Music musings

Wow, it's been a month already since I made my best and worst songs lists. Maybe it was a tad early, but I wanted them to be my unfiltered opinion, with no chance of influence from other lists. (Also, I knew my best albums list would take a while, and I wanted to get the easier stuff done first.) Now that I've seen what's on some other lists, here's my perspective on a few of those songs. I will not be changing my lists, that would kinda defeat the point of doing them early. But if I was going to change them, I'd probably move a couple honorable mentions onto the list.

THE LIST: http://mrsrowsdower.blogspot.ca/2015_11_01_archive.html#862964098771776360
I didn't change any songs, but I did add commentary to a few of them.

Also, I might do separate pop and country lists next year, even though they get harder and harder to tell apart.

I already wrote this, but it almost pains me to have not included "Dear Future Husband" on the actual list. I hated that song the first time I heard it, and it just gets worse with repeated listens. I let the pleasant, ripped-off-from-Runaround-Sue melody impede my judgment, plus I'd already put a much worse Meghan Trainor song at #2. But yeah, I'd definitely take out the MUCH less offensive "Hotline Bling" for that piece of hot garbage. Hotline Bling is actually... okay.

I'm on the fence about "Fight Song." It's such a dull motivational shout* but can it really be called bad? Like on the same level as "Kick the Dust Up", or "Marvin Gaye", or "I Don't Fuck With You?" Okay, it's not on that level, nothing is, not even Hitler's toenail clippings.

But what is it about Fight Song? I think it's a case of a song being so bland, so trite, so many words saying nothing at all, that it actually goes past boring into bad. I'd say it's the Hallmark card of music, but Hallmark cards serve an actual purpose. This is the poster child for empty motivation, a literal motivation poster set to music. And the music is pseudo-inspirational movie trailer pap. This was tired when Kelly Clarkson did it years ago, and to hear such a watered-down version of even that in 2015 is downright insulting. It's the plain white label brand of music, the BEER of beer, the CRACKERS of crackers, the SONG of songs. I didn't put it on the actual list just for being generic, but I keep finding more and more to say about it. So I think it belongs there.

*yes, you can have a dull shout. Go stand on a beach or something and yell "I JUST DID MY TAXES WOOOOOOOO!"

I do think "Watch Me" is technically the worst hit song of the year, by the standard that something like that was an actual hit. It's like if an infomercial became a top rated tv show. Though people do watch reality tv and they're probably the same ones who think Watch Me is an actual song, so whatever. It's too inconsequential to put on a list though; that's like validating its existence.

I forgot about Rihanna's "Mitch Better Have My Bunny," err, "Bitch Better Have My Money" when doing my HMs, and I'm fine with that. Not even worth it. This is the best you can do, Rihanna? Okay then, I'll just forget it exists.

I seem to be one of the few who got enraged by the teen whininess of "Stitches." I don't think I've seen it on any other lists yet. To that I say, yay! I like having different opinions. And look, you don't have to write whiny shit just because you're a teen. Lorde proved that. So did Taylor Swift. "Teardrops on My Guitar" is a heartache song that was clearly written by a teenager, but it doesn't go into cringe territory. "Now that I'm without your kisses, I'll be needing stitches" is the second-worst lyric* in a hit song this year. Well, one that was actually trying, anyway.

*yeah, you can't really beat "let's Marvin Gaye and get it on."

Speaking of different opinions, my #5 pick was Selena Gomez's "Good for You," and I'm amazed it's getting any praise. It's such a nothing song, breathy vocals, no melody to speak of, some guest rapper chiming in, whoop de doo. YAWN.

Two songs that seem to be polarizing are "Honey I'm Good" and "Cool for the Summer." Honey I'm Good kind of annoys me, not just for the self-congratulatory pat on the back for... not cheating, but mostly because it sounds like Rednex "Cotton Eye Joe." Is that REALLY something we needed back? "Cool for the Summer" doesn't do anything for me, but it's not bad. The rock vibe is okay, though I totally don't buy her as a rock chick. She's a packaged kind of rock. A pet rock. lol.

Justin Bieber... sigh. I put two of his hits in the HMs and I have to be honest. I mostly put them there because he belongs on a "top 10 worst artist" list. The actual songs, except maybe that crying whale one (DEAR GOD SOMEONE GO HELP THAT POOR WHALE) are more dull than actually bad, and if they were by any other singer I could just ignore them. But they do belong in the HMs, because I'm sick of the "it's not BAD, so it's decent" line of thinking. Yes, he's not as bad as he used to be. I less want to punch his stupid haircut than lightly slap it. But that doesn't mean he's good, or even okay. He's matured into boring. Yay??!? He is not an interesting or emotive singer. Like, Sam Smith is a much better singer and I even find him dull, because I don't get any real emotional punch from him. So you can imagine the effect Bieber's dripping voice has on me.

Is he actually less annoying now, or is he just benefitting from the word "shawty" falling into disuse? Would he have matured to that point on his own, or did society do the job for him? Who knows. At any rate, it appears the "little punk" phase of his career may be over. And that was the interesting phase. So I guess we have to look forward to years and years of boring, safe pop music. Which means he probably won't appear on any future lists, and I won't have to talk about him ever again. THE END!

...Almost. Why did I pick "I Don't Fuck With You" over "Marvin Gaye" for worst of the year, when I seem to hate Marvin Gaye so much more? Well, Marvin Gaye is one of the worst songs of all time. And with lines like "When you leave me all alone, I'm like a dog without a bone" - in case you thought Meghan Trainor couldn't possibly flatter herself less than in Dear Future Doormat - it's also one of the most ill-conceived. It was DOA. But, it does have a melody. It does sound like a piece of... music. I Don't Fuck With You is probably the most un-musical piece of music I have ever heard. It's an ugly cacophony, and the lyrics? Well, Marvin Gaye is clearly trying to be good, or at least cute, and is in fact horrible. I Don't Fuck is clearly trying to be bad, and is in fact horrible. I've gotta call the lyrics a tie, which brings it down to the music, which is no bloody contest. So there you go.