In case there's any question why I prefer nostalgia to so much of today's nonsense... apparently it is now offensive to use the phrase "Merry Christmas." No, not "f*uck you," not "eat sh*t and die," but MERRY EFFIN CHRISTMAS. Yes, "happy holidays" is a better greeting because it includes people who celebrate Hanukkah and other holidays, I totally get that. But to say that the phrase MERRY CHRISTMAS is actually OFFENSIVE to your friggin sensibilities is another thing entirely. What has happened to us, exactly, as humans? This is not the world we used to live in.

Merry Christmas!
Yeah, f*ck you too!

Pardon me while I go bury myself in Norman Rockwell prints and cry.

I mean, since when does celebrating christmas necessarily mean you're Christian? It's been a secular holiday for a long time now. There would not be an actual inflatable snowman industry if it was all christian, there would not be Tigger dancing with Mickey Mouse in 30 foot snowglobes on at least one lawn on every block, it would be nativity scenes or NOTHIN, you heathens. ALL the greeting cards would be religious instead of the one little religious rack in Hallmark among the 10,000 Santa Claus ones. I'm not Christian, and I celebrate Christmas in my own way. I love it, in fact. I love decorating, and baking, and singing carols, and Christmas dinner with family, and you don't have to be christian or anything else to appreciate the SPIRIT of that. I sort of see it as "Happy December, have a cookie shaped like a tree!"

I mean, as long as you're not saying Merry Christmas to a RABBI or something, it's a pretty far stretch to consider it insulting. The funniest part is, the person who's all OMGOFFENDED isn't even Jewish or anything but an ATHEIST. Um, you don't believe in anything, and you expect the rest of the world to just shrivel up and not believe in anything either? What kind of world do you want to live in exactly, one that's just sanitized of EVERYTHING you don't believe in? I have nothing against atheism UNTIL they try to um, preach it to others? Anyone else's irony meter just go from red to like, purple? Or whatever colors irony is measured in? Somehow purple strikes me as HIGH IRONY ALERT. anyway.

We preach so much "tolerance" these days that we've out-toleranced ourselves right out of everything. Because not everyone can have their way, and sometimes "merry christmas" just needs to bloody win. Because it's NICE, and it makes most people happy, and instead of working up into a big offendy froth why not try to take something nice from it for yourself? Surely there's something about the idea of christmas you like? Pretty lights? Jingling bells? The smell of fresh pine? The glow of a candle? Giving to others? RUDOLPH?? And if not... well, you're just kind of a sad person and I don't want to live in your world, thanks.