This photo is totally gonna rock my journal now. It pretty much sums up everything I want to say about life that can be said with a bedazzler, ya know? The four exclamation marks really make it for me. Cause three just wouldn't have been enough! What would Jesus do? Punctuate!!!!

So I watched this episode again to confirm that the Glitz!Jesus lady and the lady who dressed her 4 year old up like a prostitute were one and the same, and by golly I was not disappointed. I wonder what happened to her to make the flow of blood completely stop reaching her brain. Clearly she is a miracle of science.

I forgot what a deep fried mess this one was. Nothin' but high-pitched twangs, screaming children and "unfortunate" mishaps. And it's the south, so it's all very dramatic! "Who wears a big bad wolf costume to a pageant to scare all the other little kids?" One mom cries in her best outraged twang. Um, a FUCKING GENIUS? Geez, no wonder the lil hooker* won. Everyone else was really terrible. I mean, they did NOT bring their A-game despite being thoroughly briefed on the necessity of bringing one's A-game. You'd almost think they were like, toddlers or something. And I don't know if these moms were a special brand of awful or if the INCESSANT TWANGING JUST STRETCHED OUT EVERY AGONIZING SYLLABLE LIKE A MEDIEVAL TORTURE DEVICE, but holy FUCK they grated on me.

*Lil Hooker doll, coming to the back alley of a store near you! Oh wait, they're already called Bratz.

Stupid name of the pageant: Brystol (also the girl scared by the big bad wolf. Probably unrelated). "We named her after the racetrack, but with a y cause you know, we're not rednecks or anything. These are her twin sisters, Daytonna and Tallydega. I swear we're really interesting, and I read a book once!" I dare you to figure out if I'm making that up or not. YOU CAN'T, CAN YOU? That's the beauty of T&T, folks. It's like living in a world completely populated by fairies and mermaids and elves; if a unicorn walked in would anyone really notice?

I had more to write tonight but I'm tired, so I'll be back tomorrow! It appears I've finally broken out of my recent blog funk. I might even be ready to tackle that chitlin pageant; I just need some earplugs to keep the twanging down to a dull roar.

The earplugs... they do nothing. :/