Here is the current Billboard top 10. If you haven't heard these songs, don't. They're not even worthy of a curiosity listen. I don't know why I subject myself to this. Every time I think I can't be shocked anymore things hit a new level, or in this case, a new amount of bad. But I guess I'm feelin' a mini rant (a rantlet?) so let's do this.
1. One Dance - Drake ft. some people
Drake drones his way through another snoozer. It'll probably be #1 forever. People suck.
2. Can't Stop the Feeling! - Justin Timberlake
He actually has some talent, but this generic dance pop is so not worthy of that exclamation point. I am revoking your punctuation privileges, Justin Timberlake.
3. Panda - Guy with gratuitous extra "I" in his name, fuck you
This is not music. I refuse to believe this is music. I don't know what this is, but I hate it, and it's not music.
4. Don't Let me Down - The Chainsmokers ft. Daya
Oh goody, it's the "Selfie" guys paired with the "fly as a mother" chick! And it's not even entertainingly bad like those songs were, once! It's EDM, I guess, which seems to stand for "chick singing over annoying noises." I don't know why they don't just call it CSOAN. Come on, that has a real ring to it!
5. This is What You Came For - Calvin Harris ft. Rihanna
Oh god this is insufferable I want to punch it. If this isn't why T-Swift broke up with this guy, it should be.
6. Cheap Thrills - Sia ft. Sean Paul
Does EVERY song have to have a bloody feature on it?? I'm gonna dig out my old post on that from a couple years ago. That was funny. This is just more pointless CSOAN. (If I keep saying that it's gonna catch on, right?)
7. Work from Home - Fifth Harmony ft. (sigh) Ty Dolla $ign
It pained me to type that. I think I have carpal tunnel now. Anyway, remember "Work," that dull drone of a Rihanna song? You probably don't, even though it was #1 for like a hundred weeks this year. And that's not even possible! Yeah, this is the same thing but even MORE mindless and boring! Yay! This is my least favorite song on this list, and wooooooow, is that saying something. A shoo-in for my top 10 worst of the year. It's boring, yes, but it's that special kind of boring that goes into bad. You know it when you hear it. I'll call it "Fight Song Syndrome," but that might be an insult to Fight Song.
8. Needed Me - Rihanna
Oh god, why isn't this my least favorite? And why in the name of almighty Zeus is this noise considered "radio friendly??" Remember in the 80s, when radio friendly was... friendly? Or hell, even older Rihanna songs like "Pon de Replay" and "Don't Stop the Music?" That shit is all up in my walking playlist. Fun stuff. But THIS? It sounds like an industrial accident. I'm not saying it shouldn't exist, or you shouldn't listen to it if you like it, I'm asking why in the hell is this played on the RADIO instead of songs that are... catchy... melodic... pleasing to the ear... you know, songs?!
9. Don't Mind - Kent Jones (WHO?)
Well, this barely exists. Next!
10. Ride - twenty one pilots
And we reach the one somewhat tolerable song, way down at the ass end of the list. I like some top, but this is far from their best. I'll give it a pass because it does have a bright, summery vibe. But I've been listening to "Car Radio" a lot lately because it's a freakin lyrical masterpiece that really speaks to me, and this seems pretty average by comparison. Not bad, but nothing I'd go out of my way for.
This could easily be my top 10 worst of the year, minus Justin Timberlake, top, and whoever Kent Jones is because he doesn't exist. So... top 7 worst right here, without even breaking a sweat. I can safely say I'd rather listen to "Ice Ice Baby" 10 times in a row than this current top 10 even once. I know that because I did it. For science.
...and there wasn't even a single Meghan Trainor song in there. Holy crap, people. This feat was achieved without the Queen of Smug Entitled Suck Music. I don't even know what to say.
Showing posts with label SCIENCE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SCIENCE. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Friday, January 27, 2012
It's kind of amazing how many people like me there are on the internet. If only you could walk into a room and sing "PETE ELLIS DODGE LONG BEACH FREEWAY FIRESTONE EXIT SOUTHGATE!" instead of having to stumble through boring small talk. instant bonding right there!
What does everyone remember, 30 years later in their lives? "TWO ALL BEEF PATTIES SPECIAL SAUCE LETTUCE CHEESE PICKLES ONION ON A SESAME SEED BUN" and "GO SEE CAL GO SEE CAL GO SEE CAL!" (or the alternate PUSSYCOW lol). This is interesting in a SCIENCE way.
There totally should have been a band called Pussycow.
me: hi pumpkin pasty!
sweetie: hi sweetie
me: i'm gonna call you all the sweets from hp now
me: except cockroach cluster
We're cute.
EDIT: There is a band called Pussycow! They're from, of course, Long Beach. They play "acid surf rock" and really, what else would they play.
My theory: they actually snuck in a "pussycow" every once in a while to see if anyone was listening. How else do you explain thousands of people from Long Beach to El Segundo hearing the exact same thing? YOU CAN'T.
What does everyone remember, 30 years later in their lives? "TWO ALL BEEF PATTIES SPECIAL SAUCE LETTUCE CHEESE PICKLES ONION ON A SESAME SEED BUN" and "GO SEE CAL GO SEE CAL GO SEE CAL!" (or the alternate PUSSYCOW lol). This is interesting in a SCIENCE way.
There totally should have been a band called Pussycow.
me: hi pumpkin pasty!
sweetie: hi sweetie
me: i'm gonna call you all the sweets from hp now
me: except cockroach cluster
We're cute.
EDIT: There is a band called Pussycow! They're from, of course, Long Beach. They play "acid surf rock" and really, what else would they play.
My theory: they actually snuck in a "pussycow" every once in a while to see if anyone was listening. How else do you explain thousands of people from Long Beach to El Segundo hearing the exact same thing? YOU CAN'T.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Some awesomeness I randomly discovered on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_ZJJ2T-Zvg&feature=relmfu
This puts into words exactly what I've wanted to say. This shit is why I can't follow politics anymore.
ANGRY MOB: Show us your birth certificate!
OBAMA: *ignores idiots, does presidenty stuff*
PEOPLE WITH BRAINS: Why does he have to show a birth certificate? because he's black? because his name sounds foreign? kinda doubt there'd be an issue if he had, say, an Italian name...
ANGRY MOB: But Obama rhymes with OSAMA, so he must be foreign and Muslim and a terrorist and possibly Hitler!
HISTORIANS AND GEOGRAPHERS: *scratches head*
LOGIC: So a mouse is a house? A cat is a bat? Should I knock on my floor, and feed cheese to my hat?
DR. SUESS: *gets book idea*
ANGRY MOB: rabble rabble rabble socialism taxes we hate gays!
LOGIC: er, what?
ANGRY MOB: *waves flag angrily*
FLAG: *cringes* this wasn't my idea everyone, really... can't we all just get alo... OW!
ANGRY MOB: Obama's making SOCIALIST FLAGS! I have PROOF!
LOGIC *explodes*
FLAG: why couldn't I have been hung in a nice cosy prison like my cousin Larry? Man, he gets all the cushy gigs, while I'm stuck out here with these goons... I need a smoke.
OBAMA: Shiny birth certificate, right here! Sit n spin, mothafuckers! (ok, that's what I wish he'd said...)
ANGRY MOB: It's a FAKE!
PEOPLE WITH BRAINS: So if he produces a birth certificate, it's proof it's a fake and he's a Muslim terrorist, and if he doesn't produce one, it's proof it doesn't exist and he's a Muslim terrorist. Am I getting this straight here? It's almost like you're setting him up to fail no matter what... but that would be unpatriotic, wouldn't it?
ANGRY MOB: *FLAG FLAG FLAG!*
ANGRY SWEATY GUY WEARING BEER-STAINED FLAG SHIRT: You're unpatriotic, smartass, stop disrespecting the flag!
FLAG: Hey maybe I don't have it that bad, I could have gotten that gig... *shudders*
OBAMA: Off to kill bin Laden now, kthxbai
FOX NEWS: George Bush killed bin Laden with his awesome foreign policies!
OBAMA: *ovalofficeheaddesk* (and that is one big solid sucker of a desk, OW :/)
LOGIC: Screw this shit, I'm going to the pub.
Soooo yeah, stupid people are allergic to logic. They REPEL it, because if it was allowed to come in contact with their skin they would break out in hives. This is SCIENCE, people.
And religion isn't really the same thing. Except when it comes to the denial of evolution, there are no FACTS at stake in religion, because the existence or non-existence of God will never be a fact. It's all about faith and you know, whatever floats your boat. Instead, I think some of these people are taking the faith concept from religion and applying it to their other deeply held beliefs, even ones that can be disputed by facts. Your logic only makes my ignorance stronger, sucka! Remember what happened to a gremlin when you got it wet or fed it after midnight? Yeah, kinda like that.
LOGIC: *mumbles* can I have *hic!* 'nother round pleashe... *falls off barstool*
BARTENDER: Sorry, we're closing. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
LOGIC: what is home, do I have a home anymore...? *passes out in a sad philosophical stupor*
This is your wake up call, America! You're turning logic into a homeless sad drunk. SAVE LOGIC NOW, before it asks you for spare change for the bus!
~~~ THE MORE YOU KNOW ~~~
This dude also brings to light the Mean Christian idea. I really, really like this dude. "Gentle, loving Christians" indeed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAaNg2nvHzs&feature=relmfu
This is not a knock on Christians who truly spread God's love and are positive influences on the world. It's asking why so many seem to be straying from that and becoming hateful, foaming at the mouth rabid wolverines. I think, or maybe hope, the majority of Christians still preach the prevailing message of Christ, which to me is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" and "start loving your fellow man the fuck already, GOD.* I mean, DAD."
*No, I don't know why Jesus sounded like Napoleon Dynamite in my head just then. HE JUST DID OK
But I see too many people in these hate churches, especially young people, to dismiss them as fringe. This is what Christianity is to some people, being God's bully. God's goon. This is not right, and they can't hide behind the excuse of religion, especially when some of their beliefs so closely resemble the fundamentalist Muslims they rail against (without bothering to make the distinction that not all Muslims are fundamentalist.) It's hate, pure and simple, and that will never be a religion no matter what poor deity you slap onto it.
And this one's for you, Congresswoman Bachmann. Happy trails. Now you can devote all your time to praying that your husband keeps not being gay, or whatever. Cause no one could use that prayer power for you know, food or water or shelter or peace or a cure for their brain tumor or anything. Not when there's all that GAY running around!
And on a tangential note...
True, so true. So next time, please don't hire incompetent blowhard jackwagons in the first place. Hindsight may be 20/20, but foresight isn't blind people!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_ZJJ2T-Zvg&feature=relmfu
This puts into words exactly what I've wanted to say. This shit is why I can't follow politics anymore.
ANGRY MOB: Show us your birth certificate!
OBAMA: *ignores idiots, does presidenty stuff*
PEOPLE WITH BRAINS: Why does he have to show a birth certificate? because he's black? because his name sounds foreign? kinda doubt there'd be an issue if he had, say, an Italian name...
ANGRY MOB: But Obama rhymes with OSAMA, so he must be foreign and Muslim and a terrorist and possibly Hitler!
HISTORIANS AND GEOGRAPHERS: *scratches head*
LOGIC: So a mouse is a house? A cat is a bat? Should I knock on my floor, and feed cheese to my hat?
DR. SUESS: *gets book idea*
ANGRY MOB: rabble rabble rabble socialism taxes we hate gays!
LOGIC: er, what?
ANGRY MOB: *waves flag angrily*
FLAG: *cringes* this wasn't my idea everyone, really... can't we all just get alo... OW!
ANGRY MOB: Obama's making SOCIALIST FLAGS! I have PROOF!
LOGIC *explodes*
FLAG: why couldn't I have been hung in a nice cosy prison like my cousin Larry? Man, he gets all the cushy gigs, while I'm stuck out here with these goons... I need a smoke.
OBAMA: Shiny birth certificate, right here! Sit n spin, mothafuckers! (ok, that's what I wish he'd said...)
ANGRY MOB: It's a FAKE!
PEOPLE WITH BRAINS: So if he produces a birth certificate, it's proof it's a fake and he's a Muslim terrorist, and if he doesn't produce one, it's proof it doesn't exist and he's a Muslim terrorist. Am I getting this straight here? It's almost like you're setting him up to fail no matter what... but that would be unpatriotic, wouldn't it?
ANGRY MOB: *FLAG FLAG FLAG!*
ANGRY SWEATY GUY WEARING BEER-STAINED FLAG SHIRT: You're unpatriotic, smartass, stop disrespecting the flag!
FLAG: Hey maybe I don't have it that bad, I could have gotten that gig... *shudders*
OBAMA: Off to kill bin Laden now, kthxbai
FOX NEWS: George Bush killed bin Laden with his awesome foreign policies!
OBAMA: *ovalofficeheaddesk* (and that is one big solid sucker of a desk, OW :/)
LOGIC: Screw this shit, I'm going to the pub.
Soooo yeah, stupid people are allergic to logic. They REPEL it, because if it was allowed to come in contact with their skin they would break out in hives. This is SCIENCE, people.
And religion isn't really the same thing. Except when it comes to the denial of evolution, there are no FACTS at stake in religion, because the existence or non-existence of God will never be a fact. It's all about faith and you know, whatever floats your boat. Instead, I think some of these people are taking the faith concept from religion and applying it to their other deeply held beliefs, even ones that can be disputed by facts. Your logic only makes my ignorance stronger, sucka! Remember what happened to a gremlin when you got it wet or fed it after midnight? Yeah, kinda like that.
LOGIC: *mumbles* can I have *hic!* 'nother round pleashe... *falls off barstool*
BARTENDER: Sorry, we're closing. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
LOGIC: what is home, do I have a home anymore...? *passes out in a sad philosophical stupor*
This is your wake up call, America! You're turning logic into a homeless sad drunk. SAVE LOGIC NOW, before it asks you for spare change for the bus!
~~~ THE MORE YOU KNOW ~~~
This dude also brings to light the Mean Christian idea. I really, really like this dude. "Gentle, loving Christians" indeed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAaNg2nvHzs&feature=relmfu
This is not a knock on Christians who truly spread God's love and are positive influences on the world. It's asking why so many seem to be straying from that and becoming hateful, foaming at the mouth rabid wolverines. I think, or maybe hope, the majority of Christians still preach the prevailing message of Christ, which to me is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" and "start loving your fellow man the fuck already, GOD.* I mean, DAD."
*No, I don't know why Jesus sounded like Napoleon Dynamite in my head just then. HE JUST DID OK
But I see too many people in these hate churches, especially young people, to dismiss them as fringe. This is what Christianity is to some people, being God's bully. God's goon. This is not right, and they can't hide behind the excuse of religion, especially when some of their beliefs so closely resemble the fundamentalist Muslims they rail against (without bothering to make the distinction that not all Muslims are fundamentalist.) It's hate, pure and simple, and that will never be a religion no matter what poor deity you slap onto it.
And this one's for you, Congresswoman Bachmann. Happy trails. Now you can devote all your time to praying that your husband keeps not being gay, or whatever. Cause no one could use that prayer power for you know, food or water or shelter or peace or a cure for their brain tumor or anything. Not when there's all that GAY running around!
And on a tangential note...
True, so true. So next time, please don't hire incompetent blowhard jackwagons in the first place. Hindsight may be 20/20, but foresight isn't blind people!
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