I had to do it - the REAL worst song of 2018

WARNING - this is a cursed video! Clicking it may cause you to become infected with Untalented Attention-Seeking Douchebag Virus. If teenage white boys start listening to you ironically, please see your doctor immediately.



I... I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to give this any more underserved attention than it already has. But it's TORMENTING me. This song is one of the circles of Hell. I need to exorcise it from my soul. And of course, the only way to do that is to have a good old rant.

I guess we'll call this "post-zombie apocalypse music" and look, I'm glad the brainless walking dead are exploring their artistic side. Far be it for me to suppress culture. But... why is anyone else listening to this? WHY WAS IT A TOP 10 BILLBOARD HIT??

The answer is, the charts are no longer relevant and won't be as long as songs that are basically jokes, streamed by children and teens endlessly for FREE, are allowed to actually impact popular culture. I'm not mad this "song" exists; I'm mad it got out. I'm mad it's not firmly in its niche where it belongs and I had to hear it. Because as soulless and droning as this thing is - and the lyrics might as well just be "BRAAAAAAAINS" over and over - it's also somehow earwormy. To a ridiculous level. I, a grownass woman, should not have this parasite in my brain just because I watch youtube videos about music. (Is this thing actually played on the radio? Or in shops, or anywhere in polite society? I don't think I've heard it outside. But the threat is there, dammit. The threat is REAL.)

So anyone who says counting streams hasn't made pop music that bad, we're just overreacting, please listen to "Mo Bamba" over and over again on a loop for all eternity. It's fucking obvious why free streams shouldn't be counted - you'll click on any idiotic thing if you don't have to pay for it! You'll listen to it "ironically" or even hate-listen, and it all counts the same. Especially if you're a teen, tween, or fratdouche male. (Sidenote: I doubt any woman has ever listened to this song voluntarily.) So these dipshits are allowed to partially control the music culture and we all pay, even though they don't. Sure, pop music has always skewed young but when you actually have to shell out your Christmas money, you're not gonna spend it on this backed-up septic tank of a song.

This guy knows he's shit, everyone who listens to this knows it's shit, but that's the point. Ha ha ha. Let's stick it to people with taste, they suck. Remember when kids' rebellion music was rock n roll, or at least good hip hop like Dr. Dre? They had to earn our money. And idiots like this Sheck person don't. This isn't a case of one generation not understanding the next. Nothing has changed; kids have always rebelled. And that's fine! Listen to your shitty song to your heart's content, kids, but I shouldn't have to. It's the system that's changed, and it's broken. So how do we fix it? Streaming isn't going anywhere, but how about only paid streams count? That should at least cut back on 12 year old boys having so much power.

To compare this with probably the shittiest equivalent from my time, "Ice Ice Baby" - yeah, that song sucks, but there's an obvious reason it was a hit. That sweet "Under Pressure" beat. Why you wouldn't just listen to "Under Pressure" I have no idea, but Vanilla Ice played us. That's the shame of my generation, but at least there's an identifiable appeal. The lone appeal of "Mo Bamba" seems to be to torture other people with it. That sums up 2018 better than anything else I could say.

So "Frinds," as horrible as you are, you are only the second-worst song I heard in 2018 by virtue of being an actual song. And lemme tell you, I hate that song more every time I hear it. Girl, you are way past the "friend zone" and into the Twilight Zone with this guy. UGH. No, I'm not going back there. I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULDN'T GO BACK.

And I have to reiterate, when I say these are the two worst songs I heard, I refuse to listen to the garbage made by any of the criminals that had hits this year. That I even have to say "any of the criminals" is insulting, scary, and sad. "Stop making terrible people famous" has become a rallying cry, and really, let's do that, shall we? And also, maybe put the violent criminals in prison where they belong? We can let out all the poor people in there for weed and other non-violent bs to make space for 'em. WIN/WIN.

POSITIVE music post coming next, and then 2019! Let's do better. That clean slate is so smooth and inviting, isn't it?