Worst pop song I heard:
"Frinds" by Marshmello and Anne Marie - I discussed this here https://mrsrowsdower.blogspot.com/2018/07/#5482303009913007983 already, so I'll keep it brief. Is this worse than Generic Mumble Rap Song #27 by Lil Generic Mumble Rapper of the Week? No, probably not. I'm sure more effort went into the production, at the very least. But this is one of the stupider pop songs I've heard. Let's make a lyric specifically around spelling a word, and somehow manage to chuff it up completely!
"Haven't I made it obvious?" No, not really.
"Haven't I made it clear?" As gravy.
"Want me to spell it out for you?" Sure, you can try.
"F-R-I-N-D-S!" *buzzer sound* Nice try, but sit down! (I won a spelling bee this year, so it just seems fitting to call this one out, y'know?)
You had ONE JOB, Anne Marie. I won't even get into how the guy sounds more like a S-T-A-L-K-R than a F-R-I-N-D. I already covered that, and this song just makes me tired. Like everything else in 2018.
Worst lyric I heard:
Which is also by the worst band name I heard! "Broken," by lovelytheband. Yup, that's really what they're called. That's not a band name, it's the twitter handle you use when "lovely" is already taken. Oh God, that's how they got their name, isn't it? Is their twitter handle "lovelythebandtheband?" Anyway... "I like that you're broken, broken like me." Okay, I get what you're trying to say - misery loves company and all that. Not everyone is perfect sunshine rainbows and unicorns and darn it, they deserve love too! As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, I'm down with that.
What I'm not down with is the word "broken." It's like saying, "I like that you're depressed." It's awesome to find a soulmate and yeah, it can be hard if you have issues and there might be great relief upon meeting someone with similar issues you can relate to - but don't tell said person you're glad they're in pain because it benefits you. "I like that you ruptured your spleen, I ruptured my spleen too, WOOOOOOO SPLEEN PARTY!" I don't think that's what they were trying to say, and that's why it's a bad lyric. Say "I like that you're different" or "imperfect" or whatever. "Broken" just sounds so negative.
Okay, so did I actually hear anything by Lil Generic Rapper of the Week #s 1-52? Just enough to be uninterested, but not enough to call it my "worst." That would be like singling out one piece of lumpy oatmeal in a bowl as the worst. How would you do that? The biggest, the lumpiest, the most greyish-mush coloured? I'm aware that some of these terrible rappers are/were also terrible people, and that one of them died. I'm not going to listen to any of their music or talk about them here. They don't deserve to be in the limelight and I will not contribute to any discussion of them, even on my tiny blog. There's no "art vs artist" argument to even be had when the "art" itself is so trifling. And can we please STOP glorifying horrible people?? It's bad enough there's one in the White House; when they invade entertainment we don't even have any escape from it.
Why am I listing so few actual songs? In previous years I'd hear a bad song and be all, "ooh this is really bad, I must listen!" Even 2016, which I hated, I had a blast talking about. I made two or three posts gleefully describing how terrible it was. But man, the past couple years have dulled me to hate-listening. I still enjoy a good rant, but I don't enjoy the process of getting to said rant, i.e., listening to shit.
Has the world changed so much? Have I? Has music? I think the answer to all that is "yes," and I'm just not inspired anymore. Unless popular music rediscovers colour and energy, good or bad, these posts might not happen next year. I can only take so much of Lil Mumbley and all the sparse, dour, downbeat songs. WE GET IT, WE'RE ALL DEPRESSED. YOU'RE NOT HELPING! And don't you dare call it "emo." Emo music has passion, energy and y'know, EMOTION. It's not whining and slurring over a barely there beat, it's loud guitars and drums and emotive vocals. It's meant to make you feel something, not put you down for a nap.
Maybe that's the reason for all this boring music. Does everyone have insomnia? Is it helping? Or maybe everyone's doped up on prescription drugs that numb their senses. Like everyone, the artists and their audience. Damn, I might have hit on something. Can we please bring back cocaine just kidding but maybe not really?
(Don't do drugs kids, but totally do listen to awesome music that was made on drugs.)
Is it a coincidence the title of one of last year's big hits was just the number for the suicide hotline? Clearly, it was preparing us for this year, which seemed to be actively trying to get us to kill ourselves. Occasionally, one of these downvibe songs hits me. I can fuck with "God's Plan" sometimes. But that's just it; this is once-in-a-while mood music. It should be a niche, not the bloody default setting. Popular music is completely out of balance, maybe more than ever. One thing hits, then it completely floods the market til the next thing hits. And it never seems to be anything fun anymore. 🙁 I mean the 80s were trendy af, but a lot of the trends were fun, and none of them completely took over.
Even the positive, so-called love songs are so oddly spare - "Girls Like You," "I Like Me Better," "Mine." Yeah, I can tell you're really hype about this relationship. Maybe if you forget to refill your prescription, you'll actually show an emotion! Til then, enjoy a song with all the passion of still lying in bed at 10AM even though you're not tired anymore, you just don't feel like getting up. Dude says "I'm so fucking happy you're alive," but he sounds like he's about to slip into a coma, and the music behind him is so thin. Who is this for? It reminds me of a riff from MST3K - "Drab, flat passion meanders across the screen!"
PLAY INSTRUMENTS! HAVE A FACIAL EXPRESSION! AGGGGGGGHHH!
I tried listening to some hit songs for more content, and it was worse than I ever imagined. There's one in the top 10 right now that's so bizarre it doesn't even sound like humans made it. And not in an interesting way, just - WHAT? What are you doing with your life? And why are people buying it?? The phrase "the inmates have taken over the asylum" springs to mind. I'm not naming the "song" because I'm hoping it will just slink away on its own. In shame.
One more note before I briefly talk mainstream "country" - this 80s thing. It's not so much on the charts where hip-hop dominates, but so many bands are doing the synth thing and it's getting REALLY tiresome. Especially when it's classified as "rock." Just because it's a band doesn't mean it's rock, ffs. I know I've pounded this into the ground, but as someone who grew up in the decade and loves it - stop clinging to the 80s and start being the 80s. Remember why we loved them in the first place - the creativity. Taking risks on new things. As bad as things are, creativity never dies. It's always there, just waiting to be tapped into.
I have zero interest in the sausagefest that is the country charts. I guess you could say I'm protesting the lack of women, but that's just a self-righteous way of saying I don't care. I see the top two artists are "Dan + Shay" and "Kane Brown," neither of which I've heard, but I don't need to hear them to know what they are. Bland, safe radio filler. Country music used to kick. Now it just limps. So on that note...
"Meant to Be" by Florida Georgia Line and Bebe Rexha - My second worst song literally just boils down to "meh." If it happens, it happens, whatever, I don't really care. That's the kind of year this was. This was the biggest "country" hit of... ever, I guess, as well as a big pop hit - "Meh: the Song." I guess the video is okay. Her plaid game is on point.
Truly, I aspire to this level of plaid. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the success of this song is partly due to how fabulous she looks in the video. That would actually improve it for me. If only the music was as vibrant as her outfits. Cause "whatever" is exactly how I feel about this song. I can't even hate it; there isn't enough there there to inspire hate, or any emotion at all. And that's worse. I'd rather have something to rant about than stare into a void.
And I think that's gonna be my final word on 2018, the Year of Xanax. As always, hoping for better next year. ☮️
