Chairman Kaga's probable body temperature under all those ruffles and capes and things. Even though an "Iron Chef American" was a tough sell for me (What's he going to make? Hot dogs? Creamed chipped beef on toast?), he ended up making lots of crabalicious yummies and beat out aforementioned Hot Guy. All in all, very entertaining, and certainly better than life. *nods*

Thursday, July 17, 2003

I will be eternally grateful to this evening's installment of "The Amazing Race" for providing me with the phrase, "We better get going, the clowns are on our ass."

Really, really funny word discovered while rereading fifth Harry Potter book: Kerfuffle. I promise to use it often but wisely.
And yes, it does have a phrase that sounds like "gin and tonic." ;)
I made a spectacularly futile attempt at joining the human race today, once again proving that I am not actually human but an unknown being from a distant planet with lots of q's and x's in its name.

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

Number of times I've looked at a Braves player on TV and said, "Hey now, you're an all-star!": 7. Yes, I'm a Big Dork. ^-^

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

You're perfect for Severus! You two are like two
halves of orange! If you meet him, you'll spend
your quiet and dark life in dungeons, making

Have you got any chances for a relationship with Snape?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yay!! I mean, now that my beloved Sirius is gone, I have to move on, right? It wouldn't be healthy to sit around and mope. It would be much healthier to spend my days in a durk fusty dungeon with Severus!! Whoo!!!

Saturday, June 21, 2003

Damn, I can't ever pull off that serious look.
New Harry Potter book! New Harry Potter book! WAAAAAAHOOOOOO!!!! *does silly little dance* OK, back to reading now! *pushes glasses up and looks very serious*

Thursday, June 19, 2003

But, that prolly wouldn't have been very productive. Therapy-wise. *nods*
When my therapist asked me how bad my anxiety was, on a scale from one to ten, I was very tempted to say, "My anxiety goes to eleven!"

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

I might have said something really drunken dorky to the Cool Guy in the Pub tonight. I'm not sure. Spleeef.
Please God, don't ever let this buzz fade.

Saturday, June 07, 2003

And "I'm sorry" is the most inadequate phrase EVER. It's like having a forged note from your mother excusing you from responsibility. From life. Saying "sorry" does not make anything better, all it might do is make the unhurt person feel like they have paid their debt to the hurt person, while the hurt person does not feel remotely vindicated and in fact wants to strangle the unhurt person with some piano wire. Hence, the aforementioned unbreechable line.

Obviously this does not apply to all situations. Sometimes "I'm sorry" is a perfectly acceptable response, say, if you stepped on someone's foot or there was a simple misunderstanding. When it is absolutely NOT acceptable is when you are in the process of irreperable friend-betrayal.
Today I said to my former friend, "You are a spectacularly large asshole." *

* Note: This did not actually happen.

I think that of all the lines that can be drawn between people, be it black and white, gay and straight, liberal and conservative, the most defining and hardest to breech is between the hurt and unhurt.

Thursday, June 05, 2003

Though perhaps it is better than hurtling toward death at a breakneck speed, depending on your point of view.
I sort of feel like I'm drifting slowly toward death. That can't be good.

Monday, June 02, 2003

However, I think listing "cereal" in your interest list is very cool.

Ditto "cheese."
Spotted on someone's Yahoo profile interest list:

Bible Studies

*wonders if hacking officially breaks any commandments, and decides that an important lesson was missed at some point, regardless*

Sunday, June 01, 2003

No, I'm not behind the drapes.
When one loses one's imaginary friend, to where exactly does one turn for friendship? Gerbils? Dust bunnies? Pencil sharpeners?

What I want to say to people: Don't you understand that I would rather be a catgirl or a fairy or a student at Hogwarts than an outcast in this desert world? What the hell point is there to reality anyway, except as a springboard for the imagination? Who the fuck really cares about copy machines and golf handicaps and GPA's (or anything else with smug initials) and new wallpaper and car mileage and all the other obscenely dull things people insist on blathering about? Anyone? Do people choose dullness or does it choose them? I am hiding from dullness. And I am not telling you where. You might tell!

Saturday, May 31, 2003

It seems I have forgotten a large number of the things I was going to write today. I wish I could remember those things and forget everything else, though at least some of them were probably about the things I don't want to remember, so perhaps it's best that I forgot them. *nods*

Egads... I have been posessed by the spirit of Blogging Yogi Berra.
No one. Is ever. Going to talk. To me. Again.

Friday, May 30, 2003

I now have Bermuda shorts.

Monday, May 26, 2003

Mmm... it's peppermint... so soothy... ok, you talked me into it.
Would it really be rational to have another cup of tea?

Friday, May 23, 2003

I just don't know what to do with the daylight.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

There are these red spots on one page of my library copy of "Prozac Nation" which I really, really hope are tomato sauce and not blood.

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

I finally told me MIF to fuck off. I said, "You have no regard for how your actions affect other people." Truer words have not been spoken from mountaintops.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Two days til my birthday. Refugees of war-torn Middle Eastern nations who have nothing but one goat are in a more celebratory mood than I.

After all, they have a goat.

Friday, May 16, 2003

What Natural Disaster are you?


Funny phrase of day: "My fairy keeps getting caught!" - Dork who wears big silver fairy ring (i.e., me).

Runner-up: "Have you ever wondered how crazy people tie their shoes?" - Me again, slightly drunk, watching crazy person flail about in pub.

Hey, I'm on a roll.

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

There really just seems to be no point to reality.
This coming from the girl who's wearing black fuzzy cat ears in her profile. But, that's different.
Check out how cool I am: I have Harry Potter green apple bath soap with a lightning bolt cut into the bottle, and YOU DON'T!

And may I use this moment to point out how much people's Yahoo profiles crack me up? It's always something like:
Location: Dayton, Ohio

*snicker snicker*

Monday, April 28, 2003

Now that I have heard "Mr. Jones" performed live, I can die happy. Also noteworthy: some jerk behind me kept shouting "LONG DECEMBER!" As if they weren't going to do Long December. Sheesh. Then someone else yelled out "FREEBIRD!" which was pretty funny, and the band played a few unnervingly competant lines of it. I guess this proves that at some point in every band's career, they have to learn "Freebird."

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

I have decided to send my brain on holiday to Cancun.

Do not forward my calls.

Do not pass go.

Do not, under any circumstances, disseminate anything without the express written consent of Major League Baseball. At least not until I get back.

Adios! *waves*

mmm... mental margaritas...

No one is ever going to talk to me again. I am convinced of it. I am adrift in my little boat. La la la. Whee...

Monday, April 21, 2003

Just because I HAD TO KNOW -

Billboard's Top Ten Albums:

Godsmack (I think this is one of those bands teenage boys on skateboards listen to)
Linkin Park (I think ditto)
50 Cent (score one for black guy with funny name)
Various artists, Now 12 (I'm going to assume that Jennifer Lopez is on this somewhere. Either her or Rotting Garbage. Even though I made them up.)
Lisa Marie Presley (Huh?)
Ginuwine (Not a clue)
Cher (Proof that people over 40 still buy music)
Celine Dion (pop, but not bad)
Norah Jones (Kinda know who she is)
Evanescence (not bad)

The Top 40 also featured, in ascending order of evil: #31 Christina Aguilera, #22 Avril Lavigne (more evil than Christina because she thinks she's... heehee... punk), #24 Justin Timberlake, and, number 40 with a bullet, some kind of ghastly Christian rock confection. Perhaps if you get both #'s 31 and 40, good and bad (or saintly and slutty) will wage war for your eternal soul via your CD player. Now, that's what I call music.

Thus ends my heartfelt yet completely ineffectual assault upon the music industry. I shall now go quietly into this good night.

Not the one that Cartman drew on his hand. She was clearly too talented for Top 40.
And Jennifer Lopez.
And a nuevo-punk band with a name like Rotting Garbage or something.
People should eally listen to Kay Hanley instead of whatever's in the Top 40 right now. I have no idea what's in the top 40 right now!

I'm thinking there's prolly a black guy with a funny name.

Thursday, April 17, 2003

Where does your soul go, when you lose your soulmate??

Well. So. My Imaginary friend has gone, to wherever imaginary people go when they disappear. I've gotta say, for someone who didn't exist, I'm going to miss him a lot.*
*actual translation: Kill me now.

So. Am going to bury self in music. Music is all that matters. Everything else is shit. *nods*

Well. That sucked.

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

I saw two completely seperate people wearing bright green sweat pants at Kroger today. For some reason, I felt personally offended.

Thursday, April 03, 2003

Things I ran across while looking at Yahoo Profiles: A man who listed his occupation as "computer" (methinks he left off an s), and a woman who stated, "I'm a pagan and a bisexual and quite happy about it all, actually!" It's so simple for some people...

As usual, my search yielded (approximately): 24 boring people (ones who list their interests as "going to movies, working out, and stuff" or similar), 19 stupid people (these include randomly swearing teens, sneering rednecks, and republicans), 14 sexfiends, 8 lesbians, 5 things that make you go hmmm??, a partridge in a pear tree, and not one single kindred spirit.

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

And, I am over it. Sort of.
I should probably write something...

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

Yes. I'm feeling a strong desire to write poetry. This can only end badly.

Monday, March 31, 2003

False alarm. I have possibly never felt so lonely in my life.

Clearly, I am not over it.

Sunday, March 30, 2003


Monday, March 17, 2003

*Insert non-depressing entry here* Perhaps something about visiting the pier and eating saltwater taffy and riding the ferris wheel? If someone has a happy taffy-type experience to spare, I could really use it. Thanks.
You see the world in Gray
You poor, depressed child. A rain cloud seems to
follow you everywhere. The worst has always got
to happen doesn't it? Life is miserable.

What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well... sheesh. It's not that bad. *small voice* Is it?
Went to global candlelight vigil, which was nice, but was greeted with initial dilemma of what sort of candle to use. Then it hit me: what I need is a... candle consultant!!!

Am truly blown back by the fundamental interconnectedness of all things.

Also, my cat is licking the wall.

Thursday, March 13, 2003

In other news, I just had a slice of cheese even though I had already brushed my teeth. Ha HA! Take that, world.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

Phrase of day that would be funny were it not so mind-numbingly stupid: Freedom fries. No, that isn't grease you're tasting... it's FREEDOM!! Mmmmm. Freedom is good with salt and vinegar.
I want to know you, my most imaginary friend. I want to discover what lurks beneath the surface, even if it's the Creature from the Black Lagoon. We are so close, yet so far away. In the same place but on different planes of existance. Will I ever truly know you? I fear I won't rest until I do. You intrigue me. Amuse me. Enrage me. You are the realest person I know, yet strangely imaginary. You are unique; that is your hold over me. Can I blame the mundane, normal everyday world for my fixation on you? Blame it for making you seem such a bright shining star in such a dark sky? My star flickers, still shining but fading. I want to light up the world with you. Instead, here I sit. Dreaming and dying. Sparkle and fade. Who will light my sky when you are gone? I curse you for not knowing the power of your light. I want to ease your pain. Why can't I? I want to know you, my most imaginary friend. Is reality too much to ask for?

If you actually read this, would you even know it was about you?

Yours in non-poetry,
Wait. It's actually an avocado.
*creeps out from under covers* OK. Lime fixed. Whew.

And to top it off, MY LIME IS BROKEN!!! GAH!!! *goes to bed and throws covers over head*

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

Really, why is it so damn cold in here???
Also, I can now put poms on socks that did not have poms before. I am... THE POMINATOR!!!

Monday, March 10, 2003

Sign on door at the Wal: "Door not working due to problems." Once again proving my theory, all the great minds work at K-Mart.
Sock crisis averted! Was able to buy lifetime supply of replacement poms at the Wal for $2.97. Sometimes life makes sense.

I should probably also mention that I have no idea how to write poetry, except that it is not supposed to rhyme.
It's still really cold in here.

I've been toying with the idea of writing a poem about my MIF and posting it. Hmm. Perhaps will write poem about hedgehogs instead. Or use hedgehog imagery but in fact make it still about him.

Could have called blog "hedgehog imagery." Damn. Always a day late and a dollar short, I am.

Sunday, March 09, 2003

My feet are cold!

Thursday, March 06, 2003

Ponderings on the TV I Watched Today: (This should be prefaced by saying that I basically hate TV, yet watch ridiculous amounts of it.)

If Jennifer Lopez changes her name to Jennifer Lopez Affleck, she'll be J. Loaf.

What I thought while watching presidential thingy: Oh crap, Survivor's gonna run into South Park now.

In a sort of retraction, I think the phrase is actually "hizzle fo shizzle," which sounds disappointingly less like a Chili's appetizer (I think fizzle fo shizzles would have been like jalapeno poppers). I still, however, don't know what it means.
That's what I thought.
Is it tacky to drink wine out of a plastic Spider-man cup?

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

Proof that I am the whitest person to ever saunter into the Gap: I have no idea what "fizzle fo shizzle" means, other than it kind of sounds like an appetizer, yet my TV has been blaring it at me all week. (My TV is, apparently, quite ghetto.) And it was just last week I learned what "bling bling" means. For some reason, I thought it was a cell phone. "Bling, bling!"... "Hello?"

Yeah, I'm a dork ^-^

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

I just don't want to go to bed!

Saturday, March 01, 2003

The little pom thingy fell off my sock. I am hopelessly depressed.

Friday, February 28, 2003

It should also be noted that I did, in fact, reunite with my Most Imaginary Friend (or MIF, as he will be referred to henceforth), though it isn't quite the same since depressing conversation of two weeks ago. Can't shake feeling that he thinks I'm a loser. This is one of my biggest problems - I like people who are really similar to me, but they always seem to not like me, or like me but want someone who's better than themselves because they don't like themselves. Does this mean, in some twisted way, that I like myself after all?
Ok, this is kind of mean, but also really hilarious (yes, I know it doesn't link). "Rachel?? More like RACIST!! Nice try, Hitler." HEEHEEHEEHEE!!! That is SO wrong.

New idea for war substitute: Monopoly. Whoever gets hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place wins. Unless Saddam decided to go the Baltic-Mediterrenean-Vermont-Oriental-Connecticut slumlord route. Then Bush might be in trouble.

Thursday, February 27, 2003

You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Um... er... *blinks* I don't even know what to say about this, I'm just so touched...
Funny phrase of day, old school: "Big-ass ham."

Am in very, very bad mood. The phrase "cabin fever" has hit home with stunning clarity and force. I think I might actually qualify for hermit status now. Can you register as a hermit with the government and have them send you supplies of like, flannel shirts, and maybe blocks of surplus cheese? Doubtful. Hermits- the FORGOTTEN minority! (Note to self: ad-campaign.)

I had like, all this stuff I was going to blog, and I can't remember any of it. My head is all muzzy. I NEED AIR!!! *opens door and is blown back by Arctic blast*

So. The situation is:
1. It is butt-freezing outside.
2. I have no transportation.
3. There is nowhere to go, anyway.
4. I can't even take a walk or rollerblade when it warms up because there are no fucking sidewalks and everything is all bendy and twisty due to mountains.
5. I hate this place.
6. My life is bleak as bleak can be.

Also, I really wish male contestants on Lingo would not sort of leer at the camera when they pull out number 69. It's subtle, but still. Come on. Or maybe they can't help it. Maybe men see "69" and raise their eyebrows and look naughty AUTOMATICALLY. Like when I used to not be able to say "toilet paper" without cracking up.

Toilet paper. *giggles*

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

I really hate when some guy looks at his wife/girlfriend and says "She's the boss!" Sometimes you get the feeling he's being patronizing, like "I *let* her be the boss, wink wink," and sometimes you get the feeling the guy's just a pussy. Either way, it's sickening. Is it really less belittling to have to keep a full-grown man "in line" than to be under some guy's thumb? I mean, why does anyone have to be the boss? People's relationships are so depressing!

Also, I don't actually have Bermuda shorts. In case anyone was wondering.

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

My hair finally looks exactly like I want it to. I mean, it looks really spiffy. I can so be a rockstar now. (Because obviously, the only thing that's been holding me back is Bad Hair.)

Also, Alex Trebek is the biggest dork in the universe and should not ever be allowed to sing, ever.
There's a HUGE mountain of dirty black snow outside my apartment. I want to have my picture taken in front of it wearing like, Bermuda shorts or something and caption it "Welcome to Paradise."

Monday, February 24, 2003

I love these purple pop-tarts with green icing. Bless the creative minds of the good folks at Kellogg's.

Hmm. Can't have a post that's entirely about pop-tarts. What else can I say? Maybe something about granola. In retrospect, I prolly should have had the bowl of granola instead of the pop-tart, as opposed to in addition to it. Perhaps when they start making granola in purple and green. But then the milk would turn a disgusting sort of gray-puce colour, and I've spent way too much time on this subject.
""To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." "

Yeah. That's it.

I saw a couple great quotes recently. I don't remember them exactly so I'll just paraphrase: "If you look, you may not leap." Good advice for most people; bad advice for people who live by the edge of a cliff. The other one was something about remaining yourself when people do everything in their power to convince you otherwise. Or something. Damn, I really gotta get that quote. Hang on.

Thursday, February 20, 2003

href=""> src="" border=none>
href=""> Come get your fortune

Created by ptocheia

My fortune is... "You will be questioned by a woman named Sally, who is also startlingly tall."

*gasp* Sally must have found out about my secret cache of chee... no, I've said too much! I'm *not* going to try to take over the world with a turbo-charged catapult and some well-placed cubes of extra-sharp cheddar, not at all! Project CheeseLaunch simply does not exist. Where would you ever get such a crazy idea?! *laughs nervously*

*grumbles under breath* Curses! Foiled again!

This message has been brought to you by my cat, who just randomly walked across the keyboard. Or... is it random? Maybe it's a secret message from the cat world! The equal sign makes me think some kind of complicated mathematical equation, but it's prolly just something about tuna.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

Excellent. I was just looking out the window and thinking, "What we need now is more snow." I love when my sarcastic prayers are answered.

I just watched Ghost World, and I'm going to watch it again when it's on in an hour. This is the bright side of having no life, if you want to watch the same damn movie twice in one night, who's going to stop you? The dark side is, if you want to go beat your noisy upstairs neighbours to death with a frozen leg of lamb, who's going to stop you? NO ONE!! MUAHAHAHA!!! Er.
I want to make a short film called "Puppet People." This would entail sitting in places where boring office-type people hang out and penning their most dreadful, mundane statements to paper. These would be turned into a montage of statements, spoken at close range to the camera by real people. This would comprise almost the entire film, until the end where they are revealed to be dangling by strings, and go puppet-shuffling off into the skyline. This part would, of course, require actual puppets. This idea is copyright to ME, so don't go stealing it. HA!

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

Nobody wants to be my friend, and I'm out of cheese. *sigh*
When I wear two socks, I find that my feet get too hot. When I wear no socks, I find that my feet get too cold. So, I am now wearing one sock and feel just right. *squishes*
I've noticed the majority of blogs that have words like "crazy," "strange," and "demented" in the title are in fact mundane and boring and written by teenagers who think going to the mall and crushing on their boy/girlfriend constitutes la vida loca. I could not let this irony go unchecked. For the sake of irony everywhere.

And while we're on the subject: 1. Have some rudimentary concept of spelling before you blog, please? Pwetty please? 2. Using letters iN thiS fAShiON is not cool, it is aNNoyiNG! 3. Is it really so hard to type out the words "are" and "you" in their entirety? And 4., is it really so hard to not speak like a gangsta if you're 17, white, and living in Oak Park, Illinois or similar? Thank you.
I want to marry Tim Quirk of Too Much Joy just so i can be Lissa Quirk. I truly do. Unless he's already married, and his wife has a cool name, like... Natasha. Natasha Quirk. I can't possibly compete with that. Or Mona Quirk.
Fasten your seatbelts- it's going to be a bumpy night!!!

Human contact: the final frontier. First, I hate that I have something in common with Comic Book Guy. Second... well, that's pretty much it. Dare I brave the snow, the wind, and the general chill of society in the pursuit of...? It seems some unseen force is pushing me in that direction, kicking and... well, not so much kicking and screaming as emitting a low gutteral moan that only dogs can hear.

Brilliant paragraph from Carl Hiaasen book that sums up whole life: Carrie: "He doesn't seem to fit anywhere." Molly: "You wouldn't want him if he did. The world is full of nice boring young men. The crazy ones are hard to find and harder to keep, but it's worth it." Carrie: "But crazy isn't the word for it, is it?"

This reminds me of what I was thinking the other day, about why life doesn't work, which is basically that nice people are boring and interesting people are assholes. Except me, of course.

Saturday, February 15, 2003

For once, though, I should be the one to leave something, even if I'm still just sitting here. I don't wanna hang around like a faded dress, in the wise words of Kay Hanley. But it takes an incredible amount of courage to leave while standing still (not to mention possible supernatural ability).

What kind of strange inertia left me sitting in this chair? Maybe someday I'll be set in motion; then I'll be too busy whizzing by to ever get left behind.

Did I just say "whizzing?" Hehe. Hehe. *Beavis laugh*
OK, so I haven't exactly lost my imaginary friend. I just feel like I should tell him to zark off if I want to be empowered and stuff. I feel this very strongly.*

*actual translation of paragraph: *whimper*

I have discovered that pretty much anything that can be done in regular clothes can also be done in pajamas, with the possible execption of mountain-climbing, which I do not do anyway.
Let's see... what else can I do in my pajamas?

Friday, February 14, 2003

Just went and did laundry in my pajamas. Not really sure how I feel about this.
I bet someone in New York would buy it. *nods* My charred and blackened soul would hang above the trendy post-modern sofa in someone's Manhattan loft. It would have to listen to a lot of pretentious cocktail party chatter, but it would prolly have a much better view than it does now; perhaps overlooking Central Park. Wait, is that in Manhattan? Hmm. My lack of New York knowledge is suddenly painfully obvious.
If I painted a canvas solid black and said it was a portrait of my soul, do you think I could sell it for a million dollars?
So now I have to take my pain and do something artistically significant with it. Hmm. *thinks*
I will always get left, just for the simple fact that I have no where else to go.

Tuesday, February 11, 2003


What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

This might be me. Then again, it might not. *is mysterious*

Monday, February 10, 2003

One's dreams should not be more interesting than one's waking life, particularly if one's dreams are about chopping onions. (They were green onions, not white. Just to clarify. Not sure if that's more interesting or not. Just a different colour.)

Actually, tomorrow I'll be chopping onions for real. So you could say, my dreams are about to come true. Whoo!!!

Sunday, February 02, 2003

Sign on store window: "We have lampshades!" Yup, that about sums up Morgantown...

Friday, January 31, 2003

Funny phrase of day: "Big tap-dancing pimp." Funny phrase brought to you courtesy of Matthew Perry, 6 comedy writers, and the letter "Q".

The funny phrase is all I can muster; I simply do not feel like peering into the abyss at the moment. There are things in there, things with glowy eyes and snarly teeth and scuttly feet. I *will* face the abyss-dwellers, one of these days. Until then...

Chowda! Hobbit feet! TROGDOR!!!

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Funny phrase of day- It's a tie!!! "happy black guy" and "hobbit feet." Funny phrases brought to you courtesy of the Daily Show and one of the myriad extras on Fellowship of the Ring DVD, respectively.

Sign on door: "No pets allowed in laundry room" - is this really the best way to wash your dog, anyway?

Hm. Am bored. I don't know why I think writing that will make me less bored. I was so tired last night that I couldn't get to sleep because I kept yawning. There's probably something terribly, terribly wrong with me.

In other news, my name in Japanese is... Risusa! Kind of sounds like a car. Come lease a new Risusa today!

"Why are you in my tent?"

Monday, January 27, 2003

I could hardly sleep last night, it felt like there were happy bees buzzing in my head! The only negative I can say about the game is that we didn't win by a Gramatica field goal, thus making him the hero being hoisted on his teammates' shoulders and all those lovely things I was picturing, but the good news is that we won by eighty jillion points. So I'm not complaining.

My upstairs neighbours were, apparently, dropping bowling balls on the floor at 8 o'clock this morning. Or at least, something that sounded startlingly like it. Or maybe not bowling balls exactly, because there was this funny little bounce at the end... THUNK tap tap tap... repeatedly, for at least half an hour... THUNK tap tap tap... I honestly can't imagine what they were doing, which is probably for the best.

Tuesday, January 21, 2003

Oh yeah, was going to report on dinner party other night before depression rolled in. It wasn't the worst, I'll say that. I mean, these are not people I relate to, and I'm sure they don't know what the hell to make of me, but at least they like Harry Potter. They all work at same place so have terrible habit of speaking in lingo and abbreviations, while I sit there and try to guess what they mean in my head. (NIH - Nominally Intelligent Hyenas?) Must amuse self somehow. Ah, me.
Am doing laundry because there is notihng worse than being depressed and having dirty clothes besides. Well, maybe a few things. Maybe being depressed and having *no* clothes. Or no arms. OK, I'll shut up now.

"But I could sleep through this, anywaaaaaay..." Letters to Cleo

Sunday, January 19, 2003

We're going to the Super Bowl! We're going to the Super Bowl! Whooooo! *puts lampshade on head*

(Has anyone ever actually put a lampshade on their head, and if so, why?) Hmm...

Sunday, January 12, 2003

Oh yeah, the Bucs kicked booty today! Pirate... booty... get it? Arrrr. (Sorry :P) They are now in the NFC championship, woohoo! The victory was marred by two things: One, Martin had only two FG chances and missed one of them :( (on the bright side, he missed the 45 yarder, not the 19 ^-^) and Two, they have to play next week in cursed Philadelphia. I don't want to think about Philadelphia too much... bad memories. *blocks out thoughts of a certain missed field goal...* But, we'll see! This is the best the Bucs have ever played, and they scored a boatload of TDs today, which was encouraging.

"Some of us prefer illusion to despair" - the great philosopher Nelson Muntz

Thursday, January 09, 2003

Stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it! AGGGGGGGGGGH!!

Wednesday, January 01, 2003

Just watched entire Iron Chef marathon, from noon to 2 AM. I know, I am special. *bows* (Did play CL during part of it, so am not complete maniac. Besides, I'm sure many people watched bowl games all day, perhaps with their hands tucked into their pants. My hand did not once go into my pants. Really. So there.) Er, what was I saying?

Happy New Year! Whee! Ballatore tastes like flowers, yummy.

I hate how everything is in reruns over the holiday season, like they assume everyone is out having carefree fun. They assume wrong. Some of us are at home, getting drunk with our cats. ^-^