Top 6 best moments of 2020 (songs)

Why not. I'd like to start posting here again. Let this be the year of Reclaiming Myself, or some mess like that.

Hit songs only, or I'd be here all day.

1. "Ooh!" Miley Cyrus, Midnight Sky

2. "Oh, no!" Dua Lipa, Break My Heart

3. "As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you" Billie Eilish, Everything I Wanted

4. "Hey! Hey! Hey! *SYNTHBOMB*" The Weeknd, Blinding Lights

5. "la la la la I'm a lonely bitch" - Benee, Supalonely

6. "I don't need to be loved... by... YOU" - Midnight Sky again. That was totally my jam of 2020.

New Weezer album tomorrow! The first single slaps. I'm... cautiously stoked.

The last one of these 2020 music things, probably?

A few more thoughts on the year that was, and will hopefully never be again. 

Looking at the charts and... Lemonade, Watermelon Sugar, One Margarita, Blueberry Faygo, WAP? Damn, y'all were thirsty this year! 😂 Oh also Ice Cream, which would maybe quench your thirst. Pour one out for the summer that never was, yet somehow had the summeriest soundtrack in years.

AJR - Why do I, and so many music youtubers, have such a viscerally negative reaction to these guys? They're not cruel, or misogynistic, or tough guy posturing or really harmful in any way, and yet? They are so deliriously punchable on such a primal level I'm not sure I can find the words. I don't even want to punch them, I want them to like, endlessly punch each other. They're not even lazy exactly, they try real, real, REAL hard, but they're maybe... accidentally lazy? Like they're trying to make this big statement but it's just "ugh taxes" and adulting and the sort of clueless privileged white guy crap, like they're approaching a bunch of us ordinary schlubs like, "what's up, fellow ordinary people?" Yeah, I guess they stink of privilege. I guess that's it. They're like twenty one pilots left out in the sun too long, like TOP are clever and subtle enough to get away with corny lines like "I'll take the latter/ladder" but if AJR did it there'd be a giant wink and a slide whistle going off or something. It's all just noise, literal white noise, made by the kind of aggressively white people we're all sick of. And I say that as a white person.

Green Day - In a year that pop punk made a comeback, Green Day laid a giant egg. A giant green egg... and ham? Anywayy this whole thing feels like a troll, but who are they trolling? The music industry, us fans, themselves... Sweden?? What a waste. "Graffitia" slaps though.

I can't process how bad that "Party Girl" song is. It's so bad it makes me miss "Party Rock Anthem," which at least sounded like a party. Also the lyric "don't be scared to party" in the one year you ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE SCARED TO PARTY is just, worst timing ever? This song is so bad it gives people coronavirus, is what I'm saying. Even if they're not partying and are just alone in their house.

2020 Miley Cyrus is the new 2017 Kesha; an artist I thought had very little merit just blowing the hell up. (In a good way.) I'm so sorry I ever disparaged Miley's low register, it's actually badass just... not suited to pop music. Rock n roll will save your soul. 🤘

Gabby Barrett, "I Hope" - I said in a previous entry I didn't think this was too bad other than the ear-bleedy production. Then I listened to it a little more and... this song is hilarious. Like, that punch lands the first time - "I hope you meet the girl of your dreams and have a wonderful magical night full of rainbows and unicorns and you fall more in love every day and then I hope she CHEATS, cause you cheated on me motherfucker!" Totally fair. 

But... then she punches again. "I hope you get back together AFTER she cheats and you buy her a ring and blah blah blah and then I hope she cheats AGAIN" and it just doesn't hit the same, y'know? Like how far are we gonna take this? "I hope you celebrate 50 golden years together and then BOOM! she cheats with some guy in the nursing home! Take that!" "I hope she's there for you on your deathbed, holding your hand as you draw your last breath but then I hope she CHEATS and that's the last thing you see!" "I hope she cries at your funeral as she says her last goodbye and then I hope she CHEATS as you're being lowered into the ground! Dumb dead motherfucker." I'm seeing a lifetime of this guy getting pwned and never learning his lesson like he's cursed by some shady carnival fortuneteller and I'm kinda here for it, honestly.

Also: remixes in 2020 - I remember when a remix like, served a purpose other than cheating a song up the charts. They were usually done by djs as dance mixes for clubs; they had their place and didn't chart because that's not what they were for. They were for getting drunk and sweaty and making poor life choices, and I'm fine with that. Now there are all these shoehorned-in remixes (probably the most egregious being "I Hope" with Charlie Puth as it makes the song NOT MAKE SENSE), and they're like the straight-to-DVD sequels of the original song. They're technically canon, but they add nothing. Imagine a world without cheap cash grabs. We can do it if we try.

Let's finish this bitch.

And now my final year end music tradition, reacting to songs I saw on other people's lists because I don't really listen to popular music anymore, and expanding on a few songs I already mentioned. Might add to this. 

 I'm just gonna go through Todd's worst list song by song cause oh lordy. 

 10. Lonely - Justin Bieber 

I think I mentioned all of Bieber's other songs on my worst list, but not this one. Because it's great? No, because I hadn't heard it. He yodels about being lonely. He is literally the lonely goatherd. 

 9. Blackpink and Selena Gomez - Ice Cream 

I don't care about k-pop or Selena Gomez, but even I can tell this is obnoxiously bad for both of them. 

8. One Margarita - Luke Bryan 

It's still a Luke Bryan song. 

7. Falling - Trevor Daniel 

Boring, whiny, pretentious dreck. Like when Post Malone was bad and nobody liked him but without even what made him interesting.

6. Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani 

Yup, sounds just like what two people who used to make interesting music and are now on a singing show would make. 

5. Popstar - Drake 

Meh. Toosie Slide annoys me more. 

4. Two dudes whose names I'll never remember - Mood 

Some people don't like this and like "Roxanne." Some people like this and not "Roxanne." I am left baffled because they sound like the exact same song to me. 

3. Party Girl - lil trap rapper of the week 

The epitome of LTRotW. There was a time when "music" meant a pleasing sound. 

2. Savage Love - Jason Derulo 

Bad, but just kind of wallpaper to me. Sounds like the music they'd play at a minor league soccer game when someone scores a goal and a few people half-heartedly stand up and clap. 

HMs - Ok I take it back, Lil Baby is the epitome of LTRotW. Really need these mumbling mushmouths to be over. 

The bleating ginger sheep also needs to be over. I remember when singers had to be able to... sing. Or at least write good songs. 

Yup, Intentions is real bad. 

 I Love My Country - a song by a band that does nothing but hate crimes against country, with backhanded patriotism in one of the worst years in US history. 335,000 deaths and counting. Yeehaw, let's jump in the truck and fire up the ol barbecue and support our troops and booze and huntin' hounds and muddin and bler de blerp derp AS GOD INTENDED! My least favourite song of the year. 

Lovin on You - Luke Combs - Ok this sounds fine to me, not getting the hate. 

Someone called Russ? No idea. 

I try not to judge people by their appearance, but I just can't look at Russell Dickerson and want to listen to him. Sounds boring as shit anyway. 

I don't hate Maroon5. 

Stuck with You - I repeat: Eat, and I cannot stress this enough, the rich. 

1. obviously it's Yummy. 

 Okay, what else. Oh a country list had someone called Niko Moon on it and I was like ok, at least his name isn't Chase or Brock or Rock or Edge or one of those soap opera things, maybe it's at least something diff... oh God. Oh no. I think he's trying to do an Old Town Road type thing but Old Town Road worked because it wasn't made by yet another white frat douche. This is more like Sam Hunt. barf. 

 In case this comes off as the "I hate hip hop" blog, I mean I'm sorry, I don't like mumble rap or sex offenders. But I listened to everything on the year end hot 100 so I could be fair and I liked these songs! 

 "Come and Go" and "Wishing Well," Juice Wrld - Once an emo, always an emo I guess. RIP. 

 "Ballin," Mustard and Roddy Rich- this is just really catchy with a good beat 

"Laugh Now Cry Later," Drake - horns good 

Also that "Lemonade" song is pretty smooth and refreshing. No idea why it's a thing in the middle of winter. 

I still can't believe "Moneybagg Yo" is a real rapper. Surprise, he's bad! And not Michael Jackson bad.

Electronic music isn't my thing either but I weirdly like "Roses?" I think it's that moment when the beat drops out then comes back in, that just HITS. On the bad side, "ILY" by... Surf Mesa? Surf table? Sounds like a non-functional Ikea product, and the song in fact sounds like a half-assembled Ikea table. Pretty sure songs are supposed to come fully put together guys! 

 I want to say a little more about "If the World Was Ending," a song I think a lot of people don't really "get?" I mean, I think it's more symbolic than literal - if the world was ending, if none of the "wordly" crap mattered anymore, if all the baggage and reasons why a relationship might not work in practice even if, in theory, you still have feelings for each other went away - you'd be together, right? I take it as a plea for emotion over practicality, which I'm down with tbh. Unfortunately, while I like the concept it's sung by two of the least passionate, most uncharismatic singers I've ever heard so it falls completely flat. A 2.5 earthquake of a song. 

"la la la la I'm a lonely bitch" is a good lyric for 2020.

I hate "Hard to Forget" because yes, I hate Sam Hunt on principle but I'm <i>not</i> opposed to using classic country songs in modern ones. See Little Big Town's interpolation of the "Fishin' Hole" song in "Boondocks."It sounds great. Sam Hunt's chopped up garbage sounds like a crime.

 That's it for now, might pop in with more later! But in case I don't, I wanna say again how great "Blinding Lights" and "Midnight Sky" are and how they deserved a funner year to be hits in. At least they helped make a shit year funner.

I guess I should make a 2020 music post.

What can I say about this year? We all just want it to be over. I don't know about music-wise, but I think 2021 will be an absolute banger. Vaccines are coming, the orange shit demon is leaving and it'll probably be REAL undignified and we can point and laugh, and OMG, people are gonna be here to enjoy things like never before. So much fun will be had! It sucks that it had to happen this way, but I think having a renewed appreciation for life - like, just the simple aspects of it - will at least be a good thing. 

And, forgive me a non-music aside, but for all the ghouls saying the regime change in the US isn't really change at all and wake up sheeple!🙄, are you fucking kidding me??? Yeah, I get the democrats kinda suck. They suck because they refuse to go the extra mile, or even a foot. They'd rather politely sniff farts. The two party system super sucks. It's like the difference between a clean toilet and a dirty toilet. The clean toilet is at least functional and won't give you a disease, but it's still a toilet. I GET IT. I'm still happy that A LITERAL CARTOONISH 80S MOVIE VILLAIN has been vanquished, even if it's by mediocrity. At least I won't have to install a "Biden blocker" on my computer. At least I won't have to do gymnastics to avoid the daily antics of an idiot who FOR SOME REASON even cool people I follow see fit to shit all over my timeline, like "look how bad he is!" I fucking know, you know you didn't have to follow him for the last 4 years, right??? Anywayyy... let people have some hope, we've earned it.

 Okay, music time! 

 THE GOOD: 

 All my faves in one handy list: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lkx04M8JYPc0VMpxrMEfI 

 Top 11 fave NON-HIT songs: 

1. Napalm Girls - Creeper 

2. War - Waxahatchee 

3. My Own Soul's Warning - The Killers 

4. Brooklyn Bridge to Chorus - The Strokes 

5. End of the World - Worriers 

6. Poisoned Heart - Creeper 

7. Graceland Too - Phoebe Bridgers 

8. Falling Thunder - Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever

 9. Neon Cross - Jaime Wyatt 

10. Death By Rock and Roll - The Pretty Reckless

11. Out of Sight - The Beths 

 In a nice world, those would be hits instead of Lil Trap Rapper of the Week and that awful bleating ginger sheep. But, there were some good hits and here they are! 

1. Blinding Lights - The Weeknd 

2. Midnight Sky - Miley Cyrus 

3. Everything I Wanted - Billie Eilish 

4. Starting Over - Chris Stapleton 

5. One Night Standards - Ashley McBryde

 6. Therefore I Am - Billie Eilish 

7. Bluebird - Miranda Lambert 

8. I Hope You're Happy Now - Carly Pearce and Lee Brice 

9. Break My Heart - Dua Lipa 

10. No Time to Die - Billie Eilish 

Now, listen to "Blinding Lights," "Midnight Sky," and "My Own Soul's Warning" all in a row. The first two were hits, the third was shamefully ignored even though it has the retro 80s synth thing and is by a well-known, mainstream band. The anti-rock bias is RIDICULOUS. This needs to change. Let's rock in 2021! 🤘

EDIT: I should add, I also liked Maddie and Tae's "Die From a Broken Heart" and Ingrid Andress' "More Hearts than Mine" - yay for country women! - I just didn't return to them as much as the songs I listed, which is the metric I typically use.

 FAVE ALBUMS: 

1. Creeper - Sex, Death and the Infinite Void 

2. Waxahatchee - Saint Cloud 

3. The Killers - Imploding the Mirage

 4. The Beths - Jump Rope Gazers 

5. Phoebe Bridgers - Punisher 

6. Beach Bunny - Honeymoon 

7. Probably would have been Van Weezer, but at least that's something to look forward to next year!

 THE BAD:

Okay I haven't heard all the "hits" obviously, I don't listen to Lil Trap Rapper of the Week. I don't know my "NLE Choppa" from my "Moneybagg Yo." Wait, is "Moneybagg Yo" a real rapper? Cause it sounds like a fake rapper from a bad sketch show. Anyway here's what I heard that I thought was utter shit, enjoy! 

1. Yummy - Justin Bieber 

Yup, this is a real song. 

2. Hard to Forget - Sam Hunt 

I'd like to report a crime. 

3. I Love My Country - FGL

 Gosh, I can't imagine why a back-handed patriotic song didn't go over well this year! Also this works on no level at all because FGL isn't country. 

4. Hot Girl Bummer - Blackbear 

"a emo chick that's broken" 

5. Toosie Slide - Drake 

The song 2020 deserved, but we didn't. 

6. Bang - AJR 

This band is like the word "adulting" gained sentience. Bleccch. 

7. Stuck With U - Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande 

Eat, and I cannot stress this enough, the rich. 

8. I Hope - Gabby Barrett 

Song fine, production ear-bleedy 

9. Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi 

Speaking of ear-bleedy, we let the bleating ginger sheep have another hit. WHY??? 

10. Intentions - Justin Bieber 

"heart full of equity, you're an asset" Oh yeah baby, do my taxes! I love when you talk financial to me! 

11. Holy - Justin Bieber 

OMG, wasn't this schtick cringy and blasphemous enough when FGL did it?? Go away Bieber, you suck. 

12. Russell Dickerson, the person 

I've never heard any of his songs, I just hate the shape of his head and his dumb cartoon hair 

13. Dan + Shay, all 

It's all the same song and it's all boring as shit, like being trapped in an endless wedding toast

14. If the World Was Ending - some guy and that awful "Issues" chick 

Well it's not, go home. 

15. One of Them Girls - Lee Brice 

"you're one of them girls who ain't trying to meet nobody" Then go away and leave her alone?? Maybe Meghan Trainer's "No" wasn't so bad after all.

16. One Margarita - Luke Bryan 

It's a Luke Bryan song. 

 Not mentioned: WAP. I am a White Ass Person and I don't really have a take on this song. It's not for me, but do your thing girls? Well, I guess I have one take: why are songs glorifying misogyny, some by actual abusers and sex offenders, given a pass like "yup this seems normal" while a song about women enjoying sex brings ALL the controversy? I guess I'm glad it exists just to show the hypocrisy. It's not like I have to listen to it. 

 Finally, the "The World Has Turned and Left Me Here" award, which was inauguarated last year with "Baby" by Lil Baby and DaBaby, goes to...

Please know that whenever you are reading this, I am still sitting here blinking at my screen trying to make sense of that. 

BYE 2020! I'm glad there was at least some great music I'm gonna carry into 2021 like a fireman saving it from a burning building. I WON'T LEAVE YOU BEHIND, WAXAHATCHEE! *flames whoomf up in background* *heroic dive into snow* I've got you, Creeper. It's all gonna be ok.

Favourite Music of 2019!

Here's the playlist of my top 25 favourite songs of the year: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2yk50Dqv70OlWG7P5Yz3db

If I had to pick a top favourite it would probably be "Forest Lawn" by Better Oblivion Community Center, or at least that's the one I listened to most. But it could easily be "Crowbar" or "Everyday" or "Elephants" or "Born Cold." Also Patty Griffin's "Ruby's Arms" is one of my favourite covers ever. Weezer's rockin' "End of the Game" has me actually excited for their next album, and Creeper just announced they're dropping theirs on MY FREAKIN' BIRTHDAY! What a time to be alive.

On to albums! Somehow, my fave this year happens to be a critical darling and I'm not sure how to handle that?? I'm not a Pitchfork-reading hipster, I just like what I like. And this year, I loved the lush, gorgeous 70s singer-songwriter style album by Weyes Blood, Titanic Rising! Last year my fave was a mainstream country album, a few years ago it was a Letters to Cleo EP. You just never know! (And more on LTC later...) Yeah, this album hit the exact vibe that I, and I guess many others, were craving this year. It's like a time machine that's also a UFO. I love it so much. Fave songs - Everyday, Andromeda, Picture Me Better, Something to Believe

My second-fave is of course, the new New Pornographers In the Morse Code of Brake Lights. A band that has never made a bad album, and this is almost up with Brill Bruisers for me. Another collection of perfect, catchy power pop songs. I don't know how they keep doing it! Fave songs - Leather on the Seat, Falling Down the Stairs of Your Smile, Colossus of Rhodes

And the rest of the albums I enjoyed, in no particular order: (This is so much less stressful than when I made ranked lists and wrote freakin' paragraphs about each album!)

Diva Sweetly, In the Living Room - Sure, let's start with a pretty obscure one I just lucked into by chance! If you were a 120 Minutes devotee in the 90s like I was, you might dig this. Quirky, 90sesque alt rock. Fave Songs - Detox Island, The Floor Caved In, Comfort Food

Better Oblivion Community Center - A chill, low-key catchy folk-pop album I played all year. Fave songs - Forest Lawn, Little Trouble, Chesapeake

Bleached, Don't You Think You've Had Enough? - And my theme of the year, "retro girly rock." Fave songs - Hard to Kill, Somebody Dial 911, Daydream

Ex Hex, It's Real - More retro girly rock! Fave songs - Cosmic Cave, Radiate, Another Dimension

The Regrettes, How Do You Love? - MORE retro girly rock? You're spoiling me, 2019! Fave songs - I Dare You, Fog, California Friends

Randy Houser, Magnolia - And my traditional-leaning mainstream country album of the year! Randy is back in form, big time. Hope he keeps this up. Fave songs - What Whiskey Does, No Stone Unturned, Evangeline

Karly Driftwood, Too Mean to Die - A fun, super catchy and even kinda horror-themed country debut! I love when it feels like an album was made just for me! Fave songs - Dodged a Bullet, Bake You a Cake, Too Mean to Die

Alice Wallace, Into the Blue - California canyon country that feels both 70sesque and fresh! Fave songs - Elephants, Top of the World, The Lonely Talking

Jenny Lewis, On the Line - More on the pop side, but some of that California country feel at times. Jenny Lewis has been with me my whole life, first as a child in that iconic Toys r Us jingle I used to sing constantly and annoy my parents, then with Rilo Kiley, a band that got me through some rough times, and now with this beautiful album. She kinda feels like my sister I never met at this point. Fave songs - Wasted Youth, Red Bull and Hennessey, Hollywood Lawn

Jetty Bones, - (yes, the album is called "-") This is only 6 songs so I guess it's technically an EP, but it feels like a complete album to me. Paramore fans, check this out! Fave songs - "better," The Rest of Them., To Know You...

Women Sing Waits - Some beautiful voices sing some of my favourite Tom Waits songs! Fave songs - Ruby's Arms, Downtown Train, Time

Sturgill Simpson, Sound and Fury - This one took a little getting used to. I dug the songs, but wasn't sure I could vibe with the vocal production. Then I realized it was supposed to sound like a cowboy transmitting from space. Then I realized that's AWESOME. Fave songs - Mercury in Retrograde, Make Art Not Friends, Remember to Breathe

EPs:

Sunflower Bean, King of the Dudes - Oh, MORE retro girly rock you say? Fave songs - King of the Dudes, Fear City, Come for Me
Ghost, Seven Inches of Satanic Panic - This is only two songs, but they both rock.
Charlie Marie - Wow, super promising country vocalist from... Rhode Island? Yeehaw! Fave songs - Rodeo, Rhinestones, Countryside
Letters to Cleo, OK Christmas - What better way to end the year than with a Christmas album I actually like! Leave it to LTC, of course. My fave band at the end of the 90s, still my fave at the end of the 2010s.

It was a really good year! I listened to a lot of music between the 450+ movies I watched, and while some of it was disappointing (*cough Black Album cough*), a lot of it will be with me for a long, long time. Let's see what my first fave of the new decade will be! Creeper in May, or something before then? I'm excited for the journey!

I'll also make a favourite albums of the decade post... sometime this decade. ;)

A brief look at 2019 popular music (from someone who didn't listen to it)

So this was the year I finally admitted defeat and stopped following popular music. I survived "Body Like a Backroad," that Mo Bamba thing, I even survived BABY FREAKIN SHARK, but this is what did me in:

... I give up. I'm out. I no longer understand pop culture, the World Has Turned and Left Me Here for good.

However, I still went to bars, malls and football games, so I heard some of what the year had to offer. And honestly, it's not as bad as the last few years, at least with what rose to the top. It still kinda sounds like popular music has been... stepped on though, you know? Flattened out. Especially hip hop and country. Like I imagine the process it takes to make poi, and it's kinda like that. And if you've ever had poi, you know it's flavourless mush. 2016-2019: the era of Poi Music. Long may we leave it behind.

THE GOOD:

Billie Eilish - 2019 will always be the year of Billie Eilish for me. I listened to "Bury a Friend" and "Bad Guy" as much as any of my "you probably haven't heard of it" shit. I can't believe something so weird and interesting got popular. I can't believe I'm with the zeitgeist for once. When's the last time that happened, when MCR was in the Hot 100?? This is why you're never "too old" to keep up with popular music - this then-17 year old made music that resonates with me.

Sunflower - I will never be a Post Malone fan, but damn this is smooth and easy to listen to. Kind of this year's "God's Plan" in that it's specifically designed to not get tired of it. It just washes right over me, and I mean that as a compliment. Definitely the best of Post Malone's 27 hits this year - seriously, I think there were 27 in the top 10 at one point.

Walk Me Home - A Pink song with some energy and feeling! It's been too long.

As I'm only covering the "hits" here, the rest of my favourites will be in the next entry!

THE OKAY:

Old Town Road - Have I avoided my blog since April because I didn't want to offer a spicy hot take on Old Town Road? Maybe! Yeah, I'm a country fan but I'm so far removed from what they play on the radio now it almost feels disingenuous saying that. But having that space also makes me unemotional about Old Town Road. Maybe 5 years ago, before "country" became synonymous with white guys rapping and snap beats, I'd have been outraged! this would even be considered as country. It's not, obviously, but neither is Sam Hunt and I don't care anymore.

I get this song. It's about freedom, something literally anyone of any demographic - country, hip hop, rock, idk, flamenco?? - can relate to. Normally I hate the fucking monogenre, but this song brought people together and that's why. It strikes a chord, and it's also ridiculously catchy, which is something that's missing in most "trap" music. Because the trap elements still leave me cold, and no one over 6 - okay, no one ever - should say the word "boobies," this just gets an okay. But you know what, you take that horse to that old town road, and you ride til you can't no more. Godspeed, my friend.

Memories - This Maroon 5 song is fine. Maybe even good, in that it does exactly what it's supposed to do. Give me a few drunken nights over Christmas and New Year's and this might move up to "good" by next year. I still miss old Maroon 5, but this is a pretty big improvement over their last 27 hits!

ME-HE-HEE! - Sounds like a lamaze class, I'll pass.

God's Country - A little too bombastic for me. I can see why some rock fans like it; it reminds me of "Take Me to Church" which was also too bombastic for me.

I also miss old Panic! at the Disco. But why couldn't "Say Amen" have been the big hit from this comeback album? It would be kind of funny if a song called "Hey Look Ma, I Made It" was their/his last hit. Ironic in a way the old Panic might have appreciated.

THE BAD:

I talked about "Mo Bamba" already last year (https://mrsrowsdower.blogspot.com/2018/12/#5349724194103077193). Still literally the worst popular song I've ever heard. He sounds like a garbage truck backing up, just add beeping sounds and maybe he'll come haul your old couch away.

Ariana Grande - Wow. After three absolute pop classics in 2018 (No Tears Left to Cry, Breathin', Thank U, Next), we get three absolute turds this year. A movie theme no one asked for from a movie no one asked for, 7 Rings, and *sigh* Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I'm Bored. Why not "Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I'm Horny?" At least that would be honest. "Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I Like You?" At least that's flattering. "Break Up With Your Girlfriend, She's on Meth?" Yeah, that's a problem. But "I'm bored" flatters nobody, neither the singer nor the subject, and if that's the point I like my pop songs a little less nihilistic, thanks.

7 Rings is a special kind of bad. Yeah, it's got that awful staccato-y trap beat that sounds like getting constantly poked with a finger, but it's the lyrics that really put me off. "Whoever said money can't solve their problems, must have not had enough money to solve them." Really, Arianananana?? Look, pop music doesn't have to - and probably shouldn't be - political (hi, Taylor Swift), but that line is REALLY fucking tone deaf in today's climate. Yeah, I guess you really dunked on all those people who can't afford their diabetes medicine or cancer treatments and died. SWISH! 🙄

Baby Fucking Shark - I wrote here about a year ago how therapeutic it can be to sing your old camp songs when you're depressed, but I DIDN'T MEAN TURN ONE INTO A HIT SONG! What's next, the Weenie Man?

Eww, why is Chase Rice squatting in the year end hot 100? I haven't heard the song, Chase Rice just reflexively makes me go "ewww." At least there's no Sam Hunt?

Someone You Loved - Gawd, why is there one of these adult contemporary "love" ballads every single year? They all suck and this is the worst one yet. I'd rather listen to nothing but trap songs than this bleating idiot. He sounds like Ed Sheeran left out in the sun too long. He sounds like a rusty nail dissolving in a pool of acid. This hit #1! Do better, music! Bring back Old Town Road for another week! And why is it that rock must die, at least in the mainstream, but these awful adult contemporary ballads NEVER do??! Every year we get dreck like this (also "Be Alright," "You Say") but rock is outdated? Fuck, man.

And yup, I continue to not understand trap. Most boring shit I've heard outside of an elevator and it all sounds the same to me. I guess this is that generational tipping point, or maybe it just sucks. Here's my impression of every single trap song ever by L'il Flash in the Pan: *DJ Hot Shit on tha muthafuggin BEAT* "YAH! Duh da duh da da duh da, UNGH, Duh da duh da da duh da, AY, Duh da duh da da duh da, SKRT!, Duh da duh da da duh da, PBBBT." Yah! :(

Favourite songs and albums of 2019 up next, and then a couple favourites of the decade lists! Yay!

Favourite music of 2018

Okay, I was gonna redo my old post with all the cool new stuff I found afterwards and write about some albums, but nah. I'm just gonna put these Spotify playlists here. Everything in my original post still stands, there's just more good stuff now! The first list is all girly stuff, because that's what I've mostly been listening to. The second list is more inclusive, because dudes made good music too, and there are even a few mainstream pop songs I liked.

Favourite songs that didn't appear on my original list:

"Happy Unhappy" and "You Wouldn't Like Me" - The Beths (Quirky, jangly guitar music is still being made. We're gonna be ok.)
"Firework" - First Aid Kit
"Jeannie Becomes a Mom" - Caroline Rose
"Funeral" - Phoebe Bridgers
"Hell-On" - Neko Case

girly:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0NJW8y0kPzVp3K6W6zUlSP

everything:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/27G74gAnYbHYGNf94LF0go

I had to do it - the REAL worst song of 2018

WARNING - this is a cursed video! Clicking it may cause you to become infected with Untalented Attention-Seeking Douchebag Virus. If teenage white boys start listening to you ironically, please see your doctor immediately.



I... I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to give this any more underserved attention than it already has. But it's TORMENTING me. This song is one of the circles of Hell. I need to exorcise it from my soul. And of course, the only way to do that is to have a good old rant.

I guess we'll call this "post-zombie apocalypse music" and look, I'm glad the brainless walking dead are exploring their artistic side. Far be it for me to suppress culture. But... why is anyone else listening to this? WHY WAS IT A TOP 10 BILLBOARD HIT??

The answer is, the charts are no longer relevant and won't be as long as songs that are basically jokes, streamed by children and teens endlessly for FREE, are allowed to actually impact popular culture. I'm not mad this "song" exists; I'm mad it got out. I'm mad it's not firmly in its niche where it belongs and I had to hear it. Because as soulless and droning as this thing is - and the lyrics might as well just be "BRAAAAAAAINS" over and over - it's also somehow earwormy. To a ridiculous level. I, a grownass woman, should not have this parasite in my brain just because I watch youtube videos about music. (Is this thing actually played on the radio? Or in shops, or anywhere in polite society? I don't think I've heard it outside. But the threat is there, dammit. The threat is REAL.)

So anyone who says counting streams hasn't made pop music that bad, we're just overreacting, please listen to "Mo Bamba" over and over again on a loop for all eternity. It's fucking obvious why free streams shouldn't be counted - you'll click on any idiotic thing if you don't have to pay for it! You'll listen to it "ironically" or even hate-listen, and it all counts the same. Especially if you're a teen, tween, or fratdouche male. (Sidenote: I doubt any woman has ever listened to this song voluntarily.) So these dipshits are allowed to partially control the music culture and we all pay, even though they don't. Sure, pop music has always skewed young but when you actually have to shell out your Christmas money, you're not gonna spend it on this backed-up septic tank of a song.

This guy knows he's shit, everyone who listens to this knows it's shit, but that's the point. Ha ha ha. Let's stick it to people with taste, they suck. Remember when kids' rebellion music was rock n roll, or at least good hip hop like Dr. Dre? They had to earn our money. And idiots like this Sheck person don't. This isn't a case of one generation not understanding the next. Nothing has changed; kids have always rebelled. And that's fine! Listen to your shitty song to your heart's content, kids, but I shouldn't have to. It's the system that's changed, and it's broken. So how do we fix it? Streaming isn't going anywhere, but how about only paid streams count? That should at least cut back on 12 year old boys having so much power.

To compare this with probably the shittiest equivalent from my time, "Ice Ice Baby" - yeah, that song sucks, but there's an obvious reason it was a hit. That sweet "Under Pressure" beat. Why you wouldn't just listen to "Under Pressure" I have no idea, but Vanilla Ice played us. That's the shame of my generation, but at least there's an identifiable appeal. The lone appeal of "Mo Bamba" seems to be to torture other people with it. That sums up 2018 better than anything else I could say.

So "Frinds," as horrible as you are, you are only the second-worst song I heard in 2018 by virtue of being an actual song. And lemme tell you, I hate that song more every time I hear it. Girl, you are way past the "friend zone" and into the Twilight Zone with this guy. UGH. No, I'm not going back there. I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULDN'T GO BACK.

And I have to reiterate, when I say these are the two worst songs I heard, I refuse to listen to the garbage made by any of the criminals that had hits this year. That I even have to say "any of the criminals" is insulting, scary, and sad. "Stop making terrible people famous" has become a rallying cry, and really, let's do that, shall we? And also, maybe put the violent criminals in prison where they belong? We can let out all the poor people in there for weed and other non-violent bs to make space for 'em. WIN/WIN.

POSITIVE music post coming next, and then 2019! Let's do better. That clean slate is so smooth and inviting, isn't it?

Least Favourite Music of 2018 (that I heard)

Well, obviously I can't write about music I haven't heard. I'm saying I haven't heard much, or I heard a little bit and just started screaming. So this isn't a complete account of the year. I've never even heard a Kane Brown song. Really.

Worst pop song I heard:

"Frinds" by Marshmello and Anne Marie - I discussed this here https://mrsrowsdower.blogspot.com/2018/07/#5482303009913007983 already, so I'll keep it brief. Is this worse than Generic Mumble Rap Song #27 by Lil Generic Mumble Rapper of the Week? No, probably not. I'm sure more effort went into the production, at the very least. But this is one of the stupider pop songs I've heard. Let's make a lyric specifically around spelling a word, and somehow manage to chuff it up completely!

"Haven't I made it obvious?" No, not really.

"Haven't I made it clear?" As gravy.

"Want me to spell it out for you?" Sure, you can try.

"F-R-I-N-D-S!" *buzzer sound* Nice try, but sit down! (I won a spelling bee this year, so it just seems fitting to call this one out, y'know?)

You had ONE JOB, Anne Marie. I won't even get into how the guy sounds more like a S-T-A-L-K-R than a F-R-I-N-D. I already covered that, and this song just makes me tired. Like everything else in 2018.

Worst lyric I heard:

Which is also by the worst band name I heard! "Broken," by lovelytheband. Yup, that's really what they're called. That's not a band name, it's the twitter handle you use when "lovely" is already taken. Oh God, that's how they got their name, isn't it? Is their twitter handle "lovelythebandtheband?" Anyway... "I like that you're broken, broken like me." Okay, I get what you're trying to say - misery loves company and all that. Not everyone is perfect sunshine rainbows and unicorns and darn it, they deserve love too! As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, I'm down with that.

What I'm not down with is the word "broken." It's like saying, "I like that you're depressed." It's awesome to find a soulmate and yeah, it can be hard if you have issues and there might be great relief upon meeting someone with similar issues you can relate to - but don't tell said person you're glad they're in pain because it benefits you. "I like that you ruptured your spleen, I ruptured my spleen too, WOOOOOOO SPLEEN PARTY!" I don't think that's what they were trying to say, and that's why it's a bad lyric. Say "I like that you're different" or "imperfect" or whatever. "Broken" just sounds so negative.

Okay, so did I actually hear anything by Lil Generic Rapper of the Week #s 1-52? Just enough to be uninterested, but not enough to call it my "worst." That would be like singling out one piece of lumpy oatmeal in a bowl as the worst. How would you do that? The biggest, the lumpiest, the most greyish-mush coloured? I'm aware that some of these terrible rappers are/were also terrible people, and that one of them died. I'm not going to listen to any of their music or talk about them here. They don't deserve to be in the limelight and I will not contribute to any discussion of them, even on my tiny blog. There's no "art vs artist" argument to even be had when the "art" itself is so trifling. And can we please STOP glorifying horrible people?? It's bad enough there's one in the White House; when they invade entertainment we don't even have any escape from it.

Why am I listing so few actual songs? In previous years I'd hear a bad song and be all, "ooh this is really bad, I must listen!" Even 2016, which I hated, I had a blast talking about. I made two or three posts gleefully describing how terrible it was. But man, the past couple years have dulled me to hate-listening. I still enjoy a good rant, but I don't enjoy the process of getting to said rant, i.e., listening to shit.

Has the world changed so much? Have I? Has music? I think the answer to all that is "yes," and I'm just not inspired anymore. Unless popular music rediscovers colour and energy, good or bad, these posts might not happen next year. I can only take so much of Lil Mumbley and all the sparse, dour, downbeat songs. WE GET IT, WE'RE ALL DEPRESSED. YOU'RE NOT HELPING! And don't you dare call it "emo." Emo music has passion, energy and y'know, EMOTION. It's not whining and slurring over a barely there beat, it's loud guitars and drums and emotive vocals. It's meant to make you feel something, not put you down for a nap.

Maybe that's the reason for all this boring music. Does everyone have insomnia? Is it helping? Or maybe everyone's doped up on prescription drugs that numb their senses. Like everyone, the artists and their audience. Damn, I might have hit on something. Can we please bring back cocaine just kidding but maybe not really?

(Don't do drugs kids, but totally do listen to awesome music that was made on drugs.)

Is it a coincidence the title of one of last year's big hits was just the number for the suicide hotline? Clearly, it was preparing us for this year, which seemed to be actively trying to get us to kill ourselves. Occasionally, one of these downvibe songs hits me. I can fuck with "God's Plan" sometimes. But that's just it; this is once-in-a-while mood music. It should be a niche, not the bloody default setting. Popular music is completely out of balance, maybe more than ever. One thing hits, then it completely floods the market til the next thing hits. And it never seems to be anything fun anymore. 🙁 I mean the 80s were trendy af, but a lot of the trends were fun, and none of them completely took over.

Even the positive, so-called love songs are so oddly spare - "Girls Like You," "I Like Me Better," "Mine." Yeah, I can tell you're really hype about this relationship. Maybe if you forget to refill your prescription, you'll actually show an emotion! Til then, enjoy a song with all the passion of still lying in bed at 10AM even though you're not tired anymore, you just don't feel like getting up. Dude says "I'm so fucking happy you're alive," but he sounds like he's about to slip into a coma, and the music behind him is so thin. Who is this for? It reminds me of a riff from MST3K - "Drab, flat passion meanders across the screen!"

PLAY INSTRUMENTS! HAVE A FACIAL EXPRESSION! AGGGGGGGHHH!

I tried listening to some hit songs for more content, and it was worse than I ever imagined. There's one in the top 10 right now that's so bizarre it doesn't even sound like humans made it. And not in an interesting way, just - WHAT? What are you doing with your life? And why are people buying it?? The phrase "the inmates have taken over the asylum" springs to mind. I'm not naming the "song" because I'm hoping it will just slink away on its own. In shame.

One more note before I briefly talk mainstream "country" - this 80s thing. It's not so much on the charts where hip-hop dominates, but so many bands are doing the synth thing and it's getting REALLY tiresome. Especially when it's classified as "rock." Just because it's a band doesn't mean it's rock, ffs. I know I've pounded this into the ground, but as someone who grew up in the decade and loves it - stop clinging to the 80s and start being the 80s. Remember why we loved them in the first place - the creativity. Taking risks on new things. As bad as things are, creativity never dies. It's always there, just waiting to be tapped into.

I have zero interest in the sausagefest that is the country charts. I guess you could say I'm protesting the lack of women, but that's just a self-righteous way of saying I don't care. I see the top two artists are "Dan + Shay" and "Kane Brown," neither of which I've heard, but I don't need to hear them to know what they are. Bland, safe radio filler. Country music used to kick. Now it just limps. So on that note...

Worst country Second worst pop song song I heard:

"Meant to Be" by Florida Georgia Line and Bebe Rexha - My second worst song literally just boils down to "meh." If it happens, it happens, whatever, I don't really care. That's the kind of year this was. This was the biggest "country" hit of... ever, I guess, as well as a big pop hit - "Meh: the Song." I guess the video is okay. Her plaid game is on point.

Truly, I aspire to this level of plaid. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the success of this song is partly due to how fabulous she looks in the video. That would actually improve it for me. If only the music was as vibrant as her outfits. Cause "whatever" is exactly how I feel about this song. I can't even hate it; there isn't enough there there to inspire hate, or any emotion at all. And that's worse. I'd rather have something to rant about than stare into a void.

And I think that's gonna be my final word on 2018, the Year of Xanax. As always, hoping for better next year. ☮️

Favorite Music of 2018

UPDATE: I listened to more music! It was good! Update to this post is here: https://mrsrowsdower.blogspot.com/2019/01/#2493607932399423457

I realize more every year that I'm all about mood, vibe, and aesthetic. And sadly, 2018 offered very little. I guess someone gets some kinda mood from droney hip hop and middle of the road country, but I need texture in my music. It's no wonder I kinda shrugged and dove headlong into movies mid-year. As bad as popular music has been in the 2010s, lemme tell ya, this is one of the greatest decades ever for horror movies. Maybe second only to the 80s. See, this is a music post and I still wanna talk about movies. Sigh. Okay.

I wasn't inspired to listen to a whole lot, but here's the best of what I heard.

Top 10 favorite songs:

1. I Can Feel it Calling by Trophy Eyes - You know when a song just hits you, and you know it will be a part of your life forever? Yeah. In a year when music felt especially small and insignificant, my favorite song is a rousing, six-minute modern rock anthem. If you like the Killers, check this out.

2. Baby You're a Haunted House by Gerard Way - Any other year, this would obviously be my number one. I kinda wanna call it a tie. Can I call it a tie? Oh right, it's my list. Can I just say, I'm still processing that this song even exists? And it came out right at Halloween? Someone still understands me. Thank God. This is just a great, catchy song, and it came out of nowhere! What a gift to my spooky little heart. #notworthy

3. A Little Dive Bar in Dahlonega by Ashley McBryde - In a year when I moved farther away from country, or maybe it moved farther away from me, here's a song that personifies everything I love about the genre. Anthemic lyrics, catchy chorus, beautiful vocals and spot-on production. Everything about this is great, but I think I wanna highlight the production most of all. Because seriously, what happened? Production in mainstream country has become so flat it feels more like a still life than a song. And not even a good one, the kind that Motel 6 buys in bulk. But "Little Dive Bar" is full of life and colour and movement. This is the kind of song that brought me into country, and it helped bring me back for a little while.

4. Life Eternal by Ghost - Best musical moment of 2018: "THIS IS THE MOMENT OF JUST LETTING GO!" Oh man, when that kicks in I get chills every time.

5. Can't Knock the Hustle by Weezer - "Dystopian mariachi funk" is definitely a mood I can get behind in 2018. If the Black Album is more of this vibe, I'm gonna be a happy camper next March. (Please, Weezer, don't make me regret writing this next March, okay?)

6. Dance Macabre by Ghost - Ghost has written one of my favourite rock hits of 1985. Seriously, this is how you properly 80s. Don't copy or remake, make it your own! And yes, I just used "80s" as a verb.

7. Killing Ourselves to Live by Halestorm - And my favourite rock hit of 1988 is... Yeah, just write these big power choruses and I'll buy your song. It's pretty simple. Lzzy Hale sounds killer on this, but she always does.

8. Africa by Weezer/Hash Pipe by Toto - Okay, so sometimes remaking 80s shit works too. Look there are no rules, just don't suck. "Africa" isn't like, the best cover ever or anything, but it kinda brings back and celebrates Weezer's nerdy side. And Toto's cover of Hash Pipe is even better. I love that this happened. I love that it brought rock back into the popular discussion, even briefly. I live for singularly weird shit like this. I get to put Toto on my favourites of 2018 list. I mean, come on!

9. You Can Count on Me by Trophy Eyes - "Some of my friends sell drugs, but I just sell sad songs" Best opening line to a song ever? Maybe! Another great, catchy anthem from this Australian band. I didn't love their album as a whole, but the standout tracks really, um, stood out. As they do. Shut up.

10. Crown Shyness by Trash Boat - Yeah, I can vibe to a good old emo-ey ballad. With these guys I really liked the album as a whole and had a hard time picking one song, but this one hits me the hardest.

Honorable mentions:

Say Amen (Saturday Night) by Panic! at the Disco - Yeah, the production on Pray for the Wicked has all the texture of an airhorn, but I can't deny this song. It's just too catchy. And while I wish it was this song instead of "High Hopes," P!atD having a TOP FIVE BILLBOARD CHART HIT in 2018 is definitely the music story of the year.

Body Talks by The Struts ft. Kesha - Of course Kesha fits right in in glam rock. I think this was her calling all along. The Struts are one of the most fun bands out there right now, Kesha has gone from a sentient eyeroll to an artist I actively seek out, and they came together for this catchy jam. Kesha might never have another pop hit, and more power to her. It feels like she's just free to do whatever she wants now, and she fits well in this lane.

Vicious by Halestorm - "What doesn't kill me makes me vicious" is another favorite lyric of the year. Just an awesome, straightforward rocker from Halestorm.

Southern Babylon by Ashley McBryde - I've already used "anthemic" and "aesthetic," now I get to use my other favorite word, "atmospheric!" Huzzah, we've hit the trifecta. But yeah, if you want a shot of smooth, smokey whiskey in a song, here ya go. I can smell the cigarette smoke and hear the katydids chirping from here. I was gonna put this in the top 10, but...

My favorite album of 2018 is, Girl Going Nowhere by Ashley McBryde! Since I'm praising the whole album, I thought I'd give someone else a shout out in the top 10. But yeah, this is my favorite country album in quite a while. This brings back the feels of when I heard Miranda Lambert's first album, so hopefully this is the start of another beautiful musical friendship.

Besides the two songs I mentioned, my other favourites are "Radioland," "Girl Going Nowhere," and "Tired of Being Happy." This is an easy and pleasant listen all the way through, with standout vocals and a clear sense of voice and presence. I feel like I'm actually listening to Ashley McBryde, the artist, not some contrived studio bullshit. That's not a feeling I get much from mainstream music anymore. So thank you, Ashley McBryde, for giving me an easy favorite new album and a pinch of hope for the future of mainstream country.

~~EDIT: After making this post, I listened to albums by The Beths, Neko Case, and Caroline Rose. They're all great. Those plus Ashley McBryde and Kacey Musgraves are my top 5. Also shoutouts to First Aid Kit, Pistol Annies, Phoebe Bridgers, and Brandi Carlile. END EDIT.~~

I didn't listen to many albums this year, but a quick shout out to Kacey Musgraves' Golden Hour and Trash Boat's Crown Shyness. Oh and Gorillaz The Now Now, my summer vibe album of the year. I haven't listened to it since summer and probably won't listen to it til next summer, but it serves a purpose and I thank it for its service.

Favorite pop hit of 2018:

"All the Stars" by Kendrick Lamar and SZA. The Black Panther soundtrack gave us some pretty good music from a great movie, and this bright, soaring track is a standout.

Runner-ups: "Finesse," for bringing New Jack Swing back for one brief shining moment. "Nice for What," for good use of a sample and being a non-boring Drake song. "No Tears Left to Cry," for keeping me up all night wondering what 80s song the "right now I'm in a state of mind" part reminds me of. I feel like it's a specific song, but does it just sound like the whole 80s? All I'm getting is an image of someone dancing in legwarmers. (EDIT: Okay, I think it is just "Flashdance." Glad to have that sorted. Seriously, whenever that chorus comes on I can feel the pink legwarmers caressing my calves.)

Favorite country hit of 2018:

Obviously it's "Little Dive Bar," but my second choice is "Drowns the Whiskey" by Jason Aldean and Miranda Lambert. Maybe not the homerun "Little Dive Bar" is, but it's a solid double, maybe a double with an error allowing the runner to reach third? Yeah, every time Jason Aldean has a good song it kinda feels like he stumbled into it by accident. But I'll take it.

Okay, that's done! I know it was pretty perfunctory, but it was a perfunctory year. If you keep saying the word "perfunctory" it sounds weird. PerFUNKtory. Should I even do a "worst" post this year, or just say "LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE?" 🤔

Spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/27G74gAnYbHYGNf94LF0go

Wicked Good Wednesday ~ positivity!

Much of my year-end stuff was tinged with negativity, well even more so than usual. And not the fun kind of negativity, the glorious cathartic ranty kind, more like the "I'm tired, can I just go home?" kind. So I want to rectify that with a brief overview of all my favorite things this year.

2017 movies:

1. Get Out
2. The Disaster Artist
3. Guardians of the Galaxy 2
4. IT

New-to-me movies from other years:

1. The Conjuring 2
2. Pumpkinhead
3. The Gate
4. Krampus

TV/Netflix shows:

1. MST3K the Return - yayayayay this singularly made 2017 A-OK with me!
2. Bates Motel - my favorite non-MST3K show of all time went out with a bang. Brilliant.
3. Stranger Things - season 2 was just what I hoped it would be. The character growth and evolution is every bit as fascinating as the supernatural stuff, which is the sign of good storytelling.
4. Riverdale - I feel like I have a whole post in me about this show. It's a similar feel to "Pretty Little Liars" for me, another favorite guilty pleasure. I wouldn't call either show "good," exactly, but they're very entertaining camp with surprisingly good acting. I was never a soap opera fan, but if this is 2017's version of a soap, I'm in. This is a long way from 8-year old me reading the Archie comics, but it actually fits perfectly with my current aesthetic.

Beers/ciders I first tried this year:

1. No Boats on Sunday cider
2. Picker's Hut Winter Spice Cider
3. Alley Kat Long Johns Salted Caramel Ale
4. Tatamagouche Brewery, in general
5. oh let's face it, every craft beer I tried this year was my best friend

Songs, hits or otherwise (NOT IN ORDER):

1. Black Rain - Creeper
2. Spaceship - Kesha
3. Crickets - Creeper
4. From Outer Space - Jaime Wyatt
5. Whiteout Conditions ~ New Pornographers
6. Rainbow - Kesha
7. Run For Cover ~ The Killers
8. Avalanche Alley ~ New Pornographers
9. I Feel Like Hank Williams Tonight ~ Sunny Sweeney
10. Pool ~ Paramore
11. Redbone - Childish Gambino
12. Room 309 - Creeper*
13. Idle Worship - Paramore
14. Stone Hotel - Jaime Wyatt
15. Tin Man - Miranda Lambert
16. High Ticket Attractions ~ New Pornographers
17. Grow Old With Me ~ Sunny Sweeney
18. 26 ~ Paramore
19. Paper Cowboy ~ Margo Price
20. And the sentiment I'm taking with me into 2018... "Don't let the bastards get you down." ~ Kesha

*Creeper's "Suzanne," "Misery," and "Hiding with Boys" were first released before 2017 so they weren't eligible.

WHY YES, I did listen to the same handful of albums all year. What can I say, they're awesome. Also, I see a theme here. While country radio is dominated by the same white dude in jeans with many names, and pop radio plays women but they're mostly Selena Gomez wannabes, my list is primarily QUALITY FEMALE ARTISTS who need to be heard. So I'm ending this list with a shoutout to HAYLEY WILLIAMS, SUNNY SWEENEY, JAIME WYATT, NEKO CASE and KATHRYN CALDER of New Pornographers, HANNAH GREENWOOD of Creeper, MARGO PRICE, MIRANDA LAMBERT, and FUCK YEAH KESHA. Y'all are my heroes.

I know you don't like to be classified as "female artists" when you're just fucking ARTISTS, and I feel you. In fact, I didn't even notice how woman-heavy this list was until I read it over. And that's not anti-men at all, there are so many male artists I love, don't even get me started. Obviously most of Creeper's vocals are done by Will and I adore him. I guess what I mean is, this is kind of the Year of the Woman to me, at least until we reach a point where we no longer need such a thing, you know? So it's only fitting that so many female voices hit me this year.

2017 songs I missed

Songs I hadn't heard, or forgot to mention.

Julia Michaels ~ "I've got issues, and one of them is how bad I need voice lessons!"

"Say You Won't Let Go" by Interchangeable White Guy with Acoustic Guitar #72* ~ What's the one constant in popular music? Boring adult contemporary ballads! Yaay. Seems like every year there's one of these samey-sounding "romantic" songs, as if by obligation. So what's the difference between a good ballad and a boring one? I mean, I like "Million Reasons." I guess for me ballads have to feel big, they need to be almost rock and roll in their intensity. They need to break stuff. I feel like you could walk into any coffeehouse anywhere and there'd be this guy playing this song. What's special or interesting about it?

*James Arthur, good Lord, I couldn't come up with a more generic name if I tried. Call him "Arthur James" and see if anyone even notices.

"Light it Up" by Luke Bryan ~ This song is about a phone. Really pushing those creative limits there, eh Luke?

"Mi Gente" by a bunch of people ~ Latin music can provide welcome energy to the dull pop charts, like putting mango salsa on a piece of plain fish. I was fine with "Despacito," though the original is better than Bieber. Obviously. But this? This is our 2017 entry for "what's that horrible noise?!" Except this time, the horrible noise isn't just a drop or a random sound effect. This thing plays on a continuous loop through the entire song. Or so I've heard, I can't get too far into it without a headache coming on. This hurts, not just my musical sensibilities but my actual body. That might be a new low, at least until we get to the next song.

I was wrong. There was a song I heard this year worse than "Body Like a Backroad," it just wasn't a hit. That song is "Young and Menace" by Fall Out Boy. I don't even hate FOB, their first album is some good old school pop punk nostalgia. But this... take everything you think you know about Fall Out Boy, the worst songs you've heard by them, and throw it all out the window cause this is so much worse than you could ever imagine. I didn't even think it was a real song. I will give Body Like a Backroad the most basic compliment possible and say it sounds like a song, kind of. Those are the depths we've reached here. This thing is a career killer.

I know I already talked about this "trap" thing but I have more to say, seeing how it's taken over music like an alien parasite. I'm obviously not a hip hop fan, but I still know a good song when I hear it. They played "King Kunta" at a game I went to last week and I was dancing in my seat, it's so good.



ENERGY!

Now insert "Lil ____" here, cause they all seem to have the same name and sing the same song.



Day 67 of my coma. No change. :(

But here's the really awful part. From the subject matter of some of these songs, I'm guessing the slurriness is meant to sound like being on drugs, or maybe they sound that way cause they've taken too many drugs. I mean, it literally sounds like they're overdosing in every song. I get that rap has always had a history with drugs and violence, but this is particularly depressing. There's nothing glamorous about prescription drug abuse. You're doing this shit and not even making interesting music, it's just a waste.

And who are all the people listening to this? They can't all be drug addicts, so what's the appeal? "Hmm, I want to feel down without actually taking downers... ah, Lil Banana Peel, and then maybe some Lil Shoehorn! Woo, now I'm lit!" Wait, is this music supposed to make you lit or... what's the opposite of lit, dim? I'M SO CONFUSED. I hope this trend dies hard next year. It's not just unpleasant, it's unhealthy.

And what the hell is a "lil uzi vert??" Okay I know what an uzi is, but what's a vert? Vertical blinds? You shoot your vertical blinds with an uzi? That just seems uncalled for. What did the people at Levolor ever do to you??

"I Spy" by Kyle and Lil Helicopter or whatever ~ Hey! An actual upbeat, sunny hip hop song, I can dig... "I spy with my little eye, a girlie I can get 'cause she don't get too many likes"... oh. Oh. Gosh, that's not predatory or anything.🙄 You know, as a woman that line somehow offends me more than all the bitches and hoes and strippers songs combined, and I'm not one of those people who works at being offended. You could argue the bitches and hoes stuff has a theatricality to it. I don't like it, but it doesn't hit me on any real level. But, "I'm gonna take advantage of this less popular chick's vulnerability so I can have sex with her!" That's real. And it's ugly.

Bebe Rexha ~ I vaguely knew who she was before the whole "country" controversy, but I specifically listened to her and... she's fine. She can sing, she's an okay pop star. Before the FGL song, which is quite possibly the most generic thing I've ever heard btw, it makes "Say You Won't Let Go" sound like "Hey Jude," she seemed to be the kind of artist who always sings before a drop. She doesn't belong anywhere near country. Obviously, I mean OBVIOUSLY. Fix this mess.

"Malibu" by Miley Cyrus ~ We've found something almost as bad as Miley's high register, and that's Miley's low register. Either way she always sounds like she has to cough. I don't dislike this, but it bugs me that so many great vocalists will never be heard, while Miss Nepotism here can barely sing.

One Direction ~ these dudes all released solo music this year, no I'm not gonna remember all their names, and the only one that piqued my interest was Harry Styles. His album is good overall, however I soured on it when I learned he did not credit Badfinger for the guitar line he lifted directly from "Baby Blue" on "Ever Since New York." I mean, Taylor Swift credited Right Said Fred for a flow basically, and Styles lifts a whole melody without credit? I still think he's talented and he makes good use of the line but come on, you owe the original writers.

"New Year's Day" by Taylor Swift ~ JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING IS ACOUSTIC DOES NOT MAKE IT COUNTRY. Good grief. This is one of the few songs on reputation that actually sounds like a song to me. It's fine. Put it on pop radio, it'll be one of the better songs. But this insistence of putting pop songs on country radio has NOTHING to do with evolving or expanding musical taste, it has to do with making money, like everything damn else. Stop pretending it's anything else.

We listened to different genres in the 80s and 90s too. While they were more "cliquey" back then, top 40 radio actually played a decent mix of pop, rock, r&b, dance, country crossover, hip hop, etc. It was the melting pot of what was popular, and if anything it was more diverse back then because it actually played rock. But genre-specific stations like country stuck to country, as they should, or what's the point of even having different stations? Diversity isn't new, it's just being exploited now, and the quality of popular music is suffering for it.

Aaaand that's all for 2017, may you rest in self-perpetuating obscurity. Pull the plug, put the nail in the coffin, and crack open a cold one, you deserve it.

Other Favourites of 2017 ~ Albums, Songs... um, beers?

I probably should make a list of just beers cause I spent more time drinking this year than anything else.

So, albums in 2017. I didn't listen to as many as last year, and some I did I only listened to once. You can't really judge an album by one listen most of the time, but if I didn't feel like listening to it again, that could be seen as a criticism. Or it could just be my mindset. Yeah, a lot of stuff didn't really hit me this year. I don't know if it was really that lacklustre or if it was just me.

It's probably me. :(

So I kinda just want to get this over with tbh. It's weird, but ranting about stuff I hate actually feels better than talking about stuff I like. Maybe because there was so little of it, and that makes me sad. Part of that is my own doing, I'm sure there's a lot of great stuff I missed, but... I'VE HAD A YEAR. :(

It started out okay. There were some good albums released in the first half. My favourite show, MST3K, returned in April after an 18 year absence, making me the happiest I've been since the world jumped the shark last November. While the world decided that one shark wouldn't suffice, it had to jump Marineland and possibly the entire Atlantic Ocean, I was enjoying life at least.

Then May happened and before I could recover from that, August happened. This was a year of disappointing to downright traumatizing things, and to top that off, albums were either underwhelming or just not connecting. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, WEEZER. Of all the years I needed you guys, and you let me down with that boring squirrel fart of an album. (Autocorrect changed that to "surreal fart," which I am 1000% using for something.) One album that connected with me after the May shitstorm was Kesha's Rainbow. Of all the people in the world, Kesha gave me some hope this year. And honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. That sort of weirdness and unpredictability is what keeps me going. It's kind of beautiful.

So here's the short list of what didn't disappoint, and a couple nice surprises.

1. Eternity, In Your Arms ~ Creeper

My most anticipated album of the year is also my favourite, hooray! Of course in true 2017 fashion, even my love for Creeper turned out one disappointment, as their Canadian tour was cancelled for some mysterious reason. Will I ever get to see them? Well, it sure as hell won't be next year, since they're coming to some shitty venue that doesn't even serve craft beer. Hard pass. OH, and get this! In the most 2017 shitstorm imaginable, the venue they were supposed to play this year, the one that sounded so nice, was shut down due to sexual harassment charges against the owner. Thanks, asshole, it's not like there are abundant venues for smaller bands in Edmonton, and now there's one less because you couldn't keep your dick to yourself. GAWD, fuck everything.

*deep breath* Okay, I can get through this. This is supposed to be a positive list. ANYWAY, at least I still have this album, this big, beautiful album. OH! And my actual favourite thing in 2017 - there's a song on here called "Room 309," and I LIVE IN APARTMENT 309. This is ridiculously life-affirming to me, for some reason. It's like a real life Easter egg.

2. After Laughter - Paramore

Paramore does Blondie-esque new wave; it's awesome. What more can I say? Just let this album wash over you. Oh, and "26" kinda sounds like a lost Takeoffs and Landings era Rilo Kiley track. It's stunning.

3. Felony Blues - Jaime Wyatt

Oh, precious early days of the year when I discovered new music! If only it ended up this way more of the time. This album just connected with me instantly, from the foot-tapping "Stone Hotel" to the introspective "From Outer Space" to the gorgeous cover of "Misery and Gin." If this was a little longer, it might have been #2. I mean damn, I'd have been thrilled with two or three more covers, from the way she handled Merle. And I love the concept of it; this is the kind of slice of life I look for in country music. Where else can a prison stint become art? It's awful that she was an addict and had to go to prison in the first place, but it sounds like she's turned her life around and we ended up with these beautiful songs.

4. Whiteout Conditions ~ The New Pornographers

And a late addition comes out strong! I already wrote about my love for this band and their melodic power pop, and this is yet another gem. It's not quite up with 2014's Brill Bruisers, but that's like saying one flower isn't as pretty as another, they're all flowers.

5. Trophy - Sunny Sweeney

I've enjoyed the majority of Sunny's work, but I think this is her best and most consistent album. This might be Peak Sunny. Which is not to say I think her next album will be a comedown, more like she hit her stride. Equal parts attitude and vulnerability, with great music and production to back her up, this album shows why I got into country and why I never give up on it, no matter how bad the mainstream gets. Just try not to think about all the undeserving shit they play on the radio instead of this, and you'll be fine.

6. Rainbow - Kesha

I don't love every song on this album, but the ones I do... oh man, the ones I do are among my favourites of the year. This album came along at just the right time and hit me just the right way. "Spaceship" is my favourite, but then there's "Bastards" and "Rainbow" and "Hunt You Down" and "Praying" and "Old Flames" and holy crap, "Godzilla" is so much fun, almost like one of those 80s novelty songs, and "Woman" is like "Man I feel Like a Woman" with the word "motherfucker" in it, and OMG, thank you Kesha. You don't know how much I needed this. I forgive you for all your past crappy songs. (And honestly, some of her older stuff is even worth checking out - Supernatural, Animal, Die Young, Warrior, even Party at a Rich Dude's House has a fun 80s rock sleaze vibe.)

As for some favourite songs, here's a handy Spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/emperorcupcake22/playlist/1Wwzl8TKhdEvfdln9y46Gn

Other releases that were notable to me:

Chris Stapleton ~ As I mentioned in my best songs list, I think I've hit burnout on Stapleton for a while. I listened to From A Room Vol. 1 and I liked it, there's some damn good stuff there, but I didn't feel compelled to listen again. I don't know if that's me, or something lacking in the album. So I will revisit it and give Vol. 2 a listen sometime next year, with fresh ears.

Zac Brown Band ~ An album that seemed to be an attempt to return to their country roots, yet somehow left me cold. And there's nothing really wrong with it, the production is nice, Zac and the band all sound great (in fact, I recall some really nice instrumentation in spots). I guess the weakness is the songwriting itself, nothing really stuck out like on their past albums. Even the maligned Jekyll and Hyde had some real standout tracks. I heard the acoustic "Tomorrow Never Comes" in a shop the other day and didn't want to leave til it was done, it's so lovely. I'll revisit this one at some point, but I can't say it's a priority.

Beck ~ I really liked "Wow," so I was looking forward to this. Again, I've only listened once, but other than a handful of tracks it left me cold. Overproduction does not suit him, it takes too much of the Beck-ness away. Sometimes it works and provides nice layers of sound. I do like the title track "Colours," it has a sweet 80s dance vibe. But a lot of this just doesn't feel uniquely Beck. You hear it in a bar and it could be any pop dude, you know? For such an experimental artist, I have to call this a letdown. If you're like me and your favourite Beck is Odelay! Beck, this probably won't do much for you beyond a few cool tracks.

The Killers ~ You know, I really like this band, but I have to say that overall they make stronger songs than albums, and Wonderful Wonderful is no exception. There's some good stuff on here, but not enough for me to recommend the album as a whole. Check out Run for Cover, Rut, and Tyson vs Douglas though, that's some prime Killers.

The Maine ~ When I did my little retrospective of this band, who have done different sounds on different albums, I predicted their next album would stick with the American Candy sound. I was not wrong. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, the sound obviously suits them. But here's the thing. While I like that album, and I did enjoy Lovely Little Lonely to an extent, I found myself wishing more for the classic rock vibe of Pioneer or the darker tones of Forever Halloween. One album of lighter, airier pop rock worked for me, but I guess this was too much of a good thing. A lot of their fans loved this and I totally get why; this isn't a letdown album. This is just me. I found myself missing their rougher edge. Maybe their next album will take a new direction?

Weezer - *clenches fists* I already talked about this, and I don't want to raise my blood pressure talking about it again. This is the only album I listened to this year I didn't enjoy at all, and it's by one of my favourite artists. That's nothing new with Weezer, I just had such high hopes after their resurgence. This album has no teeth.

Harry Styles ~ A promising debut, dig the classic rock vibe. Credit Badfinger though, dude. (my next post will have more on this)

Margo Price ~ Two songs on her EP are among my favourites of the year, "Weakness" and "Paper Cowboy." That said, I haven't yet listened to the full-length album she dropped later in the year. I'm a little nervous. I've seen some kinda "ehh" reviews and I don't want to be disappointed again, especially when I liked her debut album and EP so much. I don't have the best approach to music listening right now, I know this.

Turnpike Troubadours ~ I've heard so much positive buzz around these guys, I need to just sit down and listen to them. I don't know why getting into a band seems like such a huge undertaking these days. I certainly like "The Housefire."

You know what it is with country, and why I think I've shifted more to rock? Country was always driving music for me, and I don't drive here. I walk everywhere, both for errands and for exercise. And I just like rock better for walking. So I think that's part of why I haven't gotten into many new country artists. And I can't stream music while walking, so first I have to determine whether I want to download it to my iPod. That requires sitting and listening, to which my brain says "you want to watch Youtube or Rifftrax or a cheesy movie instead." Not to mention half the time I listen to something new and it doesn't hit me. Well, that's par for the course. ANYWAY, I am gonna make a concerted effort to listen to this one damn band lol.

Oh and we didn't get that new System of a Down album, because of course we didn't. I could have used some good righteous anger this year.

Well, we're almost done with 2017. I'll have a "songs I missed" post and that's it, at least musically. Still planning another movie post or two. Tomorrow I'm seeing "The Disaster Artist," which I've been looking forward to all year. I'm pretty sure that won't let me down like most things I looked forward to this year. *fast-forward to tomorrow, sitting in the theatre all pumped with my popcorn and the projector explodes and catches fire* You know, that would be a pretty fitting end to the year.

Favourite Hits of 2017, Should-be Hits, and More!

Again, I didn't hear a lot of the hits this year. I heard a lot more pop than country because it's inescapable if you go to sporting events, bars, outside your house, etc. Looking at the list of country hits and I know like five of 'em. One thing about bad country, it's pretty easy to avoid unless it crosses over like *shudder* Sam Hunt. But that also means I might have missed some good stuff. That's why I'm sad country radio sucks now, I don't wanna slog through a bunch of bad to meh stuff for a couple songs that might be good. In the 90s you could just pick your favourites from the radio cause most of it was at least okay.

This list is only hits and singles that should have been hits. I'll get to the rest of my favourite tracks in my albums post. Obviously anything I talked about last year, like Eric Church's songs, are ineligible. I define a "hit" as peaking in the top 20 of the Billboard pop or country chart.

1. Tin Man ~ Miranda Lambert

In a just world, this would be one of Miranda's biggest hits, because it's one of her best songs. It hit the top 20, but for such a great song by such a popular artist to not hit the top 5 shows there is something really rotten in country music. Well, we already knew that, but usually when an established artist releases a great song, it hits. I guess it's just too good for our world now. If you like music that gives you goosebumps instead of herpes (hi, Sam Hunt), check this out.

2. Redbone ~ Childish Gambino

Not only is this a great song, it's an interesting one. Interesting music so rarely makes the charts anymore, the last one I can think of is Macklemore's "Downtown." (A song so layered and amazing it just keeps growing on me every year.) This song is classified on Wikipedia as "psychedelic soul," and just let that sink in. In the midst of all the Justin Bieber, boring trap, and affected as hell Selena Gomez voices, we had a little bit of PSYCHEDELIC SOUL. Thank you, Get Out, both for being an awesome movie and for putting this song into the collective conscience. PLEASE, more like this, I miss good soul and r&b so much.

3. Million Reasons ~ Lady Gaga

Gaga has a beautiful, powerhouse voice, the opposite of all those affected little twerps, and she has never sounded better than she does here. This was actually a pretty big hit, but I feel it could have been bigger? Like, I don't think this really stuck around very long or gets talked about much, compared to something like say, Shape of You. This is so much better than that in every way and it briefly peaked at #4, while that was number one for 937 weeks or something. Why do these things still surprise me? I think I'm forever stuck in a time when people actually had taste.

4. I Feel it Coming ~ The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk

Damn you autocorrect, I know you're trying but it really is the weekND, okay? Anyway yeah, another smooth, lush, beautifully produced song from this perfect collaboration. Keep making them and I'll keep putting them on my list. Daft Punk proves again that electronic music can be just as beautiful as organic, even to someone like me who prefers real instruments. Just make it sound big and expensive instead of cheap and cashing in. (hi, Chainsmokers!)

5. Broken Halos ~ Chris Stapleton

I think I might have a little burnout on Stapleton right now. I listened to this album and it didn't stick with me like Traveler did. I obviously need to give it more listens, but I'm gonna wait awhile. This song, however, is a major standout and one of my favourites in his catalog. The gospel feel suits him perfectly, and I love the gentle mix of his and his wife Morgaine's voices. Subtle, but it really makes the song.

6. It Ain't My Fault ~ Brothers Osborne

How'd this get on the radio??? Rollicking country rock that would have fit right in in the 90s. I can only imagine the reaction of a modern country radio listener the first time they heard this driving ass BEAT coming out of their speakers. "What the hell is that?" they probably asked. "Where's the tinny drum machine? Where's the boring mid tempo beat that sounds like everything else? Where's the half second of banjo sample to qualify it as country?" Pause. "Um, can I have some more?" I hope to God you can, good sir or ma'am.

7. Feel it Still ~ Portugal. The Man

Hoo boy, random punctuation in band name, this is gonna be pretentious as... hey wait a minute, this is kinda slick! Kinda funky! Kinda, dare I say, groovy? I have no idea what "I'm a rebel just for kicks now" means, but it sounds good so who cares!

Honorable mentions:

Either Way ~ Chris Stapleton
This one's good too, killer vocal performance, I just like Broken Halos a little better.

Every Little Thing ~ Carly Pearce
I like this kind of pop country. Nice voice. Nothing earth-shaking, but not bad at all, and I'm happy to see any quality song by a female artist hit.

That's What I Like ~ Bruno Mars
Another solid r&b hit from Bruno, I just got really sick of this one. Partly my fault, but some songs stand up better to overplay than others.

Sign of the Times ~ Harry Styles
Not at all my favourite song from his album, but I like the classic rock feel. This isn't a song I seek out, but I sure don't get mad if I hear it. (A 2017 compliment: "It doesn't make me mad!")

Singles that should have been hits, but weren't:

Hard Times ~ Paramore
I like this better than their songs that were hits. I'm not sure why it didn't catch on more. I think this will be one of those songs that wasn't a hit but will be looked back on fondly like, why wasn't that a hit?

Better Bad Idea ~ Sunny Sweeney
Another fun, rollicking country song, this could have been right at home next to "It Ain't My Fault," but it's by a woman and they only let a couple of those out of the cage at a time, apparently. :( But sure, keep the milquetoast Kelsea Ballerini crap like "Yeah Boy" coming, that fills your quota by keeping it nice and empty, doesn't it?

Run For Cover ~ The Killers
Somewhere in 1985, this is a top 10 hit. But it's 2017 so Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang, burp.

Praying - Kesha
THIS DIDN'T EVEN CRACK THE TOP 20. Her complete garbage song "Blah Blah Blah" went to #7, and this emotional powerhouse can only manage #22?? I hate people sometimes. As good as this song is, it's only like my 6th favourite off of Rainbow. But it should have been huge.

And now, this is what I call the "football" list. We had season tickets to the Eskimos this year, so I heard a lot of music, from good to meh to bad, played very loud. There are certain songs that made me want to die every time I heard them, like "Truck Yeah" and "Ghostbusters" by Fall Out Boy. Dear God, was that a misguided piece of crap. Then there were songs that were tolerable by comparison, and that's what this list is. "Songs I heard at a football game that didn't make me want to die."

Justin Bieber was everywhere this year and look, I don't hate him anymore. Oh not because I like him, I'm just not sure he's even a sentient being at this point. He's just kinda... there. Like a houseplant or a meatloaf. Inoffensive, but utterly lacking in personality. It would be like hating your drapes. "Despacito" and "I'm the One" were unavoidable this year, and yeah, I've heard worse. They're passable summer jams. At least we HAD summer jams this year. Remember what was popular last summer?

"I needa one dance... zzzz... oh never mind, I fell asleep." Don't take NyQuil before your recording session, kids.

So yeah, I'll take a Bieber feature that has the charisma of kitchen tile but is at least upbeat any day.

Imagine Dragons ~ I swear these guys used to be good. Well, they sure do make football music now, don't they. I mean, "Radioactive" was too but not in quite such an obvious way, I guess? I think their recent stuff was made to sound big, rather than be big. And boy can you tell the difference.

It Ain't Me ~ Kygo and Selena Gomez
Not my style of music, but an actual catchy chorus in 2017! Also, Selena's wispy ass voice is okay if you layer it with what sounds like an entire cheerleading squad. In the midst of all the droning, tuneless "trap" crap, I had to at least call this out for getting stuck in my head.

2017: the year you desperately want a song, any song, to actually stick in your head. Please, just give me something I can hum til it drives me nuts, that's all I ask!

Probably the biggest hit of the year after "Despacito" was "Shape of You" by Ed Sheeran. I don't like it but I don't dislike it enough to put it on my worst list, despite it being a constant annoying plonk in my ears all year long. I covered it here: http://mrsrowsdower.blogspot.ca/2017/04/#5071978149925664112

And that's all I have to say about popular music in 2017. As with last year, if I hear any songs on other people's lists, good or bad, that I hadn't heard and want to talk about, I'll make another post.

The Worst Music of 2017 I Had the Misfortune of Hearing

I didn't hear a lot of popular music this year. I didn't seek it out. Most of what I did hear was bad to meh, and songs I feel should have been big hits weren't. So this isn't really an official list, just a rundown of the worst shit I heard in an effort to cleanse it from my soul. I guess they're sort of in order from worst to least worst.

This was just a terrible year, not only music-wise but for many reasons I don't even want to go into. Let's just say, I can't wait til 2018. Of course, I said that last year about 2017 and look what happened. I'm starting to have this creeping fear that every year's just gonna be bad now, but maybe that's a better outlook than pointless optimism. Then if things get better it will be a nice surprise. That said, there's still something cathartic about putting a bad year behind you, about new beginnings, even if it's only in your own mind.

1. Body Like a Fucking Backroad

ROMANTIC!!!

Okay, let's just get it out of the way. Worst song of the year, of the decade, possibly ever?? There's just nothing to recommend or redeem this thing, every note, every word, every measure of its wretched existence is pure bile. I've never before hated a song with the intensity I usually save for horrible people, an intensity only magnified by it being such a big hit. WHY??? This should have festered in obscurity like "Donkey" (hey, remember Donkey? Remember old whats his name who sang it? Exactly). But NOOOO, since the US decided to become a crass, cultureless, ugly cesspool of corn dog sweat and PBR vomit, this thing took hold like a burrowing parasite. I guess it's only fitting.

2. Look What You Made Me Do (and reputation in general)

Look what you just made me do, OHHH! What, have an orgasm? Stub your toe? I don't know what that sound means. I do know that T. Swift's human-to-meme transformation is now complete. How does an artist who started out as a teenager get less mature? This isn't a song, it's a cautionary tale. A once-promising songwriter consumed by celebrity gossip and her own image, two things I couldn't possibly care less about. Taylor has written honest, insightful songs throughout her career, from "Back to December" to "Wildest Dreams," so I have no reason to believe this isn't just as honest. Fame is kinda ugly and depressing, is the takeaway. So don't follow your dreams, kids! Do drugs. Start forest fires. The world makes no sense.

"...Ready for It?" I kinda like the... can I call it a pre-chorus if there's no actual chorus? The "in the middle of the night" part. But then it slams into "are you ready for it?" BOOM BOOM BOOM, and it's just more noise and nonsense. It's bad enough other instrumentation has been replaced by percussion in pop music, must vocals be replaced by it, too? Speaking five words followed by POUND POUND POUND CLANG is not a chorus, it's a letdown. Have we forgotten how music works? You're supposed to build to something, not throw your song off a cliff.

"Call It What You Want" - "My baby's fly like a jet stream" Sure you don't mean LIKE A G6, Taylor?? This is someone who's known as a serious songwriter. What's next, Joni Mitchell's twerking anthem? I just can't with this. Edgy Taylor Swift does not work. I miss choruses. The end.

3. anything "trap"

I'm still not sure what this is, but I'm pretty sure I've ruled out "music." The latest and possibly worst culprit that unfortunately made contact with my ears: "Gucci Gang." The lyrics go, "Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang." Actually wait, it might be, "Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang, yah!" And boy howdy, I just love those little random sound effects like "brrrrrr!" that are in every rap song now, how did we ever live without those. LAAA-ZYYYY. I'm putting more effort into this blog entry than you put into your top 10 hit song. That's a problem. We're not that far off from just putting farts in music, I'm convinced of it. Next trend, fartcore!

4. Rockstar

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

5. anything by Halsey

If I had to pinpoint the specific pop singing style I detest, it would be this breathy, autotuned, stuttery* crap. See also: Selena Gomez. But Halsey is worse, because she seems to think she's "deep" and... alternative??? This is the most boring, basic pop music and vocals you could possibly make and you think you're alternative? I think Selena Gomez at least knows what kind of music she's making, so Halsey gets the nod for pure pretension. When someone says they don't like millennials, which is admittedly silly, I think this is what they're talking about.

*"stuttery" isn't quite the right word. She doesn't stutter like "You Ain't Seen Nothin Yet." Syncopated, maybe? It's the opposite of flowing, melodic, or ear-pleasing. Just listen to "Now or Never." It's like having your ears repeatedly hit with a tiny mallet.

6. anything by The Chainsmokers

"When someone says they don't like millennials, which is admittedly silly, I think this is what they're talking about." Oh good, I didn't have to write anything new. Hmm, maybe I should add a "brrrrrr!" or a "hey!" or a "pbbbbbt" noise to fill up more space? I don't want it to seem like I have nothing to say. Yah, whoa oh, blurp, woo, the cat says meow, sit Ubu sit, good dog, ruff! cha ching.

Worst lyric of 2017 that isn't "body like roadkill," "why? because she's DEAD!" or "Gucci Gang, MOOOOOO!" -

"Your precious heart is a precious heart," from "The Fighter" by Keith Urban and Carrie Underwood. "Your thing is that thing I just said it was." It probably took five people to write that. I'm depressed.

Anything terrible I missed? Well, I probably didn't hear it, so I'm just gonna count my blessings and move on. Autocorrect keeps insisting that I do not mean "fartcore," but I assure you that I do. One day you'll know. #trendsetter

Favorite albums I heard in 2016, part 2 ~ blame rock and roll

Before I get into the honorable mentions, a couple notes.

1. My list is weird, and not like the critics' lists. I don't listen to hip hop, or much pop beyond singles, so that stuff isn't on my list, no matter how good it might be. I don't have time to take in all the rock and country I want to, let alone genres that don't really speak to me.

2. "Um Melissa, you have Blink-182 on your list and not David Bowie, you are the shittiest music person in all the land!" When I say I'm a David Bowie fan, I mean it. But I'm specifically a fan of his 70s work - Hunky Dory, Ziggy Stardust, Aladdin Sane, Diamond Dogs. I love those albums. When an artist has a long career, not everything they do is gonna resonate with you. In the case of Bowie, he moved away from the glam rock I enjoyed and into a more jazzy sound, which is not my thing at all. I tried to listen to Blackstar, as it was the last album from a great artist and very critically acclaimed, but I just couldn't get into it. I like melodic rock and country; jazz and other dissonant music is not for me. So I'll enjoy his legacy in my way, and I'm glad that so many people with a wider musical palate than mine enjoyed his final work.

Okay! Honorable mentions, in no particular order.

Green Day - Revolution Radio
Probably nothing will ever live up to the glory days of Green Day for me - that's Dookie, Insomniac, and Nimrod. But this album is still damn good. I'd put it on par with 21st Century Breakdown, which I think is super underrated. Like Weezer, I've been into this band since the early 90s. I guess their "trio" was kind of the equivalent to Weezer's bad period, though the uneven Uno actually has some of my favorite Green Day songs on it. But yeah, basically the trio would have made one really good album, not three. So this is Green Day back in form - not revolutionary, but an overall solid album from a veteran band I hope never goes away. Favorites - Forever Now (an all time fave), Ordinary World, Bouncing Off the Wall, Somewhere Now, Outlaws, Revolution Radio

Blackberry Smoke - Like An Arrow
Following up Holding All the Roses was a tough task. It was my favorite album of last year, and destined to be a classic. That said, this is a really good album. BBS has a way of capturing that classic 70s country-rock sound and making it sound fresh, not derivative. They feel very comfortable, in the best way. My only "complaint" about this album is it doesn't have tracks that reach out and grab me in quite the same way as Woman in the Moon, Living in the Song, No Way Back to Eden, and the title track from Holding All the Roses. But I'm not sure that's really a fair complaint. So just taking this album on its own, it's a catchy, ear-pleasing, rockin' collection of songs, and probably the first thing I'd put on at a barbecue or tailgate. I'll be playing this a lot next summer. Favorites - Let it Burn (can't stop listening to this!), Like An Arrow, The Good Life, Ain't Gonna Wait, Waiting for the Thunder, Sunrise in Texas

Blink-182 - California
This was my surprise of the year. I like these guys ok, but I was never a huge fan. I only have one other of their albums, the self-titled one with "I Miss You." But this - this is pretty much like a new band. Alkaline Trio's Matt Skiba replaced Tom Delonge, which of course was controversial for longtime fans, but for me it's an improvement. This album is just one hook after another, and I gotta say I love the production. I've heard some criticism of it being too "slick," but to me it sounds clean and well-suited to the music. *shrug* So yeah, I like Alkaline-182. Blink Trio. Whatever. Best set of songs I've heard from these guys. More mature, but not boring at all. Actually, more interesting. Favorites - Los Angeles, Left Alone, Bored to Death, Teenage Satellites, Cynical, California

The Struts - Everybody Wants
Another UK band I got into this year, this one has the distinction of a frontman who sounds like he is enjoying every single second of his life, to the point he must roll his r's from the pure joy of it all! There's one word to describe this album: fun. Fun and glam. If you want a dose of just unabashed rock for the sake of rock, put this on. Crank it. Favorites - Rrrrrroll Up, Kiss This, Could Have Been Me, Put Your Money On Me, Young Stars

Bleached - Welcome the Worms
Another dark horse late entry! Well this one was released in April, but I discovered them late in the year because of Honeyblood. Bleached is an LA trio of kickass women who clearly grew up listening to Joan Jett. Good old fashioned hooky 80s-esque rock. I needed this in my life. Favorites - Wednesday Night Melody, Sour Candy, Hollywood We Did It All Wrong, Sleepwalking, Keep on Keepin' On, Wasted on You

Margo Price - Midwest Farmer's Daughter
I loved this when it came out, and while it didn't stay with me all year, I think we can blame rock and roll for that more than any shortcoming of the album. Rock pretty much took over my year, especially in October with its four big releases. This might have fallen by the wayside in the latter half of 2016, but it's definitely one I'll return to in the future, with Margo's beautiful pure vocals and Loretta Lynn-esque sharpness and sass. A fantastic debut, to say the least. Revisiting this album to make my list was a pleasure, and I feel inspired to listen to more country this year. Let 2017 be the year of balance! Favorites - Hurtin' On the Bottle, Tennessee Song, About to Find Out, This Town Gets Around, Hands of Time, Since You Put Me Down

A few more notes before I put 2016 behind me for good. Well, not these albums obviously, but the rest of it!

While that isn't everything I heard and enjoyed in 2016, it is what I think I'll return to the most. For instance, while I liked Sturgill Simpson's album, it isn't one I've gone back to a lot. Maybe that will change in time, who knows. (I have to shout out "Sea Stories" though, for having crazy Tom Waits-like lyrics set to a country sound. Amazing.) I also enjoyed Lydia Loveless' surprising, upbeat pop-rock album, but I listened to it late and it hasn't sunk in enough for me to know where it stands.

I also wanna quickly shout out three albums from 2015 that I didn't listen to until last year - Elle King's Love Stuff, Best Coast's California Nights, and The Maine's American Candy. These would have all made my 2015 list if I'd heard them.

Finally, some 2016 albums I missed and still want to listen to - Miranda Lambert, William Michael Morgan, Whiskey Myers, Dolly Shine, Mark Chesnutt - yeah, I really fell behind on country last year. I'm probably forgetting some too. And lots coming out this year, both country and rock, starting with Creeper next month!

Anyway, here's to a 2017 filled with good music and good vibes. The world is a mess, but there's still plenty to be thankful for. You can't control the outside, but you can control how you think, what you say, how you treat people, and what you choose to let in. Let's do good, and think positive. Remember - any change that comes with a new year is only psychological, but that doesn't mean it can't be real. ✌️❤️🤘