Janeane Garofalo standup from 2012:
And what does she go after back to back, like BLAM! BLAM!? Every kid being named MADISON, and the suspicious abundance of "food allergies!" YES! I haven't felt this connected to the universe since seriously, like the mid 90s. She said something like, "when I was in school, before kids were named Madison." This would be a good way to measure time I think, BM and AM.
So yeah, feels good. Maybe no one reads my blog, but by god, Janeane's still out there fighting the good fight against human ridiculousness.
Showing posts with label what happened to food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label what happened to food. Show all posts
Thursday, December 27, 2012
So hi, I just got back from vacation! I had a great Christmas, but that's not really what I talk about here. That's what you write on twitter, and I don't have twitter, so that's convenient. Anyway, good times. But I'm here to rant. Because this is my rant filter. I could have the best time ever, but there's inevitably something that needs to be ranted about, and this is where it ends up.
SO I basically just spent Christmas in a Woody Allen movie. Which is awesome. But here's the rant part. When, exactly, did people STOP BEING ABLE TO EAT FOOD?
I can eat whatever the fook I want. I'll get FAT, but I can eat it. I don't eat onions, because they're disgusting. But now there're all these people who are vegan and gluten free and lactose intolerant and.... I dunno, sugar unshackled? cut loose from the cupcake oppressors? This is all a very modern concept. There was not a gluten free menu in caveman times, or during WWII, or even when I was growing up in the 80s. So what exactly happened to make this necessary? People are just like fragile little snowflakes now, aren't they?
When I was a kid I ate EVERYTHING and I never wore a helmet or got submerged in sanitizer after playing outside and I'M FINE. But now, apparently people will die if they eat bread. So there's this pile of food with no cheese or milk or flour or you know, food in it, and it tasted ok but I'm like, if I had to be around these dietary restriction people all the time I would LOSE MY FREAKING MIND. Dear god, please don't let my kids have any of this crap. I think I can will them not to have it with the power of my mind, through sheer force of OUR FOREFATHERS ATE FLOUR AND SO CAN YOU. What the hell HAPPENED to us man??
My answer is now, as it was then, "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me."
SO I basically just spent Christmas in a Woody Allen movie. Which is awesome. But here's the rant part. When, exactly, did people STOP BEING ABLE TO EAT FOOD?
I can eat whatever the fook I want. I'll get FAT, but I can eat it. I don't eat onions, because they're disgusting. But now there're all these people who are vegan and gluten free and lactose intolerant and.... I dunno, sugar unshackled? cut loose from the cupcake oppressors? This is all a very modern concept. There was not a gluten free menu in caveman times, or during WWII, or even when I was growing up in the 80s. So what exactly happened to make this necessary? People are just like fragile little snowflakes now, aren't they?
When I was a kid I ate EVERYTHING and I never wore a helmet or got submerged in sanitizer after playing outside and I'M FINE. But now, apparently people will die if they eat bread. So there's this pile of food with no cheese or milk or flour or you know, food in it, and it tasted ok but I'm like, if I had to be around these dietary restriction people all the time I would LOSE MY FREAKING MIND. Dear god, please don't let my kids have any of this crap. I think I can will them not to have it with the power of my mind, through sheer force of OUR FOREFATHERS ATE FLOUR AND SO CAN YOU. What the hell HAPPENED to us man??
My answer is now, as it was then, "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me."
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