Bye, Twitter.

 Something happened last week that shouldn't have bothered me. I mean, it tweaked me a bit in the moment but I thought I'd get over it. A week later, I'm still thinking about it. Because it's a problem with social media and the way we engage with each other now that's way, way bigger than I am. 

I was blocked by someone I have never interacted with, someone who seems to champion, of all things, women in country music - you know, that thing I talk about and support constantly?? (In my own small way.) This isn't about me, personally, getting blocked and being "offended." This is about the bigger picture. That someone I seem to be on the same side with, on the same issue, would just immediately discard someone who doesn't fall LOCK. STEP. into their own narrow world view is everything that's wrong right now. 

I completely understand blocking someone who posts offensive content, even if it's not blatantly so. But immediately going NOPE to anyone who just says "I disagree on this one thing" is kind of insane? I didn't even say "I'm right and you're wrong," I just was like, "this is my own experience." But I guess that kind of discourse can't happen anymore. It's 100% or nothing, baby! No wonder we're in this giant horrible mess as a society. Also, again: I never even interacted directly with this person. They blocked me, I'm guessing, because I said something in favour of someone I felt was wrongly accused. Like I wasn't even shit-talking anyone, the freaking opposite!

I'm one of the least aggressive people out there, I'm very opinionated when it comes to movies and music, but I rarely make anything personal. So if this shit can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. That's how widespread it is. It's very bizarre that the only person I know to have blocked me is, likely, on the same "side." I'm progressive/leftist/whatever because I'm so strongly in favour of fair, equal rights for all people. But this "you must fall in lockstep or be banished, I won't even listen to you, lalala I can't hear you!" mindset is something the left needs to address. It alienates allies, and makes anyone who thinks for themselves just want to say BYE. Twitter reminds me of how insane and broken the world is, and that is not a thing I want to be reminded of. 

We don't talk to each other like people anymore, we're all just ideologies and identities and sides. No thank you, I'm turning off the noise and going back to my treehouse.

(And of course I'll still be on Letterboxd :))

Ooh maybe Letterboxd IS my treehouse!

A brief look at 2019 popular music (from someone who didn't listen to it)

So this was the year I finally admitted defeat and stopped following popular music. I survived "Body Like a Backroad," that Mo Bamba thing, I even survived BABY FREAKIN SHARK, but this is what did me in:

... I give up. I'm out. I no longer understand pop culture, the World Has Turned and Left Me Here for good.

However, I still went to bars, malls and football games, so I heard some of what the year had to offer. And honestly, it's not as bad as the last few years, at least with what rose to the top. It still kinda sounds like popular music has been... stepped on though, you know? Flattened out. Especially hip hop and country. Like I imagine the process it takes to make poi, and it's kinda like that. And if you've ever had poi, you know it's flavourless mush. 2016-2019: the era of Poi Music. Long may we leave it behind.

THE GOOD:

Billie Eilish - 2019 will always be the year of Billie Eilish for me. I listened to "Bury a Friend" and "Bad Guy" as much as any of my "you probably haven't heard of it" shit. I can't believe something so weird and interesting got popular. I can't believe I'm with the zeitgeist for once. When's the last time that happened, when MCR was in the Hot 100?? This is why you're never "too old" to keep up with popular music - this then-17 year old made music that resonates with me.

Sunflower - I will never be a Post Malone fan, but damn this is smooth and easy to listen to. Kind of this year's "God's Plan" in that it's specifically designed to not get tired of it. It just washes right over me, and I mean that as a compliment. Definitely the best of Post Malone's 27 hits this year - seriously, I think there were 27 in the top 10 at one point.

Walk Me Home - A Pink song with some energy and feeling! It's been too long.

As I'm only covering the "hits" here, the rest of my favourites will be in the next entry!

THE OKAY:

Old Town Road - Have I avoided my blog since April because I didn't want to offer a spicy hot take on Old Town Road? Maybe! Yeah, I'm a country fan but I'm so far removed from what they play on the radio now it almost feels disingenuous saying that. But having that space also makes me unemotional about Old Town Road. Maybe 5 years ago, before "country" became synonymous with white guys rapping and snap beats, I'd have been outraged! this would even be considered as country. It's not, obviously, but neither is Sam Hunt and I don't care anymore.

I get this song. It's about freedom, something literally anyone of any demographic - country, hip hop, rock, idk, flamenco?? - can relate to. Normally I hate the fucking monogenre, but this song brought people together and that's why. It strikes a chord, and it's also ridiculously catchy, which is something that's missing in most "trap" music. Because the trap elements still leave me cold, and no one over 6 - okay, no one ever - should say the word "boobies," this just gets an okay. But you know what, you take that horse to that old town road, and you ride til you can't no more. Godspeed, my friend.

Memories - This Maroon 5 song is fine. Maybe even good, in that it does exactly what it's supposed to do. Give me a few drunken nights over Christmas and New Year's and this might move up to "good" by next year. I still miss old Maroon 5, but this is a pretty big improvement over their last 27 hits!

ME-HE-HEE! - Sounds like a lamaze class, I'll pass.

God's Country - A little too bombastic for me. I can see why some rock fans like it; it reminds me of "Take Me to Church" which was also too bombastic for me.

I also miss old Panic! at the Disco. But why couldn't "Say Amen" have been the big hit from this comeback album? It would be kind of funny if a song called "Hey Look Ma, I Made It" was their/his last hit. Ironic in a way the old Panic might have appreciated.

THE BAD:

I talked about "Mo Bamba" already last year (https://mrsrowsdower.blogspot.com/2018/12/#5349724194103077193). Still literally the worst popular song I've ever heard. He sounds like a garbage truck backing up, just add beeping sounds and maybe he'll come haul your old couch away.

Ariana Grande - Wow. After three absolute pop classics in 2018 (No Tears Left to Cry, Breathin', Thank U, Next), we get three absolute turds this year. A movie theme no one asked for from a movie no one asked for, 7 Rings, and *sigh* Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I'm Bored. Why not "Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I'm Horny?" At least that would be honest. "Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I Like You?" At least that's flattering. "Break Up With Your Girlfriend, She's on Meth?" Yeah, that's a problem. But "I'm bored" flatters nobody, neither the singer nor the subject, and if that's the point I like my pop songs a little less nihilistic, thanks.

7 Rings is a special kind of bad. Yeah, it's got that awful staccato-y trap beat that sounds like getting constantly poked with a finger, but it's the lyrics that really put me off. "Whoever said money can't solve their problems, must have not had enough money to solve them." Really, Arianananana?? Look, pop music doesn't have to - and probably shouldn't be - political (hi, Taylor Swift), but that line is REALLY fucking tone deaf in today's climate. Yeah, I guess you really dunked on all those people who can't afford their diabetes medicine or cancer treatments and died. SWISH! 🙄

Baby Fucking Shark - I wrote here about a year ago how therapeutic it can be to sing your old camp songs when you're depressed, but I DIDN'T MEAN TURN ONE INTO A HIT SONG! What's next, the Weenie Man?

Eww, why is Chase Rice squatting in the year end hot 100? I haven't heard the song, Chase Rice just reflexively makes me go "ewww." At least there's no Sam Hunt?

Someone You Loved - Gawd, why is there one of these adult contemporary "love" ballads every single year? They all suck and this is the worst one yet. I'd rather listen to nothing but trap songs than this bleating idiot. He sounds like Ed Sheeran left out in the sun too long. He sounds like a rusty nail dissolving in a pool of acid. This hit #1! Do better, music! Bring back Old Town Road for another week! And why is it that rock must die, at least in the mainstream, but these awful adult contemporary ballads NEVER do??! Every year we get dreck like this (also "Be Alright," "You Say") but rock is outdated? Fuck, man.

And yup, I continue to not understand trap. Most boring shit I've heard outside of an elevator and it all sounds the same to me. I guess this is that generational tipping point, or maybe it just sucks. Here's my impression of every single trap song ever by L'il Flash in the Pan: *DJ Hot Shit on tha muthafuggin BEAT* "YAH! Duh da duh da da duh da, UNGH, Duh da duh da da duh da, AY, Duh da duh da da duh da, SKRT!, Duh da duh da da duh da, PBBBT." Yah! :(

Favourite songs and albums of 2019 up next, and then a couple favourites of the decade lists! Yay!

I had to do it - the REAL worst song of 2018

WARNING - this is a cursed video! Clicking it may cause you to become infected with Untalented Attention-Seeking Douchebag Virus. If teenage white boys start listening to you ironically, please see your doctor immediately.



I... I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to give this any more underserved attention than it already has. But it's TORMENTING me. This song is one of the circles of Hell. I need to exorcise it from my soul. And of course, the only way to do that is to have a good old rant.

I guess we'll call this "post-zombie apocalypse music" and look, I'm glad the brainless walking dead are exploring their artistic side. Far be it for me to suppress culture. But... why is anyone else listening to this? WHY WAS IT A TOP 10 BILLBOARD HIT??

The answer is, the charts are no longer relevant and won't be as long as songs that are basically jokes, streamed by children and teens endlessly for FREE, are allowed to actually impact popular culture. I'm not mad this "song" exists; I'm mad it got out. I'm mad it's not firmly in its niche where it belongs and I had to hear it. Because as soulless and droning as this thing is - and the lyrics might as well just be "BRAAAAAAAINS" over and over - it's also somehow earwormy. To a ridiculous level. I, a grownass woman, should not have this parasite in my brain just because I watch youtube videos about music. (Is this thing actually played on the radio? Or in shops, or anywhere in polite society? I don't think I've heard it outside. But the threat is there, dammit. The threat is REAL.)

So anyone who says counting streams hasn't made pop music that bad, we're just overreacting, please listen to "Mo Bamba" over and over again on a loop for all eternity. It's fucking obvious why free streams shouldn't be counted - you'll click on any idiotic thing if you don't have to pay for it! You'll listen to it "ironically" or even hate-listen, and it all counts the same. Especially if you're a teen, tween, or fratdouche male. (Sidenote: I doubt any woman has ever listened to this song voluntarily.) So these dipshits are allowed to partially control the music culture and we all pay, even though they don't. Sure, pop music has always skewed young but when you actually have to shell out your Christmas money, you're not gonna spend it on this backed-up septic tank of a song.

This guy knows he's shit, everyone who listens to this knows it's shit, but that's the point. Ha ha ha. Let's stick it to people with taste, they suck. Remember when kids' rebellion music was rock n roll, or at least good hip hop like Dr. Dre? They had to earn our money. And idiots like this Sheck person don't. This isn't a case of one generation not understanding the next. Nothing has changed; kids have always rebelled. And that's fine! Listen to your shitty song to your heart's content, kids, but I shouldn't have to. It's the system that's changed, and it's broken. So how do we fix it? Streaming isn't going anywhere, but how about only paid streams count? That should at least cut back on 12 year old boys having so much power.

To compare this with probably the shittiest equivalent from my time, "Ice Ice Baby" - yeah, that song sucks, but there's an obvious reason it was a hit. That sweet "Under Pressure" beat. Why you wouldn't just listen to "Under Pressure" I have no idea, but Vanilla Ice played us. That's the shame of my generation, but at least there's an identifiable appeal. The lone appeal of "Mo Bamba" seems to be to torture other people with it. That sums up 2018 better than anything else I could say.

So "Frinds," as horrible as you are, you are only the second-worst song I heard in 2018 by virtue of being an actual song. And lemme tell you, I hate that song more every time I hear it. Girl, you are way past the "friend zone" and into the Twilight Zone with this guy. UGH. No, I'm not going back there. I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULDN'T GO BACK.

And I have to reiterate, when I say these are the two worst songs I heard, I refuse to listen to the garbage made by any of the criminals that had hits this year. That I even have to say "any of the criminals" is insulting, scary, and sad. "Stop making terrible people famous" has become a rallying cry, and really, let's do that, shall we? And also, maybe put the violent criminals in prison where they belong? We can let out all the poor people in there for weed and other non-violent bs to make space for 'em. WIN/WIN.

POSITIVE music post coming next, and then 2019! Let's do better. That clean slate is so smooth and inviting, isn't it?

Don't give up on me, cause I'm just in a rut

Guys... this new Weezer album... 👎😢. I loved their last two albums, but I'm kinda back to not wanting to say they're my favourite band. Maybe it's Paramore instead. Or Creeper!... yeah. I wanted to buck the crowd and like this thing, like I did Cage the Elephant's last album, but there's a reason this is being met with a resounding "meh."

Oh, there are a few decent Weezery choruses. "Mexican Fender," "Beach Boys," "Weekend Woman," even "Feels Like Summer" is catchy, but... none of it sticks. None of it crunches. The production is awe-inspiringly bad, but I'm not sure the songwriting could be saved anyway. It would help if it didn't sound like it was put out by Generic Pop Factory #5, though. :/

This is supposed to be an homage to the Beach Boys, and a couple of the hooks almost get there if you squint a little. Squint your ears. yeah. ANYWAY, the Beach Boys were about harmonies, kind of this beautiful wall of sound, and this is pretty much the opposite of that to me. It feels empty. In one ear and out the other. Sweet Mary and QB Blitz are okay. But that's it, even the "standout" songs are just... okay. With better production, I might have enjoyed those a lot more. There's something there. However, Happy Hour and La Mancha Screwjob are two of the worst Weezer songs I've heard in a while. Happy Hour is basic pop crap, and La Mancha is ruined by those damn "whoa ohs" that have wormed their way into every pop song like the alien parasites in Night of the Creeps. Weezer should not EVER try to be "trendy" or "cool." It's like your dad dabbing or something. And that's not an age thing, Weezer has never been cool. That's why I like them.

If Everything Will Be Alright was a feast, and White Album a tasty dessert, this is the next day's warmed up leftovers. At best.

The Killers' new album is better. I wouldn't call it amazing as an album, but at least I like several songs (Run for Cover, Tyson vs Douglas, and Rut are my favourites). That's more than I can say for Weezer. I wasn't crazy about Beck's album either, though I've only heard it once. The best album I've listened to in the second half of 2017 is Kesha's Rainbow. Yeah, really. It's a good album, but speaking of Rut, I'm in one. I've been saving Margo Price's album for a rainy day, cause she hasn't let me down yet. Other than that, guess I'll just stick with my classic rock and movies for a while. I managed to work a Night of the Creeps reference into a music post, so I'm pretty awesome.

Worst song ever?

Well, I hate to burst the positive bubble I've been in, but yesterday I was at the mall and... I heard it. The WORST SONG EVER WRITTEN (ending the tragically short reign of that new Fall Out Boy abomination). This song makes bro country sound like Johnny Cash. This song makes The Chainsmokers sound like Beck. THIS SONG MAKES THAT FUCKING FALL OUT BOY SONG SOUND GOOD. This song... makes me say ridiculous things.

You have been warned.



Yes, a "love" "song" with lyrics about "swiping right" and "tapping twice," and I don't want to live on this planet anymore. :( :( :( I'll be in my haunted treehouse on the moon.

At least the mall trip was successful. I got a sweet Oilers shirt, and in a youth size so it was cheap! #hobbitperks

Quarterly State of Music ~ Spring 2017

It's been a while since I've done one of these, and it might be a while again, so let's get into it!

Mainstream "country":

YAAAAAAWN. One great song, "Tin Man." One awful song, "Body Like a Back Road," which will be my number one worst hit song of the year just on general principle. Though I can't imagine anything worse coming out, anyway. *tempts fate* Aaaand a bunch of boring songs by interchangeable dudes with interchangeable names. Luke Combs? Yeah sure, why not, throw a pair of jeans on him and put him out there. I feel like most of these songs ended up on the charts by default, rather than anything special they did. If you're hungry you'll eat whatever they put out at the buffet, even if it's generic Ritz crackers and unidentifiable Jell-O mold. "Oh well," you say, as you take a bite of cold hot dog. "It's here, so I guess I'm supposed to eat it."

Two of my least favorite "artists" of all time, The Chainsmokers and FGL, recorded a song together, because of course they have. That's how the world works. I have made it my life's mission to never, ever hear this song. Keep me in your prayers.

For the record, I hate the Chainsmokers a million times more than FGL. For everything bad you can say about FGL, I don't find them especially cynical. Their dumb music at least comes off as genuine, and the douchier-looking guy does actually sing. The Chainsmokers make no effort and have no talent whatsoever, and they know it, and that's infuriating. The Chainsmokers are counting their money and laughing at us. FGL actually think they're making good music. I still hate them, but it's a distinction I appreciate.

Pop charts:

"Lil Yachty." "Lil Uzi Vert." I'm just gonna accept the fact that the world has passed me by here, and get to the good stuff.

Bruno Mars and The Weeknd. I had no idea how much I missed 80s r&b, but for how much I've been listening to "That's What I Like" and "I Feel it Coming," apparently it was a LOT. This music feels nostalgic in the best way, and both songs are shoo-ins for my best hit songs list. As well as Lady Gaga's wonderful "Million Reasons," which only briefly hit the top 20 thanks to the Super Bowl, but I'll take it. Of course her best album yet is her least commercially successful. *sigh* Though they made an awful first single choice IMO, they shoulda come straight out of the gates with "Million Reasons."

Linkin Park now sounds like the Chainsmokers. I'm gonna say that again. LINKIN PARK. now sounds. like THE CHAINSMOKERS. Complete with soulless, droning pop chick. I was never a big Linkin Park fan or anything, but damn, this is why the phrase "sell out" exists. And in the end, it doesn't even matter.

I wish Future was in the future so I never had to listen to him HAHAHAhahahahahA

Umm... this Harry Styles song actually isn't bad. I'm hearing an almost Beatles-esque melody in there. It's nothing earth-shaking, but in 2017 I'll take it. Curse you for making me have to learn another of the One Direction guys' names, though. :(

"Bad and Boujee" - Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope. Why do people care about this "raindrop drop top" thing? It doesn't even flow, too many "p's" and "d's," it's clunky. And stop listening to songs just cause they have stupid words like "boujee" and "juju" in them! We are regressing as a culture you numbnuts!

I've already talked about the Chainsmokers WAY more than they deserve to be talked about, but now they're getting their stink all over Coldplay, for some reason. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

And finally, "Shape of You" by Ed Sheeran, which has been number one for 10,000 weeks or something. Ed Sheeran is not a bad artist, he's done a couple songs I've liked. But I DON'T GET the appeal of this. The lyrics are awful. He describes what sounds like the most boring date ever, which ends in sex for some reason? (I know boring conversation always makes me horny, yeah baby!) "We talked for hours and hours about sweet and sour and how your family is doing okay" ... really? That sounds like 15-20 minutes, tops.

And then you get "my bedsheets smell like you" and nooo, lack of hygiene is not sexy! Launder that shit! God that line squicks me out every time I hear it, which is a lot, since they play this thing everywhere. It basically sounds like safe, innocuous background music until it hits that line, and then I have to go home and clean stuff that's not even dirty.

And, "your love was handmade for somebody like me?" Wow, that's a clunky line. I mean, it's Shakespeare compared to nasty bedsheets, but... "handmade?" Like, I'm picturing Betsy Ross sitting and sewing a love flag. And "somebody like me?" That's a little vague, isn't it? "Well, maybe not me, exactly, but somebody like me. Somebody who shops at the same stores, at least." Maybe I'm nitpicking, but this guy's known as a songwriter. Come on.

And then there's the sound: safe and boring, like everything else. Not even the lowest common denominator, more like the... middlest common denominator. I've seen it compared to "One Dance" and yup, it's just that dull. Apparently this is called "Tropical House," and excuse me, but since when does tropical = boring?? I mean, I hear "tropical," I think this:



God, I miss the 80s. But now we're in 2017, when the Rhythm is Gonna Bore You. It's gonna wear you down into a dull nub... look out, it's coming for you... oh never mind, it's taking a nap. Being a rhythm is hard work, I guess. It needs its rest. *pats*

SIGH.

Okay, well speaking of the 80s, there's a new Paramore song and it is 80s pop perfection! And the video... they really nailed the whole aesthetic. I am loving this, and I can't wait for the album!



So, albums. I've been slacking this year, big time. I have two albums I'm gonna try to get to before Paramore drops, one of them being The Maine. I love the Maine, but they released their album too close to the new MST3K, which has completely taken over my life. So sorry, The Maine, but I will get to you. I also want to hear Aaron Watson's album, which I've been putting off because I liked his last album so much. *blinks* That was a weird thing to say, I know. I just hate when an artist releases a career-defining album and you know nothing else will ever be that good.

I have listened to Creeper, Sunny Sweeney, Jaime Wyatt and a lot of Miranda's monster album (albumzilla?) which I will save for my albums of the year list, because they're all really good! It's only April and I'm enjoying a lot of new music this year, so we'll call it a net positive even with the constant specter of the Chainsmokers looming over us. I'm sure their fans have really short attention spans, so we've got that at least. I hope they disappear after spending all their money stupidly and go as bankrupt as their talent and their souls. But knowing how infuriating they are, they probably invested in some nice safe stocks and put a big chunk in a savings account and will live in comfort off the interest the rest of their lives, the snotty assholes. God how I loathe them. BYEEEEE!

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR!!!

That's right, time to get wicked drunk on eggnog, throw another Luke Bryan record on the fire, and make year end lists!

Part one: Top 10 Worst HIT Songs of 2016

I'll have two "good" posts coming later this month, one for songs and one for albums, so let's just get the bad out of the way. Though "getting the bad out of the way" in 2016 is kind of like "getting the oxygen out of the air," but whatever.

Guys. This year was awful. I'm talking rock-bottom. Both, you know, world-wise, sanity-wise, and also mainstream music-wise. I feel like this was the most dull, uninspired, lackluster year yet. We'll call it the Year of Minimum Effort for Maximum Results. I don't know why people continue to buy musical equivalents of paint-by-numbers pictures, but I don't know why a lot of things anymore. The world has turned and left me here, etc. (At least I still have Weezer.)

2016 was truly the worst of both worlds, in that basic human liberties are being debated, like that's a thing that needs to happen, yet all the popular music sounds like it was made by robots. No, not even robots. One singular, particularly unimaginative robot. If you're gonna send us back to the 50s, can we at least have some good music like Elvis or Buddy Holly?

That said, I personally had a pretty great music year, discovering a few new bands I LOVE and enjoying new music from old favorites. So I didn't spend too much time shaking my fist at the charts, or listening to mainstream pop and country at all. So this list will be only the songs I've heard. There are quite a few I haven't, especially on the country side, because zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Excuse me, I seem to have nodded off. To be eligible for the list, a song must have placed in the top 20 on the billboard pop or country chart THIS year. (If it first entered the top 20 last year, it's not eligible and I likely covered it last year anyway.)

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS - no wait, everyone says that. LESS SHITTY SHIT:

(Note: Soooooo many songs this year were just BORING, so I'll be skipping those unless they're egregiously boring.)

Black Beatles, by Rae Sriracha or whatever - You know when there's an artist so devoid of talent, so lacking in charisma, so undeserving of success, that you try to will them out of relevance with your mind? That's these guys for me. I'm not sure I've ever rooted so hard for a band not to make it. But here they are, with a number one song, calling themselves "black Beatles" no less, and it just makes me SO ANGRY! Not quite Trump levels of angry, but it's in the same "crap rising to the top" category. (You know, old people voted for Trump, millenials buy Rae Srurmenerr and Chainsmokers albums, but us poor Gen Xers have nothing but flannel and tears.) ☹️ Maybe there is a "black Beatles" out there somewhere, but it sure as hell isn't these untalented, unlikeable posers. This doesn't make the list only because it's the least trashy thing I've heard from them. God help us.

7 Years, by Lukas Graham - Something about this song just makes my skin crawl. I can't put it into words, but it's like it's trying so hard to be deep and failing. So hard. Also, dude named his whole band after himself. Not "The Lukas Graham Band," just his bloody name! Not even ADAM LEVINE did that. Pretentious! There's the word I was looking for. It does sound like an actual song though, which is low praise indeed, but in this year is high enough to keep it off my list.

One Dance, by Drake ft. blah blah who cares - You know, of my worst songs list from last year, one that grew on me is "Hotline Bling." I... I actually kind of like that song now. But this? This is everything I said about Hotline Bling, for real. This is nothing. I said I wasn't gonna put boring songs on here, but this is the perfect kind of boring to personify 2016 pop music.

Rock On, by Tucker Beathard - TUCKER. BEATHARD. I had to listen to this song before I put it on the list to confirm it's actually bad, and phew!, it is in fact bad. Not an interesting enough kind of bad you'd expect from someone named "Tucker Beathard" though, so it doesn't make the list.

Ju Ju on that Beat, by who gives a crap - Another effortless, substanceless piece of dance garbage like "Watch Me," made by talentless, flash in the pan nobodies. Calling them one-hit wonders will be generous; more like "pure dumb luck hit wonders." Hopefully the demise of Vine will make this shit go away, or at least confine it to whatever little corner of the world it belongs in and away from my ears.

Treat You Better, by Shawn Mendes - Hey kid, "nice guys" don't try to get girls to break up with their boyfriends. You're a douchebag in disguise! (Sung to "Devil in Disguise.") Can this guy please just go away so I don't have to talk about him again next year?

Panda, by gratuitous extra "I" go fuck yourself - This might have made the list, if I knew what the hell it was.

Gold, by gratuitous extra "I" go fuck yourself - This might have made the list, if I knew what the hell it was... hmm, I'm sensing a pattern here. This one sounds like someone spilled their orange juice all over the... chorus? and they were just like fuck it, we'll call it a feature! And it worked, cause idiots bought it. If you ever wanted the musical equivalent of a vhs tape with tracking problems, here you go.

Dibs, by Kelsea Ballerini - Boring, insipid, pop country, made notable only by her cloying, cutesy, overly twangy talk-singing. Blecch!

EDIT: Starving, by Hailee Steinfeld and not one, but two pretentious producer douchebags! - Hey! one of them said. Let's make a song that sounds like a feral cat playing a didgeridoo! Um, are you sure about that, Charlie? Yup, stick it right in there Steve! The people will love it! (I like to think of producers like "Zedd" actually being called Steve or Ted or Harry.) EDIT: Zedd's name is actually "Anton." Dammit, that's kind of cool, in a Bond villain way. Foiled again!

She's Got a Way with Words, by Blake Shelton - I love that this petty piece of crap ended Blake's number one streak. So fitting. Leaving it off the list purely cause I enjoy the Schadenfreude. Well, that and it's not as bad as anything on the list. Hoo boy.

10. 80s Mercedes, by Maren Morris - By pop standards, this is okay. Not good, just okay. By country standards... ha! like country has standards! That's a good one.

9. Home Alone Tonight, by Luke Bryan and Karen Fairchild - This song would be douchey, pathetic and immature if sung by teenagers. The fact that it's sung by two forty year olds almost makes it funny. Almost. "So put your drink down, throw your camera up, Flip it around and snap a payback picture
(Send it to my ex), I'll send it to my ex, And send them both a text saying, "We ain't going home alone tonight." Come on now, guys. Just come on. I don't usually tell people to "act their age," but nobody of any age should be acting that way in the first place.

8. Anything by the Chainsmokers - Because it all sounds the same. Chick singer drones over a beat that manages to be both dull and annoying simultaneously. Talentless douchebros; the Chase Rice of EDM. Yet somehow wildly successful. I DON'T GET YOU, MUSIC BUYING PUBLIC.

Also, re: Closer - YOOOOOOOOU CAAAAAAAAAAN'T SIIIIIIIIIING! Way to tap into the previously unexplored "mattress theft" fetish though. That's hot.

7. Wa wa wa wa wa wa, by Rihanna - Um, I don't want to sound insensitive, but did Rihanna suffer a stroke? You used to be able to make out most of what she was singing, unlike this mumbled, unintelligible slurry. It's also boring, and it was also number one for about 27 weeks, because we suck as a species. She charted another thing I'll charitably call a song called "Needed Me" that's actually worse, but this one is a poster child for Minimum Effort for Maximum Results. (EDIT: the broken-down carnival nightmare that is "Needed Me" definitely belongs in dishonorable mentions, at least. That thing makes my skin crawl.)

6. Beautiful Drug, by *sigh* Zac Brown Band - Having to put one of my favorite artists on this list pains me, but seriously FUCK this song and fuck everyone who let it be a hit on the "country" charts. If this had been contained to the pop charts it wouldn't even be on this list, but I have to take a stand against this madness.

5. Fix, by Chris Lane - Bad pop is bad, but bad "country" is SO. MUCH. WORSE. They made a "love" song that name drops BREAKING BAD. I don't know about you, but when I think romance, pretty much the last thing on my mind is WALTER FREAKING WHITE. About the only less sexy thing I can think of is "The Hills Have Eyes" and... oh, wait. Well, at least The Weeknd wasn't trying to make a love song.

4. Move, by Luke Bryan - That this tired, watered down, barely-a-song version of Country Girl Shake it For the Skunkweed is this low on the list should make you very, very afraid of what's to come.

3. TIE! Me Too and No, by Meghan Trainor - Remember when I said bad country was worse than bad pop? I... might have spoke too soon. I didn't think it was possible but Meghan Trainor managed to get more ear-bleedingly strident and annoying this year! 🎉 My utter loathing of these two songs is something that can only be described in the abstract; mere words cannot cover it. It's like that "You're exactly my brand of heroin" line from Twilight, except this is exactly my brand of ipecac. And this double dose of cringe is only at number three! Dear God, what have we wrought???

I talk more about "No" here: http://mrsrowsdower.blogspot.ca/2016_04_01_archive.html#125639388790967460
Pretty much the same goes for "Me Too," except it's worse.

2. Work From Home, by Fifth Harmony - Okay, maybe at a glance this doesn't look as awful as Meghan Trainor. It's not so in your face, full of itself you want to punch it in self-defense. It's just another song that drones the word "work" over and over again and we're used to those by now, right? There were two of 'em this year, and they were both big hits! For... some reason. But this one is so much worse. For one thing, Rihanna still has some personality and charisma, even after apparently being sent to the studio right after being thrown from a horse. I cannot say the same for these 5 sentient corn husks. Dear GOD, is this devoid of anything remotely resembling music. I have to defend Meghan Trainor here and say at least she isn't boring, in the same way a fiery plane crash isn't boring, but THIS? It's literally just the word "work" sung over and over in a monotone. Marvin the depressed robot would make more energetic music than this. I... I don't even know what to say. This was a hit! What does anyone see in this? And it's not even number one. Holy crap. I wanted to put this at number one, so bad, and yet...

1. TIE! T-Shit (not a typo) by Thomas Rhett, and Snapback, by old Dominion - What could possibly be worse than
"You don't gotta go to work, work, work, work, work, work, work
But you gotta put in work, work, work, work, work, work, work
You don't gotta go to work, work, work, work, work, work, work
Let my body do the work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work
We can work from home, oh, oh, oh oh"?

Two songs by "country" hacks that are entirely about a woman wearing a specific article of clothing. That's right, one wasn't enough! All the complex couture-related questions that weren't answered in "T-Shirt" were hopefully answered in "Snapback," and vice versa! But if not, never fear, cause I'm sure next year we'll get a slew of hits entitled "Wallet Chain," "Tighty Whities," "Golf Shoes," "Angel in Tube Socks," and "She Wears My Dockers Because She Loves Me." Or maybe not, because country seems to be regaining at least some of its senses. I hope so, cause these songs are about as low as we can sink. Please.

Note: while perusing the country charts, I noticed there's an artist called "Drake White." DRAKE. WHITE. THE COUNTRY SINGER. If that isn't the funniest damn thing you've ever heard, just try saying it again. God, I wish he'd gone all the way and just called himself White Drake. That's what all the "country" posers wanna be, anyway. (I haven't heard him, so apologies if he's actually good, but that name is pure GOLD!)

Okay! That was actually more fun than I thought anything about 2016 would be. Whew. I'll be back in a while with the good stuff. It'll take a little longer, since the good stuff requires more work work work work work work... or maybe it's wa wa wa wa wa wa. Peace!

Why I hate 2016, the short version.

1. I don't care about Pokémon.

2. All mainstream music is now apparently made by the same person sitting at the same computer, probably eating the same sandwich.

3. I don't like Hillary Clinton.

4. I wish Donald Trump would meet up with the butcher from AHS: Roanoke on a red moon night.

5. A "human being" I find so hateful and dangerous that I wish for their gruesome death at the hands of Kathy Bates is one of two choices for motherfucking president of my birth country.

6. My equilibrium has been thrown completely off. What kind of world are we living in, anyway? Not the one I thought, that's for sure. And not in a good or interesting way, like "OMG wizards exist!!" or, "There was a portal to Narnia this whole time!!" Nope, we're talkin' bleak, dystopian YA novels here. And I hate that shit. Hell, I'd take the damn Twilight world over this. I just said that.

7. This year has made me tune things out on an unprecedented level. I can't take all the toxic ugliness, and I feel less and less connected to my own world.

And now, the longer version. This might just be a draft for something I'll get into more in-depth and thought-out later this year, or I might just let it lie and get on with my life.

Let's get music out of the way first, since that is the main focus of my blog. There has been a lot of music I've enjoyed this year, mostly rock, and I'll get to that in December. Probably. But here's the rest of 2016 in a nutshell. For some reason, we're being forced to endure a year where things like basic women's rights are being debated, yet every popular song sounds like it was made by robots. IT'S THE WORST OF BOTH WORLDS PEOPLE. If we're gonna go back in time, can we at least have some decent music for the ride?

So yeah. To expand on my #6 & 7, this year has really, really thrown me off. I'm not going to talk too much about Trump, because he is just one "person" and honestly even just typing his name fills me with nauseating unease. What I do want to talk about are all the people who got us into this mess. The ratings-whoring media is certainly partially to blame, but I've talked enough about the scourge of 24/7 "news" and the loss of actual journalism. I knew that already. Let's talk about what I didn't know, or expect, until 2016.

Unfortunately, things like racism, sexism, xenophobia and other forms of bigotry will likely always exist in some form. The main reasons for this seem to be fear of the different or the unknown; a need by some to feel superior over others, to the point that equality signifies a threat of dominance; people passing racism down through generations as though it were a family legacy, or a lamp. So the fact that there are racist, sexist, xenophobic assholes out there who felt "silenced" (boo fucking hoo) is not a surprise. There's bigotry, there's silent, insidious, institutionalized bigotry in things like police forces, but what I didn't expect to ever see in modern America is open bigotry without swift repercussions. Didn't we exile that guy who played Kramer to an island or something? I mean, there's a reason KKK members wear hoods. At least, I thought there was. Is the new rallying cry "Take off your hoods boys, we're FREE!"

OH THE IRONY.

But that's how these people seem to think. Their whiteness, their maleness, their America-ness has been shackled by the inclusion of those who are different. A strong, confident man (or woman) would reach out and shake hands in the spirit of equality, because they don't feel threatened. Why would they? If you view equality of others as a threat, YOU are the problem. Not the government, not your neighbors, YOU. This is the worst kind of entitlement, the kind that leads people to think they deserve something simply based on their perceived place in the world. And for many years, it was true. But that needed to change, and that change only has to be threatening if you let it.

I said before that pulling up the floorboards and exposing this rot was a good thing in the long run, and I still believe that. I mean, it was probably inevitable. 2016 didn't create the mold. But it's made a lot of us, including myself, very sick and scared and shamed. I feel kind of sick to be a human being right now. We're pretty disgusting. Well, that's what I think at my lowest moments, of which there have been many this year. Then I surround myself with things I love and try to move on, at least for a while. But there's no going back from this now. I don't know what will happen. I'm glad I don't live in the US anymore, but the sickness of the human condition knows no borders. I just want people to be better, and kinder, and for God's sake, smarter.

"There is nothing to fear, but fear itself" should be our slogan this year, because fear is what got us here. Fear and pride. Sure, there's such a thing as healthy fear. You won't catch me skydiving any time soon. But if you let fear turn you twisted and hateful, then fear is winning. You might think you're fighting it, but it's destroying you from the inside. And that's what this year is, the (hopefully) last, sad parade of the destroyed. I'm sorry you let yourself get into that state, but don't take the rest of us with you.

And here's the last thing I want to touch on. I've seen a lot of Trump supporters say "respect my opinion, that's all I ask!" and people saying everyone has the right to their opinion, and unfollowing (or maybe real life unfriending) someone because of their political beliefs is wrong. And every other year, I would have agreed with that. I still do, to some extent. But... look, I couldn't stand Bush. But I would have never thought to cut someone out of my life or insult them or say they're "wrong" for supporting him. I would have only unfollowed someone if they were very in your face about it. I had to unfollow someone I generally enjoy because of smug, tiresome pro-Hillary talk. I have my limits. But again, I'm not gonna say they're wrong just because I don't agree with them or I'm sick of hearing about it.

I feel like I can say, with 100% certainty, that Trump supporters are actually wrong. This is no longer a matter of opinion. Their ideology is dangerous and has no place in society. That said, let's look past the hot button issues, the "isms", because that can lead to madness. The bottom line is, this narcissistic madman is not competent or capable of leading. He has no idea what he's doing or how the world works. He's an old, overgrown spoiled rich kid who runs entirely on mania and fried chicken. Look, I get you're sick of politicians. We all are. But we can do better than this. This guy lies and then lies about lying more than actual politicians do!

So yeah. On top of everything else, this has made me a less tolerant person, because I feel like I'm being faced with crazy and told that no, it's just a different kind of sane and you must respect it. THIS. IS. CRAZY, folks, and no, you don't have to respect absolutely everything. I will NOT respect willful ignorance driven by fear. Bigotry is not an opinion and stupidity should not be an option. Remember when the US used to fight against stuff like this? What happened to that?

People... these are the villains in every single movie ever. What the hell have you been watching? No, movies aren't real life, but they often present an exaggerated, even cartoonish projection of villainy and... well, here are those exaggerated cartoon villains in the flesh. HOW THE HELL DID WE GET TO A PLACE WHERE VILLAINS ARE ADMIRED BY ANYONE EXCEPT OTHER VILLAINS??? I suddenly feel like all those movies were more cautionary tales than entertainment, and yet here we are. Amazing.

This year has left me feeling sad, and lost, and confused. I had no idea things were this bad, that so many people had been stifling so much hate. Society feels unpredictable now, in a very not-fun way. Even the air feels uncomfortable. If the madness ends next month (while I don't like Hillary, I feel confident in saying her presidency won't involve "madness"), there's still a lot of shit left to shovel.

Let's start by not letting the villains win. I'm not sure what we're missing more right now, kindness or common sense, but I'll take either one for a start. Find your heart again, America. I know it's still there somewhere. Maybe try looking behind the couch?

TBT

A throwback... to when I actually used to post on this blog! Yeah, I haven't really been doing the social media thing with all the political crap everywhere. Politics is so inherently spammy. Just endless ads for a product that doesn't even work. NO THANK YOU. Instead, I shall re-bingewatch Gilmore Girls, because why not, and listen to some good ol' 90s tunes.



I love Beck. My favorite song of his, off an album that sounds even more fresh and relevant now than it did in the 90s. An album that combines elements of rock, pop, country, hip hop, and electronic music, and it's FANTASTIC.



I love Brooks and Dunn. Yeah, I sure do miss you. :( And most of the other 90s country acts too. That was just the best time.



I love Weezer. And they're making some of the best music of their career right now! To end this on a positive note. :) I still miss the 90s though.

Worthless Headline of the Day

"Spanx: Kylie Jenner Shares Image Wearing 'Body Shaper' Stockings"

Look, I know I'm beating a dead horse here. I know. But... come on, really?? REALLY??? This has been an actual headline on facebook all day long: "Woman who's famous for being famous puts on tights."

I can't just ignore it because it's there, taunting me, every time I go to look at pictures of cats. Is this really the world we want to live in?

EDIT: When you realize one of your joke tags is actually on the nose this time. Oh, hell. Adding "parody is dead" tag.

Remember the good old days of... last week?

Let's start with the song Automatic, by Miranda Lambert. I've probably pounded to death how much I like and relate to this song, so I'm not focusing on that. The question is, WHY do I miss making mixtapes off the radio? The sound quality was atrocious, the dj always cut into the song, and sometimes you had to wait up all night for them to play the song you wanted. Why the hell is iTunes NOT better than that??

The answer is, it is better. In every way except you can't draw little heart doodles on the label. Miranda's point is, things that take more effort give you a greater sense of accomplishment than things that come easy. They have more personal value. And I don't know anyone who would argue that. But why do I have such nostalgia for things that are less convenient? Isn't that sort of, I dunno, crazy?

Why do I wish I still had a VCR, and my little rows of alphabetized cassettes on a shelf and even a record player?* Is it because they're somehow more real, more present than digital things? Is it because life was simpler back then, if not more convenient, and I love me some simplicity? Well, I think it's all those things, but it's also just the giant Snuggie that is nostalgia. Because if I really wanted to, I could go out and buy a VCR and all my favorite 80s movies on tape, I could rebuy all my Madonna and Go-Go's cassettes, god knows they'd be cheap enough. I could certainly buy a record player, that's even a thing that people do. I think. But I don't, because I know it wouldn't be the same as when viewed through nostalgia goggles, and I don't want to ruin that. Everyone has "good old days," fuck, today will be someone's "good old days," and if that thought isn't enough to make you want to unplug everything and run screaming into the woods, I don't know what is.

*having popular music on vinyl predates me, the only vinyl I owned was the Smurfs and songs about choo-choo trains. But vinyl is the one "outdated" medium I would consider owning now, because that earthy scratch of a record is just so inviting and intrinsic to music. Which is why the sound has been reproduced digitally many times.

But here's the other thing I've noticed, the thing that actually scares me and why I'm often so resistant to newness and change. Now there have been always been catalysts that have caused sudden, drastic shifts in popular culture. Movies. Television. Rock music, one of the single most sweeping and amazing changes to ever happen culturally. I mean, one day everyone was listening to Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney (yes, I totally googled that) and then Rock Around the Clock came out and it was like BLAM! Once rock hit, it just dominated. I wasn't around then obviously, but the billboard charts tell the story. Oh yeah, the billboard charts actually meant doodley-shit back then, too.

And rock, in varying incarnations, was pretty huge for the next 50 years. From Bill Haley and Elvis to the Beatles and Stones to Led Zeppelin and Deep Purple to Journey and Rush to Bon Jovi and Metallica to Nirvana and Soundgarden to the Killers and the White Stripes. Whew. AND SCREW YOU NICKLEBACK.

Did Nickleback kill rock? That's a discussion for another time. From what I can see, rock and roll has been replaced by computer music. Tom Petty said all this very eloquently in an article so I'm not going to dwell on it. What I'm talking about is the sudden, rapid change in culture that happened in the 2000s, and why I feel it's having a negative impact. (Unlike the positive impact I think rock music, tv, etc. had on culture for the most part.)

I grew up in the 80s. I love 80s music, especially the early and middle parts of the decade. The late 80s actually sucked for popular music, which is why I got into "college rock" and, eventually, country. I loved a lot of 90s music. Basically I was into any music that someone of my generation would be expected to be into, from Madonna to REM to Nirvana to Garth Brooks. I was into ALL of it, not just one genre. But, I was also really really into my PARENTS' generation's music. I LOVED 50s music, from the first note of Rock Around the Clock to the smoky romanticness of The Platters. I loved really popular stuff like Elvis and Buddy Holly and I found some kind of obscure stuff from back then I enjoyed too.



How the hell many people of my generation would know this? I freaking LOVE this, for the record. How about this early 60s gem?



There's a more famous version of that by the Dave Clark Five, which is also wonderful and a bit more rockin', but I slightly prefer this original version. Anyway, I'm a huge music dork. That's beside the point. The point is, the 50s and 60s are so far removed from me, that by modern standards it makes no sense for me to relate them musically. But I do, and I don't know anyone from my generation and even younger that doesn't like at least some music from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. There was crap then like there's crap now, but holy crap there was less of it and the classics from back then were just that. TIMELESS. So this 80s/90s girl loves 50s/60s/70s music as though it were my own. You could just say, well that music was really GOOD. And it was. I mean, "The Beatles were GOOD" is not exactly stunning musical commentary. So what else?

Skip to today, or maybe like the mid-2000s. Whenever people stopped listening to the Killers and started listening to no-talent crap like Jason Derulo and the Pussycat Dolls. (Jesus Christ, if I had to pick one least favorite artist of all time, it would have to be the Pussycat Dolls. Even more so than Britney Spears. Both represent everything I hate, music that is both morally and musically bankrupt, but PCD was like having multiple Britney Spearses simpering at you. EURRRRRGGGHHH.) That horrible little time in music when rock let out a sad death rattle (that's the sound of Fall Out Boy, by the way), and country started veering dangerously into stupid (which has of course come to full fruition).

So we're talking about a 10-year window in music here, why is that such a big deal? Well, because I hardly like any popular music anymore, not pop, country, anything. I don't relate to it. 1955 I relate to, but 2015 not at all. You see the problem here? I refuse to believe it's because I've aged 10 years. I've always been very open to music, I LOVE music and I want it to be happy! I even liked mainstream rap at first, before it decided to get all stupid and misogynistic and violent and gross. No, the problem is, TIME SHOULDN'T MOVE THIS FAST. Soon we'll no longer be measuring things by decades but by years. Months. "Ah, November of 2018, what a great time that was!"

I think this is why more and more people are putting on their nostalgia goggles these days, and they're doing it younger and younger. We need to slow down with all the electronic everything. It's desensitizing. It's disconcerting. It's dehumanizing. Some of it is fine, but please don't let it take over everything so fast, just because it's easier and today's kids don't know any better. That sells everyone out short. In this 10 year window, I feel like Chef Boyardee music and CGI and insane amounts of social media have become like kudzu. It completely took over the landscape.

Agh no, my HOUSE! I was using that!

Just remember, as I so eloquently wrote a few years ago, STUFF SHOULD SMELL LIKE SOMETHING. Is it any coincidence that smell is so intrinsically tied into memories and nostalgia? Stuff should also FEEL like something, like you can hold it in your actual hand. Senses are part of how infants learn to relate to the world, and if half of our senses fall into misuse, what does that make us?

Worthless Yahoo Headline of the Day:

"Casper Smart -- I Won't Be Banging JLo in My New House"

This is on the front page of Yahoo "news." I wonder how many kids will read that today. Why don't they just put straight-up porn on there? Obviously this is not "news" outside of some tabloid gossip column, and it's also reeeeeeally inappropriate for such a mainstream page.

Translation of headline: "Someone I've never heard of cause he's only 'famous' for dating someone who's actually famous buys house; does not have sex in it." There you go, your "news" for the day. Well I guess when the other news is some of the most depressing-ass crap I've ever seen I understand the need for something lighter, but AGAIN: "banging" is not appropriate terminology unless it's a story about carpentry.

I'm just waiting for comment from said house. My guess is it'll be, "Whew."

RIP bakeries, the latest casualty of crap

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/independent-bakeries-are-a-dying-breed-185447965.html

Ha! I knew it.

"Families used to come by Sapienza’s shop and order a pound of biscotti or cookies to take home for the week, never questioning whether they had any trans fat or contained gluten, a wheat protein that gives dough its elasticity. These days, one in four U.S. households report at least one family member who eats gluten-free products, despite the fact that only 1% of Americans are considered to be allergic to it."

People are sheep. The end.

I love traditional bakeries. I was sad to read my favorite Italian bakery in Somerville shut down a few years ago. At least I was able to go for cannolis a few last times when I was in the area. Screw you Starbucks, designer cupcakes, and people who must be "gluten-free" despite not being allergic to it.

Somehow, everything I write is interconnected. The death of good. Is there any way back from this? All I want is real music, real food, real news and a real life not lived on fucking Instagram. And trees. Lots of 'em.

I've been thinking about music a lot lately, or rather, the lack of music. Growing up, popular music was pretty much the center of my life. This was the 80s, of course. I listened to the top 40 on the radio and watched the MTV top 20 video countdown every week religiously. I loved it all. Then, something happened. Well, it stopped being the 80s. That sucked. Music slowly moved away from what I recognized as music. I blame rap, and MTV for taking out the M, and Britney Spears (who never had an ounce of the talent or charisma Madonna had). She and her music have always struck me as plastic. Where's the emotion? Music should not be slick and overly produced, there has to be something raw feeling or it's not music. It's Muzak. And everything is like crazy produced now, they've produced the music right out of it.

And basically, this has made me a completely different person than I used to be, when my life revolved around music. I now avoid popular music instead of breathing it in. It makes me sad that I hate it so much. But I hate it, and I know why I hate it, and I especially hate that kids growing up today think that overly produced crap is what music is supposed to sound like. IT'S NOT. And I hate MTV for abandoning this generation to teen mom and jersey shore and whatever other crap they show now.

Times always change, and I'm sure people back in the like 1800s would be all, MTV? We were happy with a piano and a candle and a... donkey, or whatever. But this is a change I can't accept. I want music back. The great thing about music is it's timeless. I can listen to 80s music or the Beatles or whatever any time I want. But I miss being part of music, part of what's happening. It's more of a security blanket than an adventure. I want to bury myself in a pile of dusty old records, and that seems counter-productive. Heck, that's not even my era, it's my parents'. But records have the most personality, and they smell like something, which is always important.

See, I just want everything back. That old orange flowered sofa? I want that back. The coffee table that looked like tree bark. The wagon wheel things out in the yard. THE YARD. The fruit trees. The rosebushes. The piano. The stereo with the giant speakers. All the ridiculous heavy wooden furniture that wasn't actually ridiculous at all because it was alive, it had a soul, not like today's disposable crap. I don't care how light it is, I WANT REAL FURNITURE. I want all my books back. And my cats. And my different colored socks. I want a big kitchen. I don't want an econo-life. I want things to smell like something, and feel like something. I want to goddamn FEEL again.

I miss my mom cooking and my dad reading the paper every morning. People laugh at tradition. WHY? It's what all our FREAKING HAPPY MEMORIES are made of!! And we've laughed it all away, like it's funny, like we can do better than those fools, but really, who wouldn't want to return there, to their safe place? Why have we bombed our own safe houses? Who are the fools now?

If there's one lyric I not only wish I'd written but feel like I could have written it's, "If I had a billion dollars, I'd buy back my old room." This is from an obscure 80s song they played late at night on MTV when I felt all rebellious! staying up past my bedtime. (I sincerely hope it was on a school night too.) What's funny is, I was a kid when that song came out and the line didn't mean anything to me, but it stuck with me all these years. And now it's gospel.

Life has pretty successfully kicked my ass. And all I want is to go back to my couch fort. I could live there, there was always room for snacks. And a cat.

Wow... http://www.upworthy.com/the-real-reason-they-still-play-mrs-robinson-on-the-radio

This pretty much sums up what I was trying to pinpoint in one of my previous entries, about why things seem so different from the 80s now in really awful ways. In handy chart form, even.

"In 1983, 90% of American media was owned by 50 companies. In 2011, that same 90% is owned by 6 companies."

Does that make anyone else feel like they got kicked in the gut by like, some sneaky financial ninja? When did this HAPPEN to us? Why did we LET it? Did we even have a choice? And do most people even care?

Well, I care. This doesn't just apply to media either. It goes right along with what I was saying about stores too, like Macy's, the big fish eating all the other fish. This much conglomeration is not good. And here is the proof, not that proof was needed. This kind of change is evident all around us if we pay attention, but it's scary to see it laid out in such stark terms. My childhood really was better in a lot of ways; it isn't just nostalgia. Our culture really is going to hell right under our noses.

I don't want my child to grow up in a world with only 6 things. :(

I am cursed with hating the time I live in, and trying my hardest to find joy where I can. I think this is part of why I enjoy abandoned places so much. Echoes of the past I think was better. Heck, it was better.

So, I am spending my evening watching vintage footage of the place I grew up in which is now homogenized like every place else. (And most of the non-homogenized parts are trash.) There used to be like, 10+ different department stores around. Now there're two, Macy's and the Other Macy's That Took Over that Other Store. Oh, three if you count the Sears Nobody Shops At except... old people, I guess? Everything these days is like the giant fish that eats all the other little fish. It sickens me. Who wants to live in a world with just one fish? Not me!!

I'm also watching old commercials. Remember when commercials had a jingle with the product's name in it, so you could actually remember what they wanted you to buy? None of this artsy fartsy crap where you don't know if they're trying to sell you a car, a watch, a cologne, or some electronic thingy that will be obsolete so fast it probably wasn't even worth writing a jingle for. No, it was O-S-C-A-R and double your pleasure with doublemint gum and chow, chow, chow! Simple and to the point. No, "what the hell was that? was that in German?" Not only does it suck, it's bad advertising! No wonder the economy is in such bad shape! BRING BACK COMMERCIAL JINGLES! And while you're at it, bring back TV theme shows too. "Come and knock on our door, we've been waiting for you..."

I live in hope that someday, something will be good again. That everything that is grand, and wonderful, and interesting hasn't been digested by the big fish. Enough people must realize that life isn't good homogenized. Life doesn't exist on twitter, it exists in the souls of the things we create. Like classic buildings. Please, stop tearing everything down to build another same-old-same-old. I feel quite desperate about this.

You know what i think did it? I was watching a video of LA in the 60s, and realized the LA of the 80s I grew up in had more resemblance to that than the LA of today. You might say, the 80s we're a long time ago now. But I see it as things are changing more and more rapidly than ever, and not for the better, and why? For what? To keep satisfying the big fish? Progress is not eradicating the unique, the iconic, the mom and pop stores, the five and dimes, the corner hobby shop with the paint smell I remember to this day. Who exactly thought this world would be better? Are people happier? No, they are not. I think people are much less happy. They just text all day so they don't notice what's missing.

So this is for you, Westchester Antique Faire, Carl's Hobby Shop, the Broadway with the cool display windows, and all other casualties of progress and giant hungry fish. You may be gone, but I hope someday to again live in a world that's worthy of you.



I don't want to live in the past, far from it. I want a present and future with some surprises left in store. You turn a corner and see something you've never seen before, because it's local and run by someone with a first name, like George or Carl. I want color and whimsy and unpredictability. I want fancy box displays with ridiculous mannequins and Christmas decorations. Not, "Gee, I wonder if the Macy's at the mall 5 miles away has anything different than this one, or the last one." It's kinda like those old cartoons like the Flintstones where they'd run and the same scenery would loop by 100 times, except it really is the same scenery repeated 100 times.

What I meant to do last night: watch a few videos on youtube, finish my graphic requests, go to bed

What I actually did: read sites about abandoned malls and theme parks til 5AM. Damn you, internet, for being so interesting!

It started as a simple search for my beloved Old Towne Mall dark ride, which I do periodically to see if anything popped up. I wonder if that mall was still around, unchanged, would it mean as much to me or would I just take it for granted? (You don't know what you've got til it's gone, etc.) I think it would, because I never got tired of going there as a child, and I'm even more of a kid now than I was when I was a kid. :D I love to visit the few places from my childhood that are still around as much as I ever did. So it's not just the nostalgia, it's something truly special and unique that's been lost to all but memories. There aren't even any pictures of the ride, at least not online or in my mom's huge collection.

I realize nostalgia is kind of a fluid thing - no matter when you grew up, you'll feel nostalgic for what was around at the time. People who grew up in the 50s or 60s probably find 80s nostalgia about as ridiculous as I'd find nostalgia for the sad state of today. But the 80s were my era, and it was still a simpler time. Bad things were afoot, like greed, drugs and rap music, but most of the music still sounded like music, the clothes were wonderfully naive in their attempt to be cool (and I loved the colors!), and we had movies like Ghostbusters, Back to the Future and Pretty in Pink. The 80s were fun. I look back and see them in amusement park lights and colors.

So I wonder, what would be nostalgic now? Will the kids of today one day be pining for the homogenous target-best-buy-wal-mart-old-navy-home-depot strip malls? Maybe they will, if that's all they know. But that's kind of sad. Even true nostalgia is being bought out. I mean...



which one of these is more interesting? Which one is more likely to capture a child's memories forever? Or an adult's, for that matter? Will kids today have the chance to dream of magical carousels and hazy, low budget dark rides? Or will all their memories be of video games? The world is... shrinking. And not in a fun way like Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. I read that the beautiful carousel still exists somewhere in the country, so that's something. But it should be in CA! That's its HOME, dammit.

Something cool I found that made me smile: http://irodephantasmagoria.blogspot.com/
This was another dark ride from my childhood. I remember this one much better because I was older when I rode it. We probably went to Bell's in Tulsa about three times, and I rode this ride twice every time. It had a big yellow school bus that would pop out and honk at you (AHHHH IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US!!! every single time!) Bell's also had an awesome wooden roller coaster, called the Cyclone I think. So... I too rode Phantasmagoria! I never knew how to pronounce it. I still don't. But damn, what a cool ride.

Finding things like this is like finding little pieces of my childhood on the internet, pieces that other people I don't even know share. It's pretty awesome. But damn, 5AM comes too soon.

I do not understand people who are obsessed with japanese boys who sort of look like girls. Which seems to be... everyone on the internet but me. I seem to have missed a something... everything. I am an atypical internet user, methinks. I don't watch porn, or japanese boys, or japanese boy porn. I play games (NOT WoW), make sparkly shit, talk to my sweetie while he is far far away, and watch videos of abandoned houses and cry at their beauty. I cry for what's there, and what's gone.

I am weird for the internet. In a roomful of very weird people, I am somehow still weird. Or maybe... I'm the most normal person on the internet?

Naaaaah. I just want to return to a simpler time, when men were men, women were women, and japanese girls were japanese girls instead of 20-year old japanese men. Who fangirls drool over. And don't even get me started on the whole gay man fangirl thing. Tolerance of gay, lesbian, transgender people is a wonderful thing. But straight girls drooling over very sparkly boys like they're boyfriend potential just squicks me out. Usually I like people who live in their own little worlds, but that's just too deluded and weird even for me. They're GAY, there's no place for you to fit in that puzzle sweetie, my god get off the internet!

Also, get off my lawn. :( /old



Nooooope not gonna happen. How about looking up and noticing there are real boys around who might wanna, I dunno, take you on a real date outside the Hello Kitty Happy Funboy Rainbow Palace in your mind? No, I have no idea why this makes me angry lol. IT JUST DOES OK. There's something sort of plastic about the whole thing. I don't like plastic, especially plastic rainbows. I've never liked "pretty boys." (Shirtless photo posted to confirm male status. No boobage: check.)

But what I hate the most is straight guys wearing makeup and girl's clothes and girls thinking it's hot. AETDGHGFYHFH. This is not some rick-santorum-guys-having-sex-with-dogs imagined horror, THIS IS A REAL THING. I suppose I find it somewhat as horrifying as he finds women... doing anything. But I digress. Seriously, there is a line between "progressive" and "icky" and this is it. Don't make fundies right by being gross, people! Oh! And girls who call boys they like "pretty." I HAVE HEARD THIS. Seriously, every time a female calls a male she wants to sleep with "pretty," Rick Santorum masturbates on a kitten. Wait, um... just don't do it okay!

haha that ended up being a rant. Oh well. I'm a little cranky today. I need to watch some cool youtube videos. Also! I might be doing a little urban exploration soon! I only have a cheapo disposable camera but we'll see... if I can even get in. Trespassing with my mom in tow may not happen lol. But oh... I so desperately want to get in!!

Soooooo

I was writing up a post entitled "the sweet sweet valley of sanity," about how things seem to be going to these ridiculous mountains of extremes and my search for, well, the sweet sweet valley of sanity. It occurred to me that I mostly write about stuff I don't like on here, and my only really "fun" posts are my T&T posts, which I also don't like but at least I can snark the crap out of. It's weird because I'm really not a negative person, more of a walking MST, taking life's absurdities with a sort of non-aggressive mocking stance.

The reasons for this negativity are my SA obviously, and how this place serves as a refuge when I'm feeling particularly wretched. Maybe not so fun to read, but therapeutic. But beyond that there is what I see as the growing negativity in the world, which was exacerbated by my ill-fated interest in politics. We have a generation coming up that relates to the world through text messages and tweets and I wonder, do they feel the world? Do they ever think about where they came from, what's around them? I see humans becoming more desensitized and less connected every day. The world is always changing, and there have been some fantastic advances in the last 30 years, socially and technologically, that I wouldn't change for anything. But there are also really noticeable and disturbing changes that have taken place since I was a child that I don't think are beneficial or even natural.

Chiefly ~ the strip mallification of America. We've always had chain stores and there's nothing wrong with them, but it wasn't always like this. Everywhere you go in this country it's exactly the same, the same handful of stores that have driven out the unique regional culture. I mean, the only way you can even tell where you are anymore is what kind of trees are growing there.* Sometimes I come upon one of these monstrosities and I feel claustrophobic, I actually can't breathe. These big companies are strangling the life out of this country, and nobody seems to care. I mean when I was a kid we shopped at the "big" stores sometimes, but we also shopped at other places for variety. I guess somewhere along the line, people stopped doing that. They said fuck it, I wanna get tires and chewing gum and lawn furniture at the same damn place, every single day, no surprises, no soul, no problem. In and out and back home to watch tv and go to bed for another day of supporting the endless grind. Do they ever wonder what else is out there? Do they ever remember how things used to be, what still lies beneath the plastic surface?

*on the bright side, at least there are still trees.

The thing is, I think most people forget their childhood. They disregard it as something to "move on from." And with each generation, even children have less and less true childhood wonder (the kind that isn't manufactured in Japan). I think adults should celebrate their childhoods without shame, not in a way that's dwelling on the past but keeping alive what's important and interesting NOW, and preserving it for the future. This is what we are losing, our sense of preservation. Somewhere along the line, everything started becoming disposable. This is not progress, this is waste.

So, I will write my sweet sweet valley of sanity post another time, and end with this before my next post of STUFF THAT MAKES ME HAPPY DAMMIT. The reason I'm becoming so enamored with abandoned places (and other people who appreciate them) is not only because it's fun and creepy and damn interesting to explore the past but because it makes me feel less alone in my sensibilities. Other people are drawn to something besides what's presented to them as a consumer, other people CARE. And mostly, to preserve these things in some way before they're swept away forever to become something soulless and counter-intuitive to humanity like an office park.

Sure, looking at cool things in a state of decay can be sad, but at least it's an interesting kind of sad. It makes you think. It makes you feel. And somehow, they seem more alive and less decayed than the Everytown Big Store Consumer Depots of Hell. The old remnants are somehow alive, their souls remain. They speak to me. I also find them beautiful and sometimes, oddly, positive. It's less about what's gone than what's still there, the ruins and the memories.

Maybe it's sad that exploring the past has become more appealing in some ways than the present, but one astute Youtube commenter said it best in a video entitled "Last Day at Kiddieland" (which is pretty much also the title of my life), about the closing of a beloved children's amusement park. From the description: "Started in 1929, the suburban Chicago Kiddieland survived the Great Depression, a World War and countless other challenges only to fall to a family dispute. One small branch of the family wanted to sell the land. The other, larger branch wanted to keep the park alive. Money won. Doesn't it always? Another big box retailer, a Wal-Mart or a Costco or something similar will replace Kiddieland..."

Commenter: you know....what made america, america is slowly dissapearing

Yeah... that's pretty much my whole post in one amazing sentence. Did that leave anyone else feeling gut-punched and winded like it did me? This is actually HAPPENING, and it's happening less and less slowly as we become more and more fast-paced and disposable and me me me and now now now and more more more. I mean, my favorite song "Big Yellow Taxi" was written in 1970. Before I was born. The warning signs were there even 40 years ago, but instead of paying attention we've just let more and more iconic things die. And for WHAT? For NOTHING! For profit, which means absolutely nothing in a world with nothing left to spend it on but... more profit. "If I die with the most crap, I win the world's biggest and most pointless game of Monopoly!"

These things that make up the fabric of our country are not things you trade in like a car or a computer. They don't need an upgrade, they're fine the way they are. And when they're gone, they're gone forever. And so is an important piece of who we are.

What makes humans, human is slowly disappearing.