Frightful Friday Part VIII ~ Melissa Takes Manitoba

There. I made it this far so I could make that stupid joke. Am I proud of myself? Yes, yes I am. Though right now you can keep Manitoba and the whole rest of Canada since it's like -4000 degrees.

I watched two movies over Christmas, the first being Krampus, a movie I'd been meaning to watch ever since it came out. Here's what director Michael Dougherty is awesome at: setting the tone of a season. I fully believe he could make a scary spring or summer movie about the Easter Bunny or Uncle Sam. (This is not a suggestion... or is it?) Trick r Treat is definitive not just of Halloween but the whole Halloween season. The feeling, the atmosphere. You can almost smell it, that wood smoke and apples smell. Ahhh.

And Krampus does similar for Christmas. While I love fall, I HATE winter, so any movie where winter itself is kind of a monster is gonna affect me. The family is trapped not only by the demons, but by the storm. It adds a whole other layer of well, chillingness that you're just not gonna get in a Friday the 13th movie.

But what really makes this something special is the creature design and effects. It's nothing less than gorgeous. Everything has this intricate detail that's somehow oddly Christmassy, considering they're like demon minion toys. I mean, it's weirdly kind of pretty, and Krampus himself is huge and imposing and just badass looking. It's some of my favourite design in a movie, period.

Of course I had to pick up Rifftrax' holiday offering, Jack Frost. As they specifically indicate, this is the serial killer snowman one, not the Michael Keaton one that came out the same year. Cause obvs I'm not watching heartwarming family shit on Christmas, who do you think I am?

Anyway, this movie was the exact opposite of Krampus. Some of the worst design I've EVER seen in a movie, and a piss poor job setting the season. For a movie about a snowman, set in a town called SNOMONTON, there's very little, um, snow? This was obviously filmed in California, like they don't even try. Our "snowman," which looks like a Dollar Store Christmas window display if the dollar store had window displays, constantly drops these nonsensical one liners like he's the Snow Terminator (Snowmanator? That's about the level of joke you'll get in this movie) or something. Like he randomly says "WATCH OUT FOR YELLOW SNOW" but the only joke is "HE'S A SNOWMAN, GET IT??" there's never a peeing in snow gag or anything. Which I guess we can be thankful for? I can't tell if this movie actually thinks it's clever or is doing the "we know it's stupid but maybe it's so stupid you'll laugh" kinda thing. And I mean, I DID laugh. It's so ridiculous, and the Rifftrax guys reacting to the ridiculousness was spot on. Terrible movie, but as always I recommend the Rifftrax. A fun way to end Christmas weekend.

Only vaguely related, because movies, but I also saw Last Jedi right before Christmas and I really liked it. The story and characters were good but my favourite part was all the beautiful ANIMALS. I want a crystal critter!

I have a few more winter-themed scary movies left, so let's keep this going into January. I mean, it's not like there's anything else to do in January. What was Friday the 13th part 9 called again? ...oh right. Oh dear, no wonder I forgot. Okay, Friday Goes to Hell it is! Whatever I watch will be better than the horror movies they put in theatres in January, at least.

Frightful Friday Part VII ~ The New Blood

Not to be confused with The New Batch, which is the sequel to the movie I watched last night.

Yup, I watched Gremlins for the first time since the 80s and wow, that was a pretty amazing time capsule experience. Most of my favourite 80s stuff I've relived as an adult, but this one was firmly lodged in the memory of childhood. I wonder if that's why I held off so long on rewatching it, as if bringing it into adulthood would somehow ruin it.

It didn't.

I'm so glad I saved it though, because that was just the experience I needed now. I was immediately taken back to my 80s kid Christmases and believe me, ain't no Christmas like an 80s kid Christmas. That sweet pink Barbie Corvette Gizmo drives? Oh yeah, I got that sucker! Along with Barbie's dream pool and her cat (complete with little carrier) and her horse and her toilet. Yes, there was a Barbie toilet that flushed. We were truly living the dream. I don't care how much high-tech shit there is now, that toilet was cooler.

While the basics of the movie stuck with me, the "don't get them wet, don't feed them after midnight" and all that, I knew there'd be at least one detail I'd forgotten that would come flooding back in a rush of nostalgia. And it was that Corvette. I'm not sure I could come up with a more 80s scene than that (except maybe the gremlin FLASHDANCING IN PINK LEGWARMERS. Yes, that is a thing that happens in this movie. And I have no idea if it was self aware or just the 80s.) I actually remember my little Barbie-obsessed kid self yelling and cheering during the Corvette scene. So I got a little piece of my childhood back last night. Merry Christmas to me!

Oh I had a Gizmo doll too, but I don't think he fit in the Corvette.

Okay, this was more Nostalgia Friday than Frightful Friday, but it's a monster movie so it counts. Will I watch the sequel? Maybe, but I don't remember liking it very much. Next up - Krampus!

Frightful Friday Part IV: The Final Chapter (yeah, right!)

No time today, but here's a cool song from The Conjuring.

Frightful Friday Part 2: The Revenge

The last few night's fine film selections.

Rocktober Blood - That's right folks, I just watched an 80s rock n roll slasher movie called ROCKTOBER BLOOD. I think I have fulfilled my final purpose on this earth. Farewell.

Okay, maybe not. So who's the real star of this movie, Headband Skeleton (totally metal, man!) or the worm playing pinochle on his snout?

Bloody Birthday - not to be confused with the gleefully demented Happy Birthday to Me, this is a decent watch if you're looking to complete your 80s holiday horror bingo card. (Y'know, My Bloody Valentine, April Fool's Day, Trick or Treat, Hack O'Lantern, Home Sweet Home, Silent Night Deadly Night, New Year's Evil, etc. Has there ever been an Easter horror film? Arbor Day? Canada Day? My guess is the answer to all of those is "yes, but it sucks." This one has killer children by way of astrology, so if that sounds like a good time, go for it.

Oh and the real star of this movie, this sweet vintage 7up can!

I'm not saying the movie was upstaged by a soda can, just that I'm interested in weird things.

And continuing down the holiday road, I rewatched April Fool's Day. WARNING: SPOILER FROM 1986

Usually this kind of movie would annoy me, but this is just campy enough to be fun. It's set up so you think it's gonna be an April fool from the start, but as the movie goes on you're like, is the twist that it's NOT an April fool? Has Muffy (yes, MUFFY) really gone off the rails on the crazy train? I love how forgiving all her friends are (oh, that wacky Muffster!) and how she didn't get like, totally murdered by any of her "victims." Ridiculous, but fun if you like 80s cheese and the girl from Valley Girl.

I have lots more movies left on my list, and I'll be staying Up All Night* to watch them all. Stay tuned!

*Man, I miss that show. Nothing else will ever be watching Prom Night II: Hello Mary Lou or Night of the Creeps at 2AM when your mom's asleep and you're a dumb kid and the rest of your life kinda sucks but that night, man, that night of watching horror movies... that belongs to YOU.