I am somewhat envious of people who wear hats. Now I realize anyone can wear a hat, but that does not automatically make you a Person Who Wears Hats. A person who wears hats looks like the hat just naturally occurred on their head, like a rainbow or a stalagmite. Whereas a non-hat person looks like, "I just put a thing on my head. I'm not sure why. It's not remotely connected to the rest of my body, and it sort of itches. How long must I keep it on to have officially Worn a Hat?" And it always looks like it's either too big, too small, about to come off, or some odd combination of all three. It is eventually removed and replaced by an expression of "Hat? What hat? I wasn't wearing a hat, la la la..." while it sits awkwardly to the side, wondering why it couldn't have found a proper hat person to wear it to a tea party.
Hat people always look knowing and breezy and very much off to a tea party. NO, hat people always look like they're
hosting a tea party. Wherever they go. The DMV, whatever. And I mean the sort of tea party you drink tea at, not the sort you bring your rifle and delightful Obama-as-a-monkey poster to. Cause he's BLACK HAHA GET IT? Oh wait... WHAT century is this?
But I digress. However, I think the ye-olde-englishe-pinky-sticking-out-care-for-another-crumpet-wot-wot kind of tea party is becoming more in fashion than the "we're not racists, really, we just hate the president and think he eats a lot of bananas, GEEZ" kind. And this makes me happy. It also makes me want a crumpet. Or, it makes me want to find out what a crumpet is and then want one. Cheerio!
