Okay, this is hilarious. Today I heard that Cake song by Rihanna for the first time - head buried in sand, remember? And it's going right back there after this message, too. For I have seen the truth, and the truth is that Gangnam Style was actually one of the better hit songs of the year. Do with that what you will.
Anyway. The cake song. One time, when I was quite drunk on good beer at a birthday party, I really wanted some damn cake. And I mean actual cake, not Rihanna's hoo ha. So I started singing what would become immortalized (among me and like, 3 other people) as The Cake Song. The lyrics were, and I quote, *ahem* "Cakecakecakecakecakecakecakecakecakecakecakecakecakecakecake" said as many times in a row until I ran out of breath. It was vaguely amusing because it was delivered with a mix of irony and enthusiasm (hey, I'm talented ok) and as previously stated, we were drunk. At the next gathering that included cake, I delivered a powerful encore. We were drunk. It was funny. And then I retired the Cake Song, so I wouldn't become a sellout.
Well apparently, whoever or whatever the hell writes songs for Rihanna was listening in on that basement in Rhode Island five years ago, because the chorus to Birthday Cake is the exact same goddamn thing. LITERALLY. Minus the irony. Plus some really unsubtle and gross sexual innuendo. It's not even innuendo, that implies some kind of cleverness, a wink of the eye. It's just BAM, splat you in the face with the sex cake. And "lick the icing off?" You might wanna see a doctor if you have icing to lick off, just sayin.'
So, a hit song is no better than random drivel I came up with while drunk in a basement. In fact it's worse. My version was cute, dammit. I guess I'm happy my song was covered by one of the premier artists of our time. *cough* Maybe next time I blow my nose it will be covered by Kesha, cause that's what all her songs sound like anyway. Actually she kind of gives off the general vibe of a used tissue. Y'know, a little dirty, a little rumpled, stuffed down some guy's pants all night. Even her name sounds like a sneeze. ke-SHA! Bless you! Everything about this woman screams germs. She looks like someone who wouldn't even use a tissue, she'd just blow a snot rocket on the sidewalk and laugh. Ok, I'm done with kesha.
Cake, OUT.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
I know, I know. To evolve one must adapt. Don't live in the past! But I refuse to adapt to crap. And that's what's been happening over the past decade, people have been slowly adapting to crap to the point that crap = music. And that is definitely not evolution, it's brainwashing. Or maybe people are devolving, who knows. All I know is adapting to this crap would be like adapting to reality tv being actual tv. But it isn't, and I think it'll run its course eventually. I mean, soaps were popular forever and now they're finally on their last legs. In a walker.
And musical taste is always open to subjectivity. I mean, if you like one kesha song or one nicki minaj song or something, and a bunch of other non-crappy stuff, you're not gonna be arrested by the music police. My husband has some songs on itunes I consider to be crap. I asked him why he liked that awful kesha song and he said, *shrug* heh I dunno, I just do. Which is really the most honest answer you can give, when you think about it. What makes us like or dislike something? Usually, we just do.
He has a very eclectic selection and isn't someone to get brainwashed by something because it's popular, so I chalk it up to one of those weird musical "i dunno, i just like it" anomalies. You can't fault someone for actually liking something. Why do I like Southern Voice? I'm not from the south, and I didn't much like the south when I lived there. Well it's a nice sounding song, I like Tim McGraw, and... I dunno, I just do! It kinda makes me go, "maybe I was wrong about you, South. I should give you another chance. Wanna try again?"
What makes me sad is so many people, especially young people, listen to nothing but crap. Especially that godawful cheapass lowest common denominator rap crap. NOBODY should buy something called Stupid Hoe. Unless you're trying to improve your gardening skills. But then you probably want Gardening for Dummies, not Stupid Hoe. In fact, this is the one song I allow no leeway on. If you like stupid hoe, you belong in music jail. forever.
What I'm saying is, these will never be the good old days. This will not be a golden age of music people look back on. This is like disco all over again, but worse and longer-lasting. It's like if disco took viagra and had one of those four hour erections, except it lasted TEN YEARS. And it's not your generically handsome vaguely bret favre looking touch of grey husband in a bathtub with an erection, it's the guy who hangs around the playground wearing nothing but a trenchcoat and a smile. What are his hands doing? OH GOD NO.
Yes, today's music is like viagra for pedophiles. Write it down. There will be a test.
The only way this crap will be remembered nostalgically is if one day in the future (like, next month), music is made exclusively by robots* and androgynous japanese men (same diff). We are currently speeding toward that destination, so steer carefully, people. And remember, don't always listen to your GPS. Your GPS may want to kill you by leading you into a forest filled with bears and 4AM drunk Kesha. And the bears are afraid.
*this may have already happened.
Sometimes, you just need to take control of the damn wheel and say, "I have a brain, I can find my own damn way to Bakersfield!" And that's when we win, and the robots and this
and whatever the hell this 
is lose. RECLAIM YOUR CONTROL, PEOPLE! I know you can do it.
Dear god, kesha looks like coked-up ann coulter. I just noticed this. And ann coulter looks like coked-up ann coulter.
And musical taste is always open to subjectivity. I mean, if you like one kesha song or one nicki minaj song or something, and a bunch of other non-crappy stuff, you're not gonna be arrested by the music police. My husband has some songs on itunes I consider to be crap. I asked him why he liked that awful kesha song and he said, *shrug* heh I dunno, I just do. Which is really the most honest answer you can give, when you think about it. What makes us like or dislike something? Usually, we just do.
He has a very eclectic selection and isn't someone to get brainwashed by something because it's popular, so I chalk it up to one of those weird musical "i dunno, i just like it" anomalies. You can't fault someone for actually liking something. Why do I like Southern Voice? I'm not from the south, and I didn't much like the south when I lived there. Well it's a nice sounding song, I like Tim McGraw, and... I dunno, I just do! It kinda makes me go, "maybe I was wrong about you, South. I should give you another chance. Wanna try again?"
What makes me sad is so many people, especially young people, listen to nothing but crap. Especially that godawful cheapass lowest common denominator rap crap. NOBODY should buy something called Stupid Hoe. Unless you're trying to improve your gardening skills. But then you probably want Gardening for Dummies, not Stupid Hoe. In fact, this is the one song I allow no leeway on. If you like stupid hoe, you belong in music jail. forever.
What I'm saying is, these will never be the good old days. This will not be a golden age of music people look back on. This is like disco all over again, but worse and longer-lasting. It's like if disco took viagra and had one of those four hour erections, except it lasted TEN YEARS. And it's not your generically handsome vaguely bret favre looking touch of grey husband in a bathtub with an erection, it's the guy who hangs around the playground wearing nothing but a trenchcoat and a smile. What are his hands doing? OH GOD NO.
Yes, today's music is like viagra for pedophiles. Write it down. There will be a test.
The only way this crap will be remembered nostalgically is if one day in the future (like, next month), music is made exclusively by robots* and androgynous japanese men (same diff). We are currently speeding toward that destination, so steer carefully, people. And remember, don't always listen to your GPS. Your GPS may want to kill you by leading you into a forest filled with bears and 4AM drunk Kesha. And the bears are afraid.
*this may have already happened.
Sometimes, you just need to take control of the damn wheel and say, "I have a brain, I can find my own damn way to Bakersfield!" And that's when we win, and the robots and this
Dear god, kesha looks like coked-up ann coulter. I just noticed this. And ann coulter looks like coked-up ann coulter.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Oh, music
I buried my head in the sand for so long, listening to my 60s/70s/80s rock and pop and 90s country. But somewhere in the early 2000s, things started going horribly wrong. Post 9/11, my safe haven of country music turned into the pro-war zone. Pop music, my 80s childhood staple, had already turned to sludge, so I tried out some rock and indie. And there was some good stuff. But it was constantly intermixed with this godawful emo I HAAAAATE MY LIIIIIIIIFE crapola that's about as ROCK as a big glass of chocolate milk. It's not even a pebble, just an annoying gnat in your ear. There was one that listed some totally mundane set of grievances and then whined, "welcome to my liiiiiife," like he was being waterboarded or something. Seriously dude, perspective. And of course all the whiny entitled kids ate that crap right up. "Yes! OMG my perfectly normal, white suburban life sucks so hard! Let me take my mom's Explorer and credit card and go to Hot Topic so I may express my misfortune on a $30 t-shirt. Yay instant gratification! I mean, no, not yay, I'm very sad. My life sucks, and welcome to it. Wait, I'm gonna get a fro-yo before I drive home and cry."
In short, the hot topic-ers took the rock right out of my roll. Pop music had been overtaken by the Britney Spears Slut Squad and was in the process of being hijacked by horrible pop-rap, something which has come to full fruition today. You still have bad pop like Justin Bieber and all those horrible disney channel hacks, but popular music is pretty dominated by rap. And not good rap like Run-DMC. Stuff that is so vile, it's the musical equivalent of that mystery substance on the floor of every beach bathroom ever. Is it sand? Mud? ... Something else? Whatever it is, you're not changing out of your bathing suit in there. Even if you leave sand and a big wet spot on your car seat, you're not taking that sucker off til you're safely home.
And when did we start needing a scorecard to keep track of who sings a damn song? It used to be Song Title by Person's/Band's name. Usually something easy to remember like The Cars. Drive, by the Cars! Awesome, lock up the studio, we're done here. But now it's LIL DOUGIE feat. YO MAMA feat. SKIP BEATZZ feat. TINA TINSELHEAD feat. GRILLAKILLA feat. SKIZZFACE feat. CHICKEN SALAD SANDWICH* feat. DJ FLOOMFLOOM! I'm tired now, I can't listen to the song. I need a nap.
*Wait, that was the producer's lunch order. Damn interns.
So I can't bury my head in the sand anymore. I can't pretend that bad music hasn't taken over or that people don't listen to it. Because the truth is, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise, the majority of people out there really do listen to Kesha and Nicki Minaj and Call me Maybe. And you can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why. Do they actually think "Stupid Ho" is a good song? Do they just Mount Everest-like it (because it's there?) The answer is, I have no @#$%ing idea. Perhaps people are lazy and consume what's put in front of them, even if it's dog food. Perhaps people have short attention spans and see music as disposable, like everything else. Perhaps people are drunk all the time. Kurt Cobain saw it coming. "Here we are now, entertain us." Then he killed himself. Um, the end?
Well, I hope not. I hope that music has some fight still left in it. I wish I had some uplifting way to end this, but it's pretty goddamn bad right now. There's some good country, there always will be because country demands real singers and instruments and actual songwriting*, but popular music as a whole seems to have come down to the lowest common denominator. And this is not indicative of all entertainment, there're a lot of pretty freakin great movies and tv shows right now. So why just music? What is it that makes the absolute least talent and effort rise to the top? It's like if tv was all reality shows and there was no American Horror Story or Breaking Bad.
*at least, there's only been one song about plastic kitchenware. so far. though an ode to the kfc spork would be a fitting sequel to red solo cup. "white plastic spork, you make me look like a dork, but i don't care, i'm eating chicken in my underwear." Ok, where's my 10 million dollars. SIGN ME UP.
In short, the hot topic-ers took the rock right out of my roll. Pop music had been overtaken by the Britney Spears Slut Squad and was in the process of being hijacked by horrible pop-rap, something which has come to full fruition today. You still have bad pop like Justin Bieber and all those horrible disney channel hacks, but popular music is pretty dominated by rap. And not good rap like Run-DMC. Stuff that is so vile, it's the musical equivalent of that mystery substance on the floor of every beach bathroom ever. Is it sand? Mud? ... Something else? Whatever it is, you're not changing out of your bathing suit in there. Even if you leave sand and a big wet spot on your car seat, you're not taking that sucker off til you're safely home.
And when did we start needing a scorecard to keep track of who sings a damn song? It used to be Song Title by Person's/Band's name. Usually something easy to remember like The Cars. Drive, by the Cars! Awesome, lock up the studio, we're done here. But now it's LIL DOUGIE feat. YO MAMA feat. SKIP BEATZZ feat. TINA TINSELHEAD feat. GRILLAKILLA feat. SKIZZFACE feat. CHICKEN SALAD SANDWICH* feat. DJ FLOOMFLOOM! I'm tired now, I can't listen to the song. I need a nap.
*Wait, that was the producer's lunch order. Damn interns.
So I can't bury my head in the sand anymore. I can't pretend that bad music hasn't taken over or that people don't listen to it. Because the truth is, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise, the majority of people out there really do listen to Kesha and Nicki Minaj and Call me Maybe. And you can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why. Do they actually think "Stupid Ho" is a good song? Do they just Mount Everest-like it (because it's there?) The answer is, I have no @#$%ing idea. Perhaps people are lazy and consume what's put in front of them, even if it's dog food. Perhaps people have short attention spans and see music as disposable, like everything else. Perhaps people are drunk all the time. Kurt Cobain saw it coming. "Here we are now, entertain us." Then he killed himself. Um, the end?
Well, I hope not. I hope that music has some fight still left in it. I wish I had some uplifting way to end this, but it's pretty goddamn bad right now. There's some good country, there always will be because country demands real singers and instruments and actual songwriting*, but popular music as a whole seems to have come down to the lowest common denominator. And this is not indicative of all entertainment, there're a lot of pretty freakin great movies and tv shows right now. So why just music? What is it that makes the absolute least talent and effort rise to the top? It's like if tv was all reality shows and there was no American Horror Story or Breaking Bad.
*at least, there's only been one song about plastic kitchenware. so far. though an ode to the kfc spork would be a fitting sequel to red solo cup. "white plastic spork, you make me look like a dork, but i don't care, i'm eating chicken in my underwear." Ok, where's my 10 million dollars. SIGN ME UP.
Friday, January 18, 2013
PAETYNN????????????????? This is a joke, right? A parody? ... please?
I'm gonna call her Peasoup, cause is it really any more retarded?
This pageant director is so hammy. Or maybe it's just Texas.
Also, men. If you wear your hair spiked/gelled/whatever, especially with blond streaks, you automatically look like a douchebag with a capital douche. I'm not saying you are one, just that you look like one.
This look says, "All my personality is in my hair. And it's the personality of that guy who stood you up at the prom cause he thought he was too good for you but now sells used cars in Barstow and still styles his hair THE EXACT SAME GODDAMN WAY even though he's 48 and sleeps on the couch in his office." You're welcome.
Oh, dear. This pageant featured another what we'll call "option C" girl from my previous post about the strangely honest, possibly alcoholic pageant director. Ham Queen director (bride of Spikehead?) apparently has her drinking more under control (it's my theory all pageant directors are closet alcoholics. just go with it), cause she gave the usual spiel about how C Girl (not Peasoup) was new to pageants, but she's gonna do great! Yeah, right. Take a shot. T&T really needs a drinking game. Perhaps I will make one and thus contribute to society in some small way.
ANYWAY. C Girl gets up on stage in some black and gold dress straight out of a Tijuana gift shop, stumbles around like a lost lamb, exits before she's supposed to, comes back on and stumbles some more, completely befuddles old Spikehead (who recovered, cause he's a pro dammit), and THEN, my favorite part, the halfhearted WOOO her mom croaked out at the end. You have never heard such a tragic woo in your life. It was a woo of all your hopes and dreams crumbling into dust. Then to make it even worse, one of the mean-girl looking judges smirked. Ouch, rough day. I feel bad for the C girls.
PAETYNN. Seriously. It's like nails on a chalkboard, people. Runner-up: PYPER. Sounds like a cheesy 80s metal band. ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?* And like 5 people go YEEEEEAH!!! Give it up for PYPER, performing their hit song, "Charm the Snake in My Pants!" And five guys wearing leather pants run onstage to mild applause/cheers depending on amount of beer consumed by the crowd. You know this happened somewhere in America.
*This show is also being done by Spikehead. He's a pro.
I'm gonna call her Peasoup, cause is it really any more retarded?
This pageant director is so hammy. Or maybe it's just Texas.
Also, men. If you wear your hair spiked/gelled/whatever, especially with blond streaks, you automatically look like a douchebag with a capital douche. I'm not saying you are one, just that you look like one.
This look says, "All my personality is in my hair. And it's the personality of that guy who stood you up at the prom cause he thought he was too good for you but now sells used cars in Barstow and still styles his hair THE EXACT SAME GODDAMN WAY even though he's 48 and sleeps on the couch in his office." You're welcome.
Oh, dear. This pageant featured another what we'll call "option C" girl from my previous post about the strangely honest, possibly alcoholic pageant director. Ham Queen director (bride of Spikehead?) apparently has her drinking more under control (it's my theory all pageant directors are closet alcoholics. just go with it), cause she gave the usual spiel about how C Girl (not Peasoup) was new to pageants, but she's gonna do great! Yeah, right. Take a shot. T&T really needs a drinking game. Perhaps I will make one and thus contribute to society in some small way.
ANYWAY. C Girl gets up on stage in some black and gold dress straight out of a Tijuana gift shop, stumbles around like a lost lamb, exits before she's supposed to, comes back on and stumbles some more, completely befuddles old Spikehead (who recovered, cause he's a pro dammit), and THEN, my favorite part, the halfhearted WOOO her mom croaked out at the end. You have never heard such a tragic woo in your life. It was a woo of all your hopes and dreams crumbling into dust. Then to make it even worse, one of the mean-girl looking judges smirked. Ouch, rough day. I feel bad for the C girls.
PAETYNN. Seriously. It's like nails on a chalkboard, people. Runner-up: PYPER. Sounds like a cheesy 80s metal band. ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?* And like 5 people go YEEEEEAH!!! Give it up for PYPER, performing their hit song, "Charm the Snake in My Pants!" And five guys wearing leather pants run onstage to mild applause/cheers depending on amount of beer consumed by the crowd. You know this happened somewhere in America.
*This show is also being done by Spikehead. He's a pro.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Because it's Wednesday, I'm gonna take this opportunity to talk about, um, Friday. Okay just go with me here. I was taking one of my blog breaks when this song came out, so I'm gonna blog about it now.
I've watched this video a few times. It's one of those things that you can't believe it exists, it's just too awesomely crazy and bad to be true. So of course I love it. You can't create things like this, they just... happen. And that's the beauty of it. The part that really puts it over the top is the appearance of the 40-year old rapper who starts bustin his rhyme in the middle of this 13-year old girl singing about school and the days of the week. First off he calls her "RB" to give her some street cred, you know, as if this guy has any to give. And he's just cruisin the streets in his rapmobile and suddenly gets all excited about passing a school bus and I'm just OMG CREEPY, is this really happening? Without that defining WTF moment, it's just a bad video with a cute, otherwise inoffensive teenage girl.
And seriously, do NOT hate on this teenage girl who's just trying to realize her dream, or her parents who are trying to help her realize it. Blame the piece of crap "music" company who took their money and turned it into autotuned garbage. As a hater of all things phony, autotune is right at the top of my hit list. This sh*t literally, literally spawned in Satan's underpants. And I know how lame it is to use the word literally incorrectly, so I am telling you, literally, right out of his... unholy granny panties.
I mean, what's she gonna do, go THIS IS CRAP, I'M NOT DOING THIS and throw a big diva fit? She's like 13 years old, she probably chose this as a birthday present instead of a trip to Disneyland or something. She probably told herself the whole time, "hey it's not that bad, I'll try to make lemonade out of these lemons!" Next time, hopefully she'll choose Disneyland. It never disappoints.
No idea if she can actually sing or not, cause autotune sucks the soul out of everything and turns it glassy-eyed and vacant, like Children of the Corn. It makes anyone sound like a robot. Or the Borg. IT'S FRIDAY. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. FUN FUN FUN FUN. Autotune would make the Beatles roll over in their graves. And two of them are still alive!! Plus it's just a horrible, horrible song. But I blame the vile "production" company 100% cause they should bloody know better.
But c'mon, is it really that much worse than Call me maybe or We are never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever getting back together? (I used to like taylor swift, I still have tim mcgraw in rotation on my itunes but... eggggggh.) I mean, I still have a few old Toby Keith songs on there too, before "I'll stick a boot in yer ass" and waaaaay before "Ode to the plastic recepticle I put my beer in (music is offically out of ideas forever)." Should've been a Cowboy is a great damn song. But things change. :(
I've watched this video a few times. It's one of those things that you can't believe it exists, it's just too awesomely crazy and bad to be true. So of course I love it. You can't create things like this, they just... happen. And that's the beauty of it. The part that really puts it over the top is the appearance of the 40-year old rapper who starts bustin his rhyme in the middle of this 13-year old girl singing about school and the days of the week. First off he calls her "RB" to give her some street cred, you know, as if this guy has any to give. And he's just cruisin the streets in his rapmobile and suddenly gets all excited about passing a school bus and I'm just OMG CREEPY, is this really happening? Without that defining WTF moment, it's just a bad video with a cute, otherwise inoffensive teenage girl.
And seriously, do NOT hate on this teenage girl who's just trying to realize her dream, or her parents who are trying to help her realize it. Blame the piece of crap "music" company who took their money and turned it into autotuned garbage. As a hater of all things phony, autotune is right at the top of my hit list. This sh*t literally, literally spawned in Satan's underpants. And I know how lame it is to use the word literally incorrectly, so I am telling you, literally, right out of his... unholy granny panties.
I mean, what's she gonna do, go THIS IS CRAP, I'M NOT DOING THIS and throw a big diva fit? She's like 13 years old, she probably chose this as a birthday present instead of a trip to Disneyland or something. She probably told herself the whole time, "hey it's not that bad, I'll try to make lemonade out of these lemons!" Next time, hopefully she'll choose Disneyland. It never disappoints.
No idea if she can actually sing or not, cause autotune sucks the soul out of everything and turns it glassy-eyed and vacant, like Children of the Corn. It makes anyone sound like a robot. Or the Borg. IT'S FRIDAY. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. FUN FUN FUN FUN. Autotune would make the Beatles roll over in their graves. And two of them are still alive!! Plus it's just a horrible, horrible song. But I blame the vile "production" company 100% cause they should bloody know better.
But c'mon, is it really that much worse than Call me maybe or We are never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever getting back together? (I used to like taylor swift, I still have tim mcgraw in rotation on my itunes but... eggggggh.) I mean, I still have a few old Toby Keith songs on there too, before "I'll stick a boot in yer ass" and waaaaay before "Ode to the plastic recepticle I put my beer in (music is offically out of ideas forever)." Should've been a Cowboy is a great damn song. But things change. :(
Why I don't read anything ever, or shouldn't anyway: I click on some random thing on yahoo and there's a link at the bottom, "Who is Miley Cyrus' girl crush?!11!?"
My answer is, a sincere and wholehearted,
I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE IF YOU TOOK THE AMOUNT I DON'T CARE AND ADDED IT TO THE AMOUNT I DON'T CARE YOU COULD POWER THE SUN FOREVER PLUS ALL THE BLOW DRYERS IN TEXAS AND THOSE LADIES USE A LOT OF BLOW DRYERS I DON'T F@#%ING CARE!!!
Am I really the same species as people who care about this crap? :( I have to think there's like, some little gene difference somewhere. For the sake of my emotional well-being. I mean, obviously I'm not the target Miley Cyrus audience, but an adult wrote that. Thirteen year old girls do not write news copy, so clearly "Who is Miley Cyrus girl crush?!!11" was penned by someone post-adolescent. Someone who should, like me, not care. I'm sure they got paid a fair sum for this stunning piece of investigative journalism, but seriously, to quote a singer I actually admire, WHO WILL SAVE YOUR SOUL?
My answer is, a sincere and wholehearted,
I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE IF YOU TOOK THE AMOUNT I DON'T CARE AND ADDED IT TO THE AMOUNT I DON'T CARE YOU COULD POWER THE SUN FOREVER PLUS ALL THE BLOW DRYERS IN TEXAS AND THOSE LADIES USE A LOT OF BLOW DRYERS I DON'T F@#%ING CARE!!!
Am I really the same species as people who care about this crap? :( I have to think there's like, some little gene difference somewhere. For the sake of my emotional well-being. I mean, obviously I'm not the target Miley Cyrus audience, but an adult wrote that. Thirteen year old girls do not write news copy, so clearly "Who is Miley Cyrus girl crush?!!11" was penned by someone post-adolescent. Someone who should, like me, not care. I'm sure they got paid a fair sum for this stunning piece of investigative journalism, but seriously, to quote a singer I actually admire, WHO WILL SAVE YOUR SOUL?
The Edmonton Anomaly
Last night was the first time I saw a fellow wearing overalls order Japanese food. We shall call things like this "The Edmonton Anomaly."
We saw Zero Dark Thirty and I was like wow... apparantly real life is just like the movies, where the plucky young heroine comes in and saves the day! I did not know this! Is that really how it is, out in the real world? I don't know, I watch youtube all day. Or maybe they played that part up cause it's a movie. Whatever, it was pretty good.
We saw Zero Dark Thirty and I was like wow... apparantly real life is just like the movies, where the plucky young heroine comes in and saves the day! I did not know this! Is that really how it is, out in the real world? I don't know, I watch youtube all day. Or maybe they played that part up cause it's a movie. Whatever, it was pretty good.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
I had a dream last night I was trying to rebuy all the old Christmas records my mom played when I was growing up, like Bing Crosby and stuff. I was in some store that sold like, huge pianos, and they also had these boxes of old records I was going through, and I kept finding all the christmas ones I remembered.
That was a nice dream. I wish that store really existed. Buy Back All Your Childhood Memories!
That was a nice dream. I wish that store really existed. Buy Back All Your Childhood Memories!
Okay, today we're gonna talk about something important. That's right, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Now I am gonna take an unpopular line amongst the... non-stupid, and say I LIKE THESE PEOPLE. At least, they're the antithesis of a lot of stuff I hate. They may not be the sharpest tools in the shed but by God, at least they're not vapid. I'll take them over spoiled boring "real" housewives or trust fund children who are famous for nothing besides being rich and famous, any day.
I mean, here's a family that is not especially attractive (mostly from bad eating habits) but they LIKE themselves, and each other, and they have fun. These are not people who go on anti-depressants or talk about all the foods they can't eat. Probably not a nut allergy among them. These people are scarfing peanuts like there's no tomorrow. So for this reason I like them. They are actually real people, and they make me strangely happy for some reason. So there.
Also: why does every young male on youtube have the exact same bloody haircut?? They all look alike! And it's not even an attractive haircut, it's a haircut that says, "I cry alone in my room. A lot."
Girls (and boys), STOP ENABLING THIS!
Maybe that's the idea, they think it'll make girls want to take care of them, like an abandoned puppy.* Well, I'm not having any of it. Man up and get a real haircut. I'm so sick of these weeny haircuts and clothes young guys are wearing now. Grow up! get a job!
/old :(
And girls play into it, which really annoys me. "Oh, he's so cuuuuute! Like barbie! Um... wait. Is something wrong here? *cricket chirp* Nope! He's so prettyyyy!" Guys are either puppy-dog wimpy with their assymetrical haircuts and skinny jeans, or they're all TOUGH and GANGSTA with buzzed hair and those shirts that look like tattoos, with skulls and fire and whatnot all over them. Like geez, aren't there just guys anymore? Where is the sweet sweet valley of sanity?
*some of them are probably gay. But not all of them. Not that being gay is any excuse for having a stupid haircut.
I mean, here's a family that is not especially attractive (mostly from bad eating habits) but they LIKE themselves, and each other, and they have fun. These are not people who go on anti-depressants or talk about all the foods they can't eat. Probably not a nut allergy among them. These people are scarfing peanuts like there's no tomorrow. So for this reason I like them. They are actually real people, and they make me strangely happy for some reason. So there.
Also: why does every young male on youtube have the exact same bloody haircut?? They all look alike! And it's not even an attractive haircut, it's a haircut that says, "I cry alone in my room. A lot."
Girls (and boys), STOP ENABLING THIS!
Maybe that's the idea, they think it'll make girls want to take care of them, like an abandoned puppy.* Well, I'm not having any of it. Man up and get a real haircut. I'm so sick of these weeny haircuts and clothes young guys are wearing now. Grow up! get a job!
/old :(
And girls play into it, which really annoys me. "Oh, he's so cuuuuute! Like barbie! Um... wait. Is something wrong here? *cricket chirp* Nope! He's so prettyyyy!" Guys are either puppy-dog wimpy with their assymetrical haircuts and skinny jeans, or they're all TOUGH and GANGSTA with buzzed hair and those shirts that look like tattoos, with skulls and fire and whatnot all over them. Like geez, aren't there just guys anymore? Where is the sweet sweet valley of sanity?
*some of them are probably gay. But not all of them. Not that being gay is any excuse for having a stupid haircut.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Last week's T&T had a moment of rather refreshing honesty. It was mean, but by god at least it wasn't the usual pussyfooted sugarcoated crap. When they ask the pagaent director about the girls who will be on the show that week, there's usually at least one you can tell they're choosing their words for carefully. They'll be like, "Madison, OMG, she's such an amazing competitor, she's a little diva, she always brings her A-game, blah blah blah." They don't say that crap unless they mean it. Then it'll be like, "Makinzie is new to the scene, I look forward to seeing her, we'll see how she does!" That might get a little ugly, but hey, could go either way. And then there's usually a, "Then we have Megynn, whose parents obviously can't spell worked really hard to get her here, and we know she'll try her best!" Translation: Dear god, get this giraffe off the stage.
But this time she just said it outright. "I don't think she'll do very good. I wouldn't put my money on her!" OH SNAP DID I JUST SAY THAT. OK, I do feel bad for the little girl (even though she ate worms, and sadly that is not a euphemism for she sucked - we're talking actual crawly things), but as a hater of all things phony I had to smile a little. I was like, DID I JUST HEAR THAT? I'm gonna guess alcohol might have played some small part. She kinda looked like a closet boozer.
I also do not get the part where the judges are talking. They'll be discussing all the contestants and then suddenly at the end they all get looks on their faces like WHO FARTED. And unless someone actually farts every single time, there is absolutely no reason for this! Nobody said anything weird, it's like random DRAMA! inserted for no reason cause there's clearly not enough drama generated among the batcrap crazy moms. Oh wait. So yeah... I'm lost on this one.
This pagaent also featured the second ever made up name in a pagaent I've ever liked. The first one was Taralyn. That's just pretty, I would totally name my daughter that. This week we had Cariah. I don't know why, but I think that's really pretty and cute. So there you have it. But the Madisons and Makenzies are still satanspawn, mostly LEGIONS of them coming to steal your soul with their huge glassy pagaent eyes. And you know like every one of those moms was thinking, "I named my daughter Madison. I've achieved something." When will the madness end? It's like when everyone was named Jennifer, I guess.
But this time she just said it outright. "I don't think she'll do very good. I wouldn't put my money on her!" OH SNAP DID I JUST SAY THAT. OK, I do feel bad for the little girl (even though she ate worms, and sadly that is not a euphemism for she sucked - we're talking actual crawly things), but as a hater of all things phony I had to smile a little. I was like, DID I JUST HEAR THAT? I'm gonna guess alcohol might have played some small part. She kinda looked like a closet boozer.
I also do not get the part where the judges are talking. They'll be discussing all the contestants and then suddenly at the end they all get looks on their faces like WHO FARTED. And unless someone actually farts every single time, there is absolutely no reason for this! Nobody said anything weird, it's like random DRAMA! inserted for no reason cause there's clearly not enough drama generated among the batcrap crazy moms. Oh wait. So yeah... I'm lost on this one.
This pagaent also featured the second ever made up name in a pagaent I've ever liked. The first one was Taralyn. That's just pretty, I would totally name my daughter that. This week we had Cariah. I don't know why, but I think that's really pretty and cute. So there you have it. But the Madisons and Makenzies are still satanspawn, mostly LEGIONS of them coming to steal your soul with their huge glassy pagaent eyes. And you know like every one of those moms was thinking, "I named my daughter Madison. I've achieved something." When will the madness end? It's like when everyone was named Jennifer, I guess.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Seen today at what I will generously call our local "mall:"* Cluster of three rednecks, one juvenile, gazing through a window at a humorous sign saying FART ZONE and having a good chuckle. I think that's what rednecks call "quality family time." At least Canada's rednecks seem somewhat benign. They don't look at you like they can't decide whether to spit tobacco juice at you or shoot you.
*this is a mall like, a month before it goes on to its Final Clearance in the Sky - Mallhalla? - and winds up on deadmalls.com.
Yes, I said mallhalla. I LOVE MYSELF.
Also, if you're like me and watch tv shows online because you'replaying clan lord totally out climbing mountains and flying rocketships! while they're on tv, you've probably been subjected to the final death blow to music. The coup de grace. Worse than Call me maybe, dare I say, even worse than Friday. And this video pops up and assaults you COMPLETELY AGAINST YOUR WILL whenever you go to watch a show. I am of course referring to WE ARE THE PARTY PARTY, which is pretty much the entire lyric of the song repeated over and over. There really is no way to get across how bad this is. But I'll try. This is worse than the entire Beatles catalog being replaced by that guy on youtube who goes I'M A BANANA I'M A BANANA. That is how dire this situation is.
*this is a mall like, a month before it goes on to its Final Clearance in the Sky - Mallhalla? - and winds up on deadmalls.com.
Yes, I said mallhalla. I LOVE MYSELF.
Also, if you're like me and watch tv shows online because you're
Other phrases I hate besides "follow me on twitter" include
"people's choice awards" = nothing I would choose ever
"cray cray" - just don't. stop, please
"chillax" - I don't know if people still say this, cause I don't hang around the kind of people who would say this, but just stop. You're impressing no one.
"cynergy" or any kind of made up corporate buzzword. One word: doucheface
"- free" I'm __ - free! (referring to food or whatever) Yes we get it, you're a special snowflake. Now shut up.
and the old classic "no offense, but..." Cause how better to say "I'm about to be a complete douche, but I'm pre-exonerating myself from it. So any offense taken is on YOU!" smooth.
I also dislike "google is your friend" as a response when you ask an actual human being a question. This essentially states, "I am not your friend. Ask a computer."
"hook up" and "friends with benefits" and "sexting" and "it's complicated" - this kind of trashy mindset is what's ruining our moral culture, NOT gay people or birth control or even abortion. Seriously. IT ALL STARTS WITH TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF. This crap is running rampant among young people and yet NO, somehow gay people getting married is wrong! You really need to sort out your priorities.
oops that got all serious. well if you have a visceral response to a stupid phrase, there's probably a good reason. :P
EDIT: I thought of more!
"jeggings" and "meggings." Also "skinny jeans." And *shudder* "metrosexual". Every time I hear that I want to wake up in 1962.
"people's choice awards" = nothing I would choose ever
"cray cray" - just don't. stop, please
"chillax" - I don't know if people still say this, cause I don't hang around the kind of people who would say this, but just stop. You're impressing no one.
"cynergy" or any kind of made up corporate buzzword. One word: doucheface
"- free" I'm __ - free! (referring to food or whatever) Yes we get it, you're a special snowflake. Now shut up.
and the old classic "no offense, but..." Cause how better to say "I'm about to be a complete douche, but I'm pre-exonerating myself from it. So any offense taken is on YOU!" smooth.
I also dislike "google is your friend" as a response when you ask an actual human being a question. This essentially states, "I am not your friend. Ask a computer."
"hook up" and "friends with benefits" and "sexting" and "it's complicated" - this kind of trashy mindset is what's ruining our moral culture, NOT gay people or birth control or even abortion. Seriously. IT ALL STARTS WITH TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF. This crap is running rampant among young people and yet NO, somehow gay people getting married is wrong! You really need to sort out your priorities.
oops that got all serious. well if you have a visceral response to a stupid phrase, there's probably a good reason. :P
EDIT: I thought of more!
"jeggings" and "meggings." Also "skinny jeans." And *shudder* "metrosexual". Every time I hear that I want to wake up in 1962.
I just signed up for twitter. I have no idea why.
^^^that pretty much sums up the universe right now.
Ok, I signed up in yet another effort to be more connected with "the world," the kind of effort that usually ends in disappointment and ice cream. But y'know, I keep trying. I'm plucky that way. So I peruse the list of twitter...ers? and I'm like, dayum, there is really no one I want to hear from that much. Not even people I like. So I'll probably never use it.
Also, I cut bangs. Every few years or so I cut bangs, then spend the next year growing them out. I don't know why I do this. Well, I hate looking at my forehead. It just stares at me like this giant wall. Also, I like how I look better with bangs, but they're a pain to take care of and I'm lazy, which is probably why I end up growing them out. But then I miss them! It's the circle of life.
I'm basically relegated to two hairstyles - long straight with bangs, or long straight without bangs. This is because I cut my own hair, and I am not, how you say, skilled at cutting hair. So yeah. I don't go to a hairstylist because it is basically my worst nightmare. "Sit down in this chair and be forced to make random small talk with a stranger for an hour!" AAAAAAAAAAAH *jumps out window to sweet sweet freedom*
I think Holden Caulfield had the right idea with the whole "pretend you're a mute" thing. That would make life so much easier. I could do so many more things if I wasn't faced with the horror of random, useless conversations! Obviously people I'm close to would know I'm not mute, just the whole rest of the world, the kind of people who come up to you and go IS IT HOT ENOUGH FOR YA? Uh sorry, I CAN'T SPEAK. OTHERWISE I WOULD BE DELIGHTED TO PARTAKE OF YOUR WITTY REPARTEE. It's like a get out of jail free card.
Also, "follow me on twitter" is pretty much my most hated expression ever. It's so narcissistic. So don't follow me on twitter. Ever. Seriously, I will cut you.
^^^that pretty much sums up the universe right now.
Ok, I signed up in yet another effort to be more connected with "the world," the kind of effort that usually ends in disappointment and ice cream. But y'know, I keep trying. I'm plucky that way. So I peruse the list of twitter...ers? and I'm like, dayum, there is really no one I want to hear from that much. Not even people I like. So I'll probably never use it.
Also, I cut bangs. Every few years or so I cut bangs, then spend the next year growing them out. I don't know why I do this. Well, I hate looking at my forehead. It just stares at me like this giant wall. Also, I like how I look better with bangs, but they're a pain to take care of and I'm lazy, which is probably why I end up growing them out. But then I miss them! It's the circle of life.
I'm basically relegated to two hairstyles - long straight with bangs, or long straight without bangs. This is because I cut my own hair, and I am not, how you say, skilled at cutting hair. So yeah. I don't go to a hairstylist because it is basically my worst nightmare. "Sit down in this chair and be forced to make random small talk with a stranger for an hour!" AAAAAAAAAAAH *jumps out window to sweet sweet freedom*
I think Holden Caulfield had the right idea with the whole "pretend you're a mute" thing. That would make life so much easier. I could do so many more things if I wasn't faced with the horror of random, useless conversations! Obviously people I'm close to would know I'm not mute, just the whole rest of the world, the kind of people who come up to you and go IS IT HOT ENOUGH FOR YA? Uh sorry, I CAN'T SPEAK. OTHERWISE I WOULD BE DELIGHTED TO PARTAKE OF YOUR WITTY REPARTEE. It's like a get out of jail free card.
Also, "follow me on twitter" is pretty much my most hated expression ever. It's so narcissistic. So don't follow me on twitter. Ever. Seriously, I will cut you.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
I had an awesome dream last night. Someone was shooting this parody of reality shows, and there was this quiet guy from Nebraska or wherever and they turned him into Generic Reality Show Doucheface Guy. Next thing you see he's in a hot tub all HOI MY NAME IS KELLY FROM AUSTRALIA* really loud with his shirt off and pulsating pecs everywhere. And it was so hilarious cause it was somehow every douchebag dave in a reality show ever. Then I was suddenly in a mall eating a Subway... idkok. But it was a stunningly lucid dream before that!
*not that australians are douchebags or anything. i dunno why australia. probably cause it's more interesting than nebraska. and a lot of them seem very tan.
I have also pinpointed the exact day MTV went to hell. Some people would say, the first time they did a non music video show. But early MTV shows were pop culture awesome. Remote Control, Half Hour Comedy Hour, Beavis and Butthead. To anyone who says beavis and butthead was stupid, yes it was stupid, but it was a satire of stupid. Now it's just straight stupid without any wink of the eye. They should bring back B&B and have them watch MTV now. Butthead would be all "uhh... where's the videos?" Then Beavis would see Snooki and start having a seizure. DO IT, MTV.
So anyway. The day MTV died was not even the airing of the first Real World. Because the first several Real World seasons were actually kind of interesting and seemingly real-ish. Maybe not real, but a reasonable fascimile. Like, they would actually put the guy from Nebraska on the show as is.
BUT THEN. Some creative genius decided that putting people from different walks of life in a house together to see what would happen wasn't interesting enough, and they turned it into 24 HOUR PARTY HOUSE with nothing but vapid, scantily clad alcoholics-in-training. These people had nothing remotely interesting to say. There was no Puck to stir the water, no nice girl next door type you could relate to, nothing that had made the previous shows work. All they did the entire time was drink, have pointless drunken arguments, and "hook up." WOW, LET ME DVR THAT IMMEDIATELY. And everyone has to be loud and in your face and WOOOOOO, as if that makes someone interesting. I'm referring, of course, to Real World Las Vegas. This was the harbinger of doom, of teen mom shore and jersey sluts and all the retarded bs they show now.
And that was the day MTV died. You're welcome.
*not that australians are douchebags or anything. i dunno why australia. probably cause it's more interesting than nebraska. and a lot of them seem very tan.
I have also pinpointed the exact day MTV went to hell. Some people would say, the first time they did a non music video show. But early MTV shows were pop culture awesome. Remote Control, Half Hour Comedy Hour, Beavis and Butthead. To anyone who says beavis and butthead was stupid, yes it was stupid, but it was a satire of stupid. Now it's just straight stupid without any wink of the eye. They should bring back B&B and have them watch MTV now. Butthead would be all "uhh... where's the videos?" Then Beavis would see Snooki and start having a seizure. DO IT, MTV.
So anyway. The day MTV died was not even the airing of the first Real World. Because the first several Real World seasons were actually kind of interesting and seemingly real-ish. Maybe not real, but a reasonable fascimile. Like, they would actually put the guy from Nebraska on the show as is.
BUT THEN. Some creative genius decided that putting people from different walks of life in a house together to see what would happen wasn't interesting enough, and they turned it into 24 HOUR PARTY HOUSE with nothing but vapid, scantily clad alcoholics-in-training. These people had nothing remotely interesting to say. There was no Puck to stir the water, no nice girl next door type you could relate to, nothing that had made the previous shows work. All they did the entire time was drink, have pointless drunken arguments, and "hook up." WOW, LET ME DVR THAT IMMEDIATELY. And everyone has to be loud and in your face and WOOOOOO, as if that makes someone interesting. I'm referring, of course, to Real World Las Vegas. This was the harbinger of doom, of teen mom shore and jersey sluts and all the retarded bs they show now.
And that was the day MTV died. You're welcome.
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
We were out to dinner last night and I saw a woman at a table who looked EXACTLY like a Cheer Mom. Er, Perfection Bitch. Er... Toddlers and Cheer? WHATEVER. Let's go with "angry fat women who live through their children." That pretty much covers it across the board. Now she didn't look like any one of the moms in particular, she just had that whole general vibe going on. Fat, makeuped, hair "done," or "did" as they probably say. A kicky accessory of some sort to try to draw attention away from the double chin. y'know.
And I love the whole PERFECTION thing, as if perfection is something that can ever be attained. You might as well tell your kid, "BE A UNICORN." How about, always be your best, try your hardest, something they can actually chew on? Cause what do you do with perfect, exactly? It's an automatic fail. Nice one, mom.
But I watch it, so I'm part of the problem. It's just so... spectacular. I can't help myself!
My hubby also told me a story about how some delivery guy crossing a street lost control of a bunch of boxes and they slid out and landed on this guy's ferrari. And I'm sure most people would be like omg... poor ferrari owner! But I'm thinking, I'm glad it was a ferrari and not like, some beat up old truck that some guy depends on to get to work every day. You know he calls it Old Bessie or something. The ferrari owner will be ok. There are no ferraris called Old Bessie, is the point of my story here.
And I love the whole PERFECTION thing, as if perfection is something that can ever be attained. You might as well tell your kid, "BE A UNICORN." How about, always be your best, try your hardest, something they can actually chew on? Cause what do you do with perfect, exactly? It's an automatic fail. Nice one, mom.
But I watch it, so I'm part of the problem. It's just so... spectacular. I can't help myself!
My hubby also told me a story about how some delivery guy crossing a street lost control of a bunch of boxes and they slid out and landed on this guy's ferrari. And I'm sure most people would be like omg... poor ferrari owner! But I'm thinking, I'm glad it was a ferrari and not like, some beat up old truck that some guy depends on to get to work every day. You know he calls it Old Bessie or something. The ferrari owner will be ok. There are no ferraris called Old Bessie, is the point of my story here.
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
Today I did something I'm not proud of. I dropped someone from facebook simply on the basis of politics. I know, I know. This is exactly why i posted about politics being evil, about how they shape our thoughts about people.
Right or wrong, this is why I did it. My facebook is my personal place. Because I have no desire for any kind of debate or argument in my personal space, I'm basically being held hostage from ever posting anything political on there that everyone else might enjoy by this one person. Sure, I could just ignore it but... what exactly is the point of having someone as a "friend" you just want to ignore? Also, this person isn't a little conservative, he is VERY VERY conservative. He seems like a nice person otherwise (this was also someone I only know slightly through the internet, so no real life repercussions), but there's that big white elephant in the room. Literally.
So yeah, I have a few moral issues with removing someone I don't even know from facebook for political reasons, which either makes me a freakin moral saint or completely ridiculous, but in the end I just wanted my space back. So, politics won I guess. boo. I might never even post anything political there, but at least now I can without the accompanying queasy feeling of rush limbaugh watching me.
Right or wrong, this is why I did it. My facebook is my personal place. Because I have no desire for any kind of debate or argument in my personal space, I'm basically being held hostage from ever posting anything political on there that everyone else might enjoy by this one person. Sure, I could just ignore it but... what exactly is the point of having someone as a "friend" you just want to ignore? Also, this person isn't a little conservative, he is VERY VERY conservative. He seems like a nice person otherwise (this was also someone I only know slightly through the internet, so no real life repercussions), but there's that big white elephant in the room. Literally.
So yeah, I have a few moral issues with removing someone I don't even know from facebook for political reasons, which either makes me a freakin moral saint or completely ridiculous, but in the end I just wanted my space back. So, politics won I guess. boo. I might never even post anything political there, but at least now I can without the accompanying queasy feeling of rush limbaugh watching me.
sometimes i feel republican
Sometimes I feel republican. Living in Canada, everything is presented to me in bloody celsius and meters and grams and other euro commie gay sh*t -- AGGGGH WAIT! NOOOOO! YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS! Stop right there and back this bus up.
Okay. The other stuff aside, I must admit I'm math-intolerant, and being faced with these odd measures of things makes me well up in a rush limbaugh-esque rage against... whatever it is. Cause it's foreign, and it confuses me, consarnit! So, I'm sorry. I apologize for any momentary fits of intolerance over things I don't understand. I realize they are not, in fact, communist or homosexual, not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm just American and I can't do math and I'm frustrated! This must be how Sarah palin feels ALL THE TIME.
Okay. The other stuff aside, I must admit I'm math-intolerant, and being faced with these odd measures of things makes me well up in a rush limbaugh-esque rage against... whatever it is. Cause it's foreign, and it confuses me, consarnit! So, I'm sorry. I apologize for any momentary fits of intolerance over things I don't understand. I realize they are not, in fact, communist or homosexual, not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm just American and I can't do math and I'm frustrated! This must be how Sarah palin feels ALL THE TIME.
Friday, December 28, 2012
As I reflect about old timey things that I miss, like... books (:/), it occurs to me this is probably a rather weird position for a star trek fan. Boldly going... into the past! Basically it boils down to I WANT THE TV FUTURE, NOT THIS ONE. In the technology-based TV future young people are interested in science and space exploration. In this future, they use technology for... sexting.
I find watching Star Trek in all its incarnations very relaxing. There's something zen about it to me, probably because it's the future and there's a federation and people are actually trying to get along with each other. Kind of gives me some hope. And I like all the technology, I'm not anti-technology at all. It's just... books. And records. And photographs. There's a realness there that the digital version just can't replace. Technology should enhance humanity, not replace it.
Now I realize books aren't sentient or even living beings and being sad about them isn't logical (yes i'm channeling Vulcans for a moment), but human beings are sentient... mostly (hi fox and friends!)... and I feel that we need things to stimulate our senses. And that's what digital everything takes away from us, the ability to experience things with all of our senses, particularly touch. So god yes, give us medical tricorders and universal translators and warp drives, but leave us books. Because humanity is in what we do and the choices we make and how we treat others, but it's also in how we experience things.
And - this is where the TV Future gets it wrong - this lack of tactile experiences leads us to be desensitized to other people and our surroundings in general. I mean, I see this happening so much already, and it scares me. Just look at... well, pretty much anyone under 25. I'm afraid of a not-so-distant future where no one remembers books or records at all, because everyone who's 25+ now is gone. So I'm here to at least leave a written report that there were once things called books, kids. Maybe it'll catch on one day in the future as "retro."
I find watching Star Trek in all its incarnations very relaxing. There's something zen about it to me, probably because it's the future and there's a federation and people are actually trying to get along with each other. Kind of gives me some hope. And I like all the technology, I'm not anti-technology at all. It's just... books. And records. And photographs. There's a realness there that the digital version just can't replace. Technology should enhance humanity, not replace it.
Now I realize books aren't sentient or even living beings and being sad about them isn't logical (yes i'm channeling Vulcans for a moment), but human beings are sentient... mostly (hi fox and friends!)... and I feel that we need things to stimulate our senses. And that's what digital everything takes away from us, the ability to experience things with all of our senses, particularly touch. So god yes, give us medical tricorders and universal translators and warp drives, but leave us books. Because humanity is in what we do and the choices we make and how we treat others, but it's also in how we experience things.
And - this is where the TV Future gets it wrong - this lack of tactile experiences leads us to be desensitized to other people and our surroundings in general. I mean, I see this happening so much already, and it scares me. Just look at... well, pretty much anyone under 25. I'm afraid of a not-so-distant future where no one remembers books or records at all, because everyone who's 25+ now is gone. So I'm here to at least leave a written report that there were once things called books, kids. Maybe it'll catch on one day in the future as "retro."
Why I don't read the news:
Every once in a while I go to the old yahoo news page to check in with the world. I like to know who's died; this is a weird obsession of mine. If a famous person has died, I want to know about it. So today I check in. General Schwartzkopf (probably horribly misspelled, sorry) has died. The first president Bush is recovering in the hospital. Okay, these are things I want to know. Duly noted.
Then - god help me - I let my eyes slowly wander down the page, and I'm reminded why I never read the news. "Shark explodes in mall!" "Woman on bus bench set on fire!" And I'm not even shocked by these things, I'm just reminded. "Oh yeah, that's why I watch youtube and play clan lord all day. Righto." And then I try to scrub the... burning sharks and exploding women from my mind, because they really have no place in there.
Every once in a while I go to the old yahoo news page to check in with the world. I like to know who's died; this is a weird obsession of mine. If a famous person has died, I want to know about it. So today I check in. General Schwartzkopf (probably horribly misspelled, sorry) has died. The first president Bush is recovering in the hospital. Okay, these are things I want to know. Duly noted.
Then - god help me - I let my eyes slowly wander down the page, and I'm reminded why I never read the news. "Shark explodes in mall!" "Woman on bus bench set on fire!" And I'm not even shocked by these things, I'm just reminded. "Oh yeah, that's why I watch youtube and play clan lord all day. Righto." And then I try to scrub the... burning sharks and exploding women from my mind, because they really have no place in there.
I feel so good right now. I haven't felt this much like myself in a long time. I think it's probably a sign of good health if you feel happiest when you feel most like yourself, even if it involves ripping on other people a little bit. ;p It's honest, and honesty really is the way to go. Bring able to express truth in exactly the way you want to express it, that is just the best feeling.
I just wish ONE PERSON would read this bloody thing!
I just wish ONE PERSON would read this bloody thing!
Okay! One more rant about what was almost entirely a great trip, because while I'm experiencing all the joy and whatnot, these unexpressed annoyances dig into me like an itchy shirt tag. So this is me ripping out the tag, and then I will post some good stuff. Though honestly I find this stuff good too, in a perverse way, because it's cathartic, and it's easier to be humorous about pain for some reason. I think that's why I rarely post about the good times. They're just not funny. They're people posting on twitter with lots of exclamation marks or posting a 0_0 yay! photo on one of those photo sites, instabooth or whatever. so yeah.
I met some new people over the holiday, namely my husband's father, stepmother, two of her children, and one of their spouses. All perfectly nice people. My husband's father is straight out of a Woody Allen movie, and the way he and his wife interact, perfect. They're adorable and I've never seen a real life Woody Allen movie before, like unscripted, in a living room, but there it was. So yeah, thoroughly enjoyed.
Now for some reason, I've always gotten along better with older people, like my parents' age. It's not that I really have more in common with them or anything, I just feel more comfortable with them. Maybe because I'm not expected to have a lot in common with them, because of the generation difference, I can just relax and be myself. And they tend to appreciate people being themselves more, because they've seen more of life or whatever. but anyway. This brings me to my peer group, we'll say roughly the 28-45 age range. Except for my husband, I have found that across the board I HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WITH THESE PEOPLE.
I believe I ranted about this same thing 10 YEARS AGO on this very blog, how I was forced into a gathering of 20s-30s folks who talked about NOTHING but their jobs, back and forth and crosswise and at great length, for the duration of the night. Now here is a news flash for you all that you apparently don't know: YOUR JOB IS BORING TO EVERYONE BUT YOU. I don't care what it is, with perhaps a few unlikely exceptions*, IT'S BORING.
So everyone talks about their boring job like it's the most exciting thing in the world back and forth the whole night, and me being the only one in this age range who is not officially "employed," I have jack to say. Not only do I have jack to say, I don't WANT to have anything to say. I want to be in a different conversation entirely. I enjoy being a homemaker, but I'm not so deluded I think everyone wants to hear about it at length. A quick cupcake recipe exchange, perhaps. Yet I am forced to listen to everyone else's daily grind in grueling detail, and I am SICK of it. I much prefer the company of retired people. They actually have things to say.
*exceptions including: if you are JK Rowling, Quentin tarantino, the QB for the Packers, or Paul McCartney.
I met some new people over the holiday, namely my husband's father, stepmother, two of her children, and one of their spouses. All perfectly nice people. My husband's father is straight out of a Woody Allen movie, and the way he and his wife interact, perfect. They're adorable and I've never seen a real life Woody Allen movie before, like unscripted, in a living room, but there it was. So yeah, thoroughly enjoyed.
Now for some reason, I've always gotten along better with older people, like my parents' age. It's not that I really have more in common with them or anything, I just feel more comfortable with them. Maybe because I'm not expected to have a lot in common with them, because of the generation difference, I can just relax and be myself. And they tend to appreciate people being themselves more, because they've seen more of life or whatever. but anyway. This brings me to my peer group, we'll say roughly the 28-45 age range. Except for my husband, I have found that across the board I HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WITH THESE PEOPLE.
I believe I ranted about this same thing 10 YEARS AGO on this very blog, how I was forced into a gathering of 20s-30s folks who talked about NOTHING but their jobs, back and forth and crosswise and at great length, for the duration of the night. Now here is a news flash for you all that you apparently don't know: YOUR JOB IS BORING TO EVERYONE BUT YOU. I don't care what it is, with perhaps a few unlikely exceptions*, IT'S BORING.
So everyone talks about their boring job like it's the most exciting thing in the world back and forth the whole night, and me being the only one in this age range who is not officially "employed," I have jack to say. Not only do I have jack to say, I don't WANT to have anything to say. I want to be in a different conversation entirely. I enjoy being a homemaker, but I'm not so deluded I think everyone wants to hear about it at length. A quick cupcake recipe exchange, perhaps. Yet I am forced to listen to everyone else's daily grind in grueling detail, and I am SICK of it. I much prefer the company of retired people. They actually have things to say.
*exceptions including: if you are JK Rowling, Quentin tarantino, the QB for the Packers, or Paul McCartney.
Janeane Garofalo standup from 2012:
And what does she go after back to back, like BLAM! BLAM!? Every kid being named MADISON, and the suspicious abundance of "food allergies!" YES! I haven't felt this connected to the universe since seriously, like the mid 90s. She said something like, "when I was in school, before kids were named Madison." This would be a good way to measure time I think, BM and AM.
So yeah, feels good. Maybe no one reads my blog, but by god, Janeane's still out there fighting the good fight against human ridiculousness.
And what does she go after back to back, like BLAM! BLAM!? Every kid being named MADISON, and the suspicious abundance of "food allergies!" YES! I haven't felt this connected to the universe since seriously, like the mid 90s. She said something like, "when I was in school, before kids were named Madison." This would be a good way to measure time I think, BM and AM.
So yeah, feels good. Maybe no one reads my blog, but by god, Janeane's still out there fighting the good fight against human ridiculousness.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
So hi, I just got back from vacation! I had a great Christmas, but that's not really what I talk about here. That's what you write on twitter, and I don't have twitter, so that's convenient. Anyway, good times. But I'm here to rant. Because this is my rant filter. I could have the best time ever, but there's inevitably something that needs to be ranted about, and this is where it ends up.
SO I basically just spent Christmas in a Woody Allen movie. Which is awesome. But here's the rant part. When, exactly, did people STOP BEING ABLE TO EAT FOOD?
I can eat whatever the fook I want. I'll get FAT, but I can eat it. I don't eat onions, because they're disgusting. But now there're all these people who are vegan and gluten free and lactose intolerant and.... I dunno, sugar unshackled? cut loose from the cupcake oppressors? This is all a very modern concept. There was not a gluten free menu in caveman times, or during WWII, or even when I was growing up in the 80s. So what exactly happened to make this necessary? People are just like fragile little snowflakes now, aren't they?
When I was a kid I ate EVERYTHING and I never wore a helmet or got submerged in sanitizer after playing outside and I'M FINE. But now, apparently people will die if they eat bread. So there's this pile of food with no cheese or milk or flour or you know, food in it, and it tasted ok but I'm like, if I had to be around these dietary restriction people all the time I would LOSE MY FREAKING MIND. Dear god, please don't let my kids have any of this crap. I think I can will them not to have it with the power of my mind, through sheer force of OUR FOREFATHERS ATE FLOUR AND SO CAN YOU. What the hell HAPPENED to us man??
My answer is now, as it was then, "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me."
SO I basically just spent Christmas in a Woody Allen movie. Which is awesome. But here's the rant part. When, exactly, did people STOP BEING ABLE TO EAT FOOD?
I can eat whatever the fook I want. I'll get FAT, but I can eat it. I don't eat onions, because they're disgusting. But now there're all these people who are vegan and gluten free and lactose intolerant and.... I dunno, sugar unshackled? cut loose from the cupcake oppressors? This is all a very modern concept. There was not a gluten free menu in caveman times, or during WWII, or even when I was growing up in the 80s. So what exactly happened to make this necessary? People are just like fragile little snowflakes now, aren't they?
When I was a kid I ate EVERYTHING and I never wore a helmet or got submerged in sanitizer after playing outside and I'M FINE. But now, apparently people will die if they eat bread. So there's this pile of food with no cheese or milk or flour or you know, food in it, and it tasted ok but I'm like, if I had to be around these dietary restriction people all the time I would LOSE MY FREAKING MIND. Dear god, please don't let my kids have any of this crap. I think I can will them not to have it with the power of my mind, through sheer force of OUR FOREFATHERS ATE FLOUR AND SO CAN YOU. What the hell HAPPENED to us man??
My answer is now, as it was then, "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me."
See, I just want to go back to when things were FUN. Remember... fun?
I've been trying to pinpoint the day the fun died. Having just been through an airport, the obvious answer is 9/11. And yeah, 9/11 was pretty much the death of freedom and the American way of life, but that's another story. Then I went back to the late 90s, when Britney Spears first crawled out from whatever lichen-covered rock she spawned under. But no, that came AFTER. That was merely the next link in the everything's-getting-worse chain. I have, in fact, pinpointed it down to the exact date: October 7th, 1996, the day Fox News was launched on an unsuspecting public.
To discuss the politics of Faux News is missing the point. What needs to be discussed is the attitude, and the way so many people react to it. The Faux News morning show, which so many people start their day with (scary, huh?) is basically a group of people who think in blips and sound bytes. There's no room for subtleties or discrepancies. No irony. No moments of self-enlightenment. It's the I-Already-Know-What-I-Think network. And they want to hear what you think, sure, but only so they can wait for the GOTCHA! moment. The moment they can somehow twist what you say, in their little narrow tube of a brain, into what they want you to have said. Something you will never hear on fox news: "Oh yeah, I see your point." It's this extremely unenlightened way of being, like human nature boiled down to its sad little core before we invented the wheel or thinking or anything. It's like waiting for evolution to start.
And I think the reason its so popular is because most people also Already Know What They Think, and somehow this attitude becomes justified by seeing it on TV. "Hey look Martha, that guy in a suit is saying just what I've always known! SCORE!" And then somehow it becomes fact, and everyone who opposes it is a... Communist, or something. Which is weird, because this kind of social censorship is about the most un-American thing I can think of. It's like "freedom of speech... wink wink, nudge nudge." It's the willfully stupid leading the actually stupid. Which is dangerous.
Inspired by one of my previous posts, I've been watching a lot of early 90s standup lately and it's been very life-affirming. I discovered the guy who took his microphone stand and declared, "I CLAIM THIS FOR SPAIN" in a silly accent which is something I still say ALL THE TIME, silly accent and all, even after i forgot where it came from. I love how we're all just a collection of random stuff we've heard.
But anyway. This lead me to watching some Janeane Garofalo clips and one was on the Fox morning "news" show. Basically it was this:
JG: I'm against the Iraq war for these reasons.
FOXTARD: Saddam Hussein must love you!
Um... WHAT?? Yeah, he actually said that. And this is how the majority of Americans who watch news get their news (I hope and pray the rest get it from the Daily Show). I mean, you walk into any random establishment in America and what is the default news channel they have on? It's ALMOST ALWAYS FOX. Try it, you'll see. It's like, they're scared to watch anything else or something. If we don't watch Fox News we'll be attacked by terrorists or all spontaneously turn into communists, or something. I don't know. I don't know how people can stand to be condescended to and have their worst nature constantly justified, but for whatever reason it seems to work.
What I'm saying is, I DON'T HATE FOX NEWS BECAUSE I'M LIBERAL. I hate it because it's idiotic and pandering and a lie and it hurts our country by misinforming people and then getting them all riled up over what they've been misinformed about.
And so, that was the day the fun died. And probably lots of other stuff too. But I am here to reject this self-perpetuating paranoia and fear and have some damn fun. I CLAIM THIS FOR SPAIN.
I've been trying to pinpoint the day the fun died. Having just been through an airport, the obvious answer is 9/11. And yeah, 9/11 was pretty much the death of freedom and the American way of life, but that's another story. Then I went back to the late 90s, when Britney Spears first crawled out from whatever lichen-covered rock she spawned under. But no, that came AFTER. That was merely the next link in the everything's-getting-worse chain. I have, in fact, pinpointed it down to the exact date: October 7th, 1996, the day Fox News was launched on an unsuspecting public.
To discuss the politics of Faux News is missing the point. What needs to be discussed is the attitude, and the way so many people react to it. The Faux News morning show, which so many people start their day with (scary, huh?) is basically a group of people who think in blips and sound bytes. There's no room for subtleties or discrepancies. No irony. No moments of self-enlightenment. It's the I-Already-Know-What-I-Think network. And they want to hear what you think, sure, but only so they can wait for the GOTCHA! moment. The moment they can somehow twist what you say, in their little narrow tube of a brain, into what they want you to have said. Something you will never hear on fox news: "Oh yeah, I see your point." It's this extremely unenlightened way of being, like human nature boiled down to its sad little core before we invented the wheel or thinking or anything. It's like waiting for evolution to start.
And I think the reason its so popular is because most people also Already Know What They Think, and somehow this attitude becomes justified by seeing it on TV. "Hey look Martha, that guy in a suit is saying just what I've always known! SCORE!" And then somehow it becomes fact, and everyone who opposes it is a... Communist, or something. Which is weird, because this kind of social censorship is about the most un-American thing I can think of. It's like "freedom of speech... wink wink, nudge nudge." It's the willfully stupid leading the actually stupid. Which is dangerous.
Inspired by one of my previous posts, I've been watching a lot of early 90s standup lately and it's been very life-affirming. I discovered the guy who took his microphone stand and declared, "I CLAIM THIS FOR SPAIN" in a silly accent which is something I still say ALL THE TIME, silly accent and all, even after i forgot where it came from. I love how we're all just a collection of random stuff we've heard.
But anyway. This lead me to watching some Janeane Garofalo clips and one was on the Fox morning "news" show. Basically it was this:
JG: I'm against the Iraq war for these reasons.
FOXTARD: Saddam Hussein must love you!
Um... WHAT?? Yeah, he actually said that. And this is how the majority of Americans who watch news get their news (I hope and pray the rest get it from the Daily Show). I mean, you walk into any random establishment in America and what is the default news channel they have on? It's ALMOST ALWAYS FOX. Try it, you'll see. It's like, they're scared to watch anything else or something. If we don't watch Fox News we'll be attacked by terrorists or all spontaneously turn into communists, or something. I don't know. I don't know how people can stand to be condescended to and have their worst nature constantly justified, but for whatever reason it seems to work.
What I'm saying is, I DON'T HATE FOX NEWS BECAUSE I'M LIBERAL. I hate it because it's idiotic and pandering and a lie and it hurts our country by misinforming people and then getting them all riled up over what they've been misinformed about.
And so, that was the day the fun died. And probably lots of other stuff too. But I am here to reject this self-perpetuating paranoia and fear and have some damn fun. I CLAIM THIS FOR SPAIN.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
LA would still be pretty great if it wasn't for all the people.
I bought these two tops in a fit of homesickness (also, cute! squee!) Yeah, part of me will always be home in LA no matter how godawful clusterfooked it gets. I kind of wish I could have told CA I love it one last time. I guess I did though, really. My mom and I did tons of classic stuff before I left. Including - and I didn't even know it at the time!! - the Japanese Gardens in the valley that is also Starfleet Academy! I just learned this watching a Voyager episode with mah hubby. This made me so happy in ways I can't even describe. Those gardens were the last place my mom and I visited before I left. Being part of Star Trek, they're kind of always part of me now too, in that great way pop culture belongs to everyone. *hugs tight*
We're going to Vancouver for Christmas! I think I'm gonna love it there, as long as it stops raining long enough to let me. We're even - hopefully- gonna check out some gardens. Not Starfleet Academy, but not stuck inside behind a snowpile either!! I can't wait!
I bought these two tops in a fit of homesickness (also, cute! squee!) Yeah, part of me will always be home in LA no matter how godawful clusterfooked it gets. I kind of wish I could have told CA I love it one last time. I guess I did though, really. My mom and I did tons of classic stuff before I left. Including - and I didn't even know it at the time!! - the Japanese Gardens in the valley that is also Starfleet Academy! I just learned this watching a Voyager episode with mah hubby. This made me so happy in ways I can't even describe. Those gardens were the last place my mom and I visited before I left. Being part of Star Trek, they're kind of always part of me now too, in that great way pop culture belongs to everyone. *hugs tight*
We're going to Vancouver for Christmas! I think I'm gonna love it there, as long as it stops raining long enough to let me. We're even - hopefully- gonna check out some gardens. Not Starfleet Academy, but not stuck inside behind a snowpile either!! I can't wait!
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
I really like the song Video Games by Lana del Rey. This song is like, the anti-call me maybe. Not only is it meaningful, vulnerable and authentic, it's beautiful to listen to and does something very rare - takes me back to a place in time before the song actually existed. In this case, LA in the 90s. I listen and feel nostalgic, which is weird, but also very cool.
So great job, lana del rey, for making one of only like 5 non-country songs from post- 2000 that I have on my itunes. It's probably produced as hell like everything else, but it doesn't FEEL produced like all that other crap (Britney Justin Rae Jepson Minaj West, etc), and these days I'll take feel. Feel is good.
The past is like... all these little pieces of yourself falling off, and knowing you'll never get them back. It's like getting a blood transfusion, but the new blood is ketchup. Somehow, this song makes me feel a little better about all that. Sort of the same way I enjoy walking through cemetaries, even though I'm not goth. I can't help it. I look forward to the past like it's the future.
"the new blood is ketchup" is totally my new... something.
So great job, lana del rey, for making one of only like 5 non-country songs from post- 2000 that I have on my itunes. It's probably produced as hell like everything else, but it doesn't FEEL produced like all that other crap (Britney Justin Rae Jepson Minaj West, etc), and these days I'll take feel. Feel is good.
The past is like... all these little pieces of yourself falling off, and knowing you'll never get them back. It's like getting a blood transfusion, but the new blood is ketchup. Somehow, this song makes me feel a little better about all that. Sort of the same way I enjoy walking through cemetaries, even though I'm not goth. I can't help it. I look forward to the past like it's the future.
"the new blood is ketchup" is totally my new... something.
In case there's any question why I prefer nostalgia to so much of today's nonsense... apparently it is now offensive to use the phrase "Merry Christmas." No, not "f*uck you," not "eat sh*t and die," but MERRY EFFIN CHRISTMAS. Yes, "happy holidays" is a better greeting because it includes people who celebrate Hanukkah and other holidays, I totally get that. But to say that the phrase MERRY CHRISTMAS is actually OFFENSIVE to your friggin sensibilities is another thing entirely. What has happened to us, exactly, as humans? This is not the world we used to live in.
Merry Christmas!
Yeah, f*ck you too!
Pardon me while I go bury myself in Norman Rockwell prints and cry.
I mean, since when does celebrating christmas necessarily mean you're Christian? It's been a secular holiday for a long time now. There would not be an actual inflatable snowman industry if it was all christian, there would not be Tigger dancing with Mickey Mouse in 30 foot snowglobes on at least one lawn on every block, it would be nativity scenes or NOTHIN, you heathens. ALL the greeting cards would be religious instead of the one little religious rack in Hallmark among the 10,000 Santa Claus ones. I'm not Christian, and I celebrate Christmas in my own way. I love it, in fact. I love decorating, and baking, and singing carols, and Christmas dinner with family, and you don't have to be christian or anything else to appreciate the SPIRIT of that. I sort of see it as "Happy December, have a cookie shaped like a tree!"
I mean, as long as you're not saying Merry Christmas to a RABBI or something, it's a pretty far stretch to consider it insulting. The funniest part is, the person who's all OMGOFFENDED isn't even Jewish or anything but an ATHEIST. Um, you don't believe in anything, and you expect the rest of the world to just shrivel up and not believe in anything either? What kind of world do you want to live in exactly, one that's just sanitized of EVERYTHING you don't believe in? I have nothing against atheism UNTIL they try to um, preach it to others? Anyone else's irony meter just go from red to like, purple? Or whatever colors irony is measured in? Somehow purple strikes me as HIGH IRONY ALERT. anyway.
We preach so much "tolerance" these days that we've out-toleranced ourselves right out of everything. Because not everyone can have their way, and sometimes "merry christmas" just needs to bloody win. Because it's NICE, and it makes most people happy, and instead of working up into a big offendy froth why not try to take something nice from it for yourself? Surely there's something about the idea of christmas you like? Pretty lights? Jingling bells? The smell of fresh pine? The glow of a candle? Giving to others? RUDOLPH?? And if not... well, you're just kind of a sad person and I don't want to live in your world, thanks.
Merry Christmas!
Yeah, f*ck you too!
Pardon me while I go bury myself in Norman Rockwell prints and cry.
I mean, since when does celebrating christmas necessarily mean you're Christian? It's been a secular holiday for a long time now. There would not be an actual inflatable snowman industry if it was all christian, there would not be Tigger dancing with Mickey Mouse in 30 foot snowglobes on at least one lawn on every block, it would be nativity scenes or NOTHIN, you heathens. ALL the greeting cards would be religious instead of the one little religious rack in Hallmark among the 10,000 Santa Claus ones. I'm not Christian, and I celebrate Christmas in my own way. I love it, in fact. I love decorating, and baking, and singing carols, and Christmas dinner with family, and you don't have to be christian or anything else to appreciate the SPIRIT of that. I sort of see it as "Happy December, have a cookie shaped like a tree!"
I mean, as long as you're not saying Merry Christmas to a RABBI or something, it's a pretty far stretch to consider it insulting. The funniest part is, the person who's all OMGOFFENDED isn't even Jewish or anything but an ATHEIST. Um, you don't believe in anything, and you expect the rest of the world to just shrivel up and not believe in anything either? What kind of world do you want to live in exactly, one that's just sanitized of EVERYTHING you don't believe in? I have nothing against atheism UNTIL they try to um, preach it to others? Anyone else's irony meter just go from red to like, purple? Or whatever colors irony is measured in? Somehow purple strikes me as HIGH IRONY ALERT. anyway.
We preach so much "tolerance" these days that we've out-toleranced ourselves right out of everything. Because not everyone can have their way, and sometimes "merry christmas" just needs to bloody win. Because it's NICE, and it makes most people happy, and instead of working up into a big offendy froth why not try to take something nice from it for yourself? Surely there's something about the idea of christmas you like? Pretty lights? Jingling bells? The smell of fresh pine? The glow of a candle? Giving to others? RUDOLPH?? And if not... well, you're just kind of a sad person and I don't want to live in your world, thanks.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
If you spill a bit of rather expensive alcohol on the counter and lick it off, are you:
A: frugal
B: an alcoholic
C: a frugal alcoholic?
I don't know, but I did it and I'm not ashamed.
I'm on a total late 80s/early 90s kick right now. Man, I forgot what a good time that was musically. I made a playlist of favorite songs from the tapes I listened to obsessively- the Sundays, the Connells, Darling Buds, 10,000 Maniacs, and Julee Cruise (the twin peaks music). Takes me right back. I lived in Redondo Beach then and walked to the South bay Galleria all the time, back when there was a Robinsons May and not EVERY SINGLE dept store was a Macy's, and enjoyed a teriyaki beef bowl at the food court. My other favorite walking destinations were El Indio Mexican restuarant (still there, woo! so good!), the row of thrift stores, some random chinese restuarant, and of course the ubiquitous video store, which I do believe happened to be the one Quentin Tarantino worked at before he became the god of movie making. He might have even helped me check out Pretty Woman for the 20th time!!
So yeah, good times.
I was also really obsessed with comedy back then. I even took a stand up comedy class and performed a little routine lol. Weird, because like popular music, I pretty much hate comedy now. It's mostly just profanity and trying to shock people. I like my comedy to have, y'know, humor in it. So yeah... another obsession fallen by the wayside. Though I would still kill to see Jerry Seinfeld or David Letterman. And I remember a very young Jon Stewart before anyone knew who he was (OMG I'm a comedy hipster). I probably saw him at the Laugh Factory or one of those places. Yeah, I used to go to comedy clubs as a teenager with my mom. Looking back it seems kind of cool. Not dorky at all. Shut up. Anyway, I also remember very young Janeane Garofalo. I loved her because she wore those flowered dresses, tights and boots like me and talked about being intimidated by 'the obligatory hip asian woman' at clothing boutiques. We need more humor like that. Now she's all political and stuff. And no more flowered dresses.
Hopefully my humor still comes through in here sometimes. :)
EDIT: Video Archives, where Tarantino worked, was actually on Sepulveda and not walk-to-able, which means it was a different video store I walked to. However, I know I had membership there, which means my mom would have driven me. Which means my mom might have also met Quentin Tarantino. Which is even more awesome. This would have been around 1990, so the time period is right. Odds are, we were in the Presence of Greatness.
A: frugal
B: an alcoholic
C: a frugal alcoholic?
I don't know, but I did it and I'm not ashamed.
I'm on a total late 80s/early 90s kick right now. Man, I forgot what a good time that was musically. I made a playlist of favorite songs from the tapes I listened to obsessively- the Sundays, the Connells, Darling Buds, 10,000 Maniacs, and Julee Cruise (the twin peaks music). Takes me right back. I lived in Redondo Beach then and walked to the South bay Galleria all the time, back when there was a Robinsons May and not EVERY SINGLE dept store was a Macy's, and enjoyed a teriyaki beef bowl at the food court. My other favorite walking destinations were El Indio Mexican restuarant (still there, woo! so good!), the row of thrift stores, some random chinese restuarant, and of course the ubiquitous video store, which I do believe happened to be the one Quentin Tarantino worked at before he became the god of movie making. He might have even helped me check out Pretty Woman for the 20th time!!
So yeah, good times.
I was also really obsessed with comedy back then. I even took a stand up comedy class and performed a little routine lol. Weird, because like popular music, I pretty much hate comedy now. It's mostly just profanity and trying to shock people. I like my comedy to have, y'know, humor in it. So yeah... another obsession fallen by the wayside. Though I would still kill to see Jerry Seinfeld or David Letterman. And I remember a very young Jon Stewart before anyone knew who he was (OMG I'm a comedy hipster). I probably saw him at the Laugh Factory or one of those places. Yeah, I used to go to comedy clubs as a teenager with my mom. Looking back it seems kind of cool. Not dorky at all. Shut up. Anyway, I also remember very young Janeane Garofalo. I loved her because she wore those flowered dresses, tights and boots like me and talked about being intimidated by 'the obligatory hip asian woman' at clothing boutiques. We need more humor like that. Now she's all political and stuff. And no more flowered dresses.
Hopefully my humor still comes through in here sometimes. :)
EDIT: Video Archives, where Tarantino worked, was actually on Sepulveda and not walk-to-able, which means it was a different video store I walked to. However, I know I had membership there, which means my mom would have driven me. Which means my mom might have also met Quentin Tarantino. Which is even more awesome. This would have been around 1990, so the time period is right. Odds are, we were in the Presence of Greatness.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Okay, one more thing about extroverts. You notice how they almost always like, know the same stuff? At the same time? This goes way beyond conformity, it's some kind of 'people person' mind meld. Like some song will come on the radio, and they all know it and sing along. Okay, maybe it's a popular song but... these are the kind of people who DECIDE what's popular. And I'm like, how do they all reach this unspoken consensus of what they know, and like?
Because I think this isn't people trying to 'fit in,' but some natural phenomena. And then people like me either try to 'fit in' or... not. I guess this is where the phrase 'offbeat' comes from. The people who don't sing along with what everyone else is singing. And then you have hipsters who get off on knowing stuff 'no one has heard of' (except other hipsters i guess) which is really even more conformist because they're trying too hard. I don't feel like the other kind of people really have to 'try' at all, which is what's so confusing to me about it. They have a kind of instinct I'm lacking I guess.
Because I think this isn't people trying to 'fit in,' but some natural phenomena. And then people like me either try to 'fit in' or... not. I guess this is where the phrase 'offbeat' comes from. The people who don't sing along with what everyone else is singing. And then you have hipsters who get off on knowing stuff 'no one has heard of' (except other hipsters i guess) which is really even more conformist because they're trying too hard. I don't feel like the other kind of people really have to 'try' at all, which is what's so confusing to me about it. They have a kind of instinct I'm lacking I guess.
Also! I have had this blog for TEN YEARS! woooohoooooo!! *blows blowy party favor thing* So nice to have some consistency in this crazy world of action.
To celebrate, I'm making a list of things that are actually better than they were 10 years ago, or stuff I love that wasn't around then. Because there actually are some!
1. MY HUSBAND. duh. Everything i ever wanted, I found it.
2. OUR KITTY. My mom still has the kitty I had 10 years ago too!
3. YOUTUBE. I ignore a lot of 'modern' stuff, like twitter and whatever, but I love youtube! Youtube serves as both a time capsule and a way to find other people who are really passionate about stuff you're into. And not just stuff you think of when you think of stuff people are into, like movies or basketball or harry potter, but obscure stuff you didn't even know had a 'scene' like exploring abandoned places. So yeah. Youtube has definitely made me more me, and I like that.
4. Three of my all time favorite TV shows! Big bang theory, American horror story, and Haven. Big bang theory replaced the hole in my heart that battlebots left behind. Oh and Trueblood! TV is very good right now.
5. Some really great country music! Miranda Lambert/Pistol Annies, Zac Brown Band, and lots of great songs. This almost makes up for other kinds of music completely sucking now.*
6. As much as I bemoan the loss of 80s/90s fashion, I have some REALLY cute clothes from American Eagle, etc. Very happy fashion wise right now.
7. 10 years ago I had absolutely no direction in my life. I was drifting along like a tumblin' tumbleweed. Today I'm married, and I bake muffins for my hubby and feel generally good and purposeful. I'm suffering through a very bad winter in canada right now, and feeling a bit homesick, but I have a lot of blessings to count.
8. My ipod? Ok, I am torn on this one! I absolutely love my ipod/itunes, it's like creating your own radio playlist or having an endless mixtape you never have to rewind. awesome, yes? But! a part of me perversely misses cassettes, lps, etc. Just because they seemed more real and I loved the album cover art of the 80s and I like stuff you can actually TOUCH in this age of digital everything and I sort of want the best of both worlds I guess. But yeah, I love my ipod. I just kind of want record stores back too...
*sidenote: My hubby asked me the other day if I liked Taylor Swift and I said yes, but she's becoming less country and more poppy. And he says, she's an opium addict? tee hee.
So yes! That's my list of mostly positive thoughts interspersed with random me-ness. Life is generally good right now, not so much in the middle of winter but in the overall picture, things have worked out well. I've finally gone from 'when is anything ever gonna happen?!' to 'I'm here. I made it.'
To celebrate, I'm making a list of things that are actually better than they were 10 years ago, or stuff I love that wasn't around then. Because there actually are some!
1. MY HUSBAND. duh. Everything i ever wanted, I found it.
2. OUR KITTY. My mom still has the kitty I had 10 years ago too!
3. YOUTUBE. I ignore a lot of 'modern' stuff, like twitter and whatever, but I love youtube! Youtube serves as both a time capsule and a way to find other people who are really passionate about stuff you're into. And not just stuff you think of when you think of stuff people are into, like movies or basketball or harry potter, but obscure stuff you didn't even know had a 'scene' like exploring abandoned places. So yeah. Youtube has definitely made me more me, and I like that.
4. Three of my all time favorite TV shows! Big bang theory, American horror story, and Haven. Big bang theory replaced the hole in my heart that battlebots left behind. Oh and Trueblood! TV is very good right now.
5. Some really great country music! Miranda Lambert/Pistol Annies, Zac Brown Band, and lots of great songs. This almost makes up for other kinds of music completely sucking now.*
6. As much as I bemoan the loss of 80s/90s fashion, I have some REALLY cute clothes from American Eagle, etc. Very happy fashion wise right now.
7. 10 years ago I had absolutely no direction in my life. I was drifting along like a tumblin' tumbleweed. Today I'm married, and I bake muffins for my hubby and feel generally good and purposeful. I'm suffering through a very bad winter in canada right now, and feeling a bit homesick, but I have a lot of blessings to count.
8. My ipod? Ok, I am torn on this one! I absolutely love my ipod/itunes, it's like creating your own radio playlist or having an endless mixtape you never have to rewind. awesome, yes? But! a part of me perversely misses cassettes, lps, etc. Just because they seemed more real and I loved the album cover art of the 80s and I like stuff you can actually TOUCH in this age of digital everything and I sort of want the best of both worlds I guess. But yeah, I love my ipod. I just kind of want record stores back too...
*sidenote: My hubby asked me the other day if I liked Taylor Swift and I said yes, but she's becoming less country and more poppy. And he says, she's an opium addict? tee hee.
So yes! That's my list of mostly positive thoughts interspersed with random me-ness. Life is generally good right now, not so much in the middle of winter but in the overall picture, things have worked out well. I've finally gone from 'when is anything ever gonna happen?!' to 'I'm here. I made it.'
Also. I HATE BEING SHY.
So. I try to take being super-shy in stride as much as possible. It sucks, but I am who I am and I don't want to ruin my life dwelling on it. BUT. Sometimes I see non-shy people just having so much fun doing things I can't do, or rather doing them in a way I can't do them (like, talking/connecting with people, even random strangers), and they just look like they're having SO MUCH MORE FUN than me when I do the same things. And I get jealous. It's a senseless waste of energy, but I can't help it sometimes. It just seems unfair I have to miss out on these big chunks of life. Usually, if I don't like something, I'd try to change it. But I can't change being shy no matter what I do. It's just how I am. It would be like trying to change my eyes from brown to blue to become outgoing. I just wish there was a way for shy people to have AS MUCH FUN as extroverted people in a given situation. Then I wouldn't be so jealous, if I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything.
I think the worst part is how the extroverted people take it for granted so much. :/ Like what, isn't this how everybody is? Um no... not everybody.
So yeah, a little update from the forgotten minority of introverts. Or maybe we're not even the minority, maybe we're the majority but nobody knows because the extroverts TAKE UP ALL THE SPACE.
And DAMMIT, I hate how people who go on violent rampages are always described as 'quiet.' You're not helping our cause here people! Why can't, just once, one of these maniacs be described as 'loud and obnoxious, like gilbert gottfried on steroids.' Quiet people get enough of a bad rap, god. :(
Also: shy people with social anxiety are NOT mentally ill, unless they also have schizophrenia or something like that. Mentally ill means you can't think rationally or control yourself or are disconnected from reality, not that you have difficulty doing something. We're sane, we just struggle with something a lot of people don't struggle with. So please, media, stop talking about shyness like it's a mental illness, there's obviously something bigger going on with someone who would go on a shooting rampage.
Just had to get that off my chest.
So. I try to take being super-shy in stride as much as possible. It sucks, but I am who I am and I don't want to ruin my life dwelling on it. BUT. Sometimes I see non-shy people just having so much fun doing things I can't do, or rather doing them in a way I can't do them (like, talking/connecting with people, even random strangers), and they just look like they're having SO MUCH MORE FUN than me when I do the same things. And I get jealous. It's a senseless waste of energy, but I can't help it sometimes. It just seems unfair I have to miss out on these big chunks of life. Usually, if I don't like something, I'd try to change it. But I can't change being shy no matter what I do. It's just how I am. It would be like trying to change my eyes from brown to blue to become outgoing. I just wish there was a way for shy people to have AS MUCH FUN as extroverted people in a given situation. Then I wouldn't be so jealous, if I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything.
I think the worst part is how the extroverted people take it for granted so much. :/ Like what, isn't this how everybody is? Um no... not everybody.
So yeah, a little update from the forgotten minority of introverts. Or maybe we're not even the minority, maybe we're the majority but nobody knows because the extroverts TAKE UP ALL THE SPACE.
And DAMMIT, I hate how people who go on violent rampages are always described as 'quiet.' You're not helping our cause here people! Why can't, just once, one of these maniacs be described as 'loud and obnoxious, like gilbert gottfried on steroids.' Quiet people get enough of a bad rap, god. :(
Also: shy people with social anxiety are NOT mentally ill, unless they also have schizophrenia or something like that. Mentally ill means you can't think rationally or control yourself or are disconnected from reality, not that you have difficulty doing something. We're sane, we just struggle with something a lot of people don't struggle with. So please, media, stop talking about shyness like it's a mental illness, there's obviously something bigger going on with someone who would go on a shooting rampage.
Just had to get that off my chest.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Every time a senseless shooting happens, there are always two responses.
1. OMG we really need to do something about gun control you guys!! And then... nothing happens. The shock wears off and politicians go back to arguing over the same old crap.
2. OMG what we need is MOAR GUNS!! Sure, cause two guns always make a right... or something. :/
I say, LESS TALK MORE ROCK. What's it going to take to see there's a real problem here? Gun control is only the tip of the iceberg. What is it that's making so many young men go so horribly WRONG that they want to shoot lots of people? Where is this anger coming from? And why is it so OVERLOOKED by the people who know them?!
I think people are looking less and less outside themselves. Everyone is so focused on work and making money that it's like thir whole lives, they don't even notice when someone they know is becoming unhinged. I'm not blaming the individual people here, it's kind of how society as a whole has forced people to become to survive. I think this rampant me-firstness is the root cause of so many problems, even more so than guns. Guns are an effect, not a cause. I'm in favor of gun control because it will make it less easy for deranged people to kill lots of people in a short time, but it's a band-aid trying to cover a gaping wound. People will always turn a blind eye to someone who is 'off.' It's human nature to sweep stuff like that under the rug, pretend it isn't there out of shame, guilt, social pressure, preoccupation with other things, whatever.
Besides that, there's an actual breakdown of society going on. This is the result of schools pushing kids through regardless of grades, behavorial problems, etc, so they can graduate, so the school can have a good record, so they can get MORE MONEY. Anyone else see a common cause of evil here? Maybe if everyone wasn't so damn focused on "getting theirs" we might catch these people before they do horrible things. And, you know, live in a better world and stuff.
1. OMG we really need to do something about gun control you guys!! And then... nothing happens. The shock wears off and politicians go back to arguing over the same old crap.
2. OMG what we need is MOAR GUNS!! Sure, cause two guns always make a right... or something. :/
I say, LESS TALK MORE ROCK. What's it going to take to see there's a real problem here? Gun control is only the tip of the iceberg. What is it that's making so many young men go so horribly WRONG that they want to shoot lots of people? Where is this anger coming from? And why is it so OVERLOOKED by the people who know them?!
I think people are looking less and less outside themselves. Everyone is so focused on work and making money that it's like thir whole lives, they don't even notice when someone they know is becoming unhinged. I'm not blaming the individual people here, it's kind of how society as a whole has forced people to become to survive. I think this rampant me-firstness is the root cause of so many problems, even more so than guns. Guns are an effect, not a cause. I'm in favor of gun control because it will make it less easy for deranged people to kill lots of people in a short time, but it's a band-aid trying to cover a gaping wound. People will always turn a blind eye to someone who is 'off.' It's human nature to sweep stuff like that under the rug, pretend it isn't there out of shame, guilt, social pressure, preoccupation with other things, whatever.
Besides that, there's an actual breakdown of society going on. This is the result of schools pushing kids through regardless of grades, behavorial problems, etc, so they can graduate, so the school can have a good record, so they can get MORE MONEY. Anyone else see a common cause of evil here? Maybe if everyone wasn't so damn focused on "getting theirs" we might catch these people before they do horrible things. And, you know, live in a better world and stuff.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Also!! One of those gawdawful talent reality shows (I don't want to know which one - if I know the name my soul will die) was on last night (we had it on mute* cause we were waiting for another show and are apparently too lazy to change the channel) and Britney Spears was there like, mentoring young singers or something, and I'm like WTF? Britney Spears is some kind of elder statesman of music now? Britney Spears is Paul frigging McCartney?? ASHGFJFKFJDHDHF
*it still hurt my ears somehow
I don't really hate everything in the world right now. It just seems like it sometimes! I'm actually rather lighthearted most of the time. I just really, really miss many things I feel should still be here with us, and I don't like what's replaced them. Writing it down here helps me muddle through.
*it still hurt my ears somehow
I don't really hate everything in the world right now. It just seems like it sometimes! I'm actually rather lighthearted most of the time. I just really, really miss many things I feel should still be here with us, and I don't like what's replaced them. Writing it down here helps me muddle through.
No store will ever be as cool as Contempo Casuals. I love American Eagle and A&F, but man, sometimes I would trade it all for racks and racks of those flowered babydoll dresses, funky buckle jackets, giant Madonna crucifixes, black velvet hats, and leggings in every shade. Every shade of purple. With the Sundays playing over the speakers. Late 80s/early 90s, kind of the last golden age of the mall. I remember when going to the mall was exciting!!
I had a whole closet full of those flowered dresses, and a canopy bed, and I felt safe.
I had a whole closet full of those flowered dresses, and a canopy bed, and I felt safe.
Monday, December 10, 2012
My fingernails are growing out of control! Why is this happening? Well, I'm glad you asked...
I did not bring my nail scissors with me to Canada because I thought they might see them in my luggage and think it's a weapon and I'd be known as like, the Manicure Terrorist or something for the rest of my life. So now I have to buy new nail scissors. That's like 5 bucks I can't spend on candy! This world sucks butt. :(
...Well not all of it, obviously. Just this kind of thing. Kangeroos don't suck. And trees are pretty great.
I did not bring my nail scissors with me to Canada because I thought they might see them in my luggage and think it's a weapon and I'd be known as like, the Manicure Terrorist or something for the rest of my life. So now I have to buy new nail scissors. That's like 5 bucks I can't spend on candy! This world sucks butt. :(
...Well not all of it, obviously. Just this kind of thing. Kangeroos don't suck. And trees are pretty great.
Saturday, December 08, 2012
I've been thinking about music a lot lately, or rather, the lack of music. Growing up, popular music was pretty much the center of my life. This was the 80s, of course. I listened to the top 40 on the radio and watched the MTV top 20 video countdown every week religiously. I loved it all. Then, something happened. Well, it stopped being the 80s. That sucked. Music slowly moved away from what I recognized as music. I blame rap, and MTV for taking out the M, and Britney Spears (who never had an ounce of the talent or charisma Madonna had). She and her music have always struck me as plastic. Where's the emotion? Music should not be slick and overly produced, there has to be something raw feeling or it's not music. It's Muzak. And everything is like crazy produced now, they've produced the music right out of it.
And basically, this has made me a completely different person than I used to be, when my life revolved around music. I now avoid popular music instead of breathing it in. It makes me sad that I hate it so much. But I hate it, and I know why I hate it, and I especially hate that kids growing up today think that overly produced crap is what music is supposed to sound like. IT'S NOT. And I hate MTV for abandoning this generation to teen mom and jersey shore and whatever other crap they show now.
Times always change, and I'm sure people back in the like 1800s would be all, MTV? We were happy with a piano and a candle and a... donkey, or whatever. But this is a change I can't accept. I want music back. The great thing about music is it's timeless. I can listen to 80s music or the Beatles or whatever any time I want. But I miss being part of music, part of what's happening. It's more of a security blanket than an adventure. I want to bury myself in a pile of dusty old records, and that seems counter-productive. Heck, that's not even my era, it's my parents'. But records have the most personality, and they smell like something, which is always important.
And basically, this has made me a completely different person than I used to be, when my life revolved around music. I now avoid popular music instead of breathing it in. It makes me sad that I hate it so much. But I hate it, and I know why I hate it, and I especially hate that kids growing up today think that overly produced crap is what music is supposed to sound like. IT'S NOT. And I hate MTV for abandoning this generation to teen mom and jersey shore and whatever other crap they show now.
Times always change, and I'm sure people back in the like 1800s would be all, MTV? We were happy with a piano and a candle and a... donkey, or whatever. But this is a change I can't accept. I want music back. The great thing about music is it's timeless. I can listen to 80s music or the Beatles or whatever any time I want. But I miss being part of music, part of what's happening. It's more of a security blanket than an adventure. I want to bury myself in a pile of dusty old records, and that seems counter-productive. Heck, that's not even my era, it's my parents'. But records have the most personality, and they smell like something, which is always important.
Monday, November 05, 2012
My new mantra is "As long as ______, everything is okay." These are not obvious things like, as long as I have my husband or as long as there are cats, or cheese.
As long as I have this blog to write in, everything is okay. Because it's my safe space, always.
As long as you remember the songs your mother sang to you as a child, everything is okay. Bonus if you sing them to your own children.
As long as there are new Adam the Woo adventures uploaded, everything is okay. Because he embodies living simply and enjoying life and everything everyone should do if they can!
As long as there are kangaroos, everything is okay. Because seriously, kangaroos. Think about them. They are NATURE'S BABY BUGGIES. They are the coolest thing in the world. It is impossible to be sad while realizing this about kangaroos. Don't take kangaroos for granted; there's a lot of cool stuff in this world!
As long as I have this blog to write in, everything is okay. Because it's my safe space, always.
As long as you remember the songs your mother sang to you as a child, everything is okay. Bonus if you sing them to your own children.
As long as there are new Adam the Woo adventures uploaded, everything is okay. Because he embodies living simply and enjoying life and everything everyone should do if they can!
As long as there are kangaroos, everything is okay. Because seriously, kangaroos. Think about them. They are NATURE'S BABY BUGGIES. They are the coolest thing in the world. It is impossible to be sad while realizing this about kangaroos. Don't take kangaroos for granted; there's a lot of cool stuff in this world!
I think, possibly, the world ended when that "Call Me Maybe" song came out, and nobody noticed.
Why does this innocuous little song bother me so much? It's pop music. It's supposed to be innocuous. Well... the lyrics. "Here's my number, so call me... maybe." Like wow, not since "it's Friday" have I heard such deep and meaningful lyrics. It's the MAYBE that bothers me so much. It doesn't even make sense. "Call me if you feel like it." "Call me if you're hungry and don't want to eat a burger alone." "Call me if you're not too hungover and actually remember who I am." "Call my Lawyer." These make sense. Call me maybe just sounds like you want to be referred to as Maybe. "Hi, I'm Mabel Marie Jones. Call me Maybe*."
*Maybe Jones is actually a cool name. However, I still contend this was the day the music died.
ALSO: was watching Duran Duran video on youtube, because I miss the 80s EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE, and that stupid Carly Rae Whatever's face was staring at me the whole time. Someone left a comment like, "my walkman finlly died the day that call me maybe song came out. Coincidence?" Nope, I'm pretty sure your walkman committed suicide. RIP. I mean, this world today is making me want to become one of those pretentious people who still only listens to vinyl. I liked records. They were real, and big, and there was a record store in LA when I was growing up called Licorice Pizza, which is the coolest name for a store ever. Even if the only records I ever listened to were the Smurfs and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, I'm still glad I got to experience the end of an era. (All my kiddie music was on vinyl; my first "real" music purchase was Vacation by the Go-Gos, on cassette. Aww yeah!!) I'm glad I'm the age I am, because I like the time I grew up in and wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Some people might laugh at the 80s, but there was real style then. Style that was so iconic, it was substance. The music also sounded like real music, not auto-tuned crap that came out of a box somewhere. Look at Madonna, Cyndi lauper, Boy george, Michael Jackson, Duran Duran, Devo, that Flock of Seagulls guy with the weird hair. That stuff will last forever. Very few things from today will be remembered, because time passes too quickly for things to become icons. There's so much information out there, nothing lasts long enough to leave a real impression. Nothing gets to matter anymore. (I guess in the case of Call me Mabel, I mean Maybe, this is a good thing.)
I was watching an episode of American Horror Story (best show ever pretty much), and it was a flashback to the 60s and this guy was alone with a little portable radio, and it was playing one of those 60s doo-wop type songs and the guy was just ROCKING OUT to it like it was the only thing in the world, and I was like holy frick, I miss the days when all you needed to be happy was a radio and a good song. People were just happier then. There's no way they couldn't have been. Then his wife was killed by aliens or something, but that's beside the point. The point is, it takes too damn much to be happy now.
If you listen to older music, and listen to today's music, you will get horribly depressed for what's missing and what's gone (namely, music.) Like... how the hell did we get from there (music played by real instruments and real voices) to here (the musical equivalent of Made in China keychains from the Dollar Store). So, I try to not listen to today's music. Listen to "Invincible" by Pat Benatar. Problem solved, guaranteed.
Why does this innocuous little song bother me so much? It's pop music. It's supposed to be innocuous. Well... the lyrics. "Here's my number, so call me... maybe." Like wow, not since "it's Friday" have I heard such deep and meaningful lyrics. It's the MAYBE that bothers me so much. It doesn't even make sense. "Call me if you feel like it." "Call me if you're hungry and don't want to eat a burger alone." "Call me if you're not too hungover and actually remember who I am." "Call my Lawyer." These make sense. Call me maybe just sounds like you want to be referred to as Maybe. "Hi, I'm Mabel Marie Jones. Call me Maybe*."
*Maybe Jones is actually a cool name. However, I still contend this was the day the music died.
ALSO: was watching Duran Duran video on youtube, because I miss the 80s EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE, and that stupid Carly Rae Whatever's face was staring at me the whole time. Someone left a comment like, "my walkman finlly died the day that call me maybe song came out. Coincidence?" Nope, I'm pretty sure your walkman committed suicide. RIP. I mean, this world today is making me want to become one of those pretentious people who still only listens to vinyl. I liked records. They were real, and big, and there was a record store in LA when I was growing up called Licorice Pizza, which is the coolest name for a store ever. Even if the only records I ever listened to were the Smurfs and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, I'm still glad I got to experience the end of an era. (All my kiddie music was on vinyl; my first "real" music purchase was Vacation by the Go-Gos, on cassette. Aww yeah!!) I'm glad I'm the age I am, because I like the time I grew up in and wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Some people might laugh at the 80s, but there was real style then. Style that was so iconic, it was substance. The music also sounded like real music, not auto-tuned crap that came out of a box somewhere. Look at Madonna, Cyndi lauper, Boy george, Michael Jackson, Duran Duran, Devo, that Flock of Seagulls guy with the weird hair. That stuff will last forever. Very few things from today will be remembered, because time passes too quickly for things to become icons. There's so much information out there, nothing lasts long enough to leave a real impression. Nothing gets to matter anymore. (I guess in the case of Call me Mabel, I mean Maybe, this is a good thing.)
I was watching an episode of American Horror Story (best show ever pretty much), and it was a flashback to the 60s and this guy was alone with a little portable radio, and it was playing one of those 60s doo-wop type songs and the guy was just ROCKING OUT to it like it was the only thing in the world, and I was like holy frick, I miss the days when all you needed to be happy was a radio and a good song. People were just happier then. There's no way they couldn't have been. Then his wife was killed by aliens or something, but that's beside the point. The point is, it takes too damn much to be happy now.
If you listen to older music, and listen to today's music, you will get horribly depressed for what's missing and what's gone (namely, music.) Like... how the hell did we get from there (music played by real instruments and real voices) to here (the musical equivalent of Made in China keychains from the Dollar Store). So, I try to not listen to today's music. Listen to "Invincible" by Pat Benatar. Problem solved, guaranteed.
Thursday, November 01, 2012
culinary nostalgia activate
It seems my nostalgia kick is officially no longer a kick but a way of life. Makes sense, I guess. After all, what are we but a collection of our memories, experiences and all the people and things we've loved?
When I was a kid, and my mom still baked, she made a lot of Irish soda bread. It's one of those yummy memories that kind of got stuck in a time capsule,* because I hadn't eaten it since I was a kid. So I made some and OMG - MOUTHFUL OF PURE NOSTALGIA. And my hubby likes it, so I'm bringing it into the present too!
*not literally, cause that would be gross.
When I was a kid, and my mom still baked, she made a lot of Irish soda bread. It's one of those yummy memories that kind of got stuck in a time capsule,* because I hadn't eaten it since I was a kid. So I made some and OMG - MOUTHFUL OF PURE NOSTALGIA. And my hubby likes it, so I'm bringing it into the present too!
*not literally, cause that would be gross.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Abandoned Shoes
Every once in a while, you come across these in your travels. I don't know how they get there or where they're going, it's one of the great mysteries of life, but I do know Abandoned Shoes would make a great band name.
In this case, it looks like the Shoes had some creative differences and Right Shoe decided to embark on a solo career. Godspeed, Right Shoe.
Left Shoe retired to make candles and raise sheep. Or possibly make candles out of sheep.
In this case, it looks like the Shoes had some creative differences and Right Shoe decided to embark on a solo career. Godspeed, Right Shoe.
Left Shoe retired to make candles and raise sheep. Or possibly make candles out of sheep.
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
Why I post things here instead of LJ or facebook, even though nobody actually reads this:
People really like getting offended. For example, my bit about Canadian Thanksgiving, what do ya wanna bet someone would chime in with some very Important and Serious meaning behind Canadian Thanksgiving that involves people being Horribly Oppressed (because Important and Serious meanings always do) that would make me feel horrible about my innocuous little rambling. The internet is a minefield of that stuff, and a complete lack of humor or PERSPECTIVE. And I do not wish to feel horrible, so.
Ditto my not caring about politics. BUT YOU HAVE TO CARE, BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE OPPRESSED! Paying attention to this crap makes me feel oppressed. So, I have un-oppressed one person. Yay for me. Also, I care just enough to vote. I'm not a Barbarian. I just don't want to hear all the blah blah blah.
I really would like people to read this, though. Just not people I know. I don't care if random strangers get offended by something innocuous, cause I don't have to deal with it.
People really like getting offended. For example, my bit about Canadian Thanksgiving, what do ya wanna bet someone would chime in with some very Important and Serious meaning behind Canadian Thanksgiving that involves people being Horribly Oppressed (because Important and Serious meanings always do) that would make me feel horrible about my innocuous little rambling. The internet is a minefield of that stuff, and a complete lack of humor or PERSPECTIVE. And I do not wish to feel horrible, so.
Ditto my not caring about politics. BUT YOU HAVE TO CARE, BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE OPPRESSED! Paying attention to this crap makes me feel oppressed. So, I have un-oppressed one person. Yay for me. Also, I care just enough to vote. I'm not a Barbarian. I just don't want to hear all the blah blah blah.
I really would like people to read this, though. Just not people I know. I don't care if random strangers get offended by something innocuous, cause I don't have to deal with it.
Reflections on my new life ~
1. I love my husband! D'awww :)
2. Using foreign money kinda feels like playing dress-up.
3. In Canada, Sportscenter is spelled Sportscentre. THIS WEIRDS ME OUT FOR SOME REASON.
4. I love doing fall activities with my husband! D'awwww :)
5. In a cruel twist of irony, we were unable to go apple picking. However, in the spirit of GO PICK SOME GODDAMN APPLES, we're gonna GO PICK OUT A GODDAMN PUMPKIN AND CARVE THAT SUCKA.
6. Ceasing to care about politics is the best thing I've ever done. I recommend it to everyone, especially politicians.
7. I love my cat! And my husband! D'awwwww!
8. I don't understand Canadian Thanksgiving. It's like, oh yeah, we got yo turkey, and yo stuffing, and yo mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce, but we gonna eat it all in OCTOBER! TAKE THAT, AMERICA! And there are no pilgrims and natives coming together to... fight over who gets the last turkey leg, or whatever, so what exactly are they being thankful for? Hockey? ... oh, wait. :(
9. I move to Canada, and HOCKEY STOPS EXISTING. Um... sorry, Canada? I was aiming for Justin Bieber, I swear.
10. Domestic = love. So, so happy. I am finally me in this world of non me-ness!!
11. One thing that's really great about being the 'weird kid...' when you grow up you get to fall in love with another 'weird kid' who appreciates you and likes doing dorky stuff with you like playing Magic in the park. I bet the divorce rate is much lower among so-called 'weird' people! ;)
1. I love my husband! D'awww :)
2. Using foreign money kinda feels like playing dress-up.
3. In Canada, Sportscenter is spelled Sportscentre. THIS WEIRDS ME OUT FOR SOME REASON.
4. I love doing fall activities with my husband! D'awwww :)
5. In a cruel twist of irony, we were unable to go apple picking. However, in the spirit of GO PICK SOME GODDAMN APPLES, we're gonna GO PICK OUT A GODDAMN PUMPKIN AND CARVE THAT SUCKA.
6. Ceasing to care about politics is the best thing I've ever done. I recommend it to everyone, especially politicians.
7. I love my cat! And my husband! D'awwwww!
8. I don't understand Canadian Thanksgiving. It's like, oh yeah, we got yo turkey, and yo stuffing, and yo mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce, but we gonna eat it all in OCTOBER! TAKE THAT, AMERICA! And there are no pilgrims and natives coming together to... fight over who gets the last turkey leg, or whatever, so what exactly are they being thankful for? Hockey? ... oh, wait. :(
9. I move to Canada, and HOCKEY STOPS EXISTING. Um... sorry, Canada? I was aiming for Justin Bieber, I swear.
10. Domestic = love. So, so happy. I am finally me in this world of non me-ness!!
11. One thing that's really great about being the 'weird kid...' when you grow up you get to fall in love with another 'weird kid' who appreciates you and likes doing dorky stuff with you like playing Magic in the park. I bet the divorce rate is much lower among so-called 'weird' people! ;)
Sunday, August 05, 2012
I want to put more positive energy out there. I feel so much better when I do.
I just don't want the answer to life to be "stop caring" or "don't care so much." That seems like a really defeated way of not being sad.
I want the answer to be "pick apples" and "sing camp songs" and "take your cat for a walk in the park."
I just don't want the answer to life to be "stop caring" or "don't care so much." That seems like a really defeated way of not being sad.
I want the answer to be "pick apples" and "sing camp songs" and "take your cat for a walk in the park."
Saturday, August 04, 2012
See, I feel like I've been living on Mars for the past couple months. And I'd really like to stop feeling that way.
This is a world that has Maru in it after all, and cookies, and Three's Company reruns and country music and MST3K and abandoned house videos and burritos and a whole host of things that make me feel safe and happy. But why can't life ever make me feel safe and happy, just once? You know, the part with the other people in it, and the things?
I'm tired of using my comforts to escape my life. Why can't my life ever BE the comfort?
This is a world that has Maru in it after all, and cookies, and Three's Company reruns and country music and MST3K and abandoned house videos and burritos and a whole host of things that make me feel safe and happy. But why can't life ever make me feel safe and happy, just once? You know, the part with the other people in it, and the things?
I'm tired of using my comforts to escape my life. Why can't my life ever BE the comfort?
I am playing dominoes, and cl, and watching tv, in an attempt to stuff my brain full of enough stuff that it can't think thoughts.
All I want is to feel safe again.
I am, unless the world explodes or something me-like happens, getting married in less than 2 weeks. To the man I've waited 3 years to be with. This should be the happiest time of my life, but because of circumstances, it isn't. I truly feel like I'm not allowed to enjoy, or even possess, anything in this world. This world is not mine. The thing I've most looked forward to my whole life has been infused with such anxiety and fear that they're now one and the same. Something which should represent safety represents just the opposite. I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm insulted, but I'm oddly not surprised. Because this world has never been mine, at least not since I was a young child, and every time it and its machinations move farther out of my reach, the less surprised I feel. Ok, maybe a DULL SURPRISE. (MST3K, one of the few things that never lets me down.)
I do apologize for the negativity, but sometimes it's the only appropriate response.
All I want is to feel safe again.
I am, unless the world explodes or something me-like happens, getting married in less than 2 weeks. To the man I've waited 3 years to be with. This should be the happiest time of my life, but because of circumstances, it isn't. I truly feel like I'm not allowed to enjoy, or even possess, anything in this world. This world is not mine. The thing I've most looked forward to my whole life has been infused with such anxiety and fear that they're now one and the same. Something which should represent safety represents just the opposite. I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm insulted, but I'm oddly not surprised. Because this world has never been mine, at least not since I was a young child, and every time it and its machinations move farther out of my reach, the less surprised I feel. Ok, maybe a DULL SURPRISE. (MST3K, one of the few things that never lets me down.)
I do apologize for the negativity, but sometimes it's the only appropriate response.
Sunday, July 08, 2012
I think I'm a Seasonist. This is like, my religion. Do summer things in the summer. Christmas things at Christmas. Get drunk every St. Patty's Day and ring in every new year like it means something, when it's really just an excuse to drink champagne and kiss someone. Enjoy and repeat, and really, what could go wrong? That's living, people.
It sounds so simple, but you'd be surprised how many people pshaw these traditions these days. I believe it's created a diminishing quality of life. Traditions are there for a reason, they're the touchstones of our lives. Every time you say I'm gonna watch tv/ internet/ go to bed early/ walk the dog in place of celebrating some observance, just because you CAN, you lose, man.
This is one of the little insidious side effects of the overly permissive, me me me world we've ended up in. We no longer feel required to be connected to the world, only ourselves. That might sound good, and FREE!, but it really isn't. That part of you that's telling you to internet on new year's instead of drink a toast, cause who really gives a crap? That part is evil, and lazy, and the easy way out. It's the same part that tells you nah, don't go out after work, you're too tired to actually live, stay in and do nothing! You'll feel better! And then your life passes you by and you've done nothing but work, internet, and die.
The moral of this story is, DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN. Those things you're skipping? That's your life. STOP SKIPPING LIFE. Eat hot dogs, drink lemonade, go swimming and say YES, it's summer, and I am all up in it, baby! This fall, go pick some goddamn apples! There's air outside, and it smells good! Dress up for Halloween, even if it's one of those tacky t-shirts from Wal-Mart that says "This IS my costume!" And for God's sake, get up the gumption to celebrate Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus/Generic Winter Holiday Day with a goddamn smile, even if you don't believe in it, that's not the point. The point is, take what life has given you and enjoy it in your own way and you WILL get something out of it, and you will get nothing out of skipping it but a hall pass to nowhere.
Trust me, I know.
This was inspired by my thought process of today, which was, "I can't wait to get my slaw dog. Where shall I eat it? Bringing it back home would be boring, but eeeeasy... hey wait, it's SUMMER! I think I shall eat my hot dog in the PARK, like a PERSON! YEAH!"
It sounds so simple, but you'd be surprised how many people pshaw these traditions these days. I believe it's created a diminishing quality of life. Traditions are there for a reason, they're the touchstones of our lives. Every time you say I'm gonna watch tv/ internet/ go to bed early/ walk the dog in place of celebrating some observance, just because you CAN, you lose, man.
This is one of the little insidious side effects of the overly permissive, me me me world we've ended up in. We no longer feel required to be connected to the world, only ourselves. That might sound good, and FREE!, but it really isn't. That part of you that's telling you to internet on new year's instead of drink a toast, cause who really gives a crap? That part is evil, and lazy, and the easy way out. It's the same part that tells you nah, don't go out after work, you're too tired to actually live, stay in and do nothing! You'll feel better! And then your life passes you by and you've done nothing but work, internet, and die.
The moral of this story is, DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN. Those things you're skipping? That's your life. STOP SKIPPING LIFE. Eat hot dogs, drink lemonade, go swimming and say YES, it's summer, and I am all up in it, baby! This fall, go pick some goddamn apples! There's air outside, and it smells good! Dress up for Halloween, even if it's one of those tacky t-shirts from Wal-Mart that says "This IS my costume!" And for God's sake, get up the gumption to celebrate Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus/Generic Winter Holiday Day with a goddamn smile, even if you don't believe in it, that's not the point. The point is, take what life has given you and enjoy it in your own way and you WILL get something out of it, and you will get nothing out of skipping it but a hall pass to nowhere.
Trust me, I know.
This was inspired by my thought process of today, which was, "I can't wait to get my slaw dog. Where shall I eat it? Bringing it back home would be boring, but eeeeasy... hey wait, it's SUMMER! I think I shall eat my hot dog in the PARK, like a PERSON! YEAH!"
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
The other day I watched a Three's Company rerun and there was a CAL WORTHINGTON FORD commercial during it. For one brief shining moment, it was my sunny 80s LA childhood.*
Also, life imitates art, or at least my blog. The Crimimal Minds episode I watched last night featured an awesome TABLE FORT! Don't tell me we don't all wanna go back there. The world can't touch you behind FORT SHEETS. They're like a protective force field.
*LA is still very sunny. But somehow, not as sunny.
Also, life imitates art, or at least my blog. The Crimimal Minds episode I watched last night featured an awesome TABLE FORT! Don't tell me we don't all wanna go back there. The world can't touch you behind FORT SHEETS. They're like a protective force field.
*LA is still very sunny. But somehow, not as sunny.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
I think this is also why people turn into their parents. Not because they're compelled to, but because they want to return to their childhoods and turning back into themselves as children would land them in the loony bin. So they find the next best thing.
Also, we need Adult Couch Forts. I think this needs to be a revolution or something.
Also, we need Adult Couch Forts. I think this needs to be a revolution or something.
Well I'm still me, and I still have a cat*. So, there's that.
*Not the same cat, of course. But cats never change. That's one of the many things I love about cats. They all purr, and have 100 different meows, and curl into balls on piles of your stuff, and knock things off of other things, and swish their tails like poetry, and give you that crinkly cat look when they're happy.
Perhaps I'll move my couch fort to an island inhabited solely by cats. Yes, that sounds about right.
*Not the same cat, of course. But cats never change. That's one of the many things I love about cats. They all purr, and have 100 different meows, and curl into balls on piles of your stuff, and knock things off of other things, and swish their tails like poetry, and give you that crinkly cat look when they're happy.
Perhaps I'll move my couch fort to an island inhabited solely by cats. Yes, that sounds about right.
See, I just want everything back. That old orange flowered sofa? I want that back. The coffee table that looked like tree bark. The wagon wheel things out in the yard. THE YARD. The fruit trees. The rosebushes. The piano. The stereo with the giant speakers. All the ridiculous heavy wooden furniture that wasn't actually ridiculous at all because it was alive, it had a soul, not like today's disposable crap. I don't care how light it is, I WANT REAL FURNITURE. I want all my books back. And my cats. And my different colored socks. I want a big kitchen. I don't want an econo-life. I want things to smell like something, and feel like something. I want to goddamn FEEL again.
I miss my mom cooking and my dad reading the paper every morning. People laugh at tradition. WHY? It's what all our FREAKING HAPPY MEMORIES are made of!! And we've laughed it all away, like it's funny, like we can do better than those fools, but really, who wouldn't want to return there, to their safe place? Why have we bombed our own safe houses? Who are the fools now?
If there's one lyric I not only wish I'd written but feel like I could have written it's, "If I had a billion dollars, I'd buy back my old room." This is from an obscure 80s song they played late at night on MTV when I felt all rebellious! staying up past my bedtime. (I sincerely hope it was on a school night too.) What's funny is, I was a kid when that song came out and the line didn't mean anything to me, but it stuck with me all these years. And now it's gospel.
Life has pretty successfully kicked my ass. And all I want is to go back to my couch fort. I could live there, there was always room for snacks. And a cat.
I miss my mom cooking and my dad reading the paper every morning. People laugh at tradition. WHY? It's what all our FREAKING HAPPY MEMORIES are made of!! And we've laughed it all away, like it's funny, like we can do better than those fools, but really, who wouldn't want to return there, to their safe place? Why have we bombed our own safe houses? Who are the fools now?
If there's one lyric I not only wish I'd written but feel like I could have written it's, "If I had a billion dollars, I'd buy back my old room." This is from an obscure 80s song they played late at night on MTV when I felt all rebellious! staying up past my bedtime. (I sincerely hope it was on a school night too.) What's funny is, I was a kid when that song came out and the line didn't mean anything to me, but it stuck with me all these years. And now it's gospel.
Life has pretty successfully kicked my ass. And all I want is to go back to my couch fort. I could live there, there was always room for snacks. And a cat.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Ew ew EW!!!! More that is everything WRONG!
NBC chairman Bob Greenblatt said, “It was a difficult decision. Everyone here respects Harry’s Law a lot but we were finding it hard to grow the audience for it. Its audience skewed very old. It’s hard to monetize that.”
Now I never watched this show, but I only watch a handful of shows and none of them are crap like The Bachelor that is apparently easily MONETIZED (barf up a stream) either, so that's beside the point. The point is, HI, I'M BOB EVIL.
Yes, I understand companies need to make a profit. But goddamit, it didn't used to be ALL about that. There used to be some damned CULTURE AND HUMANITY. It really is all about the bottom line now, isn't it? How depressing.
I'm going to stop reading things now and listen to some country music.
NBC chairman Bob Greenblatt said, “It was a difficult decision. Everyone here respects Harry’s Law a lot but we were finding it hard to grow the audience for it. Its audience skewed very old. It’s hard to monetize that.”
Now I never watched this show, but I only watch a handful of shows and none of them are crap like The Bachelor that is apparently easily MONETIZED (barf up a stream) either, so that's beside the point. The point is, HI, I'M BOB EVIL.
Yes, I understand companies need to make a profit. But goddamit, it didn't used to be ALL about that. There used to be some damned CULTURE AND HUMANITY. It really is all about the bottom line now, isn't it? How depressing.
I'm going to stop reading things now and listen to some country music.
Wow... http://www.upworthy.com/the-real-reason-they-still-play-mrs-robinson-on-the-radio
This pretty much sums up what I was trying to pinpoint in one of my previous entries, about why things seem so different from the 80s now in really awful ways. In handy chart form, even.
"In 1983, 90% of American media was owned by 50 companies. In 2011, that same 90% is owned by 6 companies."
Does that make anyone else feel like they got kicked in the gut by like, some sneaky financial ninja? When did this HAPPEN to us? Why did we LET it? Did we even have a choice? And do most people even care?
Well, I care. This doesn't just apply to media either. It goes right along with what I was saying about stores too, like Macy's, the big fish eating all the other fish. This much conglomeration is not good. And here is the proof, not that proof was needed. This kind of change is evident all around us if we pay attention, but it's scary to see it laid out in such stark terms. My childhood really was better in a lot of ways; it isn't just nostalgia. Our culture really is going to hell right under our noses.
I don't want my child to grow up in a world with only 6 things. :(
This pretty much sums up what I was trying to pinpoint in one of my previous entries, about why things seem so different from the 80s now in really awful ways. In handy chart form, even.
"In 1983, 90% of American media was owned by 50 companies. In 2011, that same 90% is owned by 6 companies."
Does that make anyone else feel like they got kicked in the gut by like, some sneaky financial ninja? When did this HAPPEN to us? Why did we LET it? Did we even have a choice? And do most people even care?
Well, I care. This doesn't just apply to media either. It goes right along with what I was saying about stores too, like Macy's, the big fish eating all the other fish. This much conglomeration is not good. And here is the proof, not that proof was needed. This kind of change is evident all around us if we pay attention, but it's scary to see it laid out in such stark terms. My childhood really was better in a lot of ways; it isn't just nostalgia. Our culture really is going to hell right under our noses.
I don't want my child to grow up in a world with only 6 things. :(
Monday, May 07, 2012
Another bit of nostalgia: the Chuck E Cheese in Northridge that's still there! Particularly, the weird robot band thing. In retrospect kinda creepy but as a kid, it might as well have been Disneyland. I was MESMERIZED when those things popped out. I remember Kissin' Cousins being performed by something purple and furry.
If I saw it for the first time today, as an adult, I probably wouldn't think twice about it. But as a kid, it left an impression I remember to this day.
Edit: I was wrong! It wasn't the purple furry thing who sang it. I think it was... whatever this is. A hippo with an orange afro? I remember feeling all sad and bereft inside because the main stage show had ended, and as a kid it feels like TEN YEARS between shows. So imagine my delight when I wandered into another area and this popped out and started singing Elvis at me! (And yes, it was delight and not sheer terror.)
If I saw it for the first time today, as an adult, I probably wouldn't think twice about it. But as a kid, it left an impression I remember to this day.
Edit: I was wrong! It wasn't the purple furry thing who sang it. I think it was... whatever this is. A hippo with an orange afro? I remember feeling all sad and bereft inside because the main stage show had ended, and as a kid it feels like TEN YEARS between shows. So imagine my delight when I wandered into another area and this popped out and started singing Elvis at me! (And yes, it was delight and not sheer terror.)
Sunday, May 06, 2012
God I love the internet! It's really the one thing I can think of that is sooooo much better than when I was a kid. Though if there had been internet, would some of my other good memories not have existed? Hmm. I think I'll avoid that little brain bender and share TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT REASONS why the internet is awesome!
1. Chef Boyardee roller coasters. These were a big part of my childhood cuisine, so I googled them. Of course they are long gone, but... http://gbnfgroceries.blogspot.com/2011/09/from-canned-goods-aisle.html ... there are tons of other people with the SAME MEMORIES of this DELICIOUS CURLY PASTA PRODUCT! (Well, it was delicious when I was six. It might taste like dog food now, but I don't care! I want some!) Even simple Roller Coasters have a nostalgia page. This is how I know I'm not alone, and everything is somehow okay.
And on a totally different note... http://seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com/441098.html MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY
Scientist, artist, police officer, homemaker... what makes you a girl (and a feminist), is just BEING WHO YOU ARE. If you're happy, you win. Thank you for wording this so perfectly and beautifully. This made my day. Yes, even more than the Roller Coasters.
PS ~ I think "Grand Rapids Ohio Applebutter Fest" is the happiest phrase I have ever seen. Thank you, youtube randomness!
1. Chef Boyardee roller coasters. These were a big part of my childhood cuisine, so I googled them. Of course they are long gone, but... http://gbnfgroceries.blogspot.com/2011/09/from-canned-goods-aisle.html ... there are tons of other people with the SAME MEMORIES of this DELICIOUS CURLY PASTA PRODUCT! (Well, it was delicious when I was six. It might taste like dog food now, but I don't care! I want some!) Even simple Roller Coasters have a nostalgia page. This is how I know I'm not alone, and everything is somehow okay.
And on a totally different note... http://seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com/441098.html MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY
Scientist, artist, police officer, homemaker... what makes you a girl (and a feminist), is just BEING WHO YOU ARE. If you're happy, you win. Thank you for wording this so perfectly and beautifully. This made my day. Yes, even more than the Roller Coasters.
PS ~ I think "Grand Rapids Ohio Applebutter Fest" is the happiest phrase I have ever seen. Thank you, youtube randomness!
Saturday, May 05, 2012
I am cursed with hating the time I live in, and trying my hardest to find joy where I can. I think this is part of why I enjoy abandoned places so much. Echoes of the past I think was better. Heck, it was better.
So, I am spending my evening watching vintage footage of the place I grew up in which is now homogenized like every place else. (And most of the non-homogenized parts are trash.) There used to be like, 10+ different department stores around. Now there're two, Macy's and the Other Macy's That Took Over that Other Store. Oh, three if you count the Sears Nobody Shops At except... old people, I guess? Everything these days is like the giant fish that eats all the other little fish. It sickens me. Who wants to live in a world with just one fish? Not me!!
I'm also watching old commercials. Remember when commercials had a jingle with the product's name in it, so you could actually remember what they wanted you to buy? None of this artsy fartsy crap where you don't know if they're trying to sell you a car, a watch, a cologne, or some electronic thingy that will be obsolete so fast it probably wasn't even worth writing a jingle for. No, it was O-S-C-A-R and double your pleasure with doublemint gum and chow, chow, chow! Simple and to the point. No, "what the hell was that? was that in German?" Not only does it suck, it's bad advertising! No wonder the economy is in such bad shape! BRING BACK COMMERCIAL JINGLES! And while you're at it, bring back TV theme shows too. "Come and knock on our door, we've been waiting for you..."
I live in hope that someday, something will be good again. That everything that is grand, and wonderful, and interesting hasn't been digested by the big fish. Enough people must realize that life isn't good homogenized. Life doesn't exist on twitter, it exists in the souls of the things we create. Like classic buildings. Please, stop tearing everything down to build another same-old-same-old. I feel quite desperate about this.
You know what i think did it? I was watching a video of LA in the 60s, and realized the LA of the 80s I grew up in had more resemblance to that than the LA of today. You might say, the 80s we're a long time ago now. But I see it as things are changing more and more rapidly than ever, and not for the better, and why? For what? To keep satisfying the big fish? Progress is not eradicating the unique, the iconic, the mom and pop stores, the five and dimes, the corner hobby shop with the paint smell I remember to this day. Who exactly thought this world would be better? Are people happier? No, they are not. I think people are much less happy. They just text all day so they don't notice what's missing.
So this is for you, Westchester Antique Faire, Carl's Hobby Shop, the Broadway with the cool display windows, and all other casualties of progress and giant hungry fish. You may be gone, but I hope someday to again live in a world that's worthy of you.
I don't want to live in the past, far from it. I want a present and future with some surprises left in store. You turn a corner and see something you've never seen before, because it's local and run by someone with a first name, like George or Carl. I want color and whimsy and unpredictability. I want fancy box displays with ridiculous mannequins and Christmas decorations. Not, "Gee, I wonder if the Macy's at the mall 5 miles away has anything different than this one, or the last one." It's kinda like those old cartoons like the Flintstones where they'd run and the same scenery would loop by 100 times, except it really is the same scenery repeated 100 times.
So, I am spending my evening watching vintage footage of the place I grew up in which is now homogenized like every place else. (And most of the non-homogenized parts are trash.) There used to be like, 10+ different department stores around. Now there're two, Macy's and the Other Macy's That Took Over that Other Store. Oh, three if you count the Sears Nobody Shops At except... old people, I guess? Everything these days is like the giant fish that eats all the other little fish. It sickens me. Who wants to live in a world with just one fish? Not me!!
I'm also watching old commercials. Remember when commercials had a jingle with the product's name in it, so you could actually remember what they wanted you to buy? None of this artsy fartsy crap where you don't know if they're trying to sell you a car, a watch, a cologne, or some electronic thingy that will be obsolete so fast it probably wasn't even worth writing a jingle for. No, it was O-S-C-A-R and double your pleasure with doublemint gum and chow, chow, chow! Simple and to the point. No, "what the hell was that? was that in German?" Not only does it suck, it's bad advertising! No wonder the economy is in such bad shape! BRING BACK COMMERCIAL JINGLES! And while you're at it, bring back TV theme shows too. "Come and knock on our door, we've been waiting for you..."
I live in hope that someday, something will be good again. That everything that is grand, and wonderful, and interesting hasn't been digested by the big fish. Enough people must realize that life isn't good homogenized. Life doesn't exist on twitter, it exists in the souls of the things we create. Like classic buildings. Please, stop tearing everything down to build another same-old-same-old. I feel quite desperate about this.
You know what i think did it? I was watching a video of LA in the 60s, and realized the LA of the 80s I grew up in had more resemblance to that than the LA of today. You might say, the 80s we're a long time ago now. But I see it as things are changing more and more rapidly than ever, and not for the better, and why? For what? To keep satisfying the big fish? Progress is not eradicating the unique, the iconic, the mom and pop stores, the five and dimes, the corner hobby shop with the paint smell I remember to this day. Who exactly thought this world would be better? Are people happier? No, they are not. I think people are much less happy. They just text all day so they don't notice what's missing.
So this is for you, Westchester Antique Faire, Carl's Hobby Shop, the Broadway with the cool display windows, and all other casualties of progress and giant hungry fish. You may be gone, but I hope someday to again live in a world that's worthy of you.
I don't want to live in the past, far from it. I want a present and future with some surprises left in store. You turn a corner and see something you've never seen before, because it's local and run by someone with a first name, like George or Carl. I want color and whimsy and unpredictability. I want fancy box displays with ridiculous mannequins and Christmas decorations. Not, "Gee, I wonder if the Macy's at the mall 5 miles away has anything different than this one, or the last one." It's kinda like those old cartoons like the Flintstones where they'd run and the same scenery would loop by 100 times, except it really is the same scenery repeated 100 times.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Funny news story of the day!
Thank you Ron Artest, you giant weird goofball, for changing your name to something ridiculous and giving us the immortal line, "The NBA commissioner suspended World Peace for seven games." In a related story, Cure for Cancer and Feed the Children were only suspended for three games.
What would happen if the Miss America pageant suspended World Peace? "If I could have one wish it would be for Wor-- I mean, a Porsche. Yeah, I want a Porsche. And a damn hamburger!" Actually wait, that would be much better. Screw you world peace, who needs you!
Thank you Ron Artest, you giant weird goofball, for changing your name to something ridiculous and giving us the immortal line, "The NBA commissioner suspended World Peace for seven games." In a related story, Cure for Cancer and Feed the Children were only suspended for three games.
What would happen if the Miss America pageant suspended World Peace? "If I could have one wish it would be for Wor-- I mean, a Porsche. Yeah, I want a Porsche. And a damn hamburger!" Actually wait, that would be much better. Screw you world peace, who needs you!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Reading youtube comments makes you want to stab everybody in the world. Seriously, why the HATE? When I read negative comments of something I like it makes me want to leave 1000 positive comments. But that would be weird, so I just leave one and it never feels like enough. It's like a drop of perfume into the sewer.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
I pretty much just wanna watch youtube videos forever right now. I'm in hibernate mode. Youtube has the odd effect of simultaneously making me want to stop hibernating and go out and do cool stuff, and want to keep watching more youtube.
It's not youtube's fault though. It just makes a great hibernation buddy.
It's not youtube's fault though. It just makes a great hibernation buddy.
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