Thursday, November 30, 2017

tbt ~ my songs list from last year!

Why, oh why, would anyone want to throwback to 2016? Well, cause I was reading over my worst songs posts - there are three of them - and I had a surprisingly good time with such a bad year. A lot more fun than this year. But I have a feeling there will be another "songs I missed" post after I see other lists, just cause I missed so many.

The original list:

Addendum one, what's that horrible noise?:
Addendum two, songs I missed:

Maybe I can still squeeze a little bittersweet joy from this lemon of a year. And from the "toot my own horn" department, my "Rae Sriracha" joke and "what's that horrible noise" bit were also used by two prominent Youtubers. Obviously they didn't copy me, nobody reads this, but I like knowing I'm on the same track as someone people actually listen to, I guess. Okay, that was the saddest horn ever. But you take what you can get.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Favourite Hits of 2017, Should-be Hits, and More!

Again, I didn't hear a lot of the hits this year. I heard a lot more pop than country because it's inescapable if you go to sporting events, bars, outside your house, etc. Looking at the list of country hits and I know like five of 'em. One thing about bad country, it's pretty easy to avoid unless it crosses over like *shudder* Sam Hunt. But that also means I might have missed some good stuff. That's why I'm sad country radio sucks now, I don't wanna slog through a bunch of bad to meh stuff for a couple songs that might be good. In the 90s you could just pick your favourites from the radio cause most of it was at least okay.

This list is only hits and singles that should have been hits. I'll get to the rest of my favourite tracks in my albums post. Obviously anything I talked about last year, like Eric Church's songs, are ineligible. I define a "hit" as peaking in the top 20 of the Billboard pop or country chart.

1. Tin Man ~ Miranda Lambert

In a just world, this would be one of Miranda's biggest hits, because it's one of her best songs. It hit the top 20, but for such a great song by such a popular artist to not hit the top 5 shows there is something really rotten in country music. Well, we already knew that, but usually when an established artist releases a great song, it hits. I guess it's just too good for our world now. If you like music that gives you goosebumps instead of herpes (hi, Sam Hunt), check this out.

2. Redbone ~ Childish Gambino

Not only is this a great song, it's an interesting one. Interesting music so rarely makes the charts anymore, the last one I can think of is Macklemore's "Downtown." (A song so layered and amazing it just keeps growing on me every year.) This song is classified on Wikipedia as "psychedelic soul," and just let that sink in. In the midst of all the Justin Bieber, boring trap, and affected as hell Selena Gomez voices, we had a little bit of PSYCHEDELIC SOUL. Thank you, Get Out, both for being an awesome movie and for putting this song into the collective conscience. PLEASE, more like this, I miss good soul and r&b so much.

3. Million Reasons ~ Lady Gaga

Gaga has a beautiful, powerhouse voice, the opposite of all those affected little twerps, and she has never sounded better than she does here. This was actually a pretty big hit, but I feel it could have been bigger? Like, I don't think this really stuck around very long or gets talked about much, compared to something like say, Shape of You. This is so much better than that in every way and it briefly peaked at #4, while that was number one for 937 weeks or something. Why do these things still surprise me? I think I'm forever stuck in a time when people actually had taste.

4. I Feel it Coming ~ The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk

Damn you autocorrect, I know you're trying but it really is the weekND, okay? Anyway yeah, another smooth, lush, beautifully produced song from this perfect collaboration. Keep making them and I'll keep putting them on my list. Daft Punk proves again that electronic music can be just as beautiful as organic, even to someone like me who prefers real instruments. Just make it sound big and expensive instead of cheap and cashing in. (hi, Chainsmokers!)

5. Broken Halos ~ Chris Stapleton

I think I might have a little burnout on Stapleton right now. I listened to this album and it didn't stick with me like Traveler did. I obviously need to give it more listens, but I'm gonna wait awhile. This song, however, is a major standout and one of my favourites in his catalog. The gospel feel suits him perfectly, and I love the gentle mix of his and his wife Morgaine's voices. Subtle, but it really makes the song.

6. It Ain't My Fault ~ Brothers Osborne

How'd this get on the radio??? Rollicking country rock that would have fit right in in the 90s. I can only imagine the reaction of a modern country radio listener the first time they heard this driving ass BEAT coming out of their speakers. "What the hell is that?" they probably asked. "Where's the tinny drum machine? Where's the boring mid tempo beat that sounds like everything else? Where's the half second of banjo sample to qualify it as country?" Pause. "Um, can I have some more?" I hope to God you can, good sir or ma'am.

7. Feel it Still ~ Portugal. The Man

Hoo boy, random punctuation in band name, this is gonna be pretentious as... hey wait a minute, this is kinda slick! Kinda funky! Kinda, dare I say, groovy? I have no idea what "I'm a rebel just for kicks now" means, but it sounds good so who cares!

Honorable mentions:

Either Way ~ Chris Stapleton
This one's good too, killer vocal performance, I just like Broken Halos a little better.

Every Little Thing ~ Carly Pearce
I like this kind of pop country. Nice voice. Nothing earth-shaking, but not bad at all, and I'm happy to see any quality song by a female artist hit.

That's What I Like ~ Bruno Mars
Another solid r&b hit from Bruno, I just got really sick of this one. Partly my fault, but some songs stand up better to overplay than others.

Sign of the Times ~ Harry Styles
Not at all my favourite song from his album, but I like the classic rock feel. This isn't a song I seek out, but I sure don't get mad if I hear it. (A 2017 compliment: "It doesn't make me mad!")

Singles that should have been hits, but weren't:

Hard Times ~ Paramore
I like this better than their songs that were hits. I'm not sure why it didn't catch on more. I think this will be one of those songs that wasn't a hit but will be looked back on fondly like, why wasn't that a hit?

Better Bad Idea ~ Sunny Sweeney
Another fun, rollicking country song, this could have been right at home next to "It Ain't My Fault," but it's by a woman and they only let a couple of those out of the cage at a time, apparently. :( But sure, keep the milquetoast Kelsea Ballerini crap like "Yeah Boy" coming, that fills your quota by keeping it nice and empty, doesn't it?

Run For Cover ~ The Killers
Somewhere in 1985, this is a top 10 hit. But it's 2017 so Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang, burp.

Praying - Kesha
THIS DIDN'T EVEN CRACK THE TOP 20. Her complete garbage song "Blah Blah Blah" went to #7, and this emotional powerhouse can only manage #22?? I hate people sometimes. As good as this song is, it's only like my 6th favourite off of Rainbow. But it should have been huge.

And now, this is what I call the "football" list. We had season tickets to the Eskimos this year, so I heard a lot of music, from good to meh to bad, played very loud. There are certain songs that made me want to die every time I heard them, like "Truck Yeah" and "Ghostbusters" by Fall Out Boy. Dear God, was that a misguided piece of crap. Then there were songs that were tolerable by comparison, and that's what this list is. "Songs I heard at a football game that didn't make me want to die."

Justin Bieber was everywhere this year and look, I don't hate him anymore. Oh not because I like him, I'm just not sure he's even a sentient being at this point. He's just kinda... there. Like a houseplant or a meatloaf. Inoffensive, but utterly lacking in personality. It would be like hating your drapes. "Despacito" and "I'm the One" were unavoidable this year, and yeah, I've heard worse. They're passable summer jams. At least we HAD summer jams this year. Remember what was popular last summer?

"I needa one dance... zzzz... oh never mind, I fell asleep." Don't take NyQuil before your recording session, kids.

So yeah, I'll take a Bieber feature that has the charisma of kitchen tile but is at least upbeat any day.

Imagine Dragons ~ I swear these guys used to be good. Well, they sure do make football music now, don't they. I mean, "Radioactive" was too but not in quite such an obvious way, I guess? I think their recent stuff was made to sound big, rather than be big. And boy can you tell the difference.

It Ain't Me ~ Kygo and Selena Gomez
Not my style of music, but an actual catchy chorus in 2017! Also, Selena's wispy ass voice is okay if you layer it with what sounds like an entire cheerleading squad. In the midst of all the droning, tuneless "trap" crap, I had to at least call this out for getting stuck in my head.

2017: the year you desperately want a song, any song, to actually stick in your head. Please, just give me something I can hum til it drives me nuts, that's all I ask!

Probably the biggest hit of the year after "Despacito" was "Shape of You" by Ed Sheeran. I don't like it but I don't dislike it enough to put it on my worst list, despite it being a constant annoying plonk in my ears all year long. I covered it here:

And that's all I have to say about popular music in 2017. As with last year, if I hear any songs on other people's lists, good or bad, that I hadn't heard and want to talk about, I'll make another post.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

The Worst Music of 2017 I Had the Misfortune of Hearing

I didn't hear a lot of popular music this year. I didn't seek it out. Most of what I did hear was bad to meh, and songs I feel should have been big hits weren't. So this isn't really an official list, just a rundown of the worst shit I heard in an effort to cleanse it from my soul. I guess they're sort of in order from worst to least worst.

This was just a terrible year, not only music-wise but for many reasons I don't even want to go into. Let's just say, I can't wait til 2018. Of course, I said that last year about 2017 and look what happened. I'm starting to have this creeping fear that every year's just gonna be bad now, but maybe that's a better outlook than pointless optimism. Then if things get better it will be a nice surprise. That said, there's still something cathartic about putting a bad year behind you, about new beginnings, even if it's only in your own mind.

1. Body Like a Fucking Backroad


Okay, let's just get it out of the way. Worst song of the year, of the decade, possibly ever?? There's just nothing to recommend or redeem this thing, every note, every word, every measure of its wretched existence is pure bile. I've never before hated a song with the intensity I usually save for horrible people, an intensity only magnified by it being such a big hit. WHY??? This should have festered in obscurity like "Donkey" (hey, remember Donkey? Remember old whats his name who sang it? Exactly). But NOOOO, since the US decided to become a crass, cultureless, ugly cesspool of corn dog sweat and PBR vomit, this thing took hold like a burrowing parasite. I guess it's only fitting.

2. Look What You Made Me Do (and reputation in general)

Look what you just made me do, OHHH! What, have an orgasm? Stub your toe? I don't know what that sound means. I do know that T. Swift's human-to-meme transformation is now complete. How does an artist who started out as a teenager get less mature? This isn't a song, it's a cautionary tale. A once-promising songwriter consumed by celebrity gossip and her own image, two things I couldn't possibly care less about. Taylor has written honest, insightful songs throughout her career, from "Back to December" to "Wildest Dreams," so I have no reason to believe this isn't just as honest. Fame is kinda ugly and depressing, is the takeaway. So don't follow your dreams, kids! Do drugs. Start forest fires. The world makes no sense.

"...Ready for It?" I kinda like the... can I call it a pre-chorus if there's no actual chorus? The "in the middle of the night" part. But then it slams into "are you ready for it?" BOOM BOOM BOOM, and it's just more noise and nonsense. It's bad enough other instrumentation has been replaced by percussion in pop music, must vocals be replaced by it, too? Speaking five words followed by POUND POUND POUND CLANG is not a chorus, it's a letdown. Have we forgotten how music works? You're supposed to build to something, not throw your song off a cliff.

"Call It What You Want" - "My baby's fly like a jet stream" Sure you don't mean LIKE A G6, Taylor?? This is someone who's known as a serious songwriter. What's next, Joni Mitchell's twerking anthem? I just can't with this. Edgy Taylor Swift does not work. I miss choruses. The end.

3. anything "trap"

I'm still not sure what this is, but I'm pretty sure I've ruled out "music." The latest and possibly worst culprit that unfortunately made contact with my ears: "Gucci Gang." The lyrics go, "Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang." Actually wait, it might be, "Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang, yah!" And boy howdy, I just love those little random sound effects like "brrrrrr!" that are in every rap song now, how did we ever live without those. LAAA-ZYYYY. I'm putting more effort into this blog entry than you put into your top 10 hit song. That's a problem. We're not that far off from just putting farts in music, I'm convinced of it. Next trend, fartcore!

4. Rockstar

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

5. anything by Halsey

If I had to pinpoint the specific pop singing style I detest, it would be this breathy, autotuned, stuttery* crap. See also: Selena Gomez. But Halsey is worse, because she seems to think she's "deep" and... alternative??? This is the most boring, basic pop music and vocals you could possibly make and you think you're alternative? I think Selena Gomez at least knows what kind of music she's making, so Halsey gets the nod for pure pretension. When someone says they don't like millennials, which is admittedly silly, I think this is what they're talking about.

*"stuttery" isn't quite the right word. She doesn't stutter like "You Ain't Seen Nothin Yet." Syncopated, maybe? It's the opposite of flowing, melodic, or ear-pleasing. Just listen to "Now or Never." It's like having your ears repeatedly hit with a tiny mallet.

6. anything by The Chainsmokers

"When someone says they don't like millennials, which is admittedly silly, I think this is what they're talking about." Oh good, I didn't have to write anything new. Hmm, maybe I should add a "brrrrrr!" or a "hey!" or a "pbbbbbt" noise to fill up more space? I don't want it to seem like I have nothing to say. Yah, whoa oh, blurp, woo, the cat says meow, sit Ubu sit, good dog, ruff! cha ching.

Worst lyric of 2017 that isn't "body like roadkill," "why? because she's DEAD!" or "Gucci Gang, MOOOOOO!" -

"Your precious heart is a precious heart," from "The Fighter" by Keith Urban and Carrie Underwood. "Your thing is that thing I just said it was." It probably took five people to write that. I'm depressed.

Anything terrible I missed? Well, I probably didn't hear it, so I'm just gonna count my blessings and move on. Autocorrect keeps insisting that I do not mean "fartcore," but I assure you that I do. One day you'll know. #trendsetter

Friday, November 24, 2017

Feel Good Friday ~ soundtrack by my little brother's Casio!

Frightful Friday is on hiatus this week, but I do plan to get up to 10 so I can have Friday X: Friday in Space. Cause these are the important things in life.

So in honour of Season 12 of MST3K being announced, here's the most feel good, inspirational movie song of all time, the Pumaman theme!

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Wicked Good Wednesday

I had a busy weekend and decided to catch up on season 2 of Riverdale (the most wonderful and terrible show ever), so only two movies today. But they're good ones.

One Dark Night - I had a vague memory of writing about this the last time I watched it about 10 years ago, and yup!

November 25, 2008 - "I'm watching a movie with some creepy dead psychic guy and a bunch of reanimated corpses. And sorority girls, of course! Why do I watch movies like this?

It has Meg Tilly in a ruffly 80s sweater, so that's good."

Some things never change, except I apparently used to question my life choices. I don't do that anymore. And yeah, that about sums it up. I mean, ANOTHER sorority initiation?? This one's a little different though, since it involves this undead psychic instead of your usual slasher, and it takes place in a mausoleum which is always fun.

Am I too late for the slumber party? I brought Shasta!

Now it's time to play, WHAT'S MORE 80S? This bedroom

or Meg's sweater and overall Mallory Keaton-ness?

As cliche as the setup is, and I have no idea why Meg would want to hang out these "sisters" who clearly don't like her (other than to prove a point??), I have a soft spot for this movie. It must be the sweater.

The Wraith - More 80s fun, this time new to me. Starring Charlie Sheen, Sherilyn Fenn, and Clint Howard. Guess the random 80s boobs! (If you guessed Clint Howard, well, you're my kinda reader.) If I was 12 I'd make a joke about "twin Peaks", but I'm obviously too mature for that. Anyway! I found the story pretty Stephen King-ian, revenge and bullies and cars in a small town, but it wasn't derivative. It opens with a song that's somehow ALL mid-80s soundtrack songs. It kinda sounds like "Danger Zone," but isn't. That's just what 1986 sounded like.

This wasn't earth-shattering but I enjoyed it. The cars and race scenes are cool, and fellow 80s fans will probably dig it.

Since we're nearing the end of the year, I'm gonna be slowing the movies down except for my Christmas/winter list. I'll probably still watch a few here and there, but I think this is the end of the official marathon. All the more for next year!

Friday, November 17, 2017

Game time!

What's inside this rather large parcel? (Cat included for scale and cuteness)

A: Ant farm
B: Unabridged dictionary
C: Ant farm AND unabridged dictionary
D: Entire country of Belgium
E. A single pair of socks

Frightful Friday Part VI - FRIDAY LIVES

Okay, who didn't see that coming. We've got a few movies to sink our teeth into today, so let's do it!

The Legacy - This movie is AWESOME. Not awesomely bad, just flat out awesome. Starring Actual Actors Katharine Ross and Sam Elliot, and Roger Daltrey from The Who? Sure, why not. Katharine and Sam are an American couple trapped in a British country manor with other mysterious guests, a creepy nurse, and an old, dying, unseen host upstairs. Dun dun dun! Oh yeah, this is my jam.

So there's a rather informal satanic ritual (I guess) at the old man's bedside, and Katharine has this great wry look on her face, like "WTF, guess I'll just humor 'em" but then, unexpected evil ring! And it won't come off! The guests start dying, Roger Daltrey has a wonderfully hammy* death scene, and of course Katharine and Sam want to gtfo, but there's NO WAY OUT. Even when they steal a car, all roads lead back to the manor. DUN DUN okay you get the point.

*pun sorta intended? He ate ham, but choked on a chicken bone! Oh, that wacky Satan!

Katharine comforts herself by petting a cute white cat, which is exactly what I would do. Sam spies on one of the servants feeding a roasted body to dogs and is understandably perturbed. Then he gets chased by the dogs and the whole time I'm like "DON'T LET SAM ELLIOT DIE," I already had to deal with that shit in Road House, but HE DOESN'T. Instead he finds a CROSSBOW, and Sam Elliot shooting Satanists with a crossbow is now my favourite movie thing ever. Maybe even better than "The Double Douche." Okay, nothing's better than that. Sam Elliot is awesome, is my point.

So Katharine, who's either the reincarnation or ancestor (?) of a dead witch who was the mother of the (really) old guy, rushes up to see him (the old guy). He's on his last breath, and what's that in the air? Oh shit, it's Satan! Sam pushes the nurse down the stairs and apparently she was the white cat? Well I don't blame them for petting her, she might be an evil nurse but she was adorbs. But he's too late to stop the Satan Transfusion, the old man is dead and passed his legacy (oh hey, that's the title!) on to Katharine. He did kill a bunch of people so she could inherit it so I guess it would've been kinda rude to refuse at that point, y'know?

Sadly, even Sam isn't immune to the Devil Virus, or maybe that's just true love, because now it's his turn to put on an Evil Ring. He does it in a very laid back, Sam Elliot-y way, and it's kind of funny, for someone giving their soul to Satan. y'know. THE END!

I LOVE THIS MOVIE. Why this isn't talked about or considered a classic, I have no idea. Maybe it is in some circles, but this was the first I heard of it. And hearing about old horror movies is kind of my thing. The kills in this movie are so good, they're all different (to suit the victim) and the pool scene was especially creative.

WTF? I'm never coming to this YMCA again!

Note: this movie has NO BOOBS. I guess nobody likes 70s boobs.

The Lamp (AKA The Outing) - My first, and probably last, evil genie movie. Well, at least it's something different. Is it good? Well... it's very, very 80s, so if you can enjoy a movie based on fashions and Grade-A 1987 Tiffany Mall Hair, this might be for you.

Actually, I think that might be Tiffany.

The acting in this movie is terrible, and the dialog doesn't help. BUT, I actually liked the effects and most of the death scenes. They were surprisingly well done. Though I was a little sad when the Figaro-singing security guard got a spear though the chest. He had such joie de vivre!

So a bunch of high school kids are locked in a museum with an evil genie. The characters are generic, except for the aforementioned security guard. He was cool. Somewhere there's an angel singing "Figaro." Anyway, there's a lot of setup in this thing, so once they're finally locked in the museum the killing spree gets right underway. Snakes in a bathtub! (Yes, this is the kind of movie where people take random baths. In a museum. Next to the snake storage area.) Dude goes in search of beer and gets a snake up his trousers, oops! In case you didn't know it was filmed in Texas from an earlier Astros reference, a wild "y'all" appears! And oh no, the BULLIES got in! (It's an 80s movie, so bullies. These are more psychopaths/rapists, though. Yikes. They get a good serving of Genie Justice, but I could have 1000% done without that rape scene.)

There's a really cool death scene involving a reanimated museum specimen. I dug the hell out of that effect. The green glowing genie is a bit cheesy in an 80s kids commercial way, but I kinda dug that too.

Hi kids! Not sure if I'm here to murder you or sell you fruit roll-ups. Guess I'll murder you just to be safe.

We also have our second piece of Evil Non-Removable Jewelry in as many movies, and hey kids, you might wanna be careful what you wish for while wearing a cursed genie bracelet. Like you know, not wishing your dad was dead or something ridiculous like that. Oh, you already did that? Well dayum, that's a stone cold bummer ending. The dad actually died. I thought it would end with him and Tiffany having a "moment," but nope! Dead as shit. Also, the acting in the bracelet scene is SO BAD. "No, this isn't happening. No." In the end, only Tiffany and her teacher are alive. I kept expecting her to turn to her and say, "I think we're alone now."

So this movie was pretty uneven, but I think I recommend it. They tried, and actually came up with a few cool scenes. I doubt I'll watch it again, but I'm glad I watched it once. Oh, and random boobs because 80s.

The Video Dead - Here's some aptly named, good old 80s straight-to-video cheese. This wasn't "good" but I enjoyed the hell out of it. In our second (I think?) zombie movie, we have zombies that come out of an old, dusty, busted up 80s tv, the kind with all the intestines and whatnot in the back. The kind you get up to change the channel. *sigh* Okay I don't actually miss that at all, but nostalgia, dammit!

This tv was supposed to be delivered to the institute of occult studies or something, but nope, house in the suburbs! Dumb, sure, but it was kind of cool seeing the zombies climb out of the old black and white movie into the coloured world of reality. Well, straight to video 80s reality. Also: ZOMBIE IN A WEDDING DRESS WIELDING A CHAINSAW. That's not an image you're likely to forget.

Til death do we part? Don't mind if I do!

How did the zombie bride get a chainsaw, you might ask? Well Mr. "listen to me, I'm wearing a hat" here is like the worst zombie hunter ever, and fell asleep (??) when he was supposed to be shooting zombies. The other guy had a chainsaw and well, it's stupid. The answer is it's stupid. But it's great.

The original YOU HAD ONE JOB.

There's a lot of stupid dialog and stupid in general, but it's what you'd expect and maybe a little better. Recommended if you like zombie flicks or this kind of camp. Also, random boobs because 80s.

Rifftrax: Ruby - I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS MOVIE. I don't know who these people are, what they're doing, why the kid is so uncanny valley despite being an actual human, why it randomly turns into the exorcist in the last 10 minutes when before it was about dead gangsters (I think??), and why I just generally want my mommy.


Thursday, November 16, 2017

tbt - eat them up, yum!

Straight on Til Morning Presents... those weird novelty videos they played in the early days of MTV!

There are a lot of things I've forgotten, but I'll never, ever forget any of these videos. They really knew how to make randomly memorable stuff back then.

I don't know why either, but it's awesome! I guess this was kind of the 80s version of a meme. It's weird, it's random, nobody actually knows why it's popular, it just is.

My first Weird Al video, though I didn't know who he was at the time. It made me laugh, and Lucy is voiced by the Crazy Catlady from The Simpsons!

And here it is, the holy grail of novelty videos and all novelty-related things, Roly Poly Fish Heads. This video was directed by Bill Paxton (RIP). What a cool dude. I used to sing this over and over to annoy my mom. Nothing will ever be that fun again, folks, that was peak life. If I could sum up my early childhood in four words, it would be "eat them up, yum!" Just thinking about it now makes me happy, so I'm gonna do that for a while before the next 2017 thing happens and makes me sad again. The 80s weren't perfect but man, they were uniquely fun.

Oh, another one was Julie Brown's "The Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun," but in today's climate that's not really funny anymore. :( See how 2017 ruins everything? Damn you, the present!! 😡

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Wicked Good Wednesday

Touching a little on my last post - I wonder if horror fans, especially female horror fans, are more prone to separating art from culture? How many misspent hours watching slasher and exploitation movies do I have under my belt? The kind that often feature nudity and violence against women I'd consider inappropriate in any other forum. Lots of people don't get why I'd enjoy that, and that's okay, but to me they're just escapist fun. They have no bearing on how I feel about the world, and I can easily separate them from reality. Maybe I've subconsciously adopted that mindset about entertainment in general, idk.

So what have I watched recently? Let the good times roll.

The Brain - Okay, this movie is AMAZING. It's about a giant brain with a face and big snarly teeth. It eats people and rats. It wants to control your mind. IT LOOKS LIKE THIS

So by "amazing," I obviously mean very, very, very bad, but in the best way. This would make a killer Rifftrax. Everyone should see this movie. Also, it's Canadian, and there's a scene in the school where the principal says, "Where do you think you are, America?" to a student and I'm like well nope, obvs Canada, but then the principal says "YOU'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL." Oh, okay. My question is, why do these Canadian movies pretend they take place in America? Is there a reason they can't just say Canada? Also, random boobs because 80s.

Night of the Demons - I felt like revisiting an old favourite. This one is similar to Hell Night in some ways, but better. You've got the big, spooky house with the murderous history, except this time it's an abandoned mortuary. Oh, yeah! And instead of a deranged killer you've got demon summoning, but it actually makes sense here cause it's not just "welp nothing on tv, let's summon demons I guess."

That girl clearly showed up to summon some demons, and nothing else will do.

This is one of those dumb, fun 80s movies that due to just the right combination of factors, works better than it probably should. I've seen similar movies from this time period where you tweak just one or two things and it goes off the rails right into stupidtown. But this hits that sweet atmosphere and vibe. I can't even say "random boobs because 80s," because the boob scene is one of the most memorable effects!
That's right, this is the movie that finally gave random 80s boobs a purpose. Besides the obvious one, I mean.

This is a great movie to watch Halloween night if you don't like to go to parties. Start with The Midnight Hour, have some drinks, maybe some Trick r Treat, and end your night with this. You'll feel like you went to a real party the next day.

Blood on Satan's Claw - This was new to me, and it's a pretty cool little atmospheric period piece. Not too mind-blowing, but it pulls you into its world. If you like satanic ritual and possession horror, I'd check this out. And definitely check it out if you liked The Witch. Also, random boobs because... 18th century? Okay, horror movies just like boobs.

Devil Dog: Hound of Hell - The crown jewel of 70s tv horror, this is every bit as awesome as it sounds. I love the title too, I guess they couldn't decide which alliteration was better so heck it, just use both! It's about a devil dog. From hell. Really, this doesn't require much commentary. Just watch it.

When Michael Calls - more classic 70s tv, with a Michael Douglas so young you'll do a double take and say, "Is that Michael Douglas?" This is actually a pretty damn good psychological thriller. Man, I miss tv movies like this.

Art vs artist?

With the recent revelation that most artists, nay, most people! are scum, what do we do with the art left behind?

Okay I exaggerate, but considering there's a new person outed as a creep almost daily, it's pretty obvious this is only the tip of the iceberg. So what do we do, as we wait in dread for the news that one of our favourite things has been tainted? Well, I wasn't even gonna write about this, as none of the creeps had (so far) been relevant to my interests or this blog. But then Jesse Lacey of Brand New was outed as a predator of teen girls. While Brand New is far from my favourite band, I have a fair amount of songs from their first couple albums on my iTunes. These are songs I've been listening to for 10-15 years. Are they tainted beyond repair now? Do I keep them, considering I already bought them, and just not buy anything else from them in the future? Or do I delete them and wash my hands of it?

Can I live without those songs? Absolutely. That's not the issue here. The issue for me is how far we go in shunning art made by bad people, and what happens if something we can't live without gets hit. The fact that there are certain things I couldn't live without shows how important art is to us. It almost takes on a life of its own. And we need to be realistic here. This is not a new issue.

How many of us own Michael Jackson songs, or at least listen to "Thriller" every Halloween? I do.

How many of us listen to music produced by Phil Spector? I do, and he's a straight up MURDERER.

How many of us watch Rosemary's Baby at Halloween? I do, it's a great movie, made by a man who fled the country due to statutory rape charges.

This is art that is very much still in the mainstream, made by people who did very bad things. What's the difference? Is it because their crimes happened so much longer ago? I could and still might delete those Brand New songs. But I'm sure as hell not deleting Michael Jackson or The Ronettes, so does that make me a hypocrite? Maybe, or maybe it's okay to look at art as its own entity. I don't have any answers here. I mean, all people are inherently sinners, but art is pure by definition. Maybe it's up to us to decide what we're comfortable with, where we draw the line.

The only advice I can offer is that which I follow myself. I will not financially support anyone I know to be a predator, going forward. And - here's the most important point - SUPPORT FEMALE ARTISTS. Support them emotionally by listening to them and believing them. Support them artistically by seeking out their work that might have been buried by men. Support them financially by buying that work if you enjoy it. THAT is how we change the culture, not by deleting a few songs or tv shows from our memory.

Now back to our regularly scheduled shitty movie posts.

Friday, November 10, 2017

I still have 45+, maybe 50 movies left on my List of Doom. And that's not counting the Christmas/Winter ones.😨

Frightful Friday 5 - Seed of Friday

I'm a dirty cheater. I've never actually seen Seed of Chucky, but it was the best part 5 name I could find. I mean come on, "A New Beginning?" That sounds like a rehab clinic, not a horror movie.

Graveyard Shift - A Stephen King movie I hadn't seen, this one was a really cool surprise. While Brad Dourif as the exterminator was fun (I think he chewed more scenery than the rats), the real star of this movie was the SETS. Old mist-shrouded cemetery, abandoned basement full of rusty machinery, and whatever the hell you'd call the lair of the rat-bat (??) thing. A pit of doom? It looked AMAZING, whatever it was.


Legend of Hell House - And now for something completely different, a 70s British haunted house movie. Oh man, I love this one. I THINK I saw this way back in the day, as I had an obsession with haunted house movies as well as Roddy McDowall after Fright Night. But I would have been like, 13 if I did and I remembered nothing, which was awesome. This is one of those movies where the characters help make the mystery even more compelling. I especially liked this medium, fresh off her win of the prestigious Britain's Floppiest Collar award.

It set a new record! Seriously though, good flick.

Brotherhood of Satan - This was right up my alley and would have been an easy 3.5 if it hadn't been so darn slow in parts. But man, when it's good, it's good. The M. O. of the kills is really creative, and the ending is at least worth the buildup. I would have loved to see this paced better because there are some cool ideas here.

Return of the Living Dead - Aw man, what a perfect Friday night movie. I just finished watching this, and it was pretty funny. "Send more cops" lol. This is another one I might have seen way back in the day, but it might as well have been new to me. This was actually pretty groundbreaking. It was the first to introduce zombies saying "braaaaains," as well as (I believe) the first significant zombie comedy, 20 years before Shaun of the Dead. Complete with laughs, genuine scares, cool practical effects and a kickass 80s soundtrack, I'd call this a classic. Oh, and our 2nd Clu Gulager alert of the season! Also, people in the 80s sure liked to get naked for no reason. I don't remember that happening!

Thursday, November 09, 2017


This was supposed to be the day I saw Creeper, but for some unknown reason, I'll be home watching sports as usual. NOT THAT I'M BITTER OR ANYTHING. So, on what could be another shitty day in 2017, let's instead have some sunshiney 60s goodness!

Addressing a couple things

This blog is a 99% safe, politics-free space. However, when politics enters into music, then it's in my territory and I've got something to say.

I did not watch the CMA's last night, because I never watch awards shows. I hate them. There are three kinds of people in the world - people who watch awards shows, people who hate-watch awards shows, and people who don't watch awards shows. Seriously, I can't think of a better way of stereotyping people. Anyway, looks like some of the good guys won, for whatever that's worth. Stapleton, Miranda, and that Brothers Osborne song freaking kicks, good for them! Tin Man should have beat the hell out of Keith Urban, though. :( I don't get Garth Brooks winning, I love him but he hasn't been relevant since like, Third Eye Blind was relevant. Think about that. Nor Taylor Swift, who has never really been country but has officially not been country since 2014. See, this is part of why I don't watch awards shows, I don't need to overthink silly stuff that doesn't matter. (The other reason is they're boring and inane.)

Anyway, apparently Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood made some Trump jokes, which sent dumb people who don't understand how things work into a tizzy. Here's the main point I want to make: The US is SO. FREAKING. POLARIZED right now they no longer realize that people joke about whoever's in office, regardless of "side." How many Clinton jokes did Letterman and other liberal comics make back in the day? Not only that, apparently these same two people also made Obama jokes when he was in office, because that's how things work. Making a damn joke doesn't mean you're on one side or the other.

(That said, it is way easier to joke about Trump because he's a buffoon. Maybe this whole thing is a conspiracy by comedians to make up for the comedy dry spell of the Obama years.)

ALSO: this whole towing a party line thing is ridiculous, and has gotten out of hand to the point of being destructive. Putting aside that joking about a president doesn't automatically mean you dislike them, why would joking about or even disliking ONE person in a party automatically mean you're on the other "side?" You have to fall in step with everyone who claims to be part of your side or you're a traitor, or something? That is some dangerous thinking. What are all the conservatives who hate that their party has been hijacked by a buffoon supposed to do? They should fight, not cower behind a damn party logo. We've really lost sight of things like context and critical thinking. It scares me.

One last point, which is tangentially related: A music critic I follow was being harassed on twitter by someone I can only call a "fangirl" for criticizing certain artists. These were all artists the critic likes and has praised more than criticized. Look, IT'S OKAY TO CRITICIZE THINGS YOU LIKE. It's healthy, even. This goes back to my points about critical thinking and not just falling in step with every damn thing because you're "supposed" to. "I'm a fan of this person, so I have to like everything they do or I'm a hater!" "I support this political party, so I must agree with everyone who stamps that label on or I'm a traitor!" NO. This is not how we make great art or great nations.

Criticism is vital to society, and is not the same as "hating." This fangirl mentality, this "if you're not with us you're against us" bullshit contributes to the bigger picture of what's happening in the world today. We WERE NOT always like this. I know that social media and biased 24/7 news have helped create and exacerbate this problem, but it's still, always, up to the individual to think for themselves. I know it feels good to "belong" to something, but if the thing you belong to discourages independent thinking, it's not worth belonging to.

Not everything is black and white. Some things are, like Nazis are bad. But most things aren't. Embrace the grey.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go clear my head with a nice devil movie, BYEEEEEEE

Wednesday, November 08, 2017

Wicked Good Wednesday

Just finished Stranger Things season 2. It was amazing. Still processing. I love Dustin more than most things on earth right now. That is all.

Now, back to movies! First up: Stephen King's Graveyard Shift, which is new to me.

Saturday, November 04, 2017

SpoOOoky Saturday - how much Keeffe is in this movie?

I haven't had a lot of movie time the past few days, but I managed to sneak a few in. :) Mostly shorter ones, but I finally got to Conjuring 2. 134 minutes, dayum!

It was worth it though. Awesome movie, some of the best modern horror I've seen. If you liked the first one, this one might be even better? It had so many sweet character moments, genuine scares (that creepy flooded basement, you couldn't pay me to go down there), great performances by everyone, and I thought the "hoax" part added some interesting texture. I have such an interest in hauntings, possessions, the occult in general. Whether you believe or not, it's an endlessly fascinating subject and I love how this movie covered different aspects of it.

Waxwork - a classic 80s horror I'd somehow missed. This one's a lot of fun, paying bloody homage to old timey monsters like the Wolfman, the Mummy, and Dracula (played by Miles O'Keeffe!) This is one of the most stylish 80s horror films I've seen, I just love the look and tone of it, and it concludes with an EPIC evil-wax-people vs non-wax-people fight. Highly recommend! I wish 14 year old me had seen this late one Friday night, but hey, 14 year old me is still very much present. :P There's a sequel, and I miiiight watch it, but...

The Gate 2 - Well except for Conjuring 2, which I knew was going to be good, I'm not doing too hot with sequels. This was another Pumpkinhead 2 for me. So Nerdy Metalhead Kid is back, except now he's Nerdy Wizard Kid Who Kinda Looks Like Harry Potter. He's having troubles at home (mom died, dad lost his job and drinks too much) which should be really sympathetic, considering how much I loved this kid in the first movie, but it never really resonates.

I mean, when I say it's like Pumpkinhead 2, it kind of IS. NWKWKLLHP (as we'll call our main character) decides to go back to the ol' gates-of-hell house for nostalgia, cause man those were good times, right? Okay, actually he goes back to try to summon the demon to get his dad a job (???) Maybe you can already see the problem here. This was the smart kid in the first movie. Then of course, the BULLIES show up, because while it's not an 80s movie it is 1990, close enough. And the 80s were just full of bullies roaming the streets in search of stray nerds, apparently. So in true Pumpkinhead 2 fashion, the bully kids are totes down with summoning demon minions cause you know, they're bored, whatever. Better than doing homework, I guess.

I hate this premise for a movie. Can you tell? So pointless. I mean, if you summon demons you kinda deserve what you get, you know? Not like those poor tormented people in The Conjuring who didn't ask for that shit. This is just setting something up so there can be a movie, without understanding the movie needs purpose to be effective.

So there's a love interest for NWKWKLLHP, we'll call her Not-Kelly-Kapowski. She doesn't look that much like her, but there's a lot of feathered bangs and denim going on, you know the deal. This was the only part of the movie that kinda worked for me. She's the girlfriend of the main bully, but she's into the occult so she and NWKWKLLHP come together by common interest. Aww. Except for the demon summoning part, because in the first movie he used his knowledge to FIGHT demons. That was the point. Now he's using them to drive a Corvette. He doesn't seem like the same character. He doesn't even have any good lines in this one. Also, he has a Motley Crue poster in his room. That seems like a rather mainstream choice for someone who was repping KILLER DWARFS when they were 12, and am I overthinking things again??

Then he dies, but it's okay, because he pops out of his coffin (???) and he and his dad and Not-Kelly walk out of the graveyard, laughing arm in arm like the end of a sitcom. I wish I was kidding. Then the no-longer-dead bullies also pop out like a clown coffin. The end!

Yeah... this one was a disappointment, in fact it kinda takes away from the first one, so I don't recommend it.

Finally we have Shock em Dead and AHHHHH, Zombie Nightmare Voodoo lady flashbacks! Yeah, this one wasn't very good either. It had a few really funny moments involving the band and their songs ("I'm in love with a SLUT!") And the band's name was Spastic Colon. That's really all I can recommend this movie for, watch the musical numbers, skip the plot. It's not Hack O'lantern bad, it's just... the lead character is unsympathetic. When it starts out and he's a nerd, you should feel something for him but NOPE, he's creepin on his coworker while she changes. Ewwww. So you're not invested in him at any point, he's just a creep. I liked the premise of nerdy guy makes a deal with the devil to be a rockstar, but this didn't work for me. I think when you have an underdog kind of character become the "villain," it needs to be told more like Carrie. Without the emotional connection, it falls flat.

I'll be back with more movies, but I think I'm taking a break to watch Stranger Things. :)

Friday, November 03, 2017

Frightful Friday Part IV: The Final Chapter (yeah, right!)

No time today, but here's a cool song from The Conjuring.

Thursday, November 02, 2017

Don't give up on me, cause I'm just in a rut

Guys... this new Weezer album... 👎😢. I loved their last two albums, but I'm kinda back to not wanting to say they're my favourite band. Maybe it's Paramore instead. Or Creeper!... yeah. I wanted to buck the crowd and like this thing, like I did Cage the Elephant's last album, but there's a reason this is being met with a resounding "meh."

Oh, there are a few decent Weezery choruses. "Mexican Fender," "Beach Boys," "Weekend Woman," even "Feels Like Summer" is catchy, but... none of it sticks. None of it crunches. The production is awe-inspiringly bad, but I'm not sure the songwriting could be saved anyway. It would help if it didn't sound like it was put out by Generic Pop Factory #5, though. :/

This is supposed to be an homage to the Beach Boys, and a couple of the hooks almost get there if you squint a little. Squint your ears. yeah. ANYWAY, the Beach Boys were about harmonies, kind of this beautiful wall of sound, and this is pretty much the opposite of that to me. It feels empty. In one ear and out the other. Sweet Mary and QB Blitz are okay. But that's it, even the "standout" songs are just... okay. With better production, I might have enjoyed those a lot more. There's something there. However, Happy Hour and La Mancha Screwjob are two of the worst Weezer songs I've heard in a while. Happy Hour is basic pop crap, and La Mancha is ruined by those damn "whoa ohs" that have wormed their way into every pop song like the alien parasites in Night of the Creeps. Weezer should not EVER try to be "trendy" or "cool." It's like your dad dabbing or something. And that's not an age thing, Weezer has never been cool. That's why I like them.

If Everything Will Be Alright was a feast, and White Album a tasty dessert, this is the next day's warmed up leftovers. At best.

The Killers' new album is better. I wouldn't call it amazing as an album, but at least I like several songs (Run for Cover, Tyson vs Douglas, and Rut are my favourites). That's more than I can say for Weezer. I wasn't crazy about Beck's album either, though I've only heard it once. The best album I've listened to in the second half of 2017 is Kesha's Rainbow. Yeah, really. It's a good album, but speaking of Rut, I'm in one. I've been saving Margo Price's album for a rainy day, cause she hasn't let me down yet. Other than that, guess I'll just stick with my classic rock and movies for a while. I managed to work a Night of the Creeps reference into a music post, so I'm pretty awesome.


Let's take a break from movies with a classic song! Thank you, Rushmore soundtrack, for bringing us this one-hit wonder gem we'd probably never hear otherwise.

Wednesday, November 01, 2017

Wicked Good Wednesday

I've always said that October 31st is the happiest day of the year, and November 1st the saddest. I mean, November sucks. Baseball's over (well, almost over this year), the weather's shitty, there's nothing November-y to do, you're pretty much just counting the days till Christmas. More like Nofunber, amirite?

NOT THIS YEAR. I have so much leftover stuff to watch, including all of Stranger Things season 2, and I'm determined to enjoy this month even if I can't go outside. But before that, let's properly conclude October, the king of all months.

This might have been my best horror marathon yet. This year I really went full force watching stuff I hadn't seen, both old and new, popular and obscure. I also rewatched a lot of stuff I hadn't seen in a long time. That means it was a different kind of year, maybe the first time I haven't watched any of the major franchises (unless you count Halloween III). No Jason, no Freddy, no Living Dead at any time of day or night. For the most part, this wasn't a year for the tried and true favourites, though I snuck in a few. As a result, I found a number of new favourites, relived some forgotten memories, and will probably be revisiting most of this year's picks.

Halloween day:

I started the day off right with Trick r Treat. This one's a favourite, but I was dying to see it again. Kind of an updated Creepshow where all the stories interconnect, this thing is just brilliant. Definitely watch this more than once, there's a lot to pick up on you might miss in the first viewing.

Next was The Conjuring. Along with The Last Exorcism, which I'll probably rewatch next year, this is one of my favourite newer horror films. I probably would have waited another year to rewatch this, but of course I had to get ready for the sequel. This movie does a wonderful job setting location, atmosphere, and tone, which makes the scares effective. Also, Vera Farmiga. I love haunted house movies, and this is based on real people AND takes place in Rhode Island, where I used to live. I wish I'd known about this then, I would have visited the town. Lots of spooky goodness, and did I mention Vera Farmiga (who autocorrect insists is called Vera Farming)? Watching the sequel today!

Next up, another favourite, Halloween III: Season of the Witch. I've probably ranted about this enough, but please, watch the damn movie before whining about how Michael Myers isn't in it. If this movie was just called Season of the Witch, or something else not-Halloween, wouldn't it just be known as fun, cheesy 80s horror instead of the black sheep of a franchise? (At the time, I mean. The Halloween franchise got really bad.) This thing is actually really creative. Killer masks, robots, ancient magic, Stonehenge?? There's nothing else like this. And that song. That magical, horrible little song that will be stuck in your head till Christmas.

I was going to finish the day with The Exorcist, but I chickened out decided to check out this 80s rock n roll horror instead. Come on, it's the last day of Rocktober! I also wanted to watch one new-to-me movie. So, Black Roses it is! How was it? Kind of amazing, actually. It was pretty funny, but unlike Hack O'lantern, it was genuinely entertaining and not just hilariously bad. So there's Italian Stereotype Dad who makes a faggot joke, because 80s, but then he gets sucked into a speaker by a demon! Hooray! And THEN THE SPEAKER BURPS, and I am the happiest person on earth. While that was obviously meant to be funny, the movie plays it straight for the most part. I think that's why it was so funny, as well as another scene involving a tennis racket and a demon's head. The lead singer of the all-demon rock band is named Damian (OOH, SUBTLE)! This all makes it sound like a parody, but while it is silly and the demons look ridiculous, I don't think it is.

This movie is just a lot of fun, so grab some popcorn and your tennis racket (just in case). If you've ever wished for a full-length version of those old cheesy metal videos, well, Happy Halloween to you! In the grand tradition of Rocktober Blood, Trick or Treat, Rock n Roll Nightmare (which I've seen several times thanks to Rifftrax), and not-Hack O'Lantern, we have another rock horror classic. I have one more of these to go, 1990's Shock 'em Dead. I might watch that today.