Friday, March 08, 2019

Getting there...

Sisters - God I love these 70s horror-thrillers.

That opening game show. Oh my GOD, the 70s. What was wrong with you? But I love it! And the prize was a box of knives. LOL FORESHADOWING. I love it though. The twist is so obvious I can't even call it a twist - was it obvious to 1972 audiences, or have we just seen too many horror movies? - but I still found this somewhat suspenseful. I loved the Intrepid Girl Reporter with the Unfortunate Mullet. I loved the split screen that looks like the world's most stylish security cam footage. I loved the very 70s can of Tab in the fridge! That's the kind of quality I look for.

Some might call this sleazy or derivative, and they wouldn't be wrong, but that's kind of its charm? If you've ever wanted to see a tabloid story come to life, this does the job. If you're gonna be sleazy, at least do it with style! I did enjoy Margot Kidder's performance. I'm not sure why they made her French when she is Not French, but otherwise I loved her. (She's a very naturalistic actress, which I love, but having to put on an accent kinda takes her out of that at times? She still shines through though.) Between this, Black Christmas, and The Amityville Horror, she's pretty much a horror icon. And Charles Durning was born to play a salty, dedicated P.I. Not the best de Palma film, but a cool time capsule of a developing talent. And that Hitchcockian score is on point.

(Since I recently knocked out some horror classics I'd never seen - Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hellraiser, An American Werewolf in London - I think Sisters held the distinction of being the longest-standing film on my watchlist. My old, pre-Letterboxd watchlist that was scratched out on notebook paper and titled "List of Doom." Idk why it took me so long, but I'm glad I finally got to it.)

Social Animals - This was just ok but it did bring a charming little song called "Shit Makes the Flowers Grow" into my life, so.

The Lodgers - When I die, please let it be any way but underwater and surrounded by my naked incestuous ancestors. This is all I ask. Thank you.

(My curse seems to be watching random things on Netflix, and that is probably how I'll die.)

Martin - This was a fascinating watch.

I'm not rating it because I'm not sure I "liked" it, exactly? But I'm glad I watched it, and if you've been sleeping on it definitely check it out. I've never seen a movie quite like this before. You have the typical 70s sleaze and ugly brown-ness and it's all especially sleazy and ugly here in this dying little town. I'm not sure how we made it out of the 70s at all, but this murky town of old people and old churches probably isn't gonna live to see the neon 80s.

I'd compare this in tone and feel to Alice Sweet Alice, but I liked this more and it didn't leave me feeling quite as depressed. What set this apart for me were the black and white sequences. Were they Martin's fantasies, or memories? Probably the former, but we're never told for sure and I liked that. One thing that points to Martin actually being a vampire - he looked 20 and that ancient guy was his cousin? Whaaaa? Unless he was his cousin once removed, twice baked, whatever, that doesn't make any sense. So maybe the old guy was right! Either way, this dorky kid with dimestore Dracula teeth was more unsettling than any shiny Hollywood vampire.

This was a weird psychological story directed by George Romero, once again creating something out of a nothing budget. It's not a "fun" watch, but it will make you think. (And you might have a little fun with it if you dig late 70s sleaze.) My favourite part was Romero as a priest who said he saw The Exorcist and thought it was "great." lol

Cold Weather - I LOVED this! I loved it for what it is and what it represents - low-budget filmmaking at its best. I enjoy some big Hollywood movies, but after the 17th Marvel/DC/SW blockbuster of the year, they start running together and you might even start taking them for granted. Cold Weather is a film you can't take for granted. To watch it is to appreciate it. There's a scene of two people standing on a bridge by a waterfall that slowly pans in and it's so gorgeous and I'm like, "yup, this is pretty much why I watch movies."

The look and direction are pretty perfect, but the real focus is the characters. I wasn't sure what to expect from a "mumblecore mystery" but it was better than I could have imagined. The mystery element is interesting and has a great payoff scene, but it mainly works because I was so invested in these characters. Charming, entertaining, and thoroughly likeable, this leaves you feeling happy and hopeful at the end. I think it's about getting your life back from whatever's holding you down, even if it's your own mind.

If you like indie film at all, rent this! I kinda wanna shout this one from the rooftops.

Errementari: The Blacksmith and the Devil - Between this and Cold Weather, I had a good movie night. Note - be sure to switch this to the original Basque on Netflix, because it really adds to the feel.

I love these horror-fantasy films based on folklore! This, The Ritual, Krampus (the good one not all the knockoffs), Rare Exports. Can we get more of these from all around the world, like an "every country has a monster" film tour? This was beautifully made, with some really stunning shots, set design and effects. I loved the whole design of the smithy and the fortress element surrounding it. Wonderfully detailed and intricate. This was also surprisingly touching at times. The comedic elements seemed weird to me at first, and made me wonder if it was a translation thing - is the demon supposed to be a bit goofy? - but as it goes on you see it's part of the story and get used to it.

If you dig dark fairy tales, unique lore, spooky woods and some fantastic imagery, check this out. This isn't really "scary," I don't think there were any jump scares, it's more of a fun ride with some creepy atmosphere, which I am all about.

Spotlight review ~ Mr. Roosevelt

This movie is named after a cat. 17 STARS! Umm the cat dies, but offscreen and not violently because it's not a damn horror movie, so I wasn't triggered or anything. I found this on Netflix while searching for another movie that wasn't on Netflix, and this was probably better than whatever I was searching for in the first place. I see the ironic Goodwill t-shirts are still a thing, at least in 2017. Out of the loop status: confirmed.

Bless this woman for caring about cats as much as I do. And fuck people who sit at a dinner table talking about meditation and the foods they can't eat and expect you to give a fuck. This is why social anxiety exists. I'm maybe projecting a lil because I also had to go to a horrible dinner party the day after I lost my cat. And I know the "perfect" gf had a vulnerable moment at the end but she still kinda passive aggressively hijacked a cat's ashes, so. (She also had something passive aggressively dry cleaned, which I didn't even know was possible.) But everyone seemed to be better at the end, so okay.


^^^Totally my face if I found out someone hijacked my cat's ashes

This movie was good.
Hellraiser - I'm a liiiittle sad my first viewing of Hellraiser was on a computer in 2019 and not rocking giant hair and acid wash watching a raggedy VHS in 1988, AS GOD INTENDED. But holyshit those effects were awesome! Those effects will always be awesome, long after our poodle perms have grown out and the last Blockbuster has closed down.

Long live the 80s. I know, they're still making these, but for me it might as well be 1988 and the glow of new video discovery, for I have embarked upon a journey (that means I'll be watching part 2 SOON)! And seriously, the gore effects are so awesome they might even distract you from how 80s Sitcom Dad and Lady with Great Cheekbones and Shoulderpads but Unfortunate Mullet are somehow married despite clearly loathing each other. I mean, were we supposed to root for half-rotted corpse guy? At least they had some chemistry.

Don't Breathe - Can "urban decay" just become a subgenre? Maybe it has already? This, It Follows, Lost River, what else? People living in some purgatory town that refuses to admit it's dead and become a ghost town. The neighbourhood here pretty much was a ghost town, except for this one creepy creeper in his creepy creephouse, and it was AMAZING. I loved this, it was almost like a haunted house movie with no haunts, it was all real, guys like this could be all over abandoned neighbourhoods and that's why they're so fascinating to me. It's a naturally occurring unknown; maybe the closest most of us will get to seeing a ghost. I had this feeling all the way through I was watching something that actually happened, or actually could happen.

This movie was just good too, the performances and the tension and everything, but that setting elevated it to a classic status it would not have if it took place in an ordinary house on an ordinary street.

Crush the Skull - Well, this was certainly the best serial-killer-heist-horror-comedy I've ever seen! That it's the only one I've ever seen only makes it more deserving of praise. This is a great example of what you can do with a low budget; a good idea and script can go a long way. I think fans of the Creep movies will enjoy this, as it does a lot with a little in a similar way. This was funny and suspenseful, with a crew of super good-hearted if clumsy thieves trying to break out of the serial killer's lair they've broken into. Kinda like a comedic Don't Breathe, and it is 100% coincidence I just watched that movie last night. The universe is ~mysterious.~

This was made by a largely Asian-American cast and crew, and I'd love to see more from these guys. It's a unique film that plays with standard formulas to great success. It even provides a useful life lesson - you do NOT leave that killer lying there intact no matter HOW dead you think he is. Shoot him, stab him, crush him in the damn skull! Just in case.

Funny Ha Ha - I dressed just like this movie in 2002. Those ironic boys' t-shirts from Goodwill featuring dinosaurs or sports teams you never played for? Yeah. (This just reminded me of how uncool 2019 me is. I only wear t-shirts of sports teams I actually follow and places I've actually been.)

Hmm. I kinda feel like going on a "mumblecore" kick, possibly interspersed with 70s/80s horror I haven't seen so I don't get sick of either. I think I like these movies because they understand that socializing is 99% awkward cringiness and maybe like, one moment of clarity?

Baghead - This was kind of adorable honestly, like a baby Creep. It's not really scary, but it's a fun, quirky take on found footage. I like quirky. I only wish Mark Duplass had been onscreen, but the actors here do a good job. Stay away from this if you can't stand cringe, or if you want a really horror-y horror movie, but I had a good time with it for what it is. (Also one of the actors is the non-psychic guy from Another Evil, a really fun film I compared in tone to Creep, so it's like all interconnected! I love making those little connections in movies because I'm a dork.)

I think I'm just gonna add everything involving the Duplasses and/or Greta Gerwig to my watchlist.

John Wick: Chapter 2 - So after two mumblecore movies, I of course watched John Wick Chapter 2. 🤷 Well it made sense to me, and this was my "date night" movie. This was every bit as good as the first one, highlights being the museum mirror shootout, when he got back to NY and literally everyone started trying to kill him the minute he landed, and of course every scene with his dog.

Now we can go see part 3 in the theatre!

How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World - ADORBSSSSSS *heart*

What a beautiful end to the trilogy. My first trip to the cinema in 2019 and I cried tears of emotional cuteness 👍


A Horrible Way to Die - Amy Seimetz, the director of The Guest, AND the girl from Birdemic? I'm there!!

This movie raises some interesting questions. How do you go on after finding out you're dating a serial killer? How do you trust anyone again? I mean, we all have secrets but that's a pretty big one! Also, how the hell do alcoholics handle awkward first dates?? I honestly never thought of that. I don't think I'd leave my house if I couldn't drink tbh.

So, what a cool idea for a movie. It's done gritty, realistic "mumblecore" style and takes what could have been Lifetime fare (Don't miss Sleeping with a Stranger, Wednesday at 8 after Supermarket Sweep) and makes it bloody, yet strangely mature and sober. I like how these movies just feel like life playing out, almost like a documentary.

The performances are good, especially Amy Seimetz and AJ Bowen as the biggest teddy bear of a serial killer you'll ever meet! Pretty chilling honestly. And Seimetz is sooo believable, it felt like watching a real person. And the ending was pretty banger, like this definitely has a payoff. So if I liked the story and acting so much, why only 2.5 stars??

This movie was really hard to watch, not gonna lie. I watched the whole thing because I was engrossed, but the camera work was making me sick! I had to close my eyes several times! This guy went on to do The Guest?? I guess he had to start somewhere but who could have possibly thought constant blurry, shaky zoom-ins were a good idea? It added nothing to the film. Maybe do it in one scene for effect or something but it kept happening and I was over it. Really a shame, because I liked this quite a lot and would easily give it a 3, maybe 3.25. Let's call it a 2.75 I guess.

Also, the title. It has nothing to do with the story. Yeah, being a serial killer victim is a horrible way to die but that's not what the movie was about. It was about Amy Seimetz's character. Well I guess they couldn't call it I Married an Axe Murderer, and they weren't actually married and he didn't use an axe, so. Idk. Sleeping with a Stranger is actually a better title but a lot of grandmothers would be all WTF is this?? if it got accidentally put on Lifetime.

And Whitney Moore was hardly in it, dammit. I like Whitney Moore.

Tiny Furniture - I fully believe that these people exist, but I'm not happy about it.

Eh, this wasn't that bad, but it's not gonna stick with me. One positive: for something that's basically "White Privilege: the Movie," there is a nice bit of representation. How often do we see average size women in movies? We see Small Women, who are represented as being the average, and we see Large Women, whose main personality trait is usually that they are Large. But the average woman is rarely represented which is really weird considering we're the average, right?? So sure, this might be a vanity project for the director/star, who I know nothing about personally and have only "heard things," but it's still body positivity to me and I'll take it.

(And yes I'm just sitting here popping movies like tic tacs because WINTER NEEDS TO DIE ALREADY. I'm not sick of these mumblecore movies yet but when I am I'm gonna watch something by Brian de Palma, so that should be fun.)

Hannah Takes the Stairs - "Well, I quit my job, and now I don't have a job." - every mumblecore movie

I kinda just wanted to watch Greta Gerwig and Mark Duplass dive for buried treasure for 80 minutes.

Thursday, March 07, 2019

*sigh*

Okay, last one of these for the day. Oh there are more, but I'll do them later. I've also been listening to some great music this year and want to make a post about that, so look for that around... July I guess? 🤷

Intruders - I don't usually watch "humans being brutal to each other" movies. If I wanted to see that I'd watch the news, which I don't. Horror is my escape. Give me witches, ghosties, demons, even mindless slashers, but toxic d-bags? No ty. So I don't watch "torture porn" or The Purge or home invasion movies or any of that stuff really. But this was on Shudder and it was short, so why not. You never know what might grab you.

I'm not rating this because it isn't really my thing. But I did find it entertaining and there was only one scene I couldn't stand watching, so if home invasion with a twist is your thing I'd check this out. It didn't knock my socks off like Better Watch Out, but it's a decent fast watch. And the house is really cool! Which is pretty much the whole reason I like The Amityville Horror, so. *shrug* I should make a "the house is the real star" list.

Demons - An 80s horror set in a red and blue neon-drenched cinema? Oh yeah, now this is my jam! Great setting, awesome bloody effects, killer soundtrack, and this thing is so 80s the demons drool neon green slime. Did they turn into monsters, or did they just drink too much ecto cooler? This movie is fun, the movie within the movie is fun, and oh boy do I wanna explore that old crypt. That would be my day at Disneyland, only without the delightful pirate restaurant.

That motorcycle was obviously gonna be used for badassery, but you don't even know how badass it gets. (Well you probably do, I think I'm the only person who hadn't seen this movie.) Theatre horror is just a good time. Well ok, we won't discuss Movie House Massacre, but this is right up with personal fave Popcorn. It doesn't quite reach the level of the theatre scene in Messiah of Evil, but what does?

Hush - Movie: Adorable floofy cat!
Me: FUCK this is a horror movie
*sighs* *pauses* *checks doesthedogdie.com*
CAT SURVIVES! 🙌 *exhales* *resumes* *pets cat*

Stop doing that to me movies. Seriously.

So yeah, I watched another of these home invasion movies. Maybe I'm like, steeling myself? Trying to prove they don't bother me? Because, I actually enjoyed this! "Person with issue like deafness or agoraphobia inexplicably beats the baddies at their own game" seems to be a thing now, and there is something satisfying about it.

I don't know how many of these I could watch. I don't enjoy seeing ordinary people terrorizing each other. Slashers are fine, but this was like, a schlubby guy in a beanie you might see at the bank. You're not gonna see Jason Voorhees at the bank. Idk. There's so much Real Scary Shit in the world, I like Fake Scary Shit. This was really good and tense though. I can't deny this. And the lead actress gives a great performance despite never speaking out loud.

Also, I'm not a gun person - like at all - but a deaf person living alone in the woods should super have a gun and know how to use it. I know, then there would be no movie. That's more for the benefit of any deaf people living alone in the woods who might be reading this.

Madhouse - OMG, this opens with a Creepy Trailer Version™ of "Rock a Bye Baby." That was a thing in 1981?? I thought that was just an emo chick singer thing but nope, here it's a dude and it's SO BAD but it's funny. So we're off to a good start.

If you like Devil Dog: Hound of Hell or Happy Birthday to Me... watch those movies instead because they're actually good. Man, I wanted to like this. I like a lot of cheesy movies from this era and this seemed to have the ingredients. But that's what it was, a collection of ingredients more than an engaging or coherent film on its own. It didn't feel like anything I hadn't seen before; not even the bad characters and overacting were exceptional enough to be entertaining. (This came out around the same time as Happy Birthday so it wasn't a ripoff, I just didn't enjoy it as much.)

The tone is so weird. The lead actress, her boyfriend, and her friend play it straight, the kind of characters and acting you'd see in a standard late 70s/early 80s horror. Then you have these ridiculous overacting side characters, including a Japanese man that made me cringe, Father McCreepyPriest, and an over-southerning* lady named AMANDA BEAUREGARD. That's not a person, that's a bad SNL character! It was like two sets of characters from two different movies. The "evil twin" also overacted in a way that I didn't find scary, I just wanted her to shut the hell up. Same with Father McObviousForeshadowing. Sometimes less is more, people.

*thanks MST3K.

I kept falling asleep in the middle AND I had to skip forward whenever I saw the cat because I couldn't get a straight answer from the internet if it died or not. You let me down this time, doesthedogdie.com. The dog does die, but it's a puppet and it's evil so I didn't find it triggering, but I'm a cat person.

I can see how someone would enjoy this if the camp hits them right, but for me it was both too campy and not campy enough, I guess? The story wasn't interesting enough and the nursery rhyme singing priest was so obviously and ridiculously evil I was just yelling at the dumb main character for not seeing it and also yelling at whoever wrote such a hammy character. My throat is sore, is my point.

Then it ends with a quote from G.B. Shaw: "Life differs from the play only in this... it has no plot, all is vague, desultory, unconnected til the curtain drops with the mystery unsolved..." and I'm like, did the movie just riff itself?? I guess we're done here.

Dead and Buried - "Two murders in a town no bigger than a postage stamp!"

Now here's an underrated early 80s gem. One of the most original zombie movies I've seen, with great atmosphere and a mystery element. My favourite! People are being killed, their bodies disappearing and then reappearing, but they're not dead and all messed up. They look like nothing ever happened, pumping gas, going to the store, I'm dead but it's no big deal, I've got shit to do!

Something's fishy (hee!) in this small seaside New England town, and there's a Stephen King quality here imo. Not just the Pepperidge Farm Remembers accents, but the creepiness, creativity and general tone. I love this movie. I don't do frequent rewatches; I'll usually wait 5+ years to see a film again. I saw this for the first time about two years ago and was already keen to see it again. Like, that "Sentimental Journeys" song playing while the guy lovingly details restoring dead bodies, that's the kind of hair-standing-on-end quality I look for.

(Funny this was co-written by Dan O'Bannon, who went on to write and direct one of the best horror comedies ever Return of the Living Dead, because this is not comedic at all.)

Cropsey - The most shocking part of this was that Geraldo Rivera used to be a real journalist.

This was a fascinating documentary, at times creepy and just sad. What raised this for me were all the atmospheric shots of the abandoned asylum, because abandoned asylums are my favourite things ever pretty much, but even just as a true crime doc this was pretty meaty. I highly recommend spending an hour with Cropsey if you have any interest in urban legends, true crime, or abandoned places! Like I immediately googled all these people and places because I wanted to know more.

EDIT: So apparently there's a longer version of this?? Why did Netflix cut it, I wanna see the whole thing! :(

The Reaping - Yup, this sure is from 2007.

With this cast, location and plot, this could have been a real sock knocker. Sadly, it's just lukewarm tea in a pretty cup. I didn't dislike this movie. All the "I"m an atheist!" "Well I'M a religious person!" stuff was heavy handed and got old fast, but I'm a sucker for swamps and kudzu. Abandoned mausoleum ruins?? Well, now you're just spoiling me!

This is a "because it's on Netflix" movie. Why did I watch it? "It was there." Hilary Swank, Idris Elba, and Stephen Rea give fine performances, because of course they do, but only "fine." While this had atmosphere for days, it unfortunately didn't have any scares. The river of blood was creepy enough, but all the CGI shit just didn't resonate. What else is new. I'm more mad about what this could have been than what it is. Pedestrian, but I'll give it an A for atmosphere.

SPOILER: Screw you movie for killing Idris Elba.

You guessed it, movie catchup

We Go On - "This would be almost adorable if it wasn’t an instrument of death in my mother’s purse." I kind of want a TinyGun™ and I don't even like guns.

Well hold me down, I have a new favourite movie! Well not favourite favourite, but a favourite. This was just everything I love - ghosts, an abandoned house, spoOoky intrigue, a troubled but likeably quirky lead character that kinda put me in mind of my beloved Delirium... and part of it was filmed so close to my hometown I could see it in the background! Vista del Mar Park. I might have paused the movie and cried a little. I'm fine. (It's just that the weather here has been MINUS SOMETHING for at least 10 days straight and I'm from the California beaches and I MIGHT NOT BE FINE.)

But, I have this movie. I love this movie. This is not a standard ghost story, not that I mind those, but no, this is something special. It's likeable and fun and twisty and a little scary at times and I was happy to be along for the ride. I watch a lot of horror and I like plenty of cliche stuff if it's done well but this, this is unique. I don't find these too often. Happy February Halloween to me! 👻🎃

John Wick - Took a break from horror to watch an action movie with my husband. It was good, still lots of blood. 💘 Happy Valentine's Day! Oh, and the ending was great.

(Now I just need to convince him to watch something horror...)

Personal Shopper - Personal Shopper is an oddly shallow title for this layered thriller, but that's probably on purpose. It's just, I didn't even know this was a horror-ish film until like, 2 days ago? It sounds like a rom com, like The Wedding Planner or idk, Cake Froster or something. (Jennifer Aniston is... The Shoe Whisperer.) I think I get it though. It's kinda like living someone's else's life, and trying to find your own identity in the process.

I'm not gonna say I understood this movie, but it was different and stylish and anyone who says Kristen Stewart sucks because of Twilight is laaaaame. Did you read the source material?? She nailed that awful character. (Not that I read Twilight or anything...) Every scene faded to black, which I found a bit odd and distracting, but then the final scene faded to white, like she had an epiphany. I think that's the key to this film, even if I don't know what the epiphany was exactly!

I would have liked a liiiiittle more oomph after all that buildup, but I still enjoyed this for the most part. Dealing with grief is a perfect subject for horror/thriller, as it can manifest in different ways and really gets to the core of what we fear most. This isn't a scary movie, but most of it deals with the unknown, both in our world and possibly the next(?) so it makes for good tension.

Mirror Mirror - HOW AM I JUST NOW HEARING OF THIS?! I rented so many cursed videotapes in 1990, yet somehow I missed this??

This is like Carrie and Heathers and Beetlejuice and a dark ass Teen Witch and The Craft before there even was The Craft, and it stars Rainbow Harvest from Earth Angel (a tv movie that probably only I was obsessed with) rocking her best Lydia Deetz and I CAN'T.

Beetlejuice was my favourite movie in 1988 and it still is and Lydia was like, everything to me. She wasn't Carrie; she was the first "strange and unusual" character I saw that owned her strange and unusualness. That was empowering. So while this character is a faded copy of the original, this is still my aesthetic 1000%. (I was never really goth, I mean I had black hair and nails and clothes and I listened to some of the music and actually nm, I was kinda goth. I just never went full goth, like wearing corsets and getting tattooes and piercings. I was a comfortable goth. A sweatpants goth. But the sweatpants were black, like my SOUL.)

Okay but, is this movie any good? It might not be 3.5 stars good, I can't really judge it objectively, but it's definitely not bad. I did enjoy this on its own merits. There's nothing new here, but the combination of not-new things really worked for me. Well, the "demon mirror" was different I guess, but it yielded the same results as any other "misfit teen exacts revenge on high school" movie. But I like those movies! (And you better believe teen me would have been haunting antique stores for that mirror.) Watching bullies die horrible deaths will never not be satisfying. I wish that swim coach had magically drowned in a puddle though. Choosing teams in gym is just barbaric, what is wrong with people.

High school really was this bad, is what I'm saying.

This is one of the better of these movies I've seen and I definitely recommend it, especially for fans of The Craft. It's not a sock knocker but there are some good death scenes, fun fashion, and it's entertaining with a decent, coherent story. The ending was a little eh? but it kinda adds to the cheesy fun. This is probably more like 3 stars but the extra half is for that hat, you know which one.

Carrie (2002) - Why do I do this to myself.

I'm not opposed to an updated version of Carrie, it's just... the clothes and hairstyles may be dated in the 70s version, but the filmmaking isn't. The late 90s sequel, this, and the 2013 remake all feel more dated than the original ever will. Here, the casting of Angela Bettis is perfect, but the movie isn't very good. The 2013 version was a little better, but the casting was off. Maybe someday they'll get it right! Idk, maybe they should get the Eighth Grade guy to do it, he seems to understand social awkwardness and "today's kids."

"Period! Period!" is a way lamer chant than "plug it up." It's like if you just yelled "BASEBALL!" at a pitcher instead of "strike him out" or something.

Where did they get all those tampons??

Because this is a remake, and one from the Artless Era (approx. 1997-2007), everything must be bigger. The kid can't fall off his bike, he has to fly off.

Help, we're being attacked by cartoon meteors! I suspect the Acme Corporation. The effects are 2002tastic.

In the book, Carrie is overweight. That's why they say "pig's blood for a pig." In the movies, that line makes no sense. Amazing how even for a role like this, they won't cast anyone who isn't skinny.

Carrie and Tommy are at the prom, and they're very much in their late 20s. Good times. Angela Bettis is still wonderful though. I was gonna give this a 2.5 for her performance and a somewhat effective prom scene. (The Carrie prom scene is probably my favourite scene ever and while this was nowhere near the original, it was tense in parts.) And honestly, this wasn't as bad as I expected, dodgy effects aside. The scenes of the town on fire were fake af, but honestly kind of charming. From what I remember, it was pretty true to the book. Then... the ending happened. WTF was that?? That was so Lifetime movie-y and not horrific and so not in the spirit of the book I almost can't believe I saw it. But I did.

There, I've seen all the Carries. My life is now complete.

Images - A bit confusing, but atmospheric and interesting! Though, the confusion is well done as it mirrors what's happening in Cathryn's mind, giving us a natural view of someone losing touch with reality. This genuinely feels like it was filmed through her mind's eye rather than a camera. I love how this was shot; like it feels like everything is happening even when you know it can't be. That's a hard thing to pull off. It doesn't feel like the movie is trying to "get" you or trick you, there are no cheap scares, it's just whatever Cathryn is seeing, or thinks she's seeing. Not really a horror film, but a beautiful and surreal experience if you want something more psychological.

More movie catchup

Nocturnal Animals - Wow. Every once in a while a movie comes along and smacks your socks off. I had no idea what to expect from this other than "More Michael Shannon, yay." And he was absolutely the star of this for me, playing a role I could see a younger Sam Elliott in. This is a beautifully shot and engaging thriller, and the thriller parts aren't even happening, it's just a book! Doesn't matter, the performances and creepy vibe of the antagonists and the deserted stretch of Texas they terrorize will pull you right in.

When it first started I was kinda like ugh, more pretentious art fucks. I just went through that with Velvet Buzzsaw and this even has two of the same actors. (Fun fact: before this I'd only seen Jake Gyllenhaal in Velvet Buzzsaw. lol?)* Then the book bit started and I was kinda like ugh, more rednecks. Redneck killers aren't usually my faves. I hate that something so dumb can be so menacing. But any hesitance I had went away fast once I got drawn into this world. Both worlds, really. Awesome movie, what a great surprise! And the moral of this one was obvious - DO NOT DRIVE THROUGH TUMBLEWEED BACKWASH TEXAS LATE AT NIGHT OR PROBABLY AT ALL.

*And I'd only seen Amy Adams in Man of Steel. lol? What can I say, I don't watch many big Hollywood movies, I watch Friday the 13th movies over and over, I'm sorry.

I Am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House - Why wasn't the chair hanging upside down on the wall in the kitchen ever addressed?? It drove me nuts the whole movie! She just puttered around like "do dee do, there sure isn't a chair hanging upside down on the wall, just gonna talk on the phone like everything's normal." AGGGH! Did the ghost do it, or is this just like a thing?

This is an (I think) 80s throwback, very slow burn film that at first put me in mind of House of the Devil. I wasn't sure of the time period right away- 80s? 90s? Just sometime before cell phones and flatscreen tvs. Then the "no whammies!" reference happened and I was like ok, cool. That might have been the very tv I watched "Press Your Luck" on as a kid. This didn't have the banger ending of House of the Devil, and it was a little too slow burny without a super lot of payoff to rave about, but it has a nice quality to it. It's a rainy afternoon movie.

Ghostwatch - Is this the first, or at least the first well-known, found footage/mockumentary style horror film? This feels like such a landmark, I'm surprised it isn't talked about more. I dearly wish I had been in the UK in 1992 and watching this, not knowing what the hell was going on. I envy those people. What an experience. Even knowing it was fake, it was still pretty creepy! Fans of The Conjuring 2 will recognize some of the elements, as it's based on the same case.

This is the kind of project that's condemned in its own time, but goes on to be legendary. I'm glad they took the risk; it's a cool watch and time capsule.

Frances Ha - "He wasn't a real alcoholic, but sometimes he would have like, 12 beers." I feel like that line is specifically stalking me. 👀

90s me would have loved this. I'm not sure what now me thinks of it. 90s me also loved Reality Bites, which this is kind of a 2010s version of, and now me can't stand it, so... actually never mind, I liked this. Frances was kind of insufferable but not Troy insufferable. I think she was trying, and she did have an arc. I can't blame her for being cringy. Nobody should be forced to go to parties with lawyers and people who casually mention Paris, that's just inhuman. I'd be cringy too. (See above statement about beer.)

It's kind of like if Starry Eyes wasn't a horror movie and had a nice ending, but was still kind of a horror movie, because everything's kind of psychological horror if you think too hard about it.

Martha Marcy May Marlene - A movie that doubles as a tongue twister. Stay tuned for the sequel, Peter Piper Picks a Peck of Pickled Peppers. I joke because this was the opposite of fun and it made me uneasy. That's a compliment though. I appreciated the realistic, almost lowkey tone this took in portraying a traumatized, brainwashed cult escapee. You feel for Martha but it's frustrating too, how she won't (or can't) tell anyone what happened so they might understand her strange behaviour. It seems like how that might actually play out though. This isn't a Lifetime movie; there's some dramatic tension but there's no dramatic conclusion, or any real conclusion at all.

I still can't believe that bug-eyed kid from that low-budget haunted house movie I watched went on to become a real actor in real movies with Elizabeth Olsen and Sarah Paulson. He's so good here too, utterly believable as the cult leader. And I've liked Elizabeth Olsen in everything I've seen her in. She's great.

The Woman in Black - Harry Potter and the Chamber of Jump Scares

Harry Potter and the Perfectly Serviceable PG-13 Horror Film

Harry Potter and the Fantastically Creepy Setting Which Raised This from 2.5 to 3 Stars Because I Am Forever a Sucker for Them

(I really did like the "death carriage rising from the muck" scene, it was genuinely ghastly and put me in mind of Ghost Story, a much better film.)

Horror Noire: A History of Black Horror - I am so freaking excited for the future of horror, and Black horror specifically. For a documentary that deals a lot with racism, past and present, it leaves you feeling hopeful. Change is happening, real change. Audiences want compelling stories and characters, and I think it's finally being shown by films like Get Out and (outside of horror) Black Panther that those stories and characters do not have to be white to resonate on a large scale.

Get Out flipped a switch, but this documentary does a great job of showing how we got here. I loved hearing Jordan Peele talk about The People Under the Stairs, as it's one of the first films I thought of after seeing Get Out and I wondered if it was an inspiration. It's one of Craven's best imo, with commentary that is super still relevant today, and I hope fans who haven't seen it will seek it out now. (Serpent and the Rainbow is also great, and overdue for a rewatch.)

I recently rewatched and reviewed The Craft, and noted that the overt racism seemed out of place in a 1996 L.A. high school. The interview with Rachel True says otherwise, that it spoke to her experience and also the experience of young black girls she talked to afterwards. I always wondered about that, and I'm glad for the learning experience.

Of course we had Tony Todd and Candyman. One thing that was discussed that I always liked is having an iconic black horror villain. Not a black man as "monster" or "other" just because he's black, like in early films, but a black Freddy or Jason. I feel like that's as important as having a black hero. Cause we horror weirdos all love our killers, let's be real. They're the most memorable part of so many horror films.

One of the first horror movies I ever saw as a kid wasn't mentioned here, but it was a tv movie so I'm not surprised. This was 1985's The Midnight Hour starring Shari Belafonte-Harper, and it's my favourite tv movie ever. I rewatched it a couple years ago and it's still really fun. It has a mixed cast, including Lee Montgomery and LeVar Burton, and is centered around Belafonte-Harper and her witch ancestor played by Jonelle Allen. It was clearly inspired by the popularity of the "Thriller" video (it even has a musical number). So both the antagonist, and one of the two main protagonists, are black women.

I don't know how many people remember this despite the notable actors, or how it resonated with black kids who saw it, but it resonated with me in a way I didn't realize til later. I think, partly because this is one of the first horror movies I saw, seeing black people as horror leads has always felt natural. And if a simple little tv movie can, maybe unknowingly, "normalize" seeing certain people in a certain genre - imagine what something like Get Out can do on its large scale. For both white audiences and audiences of colour. Especially young audiences. This will be the normal they grow up with, because art still shapes culture more than anything else. And it's moving in the right direction. What I personally took from Get Out was reinforced here - white audiences empathized with the black protagonist. We were allowed to go into the "sunken place" with him via the theatre, and it was powerful.

I am so excited for Us, holy shit.

A Dark Song - Man, I really wanted to like this. I have no problem with slower horror films; I often prefer them. But for me this was just slowness intermixed with people yelling at each other. It's the film equivalent of falling asleep, waking up suddenly, and falling asleep again, which is unfortunately just what I did.

I think the main issue was I didn't feel connected to the characters. What was the motivation of the occultist? Who was he? He just seemed like this very troubled, angry person but with no explanation why. I guess "he's seen some shit" is an explanation of sorts, but it wasn't enough. The woman who lost her child was more sympathetic, obviously, but I didn't feel a connection to her either. This is no fault of the actors, who do an admirable job of carrying the film. It's the way they're written. I don't necessarily have to be connected to the characters to enjoy a horror film, but when it's this slow and there are only two people, I needed something to grab onto that just wasn't there.

This is a beautiful-looking film with an unnerving score, and a lot of work and heart was obviously put into it. I don't want to speak too negatively because I think this will resonate with a lot of people. It just didn't with me. I might rewatch it sometime.

Movie catchup

Oh boy! A whole month's worth of movies to catch up on. Oh boy.

The Village ~ Even if you know the "twist," there's still plenty of engaging story, tension, and atmosphere here. The meaning behind the twist is a bit more deep and affecting than you might think at first, and makes you feel for the characters and their actions. An underrated Shyamalan film.

Velvet Buzzsaw ~ I kept waiting for "Day-o" to start playing and Beetlejuice to show up, but it never happened. ZERO STARS!

Nah, one star for the giant Phantasm sphere and one star for the word "ensorcelled." I wish it had been more suspense and mystery and over the top kills and less... not even melodrama? Melodrama is more interesting. Meh-odrama. Yeah. Everyone is so affected. This isn't terrible, but it is way too long for so little substance.

There are two cats, which helps a bit.

Don't Leave Home ~ This is very much The Kind of Movie I Like, and I'm not sure how else to explain it. It's quietly eerie in a beautiful setting that you can just sit with and enjoy. It's unsettling at times but not really horror, more supernatural fantasy. It doesn't have quite enough "oomph" and is a little too vague and meandering to rate higher, but I really did enjoy this and will probably watch it again. I liked the guilt and redemption theme. If you want something the opposite of loud and jump scarey to cosy up with, this'll do the job. It's a tea and blankie movie.

The Killing Ground - What a pretty place for all those terrible things to happen, goodness. So I'm pretty sure the moral of this story was, don't go camping. Killer rednecks can't get you if you stay home and watch tv.
~the more you know~

This was actually a really tense thriller/survival horror! It may not seem like super something new on the surface, but there's kind of a supernatural element at work involving a massacre that happened on the land. It's never shown or said explicitly, but this place is clearly toxic and somewhere you do not wanna go, no matter how pretty it is. This isn't my favourite subgenre and I still liked it, so if survival movies are your thing totally watch this.

The Awakening - If you love old school ghost stories, watch this. It's not gonna give you anything different, but it'll be like a new song from your favourite band.

I'm a sucker for spooky mysteries and uncanny dollhouses, so this was right up my alley. Personally I'd probably give it a 3.5 just because it's my jam, but objectively it's enjoyable without being a sock knocker. It's another ghost kid movie, but if something does set it apart it's the character of Florence, and the great performance by Rebecca Hall. This is how you do a female ghostbuster. *ducks* She's the kind of well-rounded female character you so rarely see in horror or at all really. She's smart but that's not her only character trait. She's vulnerable in such a haunting, believable way. She seems very much like a real person.

Everyone in this movie is very lonely and you just end up feeling for them. This would be a standard ghost story if not for the characters and performances. And that dollhouse scene. That really spooked me out and I LOVED it. If you're not into ghost stories, skip this, it's nothing earth-shattering. But if you're tuned into this kind of film like I am, there's plenty to sink your teeth into, or at least pass an evening pleasantly.

First Reformed - Well that was certainly a mood for 2019

The Rage: Carrie 2 - I remembered not liking this back in the day, and decided to give it another chance with fresh eyes. (And I needed something that wouldn't tax my brain after First Reformed.) I honestly don't know if this is a good film or a bad one. I just know that it once again confirmed how much I do not like this era of horror. Something about it annoys me so much I can't judge it objectively. It's like, no style or substance. No atmosphere. No soul. It leaves me feeling empty. (I feel the same way about Halloween: H20.)

And it's not scary! Not in a horror way, anyway. Rachel was sympathetic and the toxic masculinity was gross, but it felt more like a generic teen movie than anything creepy. The TK was more of an "oh, by the way." I'm not sure I can even explain the difference between this and the original Carrie, which had both style and substance for days, and was both sympathetic and creepy. It had a soul. The tie-ins to the original felt forced and unnecessary, and only served to show what a better film that was. The one exception was when Sue took Rachel to the burned out remains of the old high school. That was effective and creepy. I wish there had been more atmosphere like that.

Elements were here for a decent film. Rachel was fine as a character. She was more well-rounded than Carrie herself, at times tough and vulnerable, yet Sissy Spacek was still more compelling even with less to work with. In the end, I think what killed this is 1999 itself. The world didn't need a horror version of She's All That.

PS - the dog was cute and didn't die so yay.

Lake Mungo - What the camera doesn't focus on is often scarier than what it does. That little movement or image you catch in the corner of your eye that makes your hair stand on end. This is kind of about that, and also losing a loved one (man, the Aussies know how to make a mean horror film about grief), and complicated relationships, and possibly seeing your own death, and do ghosts exist? and yeah, this has many layers and I'm not sure I understood it all but it was fascinating and creepy.

The Shape of Water - This made me feel many things, and there are probably many things I could say about it, but for now I'm gonna say I dearly wish I lived above an old timey movie theatre and leave it at that.

(Also, I had to skip a scene as a cat lover. When Giles is asleep in the bathroom and the creature gets out of the tub, skip ahead 3 minutes. You have been warned. Fish man sex, no problem, but cat death = big fat nope.)

The Skeleton Key - Big old spooky house in the swamps! 😍 That spooky tree moss! I don't know why tree moss is spooky but it IS and I love it. This isn't amazing or anything but with that atmosphere it doesn't have to be. It's entertaining and gets the job done. I think the moral of this one was, stay in New Jersey. The entire south wants to kill you.

Abducted in Plain Sight - You think it's ramped up to about the pinnacle of batshit and then




ALIENS