Thursday, December 05, 2019

A brief look at 2019 popular music (from someone who didn't listen to it)

So this was the year I finally admitted defeat and stopped following popular music. I survived "Body Like a Backroad," that Mo Bamba thing, I even survived BABY FREAKIN SHARK, but this is what did me in:


... I give up. I'm out. I no longer understand pop culture, the World Has Turned and Left Me Here for good.

However, I still went to bars, malls and football games, so I heard some of what the year had to offer. And honestly, it's not as bad as the last few years, at least with what rose to the top. It still kinda sounds like popular music has been... stepped on though, you know? Flattened out. Especially hip hop and country. Like I imagine the process it takes to make poi, and it's kinda like that. And if you've ever had poi, you know it's flavourless mush. 2016-2019: the era of Poi Music. Long may we leave it behind.

THE GOOD:

Billie Eilish - 2019 will always be the year of Billie Eilish for me. I listened to "Bury a Friend" and "Bad Guy" as much as any of my "you probably haven't heard of it" shit. I can't believe something so weird and interesting got popular. I can't believe I'm with the zeitgeist for once. When's the last time that happened, when MCR was in the Hot 100?? This is why you're never "too old" to keep up with popular music - this then-17 year old made music that resonates with me.

Sunflower - I will never be a Post Malone fan, but damn this is smooth and easy to listen to. Kind of this year's "God's Plan" in that it's specifically designed to not get tired of it. It just washes right over me, and I mean that as a compliment. Definitely the best of Post Malone's 27 hits this year - seriously, I think there were 27 in the top 10 at one point.

Walk Me Home - A Pink song with some energy and feeling! It's been too long.

As I'm only covering the "hits" here, the rest of my favourites will be in the next entry!

THE OKAY:

Old Town Road - Have I avoided my blog since April because I didn't want to offer a spicy hot take on Old Town Road? Maybe! Yeah, I'm a country fan but I'm so far removed from what they play on the radio now it almost feels disingenuous saying that. But having that space also makes me unemotional about Old Town Road. Maybe 5 years ago, before "country" became synonymous with white guys rapping and snap beats, I'd have been outraged! this would even be considered as country. It's not, obviously, but neither is Sam Hunt and I don't care anymore.

I get this song. It's about freedom, something literally anyone of any demographic - country, hip hop, rock, idk, flamenco?? - can relate to. Normally I hate the fucking monogenre, but this song brought people together and that's why. It strikes a chord, and it's also ridiculously catchy, which is something that's missing in most "trap" music. Because the trap elements still leave me cold, and no one over 6 - okay, no one ever - should say the word "boobies," this just gets an okay. But you know what, you take that horse to that old town road, and you ride til you can't no more. Godspeed, my friend.

Memories - This Maroon 5 song is fine. Maybe even good, in that it does exactly what it's supposed to do. Give me a few drunken nights over Christmas and New Year's and this might move up to "good" by next year. I still miss old Maroon 5, but this is a pretty big improvement over their last 27 hits!

ME-HE-HEE! - Sounds like a lamaze class, I'll pass.

God's Country - A little too bombastic for me. I can see why some rock fans like it; it reminds me of "Take Me to Church" which was also too bombastic for me.

I also miss old Panic! at the Disco. But why couldn't "Say Amen" have been the big hit from this comeback album? It would be kind of funny if a song called "Hey Look Ma, I Made It" was their/his last hit. Ironic in a way the old Panic might have appreciated.

THE BAD:

I talked about "Mo Bamba" already last year (https://mrsrowsdower.blogspot.com/2018/12/#5349724194103077193). Still literally the worst popular song I've ever heard. He sounds like a garbage truck backing up, just add beeping sounds and maybe he'll come haul your old couch away.

Ariana Grande - Wow. After three absolute pop classics in 2018 (No Tears Left to Cry, Breathin', Thank U, Next), we get three absolute turds this year. A movie theme no one asked for from a movie no one asked for, 7 Rings, and *sigh* Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I'm Bored. Why not "Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I'm Horny?" At least that would be honest. "Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I Like You?" At least that's flattering. "Break Up With Your Girlfriend, She's on Meth?" Yeah, that's a problem. But "I'm bored" flatters nobody, neither the singer nor the subject, and if that's the point I like my pop songs a little less nihilistic, thanks.

7 Rings is a special kind of bad. Yeah, it's got that awful staccato-y trap beat that sounds like getting constantly poked with a finger, but it's the lyrics that really put me off. "Whoever said money can't solve their problems, must have not had enough money to solve them." Really, Arianananana?? Look, pop music doesn't have to - and probably shouldn't be - political (hi, Taylor Swift), but that line is REALLY fucking tone deaf in today's climate. Yeah, I guess you really dunked on all those people who can't afford their diabetes medicine or cancer treatments and died. SWISH! 🙄

Baby Fucking Shark - I wrote here about a year ago how therapeutic it can be to sing your old camp songs when you're depressed, but I DIDN'T MEAN TURN ONE INTO A HIT SONG! What's next, the Weenie Man?

Eww, why is Chase Rice squatting in the year end hot 100? I haven't heard the song, Chase Rice just reflexively makes me go "ewww." At least there's no Sam Hunt?

Someone You Loved - Gawd, why is there one of these adult contemporary "love" ballads every single year? They all suck and this is the worst one yet. I'd rather listen to nothing but trap songs than this bleating idiot. He sounds like Ed Sheeran left out in the sun too long. He sounds like a rusty nail dissolving in a pool of acid. This hit #1! Do better, music! Bring back Old Town Road for another week! And why is it that rock must die, at least in the mainstream, but these awful adult contemporary ballads NEVER do??! Every year we get dreck like this (also "Be Alright," "You Say") but rock is outdated? Fuck, man.

And yup, I continue to not understand trap. Most boring shit I've heard outside of an elevator and it all sounds the same to me. I guess this is that generational tipping point, or maybe it just sucks. Here's my impression of every single trap song ever by L'il Flash in the Pan: *DJ Hot Shit on tha muthafuggin BEAT* "YAH! Duh da duh da da duh da, UNGH, Duh da duh da da duh da, AY, Duh da duh da da duh da, SKRT!, Duh da duh da da duh da, PBBBT." Yah! :(

Favourite songs and albums of 2019 up next, and then a couple favourites of the decade lists! Yay!