Showing posts with label worthless headline of the day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label worthless headline of the day. Show all posts

Monday, August 08, 2016

Worthless Yahoo Headline of the Day

I'm back from vacation!... to this. Why did I come down off that mountain again?

"While some are obsessed with Derick Dillard's man bun, others speculate that Jill Dillard's pregnant"

WHO

EVER

LOVING

MOTHER

FUCKING

GIVES

A

FLYING

MONKEY

SHIT

???


*wistful sigh* I was like, so plaid, you guys. So happy and plaid. It was the plaidest vacation ever.

Thursday, June 02, 2016

Pissy headline of the day!

Okay, the judgy nature of this one really made my skin crawl. I'm not even linking to the preachy article, fuck that. That's what I get for clicking on random crap on the internet, I guess.

"Saying Your Dog Is Your "Baby" Is an Insult to Moms Everywhere"

Boo freaking hoo. I don't have kids, my cats are my babies to me, and I'll call them whatever I please. You do you, honey, and I'll do me.

Remember when you only had to deal with people's opinions in like, newspapers, and once a year at Thanksgiving? Why, you could go days without seeing or hearing anyone's opinion! Those were good times, weren't they?

Okay, back to music.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Silly Headline of the Day

"Racine, Wisconsin: 17-Year-Old Girl Unexpectedly Gives Birth in Bathroom"

I'm not familiar with the customs of Racine, Wisconsin, but does anyone plan to give birth in a bathroom?

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Stupid clickbaity headline of the day

"12 Archaeological Finds You Won’t Believe Were Found On Earth"

I will though, since I'm pretty sure "space archaeology" doesn't actually exist as a field.

Monday, November 23, 2015

Worthless Headline of the Day

"University of Ottawa: Free Yoga Classes Canceled by Student Union Over Cultural Appropriation Concerns"

From the article: "When she checked back in with the centre in September, she said she was told by them the class wouldn't be happening because some students and volunteers were uncomfortable with the "cultural issues" involved. "I guess it was this cultural appropriation issue because yoga originally comes from India," she said on Sunday. "I told them, 'Why don't we just change the name of the course?' It's simple enough, just call it mindful stretching.…"

Sooo um... Laugh? Cry? Shoot self to the moon, hope for the best?

Guess I won't be making that chicken curry tonight. That's cultural appropriation, bitch! Maybe I should call it "spicy reddish-orange chicken?"

Doublespeak. It's happening. When you do stuff like this, it chips away at the real issues that are actually hurting people. It makes people roll their eyes at anything that might be "politically correct," even things that are actually important. Like, you know, treating people equally regardless of race, religion, etc. I said I was going to retire "politically correct" from my lexicon because it's lost all meaning, but this kind of thing is why the phrase exists in the first place. So maybe we still need it, just used more sparingly. Or maybe just call this stuff what it really is: stupid. Of course we should be sensitive to different cultures, but this is just out of control. Someone will always complain. They can't always win. Common sense needs to win.

It's a great time to be a satirist, and a terrible time to be a human.

Soon even satire will lose all meaning, because who can tell the difference?


Friday, November 13, 2015

Worthless Headlines of the Day

WE HAVE THE DEFINITIVE WORD, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN. "Candace Cameron Bure: Actress Says Starbucks Red Cup Is Not Offensive"

Thank gawd, our long national nightmare is finally over. We can now return to the nothing we were doing. And boy, if a Cameron thinks your religious outrage is batshit... you might have some soul-searchin' to do.

"Woman complained to Campbell’s about new gay-friendly soup ad"

OMG GAY SOUP!!!1 What great scourge is coming next, transgender tea? Cause gay people don't eat or drink like regular folks, they run on batteries and the souls of small children. TRUE FACTS. My favorite Gay Soup flavor has to be Lesbian Lentil, but I'm also quite fond of In the Navy Bean. Play me out, Village People!

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Worthless Headline of the Day

"Donald Trump: Republican Presidential Candidate Suggests Boycott of Starbucks Over Holiday Cups"

I refuse to accept this headline unless it begins with, "In a perfect storm of stupid"

They're still RED, for Pete's sake. Like Rudolph's nose. Muthafuckers could be PURPLE, is all I'm sayin'.

Thursday, October 08, 2015

Worthless Headline of the Day

"Justin Bieber: Photos Appear to Show Singer Lounging While Nude on a Balcony in Bora Bora"

GEE THANKS, facebook, for helping me discover the exact combination of words that gives me the screaming squickies: "Justin Bieber nude." *SHUDDER*

Tuesday, October 06, 2015

Worthless Headline of the Day

"Spanx: Kylie Jenner Shares Image Wearing 'Body Shaper' Stockings"

Look, I know I'm beating a dead horse here. I know. But... come on, really?? REALLY??? This has been an actual headline on facebook all day long: "Woman who's famous for being famous puts on tights."

I can't just ignore it because it's there, taunting me, every time I go to look at pictures of cats. Is this really the world we want to live in?

EDIT: When you realize one of your joke tags is actually on the nose this time. Oh, hell. Adding "parody is dead" tag.