I don't mean die as in, the genre is dead, like mainstream rock is dead. I mean these songs are lifeless; they have no pulse. They have ceased to be. This is the musical representation of a patient flatlining on every medical show ever. How exactly is this entertaining to listen to?
I SEE NO DIFFERENCE.
Now I've never been a big hip hop fan but there have been some songs I really enjoy, and I remember the genre as a whole having a lot more energy. Well, more energy than the recently deceased anyway.
Here ya go, Mr. Future. You seem to need this.
I'm gonna knock you OUT! Mama said knock you OUT! So awesome it's almost rock and roll. Not that I'm holding up LL Cool J as all that's right with hip hop but come on, that song kicks ass. Especially compared to today's hits, which seem to be set to "low, droning airplane hum."
I actually had to get up and dance to this song before I could write anything about it. See, you can raise your voice rappers, it's okay. You're not in a library. You can produce actual beats, too. Or maybe not. Maybe this is all some kind of noise ordinance issue? "Keep it down in there Drake, or we're gonna get fined!" "...Okay." Seriously, I can't imagine any of these guys at a party.
So yeah, Drake and whoever the hell this Future guy is seem to be the main culprits behind this mushmouthed mess. Now I have nothing personally bad to say about Drake, he's a great ambassador for Toronto sports and actually seems like a likeable guy. His music, however... okay, so according to a source much hipper than I *coughwikipediacough* Drake is associated with Lil Wayne, a rapper I've paid no attention to because he looks like the illegitimate child of Godzilla and a Gremlin and just NO. Not appealing. Anyway, Mr. Lizard appears to be the? an? original source for this... deadmouth music. Yep, that's what I'm gonna call it. Deadmouth rap. Cause whoever thought it was a good idea to record songs right after getting a novocaine shot should not be allowed in a studio ever again.
So thanks, I guess, to this dredlocked velociraptor, this dull sound is everywhere now, inflicting hip hop like bro-country has mainstream country. Why does the absolute WORST sound seem to rise to the top, especially now? Can someone explain that to me? Can the pop top 40 be more "Ex's and Ohs" and less "Hit the... Quan? The fuck is a quan???" Can country be more "Smoke Break" and less "Gonna Wanna See Ya Girl Nekkid in My Truck cause I'm Comin Over to Strip it Down... Tonight.. Girl... Truck... Beer... there I'm done."
Yes, I'm holding up Carrie Underwood as a paragon of country music. CARRIE FREAKING UNDERWOOD. (It's a good song. And almost everything else sucks.) Hey, you thought Carrie wasn't country! Now we have Kelsea Ballerini!
Long story short, I'm gonna listen to some 80s rock and watch about 27 more horror movies, so peace!
